迈克和茉莉（2010）

Mike & Molly S05E08

Part 1 Dec. 15, 2020, 4:36 p.m.

Here we go. Dinner is served.
来啦开饭咯
Thank God.
谢天谢地
I am starving.
饿死我了
Nothing like that first meal after a good colonoscopy.
一个美好肠镜检查之后的第一餐最美妙了
Seriously, I don't know why people are so squeamish.
讲真怎么有的人承受能力那么差呢
My procedure today was downright pleasant.
我今天做的检查全程都特别令人愉悦啊
In and out.
快进快出
I've had oil changes that took longer.
我换机油都没那么快
Now I'm just picturing you up on some lift
我已经开始脑补你在吊车室
with a couple greasy mechanics under you.
屁♥股♥后面跟了几个浑身油润的机械工的场景了
Been there.
姐经历过
Come on, let the man crow.
你就让他继续吹嘛
He's footloose and polyp-free.
人家浑身是劲儿没长息肉
Doctor said I had the prostate of a 12 year old.
医生说我的前列腺像12岁的小孩的一样
Joyce, you still got the picture in your purse?
Joyce 你钱包里那张照片还在的吧
You're the one who wanted to have a family meal.
是你想要家庭聚餐的哈
I know, but I always forget
是我可是我老是忘了
that the family in my head is never the one that shows up.
这个家庭和我想的家庭不大一样
Here it is.
在这儿呢
This is definitely going on the fridge.
必须贴冰箱上供着啊
Look at that colon.
看看这结肠
Pink as this ham.
和火腿一样粉♥嫩♥
Wow, that's not a bad lipstick color.
哇这做唇色不错啊
What do you think, Mol?
你觉得怎样 Mol
Well, as repulsed as I am, it is encouraging
恶心归恶心我还是觉得很欣慰
to see a man take responsibility for his health
他对自己的健康如此重视
and actually go to the doctor.
还真去看了医生
Oh, yeah.
是啊
I go every daylight saving.
每次换夏令时我都去看
Spring forward, the doc checks the front.
春天往前拨一小时医生检查前面
Fall back, he checks the crack.
秋天往后拨一小时医生检查后面
And when was the last time
他上次看医生
he went to the doctor?
是什么时候
Before me.
在遇到我之前
That was his mother's administration.
当时还是他妈管他
Oh, come on, it wasn't that long ago.
哪儿啊没那么久的
I remember it was the year the Cubs missed the World Series
我记得是芝加哥小熊队没进总决赛的那一年吧
'cause that kid interfered with that foul ball.
因为被界外球干扰什么的
That was 12 years ago; I helped TP that bastard's house.
那都12年前的事了后来我也往那混♥蛋♥家各种绕手卷纸
12 years ago? Mike.
都12年前了 Mike
Why should I go? I feel great.
我♥干♥嘛要去看医生呢我感觉超好的
If there's something wrong, my body will tell me.
要是哪里出问题了我的身体会告诉我的
What, are you deaf?
哈你聋了啊
Mike, it's not really a big deal.
Mike 这真的没什么大不了的
You just get naked, hop up on the table,
你只要裤子一脱往桌子上一趴
put your feet in stirrups and try not to sneeze.
脚往镫子上一扣憋着别打喷嚏就可以了
Please don't help.
拜托你别说了
I already know what the doctor's gonna do, okay?
我知道医生会怎么做好吗
He's gonna charge me for some cockamamy test,
他会收我一些七七八八的检查费
push some pills I don't need, and tell me to lose 20 pounds.
开一些用不上的药再和我说最好减个20磅的肉
20? Watch it,
才20 小心点
or you're gonna get a boot in that pretty pink colon of yours.
要不然你的粉♥嫩♥结肠可就保不住了
Mike, I'm only being a pest because I love you,
Mike 对你忠言逆耳是因为我爱你
but know this: I have not yet begun to nag.
不过注意了哟我还没开始念叨呢
Mike, you really should go.
Mike 你真的应该去检查一下
Don't be a baby.
别这么孩子气
Grow a pair and have them looked at.
是个汉子就去让医生看看
Yeah, why don't you just make an appointment?
是啊你去预约一下啊
Okay, if it will shut you all up, I will do it.
可以啊如果这样可以让你们闭嘴我会去的
Thank you. You won't regret it, pal.
谢了保证不后悔
If you get your colon checked, go to my guy.
如果你想检查结肠的话就找给我看的医生
Steady hand and generous with the lube.
他手指稳当给足润滑
That's a good quality in a doctor.
那是一个好医生该有的品质
And a lover.
也是好情人该有的
It's a...
这
it's a different family. I know.
