异空漫游（2015）

每个人都吃到软糖了吗
Everybody fudged up?
很好
Beautiful.
让我们开始吧
Let's get going.
大家早上好
Morning, guys.
欢迎回到太空
Welcome back to space.
同时对Chad说声对不起
Also apologies to Chad
进入异空时我们把他忘在下面了
for leaving him below deck for the universe switch.
都怪我们 老兄 - 嘿 没关系的 老弟
Our bad, bro. - Hey, it's all good bro.
好的 不错
Okay, cool.
现在让我们开始吧
Now, let's kick things off
先是一段简要的安全报告
with a little security rundown
由我们最近再就业的大副来汇报
from our newly rehired second in command.
拜托友好些 她尽力了
Please be nice. She's trying.
Karen Lipinski
Karen Lipinski.
大家好
Hi, everybody.
我很抱歉昨天试图掀起政♥变♥
Sorry about yesterday's coup attempt.
让我们来谈下安保吧
Let's talk security.
经过我的计算 我们正面临至少六种
By my calculations we're facing at least six types
严重的生存危险 - 半严重
of serious existential risks. - Semi-serious,
没啥事的
it ain't no thang.
第一项危险最为明显
The first risk is the most obvious.
来自昨天侵入的未知物体的后续攻击
Future attacks from whatever it was that came yesterday.
我们不知道它是什么 来自哪里
We don't know what it was, where it came from,
或者当它再次出现时如何对付它
or how to combat it if it shows up again.
第二项危险是营养不良
The second risk is malnutrition.
根据我的计算
According to my calculations,
全软糖式的饮食 几周内就会导致死亡
an all fudge diet will lead to death within a matter of weeks.
不会的 但如果真发生了 这死法多妙呀
Won't happen, but even if it does, what a way to go.
根据我的计算 这会很可怕 - 好吧
According to my calculations, it would be dreadful. - Okay.
强烈的痛感 幻觉
Rampant sores, hallucinations,
作为试图存活的最后防线
in a last ditch attempt to survive
你的身体将试图并开始消化你的牙齿
your body would try and start to digest its teeth.
天呐 抱歉我俩单独谈会儿
Oh, God. Excuse us for a second.
我想现在坏消息已经让大家心情特别沉重了
I think we are pretty heavy on the bad news right now.
或许掺入点儿积极的东西
So maybe just sprinkle in some positive,
一勺糖之类的
a spoonful of sugar and such.
基于我的软糖研究 一勺子的糖
Based on my fudge research, a spoonful of sugar
就像在你的肝脏内投放一颗放射性炸♥弹♥
would be like dropping a dirty bomb in your liver.
对待队员们还是别那么黑暗吧 求你了
Maybe a little less dark for the crew, please?
好的
Okay.
谢谢 - 我懂了 好的
Thank you. Thanks. - I understand. Okay.
我们回来了 孩儿
We's back, son.
嘿 剩下的的三种危险蛮蠢的
Hey, so these other three risk categories are dumb.
失去完整舰体的可能
Possible loss of hull integrity,
未知病原体的风险
risk of unknown pathogens.
那是什么
What's that?
还有我们集体的训练缺乏
And our collective lack of training.
管它呢
Whatever.
现在 谁想看一段视频
Now, who wants to watch a video.
我
Me.
我超想要看视频的
I'd love to watch a vide--
如果你看到这段视频
If you're watching this video,
你已步入一个知道何时命绝的窘境
you have entered into a know when fatal predicament.
你该做什么
What should you do?
让我们来看看一些有用的小窍门
Let's go over some helpful tips.
首先
Part one,
切掉无用的四肢
cauterizing useless limbs.
这款标准的组织烧灼刀
This standard issue cauterizer
能够穿透血肉 肌肉和骨骼
cuts through flesh, muscle, and bone.
你们吃完软糖了吗
Are you guys done with this fudge?
嘿 Tinas
Hey, Tinas.
哦 嘿 - 你在看什么
Oh, hey. - What are you watching?
一个集♥合♥了Ted给我的礼物的视频
A montage of gifts that Ted's given me.
我知道这音乐挺蠢的 但是我喜欢它
I know the music's sappy but I like it.
是的 你喜欢 嗯
Yeah, you do, huh?
不管怎样
Anyhoo.
我在想
I was wondering,
你有没有整合出测试版示意图
if you've put together like beta schematic
囊括我们说过的所有附近星系 也是你的工作呢
of all the nearby systems we talked about, kind of your job.