这不是我想的那个家庭我知道
Hey, hon.
嘿亲爱的
Did you make a doctor's appointment?
你预约医生了吗
Put that down, and I'll tell you.
刀子放下我再告诉你
No, I did not.
我没预约
And what's today's excuse?
今天又是什么借口啊
'Cause you already used lost your phone, lost the number,
手♥机♥丢了号♥码丢了的借口你已经用过了
couldn't charge your cell phone,
还有手♥机♥充不了电
bad reception, uh, too busy giving CPR to a police horse.
接待处服务差以及忙着给警骑做心肺复苏
Well, today wasn't as heroic, but it was just as frustrating.
今天没什么光辉事迹不过也够呛的
I-I called, and then I got lost
我打过预约电♥话♥了但是搞不明白
in that stupid automated phone system.
都怪那个自动语♥音♥服务
I pressed one and ended up on a Spanish menu,
我按了1 结果转到西班牙语了
then I got bounced from departmente to departmente.
结果"部盟"和"部盟"之间踢皮球
I just got the hell out of there.
我刚刚才从那儿绕出来呢
Okay.
好吧
You can call them now.
那你现在打好了
Whoa, no can do.
那可不行
They close at cinco-thirty.
他们"悟"点半下班
All right, can we just stop with the charade?
好吧我们别猜谜语了好吗
I already made you an appointment.
我已经帮你预约好了
What? Yeah.
啥没错
Manana morning at ocho o'clock.
"命"天早上 "拔"点钟
Molly, that's too soon.
Molly 这太快了
I got to prepare.
我得准备一下
I mean, I got to get some time off of work.
我得抽出点上班时间
I got to buy clean underwear.
我得买♥♥新的内♥裤♥
Yep, I already cleared it with your boss.
是哒我已经和你的头儿说过了
And there's a three-pack of tighty-whities on the bed.
新买♥♥的三条装三角裤也放床上了
You didn't have to do that. I'm not a baby, you know.
你不用做这些的我不是个小孩子了
Well, then when you get a shot, maybe you won't cry.
这么说来你打♥针♥也不会哭的是吗
Shot? Nobody said anything about needles.
打♥针♥ 没人告诉我还要打♥针♥啊
How the hell am I supposed to know my group plan number?
我特么怎么知道我集体医保的号♥码啊
Same as mine.
和我的一样的
5-0-7, 1-2-3, M, double-O, 1.
507123M001
You've got it memorized?
这你都记得住
Of course I do; got to know it for my dermatologist,
当然记得住了为了我的皮肤科医生
my orthopedist, my internist, my ENT and my hypnotist.
我的骨科医生内科医生耳鼻喉科医生和我的催眠师
Helped me quit smoking and moderate my foot fetish.
他们帮我戒烟还减轻了我的恋足癖
Of course, you love going to the doctor.
那可不是你最喜欢看医生了
Taking off your shirt, showing off all your muscles,
上衣脱掉脱掉肌肉炫耀炫耀
parading around for all the nurses.
小护士面前显摆显摆
Yeah, well, I don't parade,
是啊不过我可没显摆
but if the door is open, the door is open.
如果有机可乘那就趁虚而入呗
A-And by the way, those gowns are optional;
顺便告诉你一下病号♥服不是硬性要求
you don't have to wear them.
其实你可以不♥穿♥的
Do you know what it's like for a guy my size to go to the doctor?
你知道我这种身材的人去看医生是什么体验吗
It's humiliating, okay?
很屈辱的好吗
My whole life I've spent layering
我终其一生都在研究怎么穿
so I can cover all this.
才能藏肉
Here, it's on full display, nude.
这下好了一去就叫我脱♥光♥ 全♥裸♥
I can't even put a tasteful scarf on the lamp
我都没法在灯上套一条大气有品的围巾
like I do at home.
就像我在家里做的那样
Man, being naked is the last thing you have to worry about.
哥们儿你完全不用担心裸不裸的问题
I'd be more concerned about what's going on
要担心也是担心
under that husky hood, you know?
你这大块头有啥毛病是吧
Your blood pressure, cholesterol,
血压啊胆固醇啊
glucose levels, triglycerides,
血糖指标啊甘油三酯啊
your bad knees, your sciatica.
膝盖不好使啊坐骨神经痛啊
Low testosterone, high estrogen.
雄性激素有点低雌性激素有点高啊
And that skin tag village on your neck
脖子后头那个痦子村啊
I got to look at eight hours a day.
每天我都不忍♥直视啊
Whatever problems I might have will go away
不管我身上有啥毛病
if I just lose a little weight.
减几斤掉就没问题了
In fact, that's probably all he's gonna tell me anyway.
到时候医生肯定也会这么说的