是的 我开始了的 接着我就想 - 真的吗
Yeah, I started to. And then I was like... - You did?
这有什么意义呢
what's the point?
我们的生存
Our survival.
是的 但是 - 是的
Yeah, but... - Yeah.
但是就像Karen说的
But it is kind of like Karen said,
不管怎样我们都将死去
we're just gonna die anyway.
那么你 检查加热面板是否对称了 是吗
So you checked the heat panels for asymmetry, right?
不 实际上我一直在给我父母写告别信
No, actually I have been writing a goodbye letter to my parents.
我觉得你想念父母这点很温馨 Zalian 但是
I think it is sweet that you miss your parents, Zalian. But...
你知道我们根本无法把消息传达回去
you know there's no way for us to get messages home,
因此你的信是没用的
so your letter is worthless.
你不如省下那些精力
Why don't you take all that energy
用到正事上 再三地仔细检查那些加热面板
and channel it into a good solid triple check of those heat panels.
好吗
'Kay?
我只想说
I'm just saying
善待他人或许不是最坏的事
it might not be the worst thing to go easier on people.
听着 我们正处在另一个维度中 Stewart
Look we are in an alternate dimension, Stewart.
一场欢乐的披萨派对解决不了任何问题
We're not going to solve that with a God damn pizza party.
冒着再一次引起争执的风险
At the risk of starting this fight yet again,
我也要说 你之前从未去过一次真正的披萨派对
you have never been to a full fledged pizza party before
因此你不根本知道它们有多大的变革作用
so you have no idea how transformative they can be.
听着 我的工作不是让这些人开心 好吗
Look it is not my job to keep these people happy, okay?
我的工作是让他们活着
It is my job to keep them alive.
如果他们郁闷到不工作 恐怕会更难存活
It's a lot harder to keep people alive if they're too bummed out to work.
另外 你看上去对你的工作任务还挺自信啊
Besides, you seem pretty confident of what your job is
考虑到我八小时前才把它重新交给你
considering I just had to give it back to you eight hours ago.
我为什么不听这个上任整13小时的舰长的话呢
Why don't I just listen to the guy who's been captain for a whole 13 hours.
这就好 谢谢
There we go. Thank you.
感谢你们所有人的努力工作
I appreciate all the hard work that all of you have been doing.
但是我认为我们应该谈一谈
But I thought we should talk.
各位 发生在我们身上的事是很疯狂 并且
You guys, this is a crazy thing that's happened to us, and,
如果齐心协力 我们的日子不会太难过
and we'll have an easier time if we deal with it together.
我忘记说了 这次会议的特色为
I forgot to mention that this meeting features,
茶点
refreshments.
那是一台食物生产器吗
Is that a food generator?
你从哪里拿到的
Where did you get that?
在全息影像室里 一个老旧的半封闭储物隔间中
In an old half-sealed storage compartment in the holography room
是Natesha告诉我的
that Natasha told me about.
乐观 加上团队合作 等于嘭
Positivity, plus team work equals boom.
别说了 请给我来一份火鸡三明治
Stop talking, turkey club please.
马上好
Coming right up.
那是什么鬼
What the hell is that?
水合器功能当前不能运行
The hydrator function isn't currently working.
但是东西都在里面了
But it's all in there.
事情开始好转 是吧
Things are starting to look up, am I right?
尝起来就像是兔子的粪便
Tastes like I'm eating a rabbit turd.
兔子粪便可不会满含维他命和矿物质
Rabbit turds aren't chalk full of vitamins and minerals.
哦 它们当然含啊
Oh, yes, they are.
你们知道吗
You know what?
要是有人郁闷了
If anyone feeling down,
那我们接下来一小时谈谈心吧
then we'll be talking for the next hour.
看你们的决定
It's up to you.
呃 我还有些工作要做完
Well, I got some stuff to work through.
而我不记得从这里怎么去引擎室了
And, I don't remember where the engine room is from here.
那行 我加入 - 很好
So, yeah. I'm in. - Great.
我留下 - Chad
Good times. - Chad.
我也留下来 - 不 你不能
I'll stay too. - No you won't.
因为我命令你去做三次诊断检查
Cuz I'm ordering you to do a diagnostics triple check.
在座的各位需要学会热爱三重检查
People around here need to learn to love the triple check.
呲 嘿 嘿 舰长
Psst, hey. Hey. Captain.
我没有自♥由♥意志 所以你能帮帮我吗
I don't have free will so could you help me?