冒牌牧师（2015）

And I want to explore where this could go,
而且我想试试我们以后会是什么样的关系
But I don't want to push you into anything
但是我并不想逼你做
That you're not comfortable with.
让你觉得不舒服的事情
So take all the time you need.
所以你慢慢想
Is this some trick to make me like you more?
你这是让我喜欢你的计谋吗?
I should get to that meeting.
我得去参加那个会议了
P.S., I'm not wearing underwear.
还有 我没穿内衣
Okay, so let's begin.
好的 那我们开始吧
Uh, I am church president,
额 我是教会会长
And I say when we begin.
我来说我们开始
Proceed.
继续
First up, the election,
首先 关于在周二
Which will be held Tuesday,
举♥行♥的选举
Right after your town hall speeches.
正好在你的市政厅演讲之后
My informal poll shows dora with a slight lead.
我的非正式民调显示朵拉稍稍领先
Wait, no, uh, how can that be?
等一下 不 呃 那怎么可能?
Yeah, I thought I'd be way ahead.
对呀 我以为我会遥遥领先呢
The thing is, Alden , there seems to be some voter fallout
事实是 奥尔登 好像有一些选民流失掉了
from your situation with ashlee.
因为你和阿什莉之间的事
What about when dora had diarrhea?
那朵拉拉肚子呢?
Are they gossiping about that situation?
他们有人聊这个闲话吗?
That was three years ago.
那都是三年以前的事了
The memory is still fresh.
记忆犹新呀
Okay, guys, let's keep this mature.
好了各位 让我们成熟点吧
He started it. I did not.
他先开始的 我没有
Oh, god, Austin just got arrested
哦 天哪 奥斯丁刚刚因为故意破坏
for vandalism.
被抓起来了
I can't believe Austin would do such a thing.
我不敢相信奥斯丁居然做这样的事情
I'll bet dora got him to do it.
肯定是朵拉让他这么做的
Yeah, probably.
嗯 估计是
Come on, russell, get up there.
好的 拉塞尔 上去
Come on, higher. Higher.
加油 高点 再高点
H...higher!
再高点!
Yeah, okay.
好的 可以了
What's gonna happen?
会怎么样呢?
It's your first offense.
你这是初犯
I'll be surprised if we don't walk out of here with a warning.
给我们个警告 应该比较正常
We?
我们?
Yeah, I know what it's like to be in your shoes.
恩 我对你的处境感同身受
I'm not gonna let you go through this alone.
我不会让你一个人经历这些的
We got a court date. For graffiti?
定了个开庭日期 就因为在墙上乱画?
On a first offense?
初犯就得这样?
Really? A court date?
真的吗? 开庭?
It was just a silly prank.
这只是个恶作剧
You call it a prank.
你认为是恶作剧
The law calls it second-degree criminal mischief.
法律认为是二级刑事恶作剧
Can't you just let it slide,
你能不能让这事儿就这么算了
As a personal favor to me?
就当帮我个忙?
That's good.
这个笑话好笑
It's almost as funny as thinking
简直和弄一个有问题的测谎仪
a faulty lie detector test
让你脱身
lets you off the hook.
一样好笑
Okay, whatever you think of me,
行吧 不管你怎么想我
Don't take it out on Austin.
都与奥斯丁无关好吗
Isn't there something you can do?
你就不能帮帮忙吗?
Sorry, even if I wanted to, I can't now.
抱歉 就算我想我现在也什么都做不了了
The boy's in the system.
这孩子被记录在案了
Why would he do something so stupid?
他为什么会做这么蠢的事?
Kids.
孩子嘛
This has Alden's stench all over it.
这上面全是奥尔登的恶臭
You really think that he would stoop to this?
你真的觉得他会这么下流吗?
You have no idea how low that snake can go.
你永远不会知道那个卑鄙小人的下限
So how are you planning to attack him in the debate?
所以说你打算怎么在辩论中攻击他?
I don't plan on attacking him.
我不打算攻击他本人
I plan on attacking the issues.
我打算攻击那些问题
You can't bring a knife to a gunfight.
你不能拿匕♥首♥对手♥枪♥啊
He's gonna push your buttons, throw you off balance.
他会触碰你的痛点 把你打倒在地
Here.
给你
What's this?
这是什么
Ammunition.
子弹
It's a list of things about Alden
这是奥尔登绝对不想公之于众
that he would never want made public.
的一个单子
No, Hilva, I can't use this.
不行 席尔瓦 我不能用这个
That would not be proper.
这样太不合适了
Oh, grow up, Mary Poppins.
成熟点 玛丽·波平斯（《欢乐满人间》女主）
Well, I'm sorry.
抱歉
I want this election to be classy.
我只是想让这次选举公平公正一点
Spoken like a loser.
失败者才这样说
At least read number 14.
至少看看第14条
Oh, ew.
噫 恶心
The doctors say it's vestigial.
医生说那里发育不全
But he can move it.
但是他可以割掉
Welcome, everyone, to today's presidential debate
欢迎各位来到今天的会长辩论
Between Alden Schmidt and Dora Winston.
辩论双方分别是奥尔登施密特和朵拉温斯顿
Dora, you're up first.
朵拉 你先来
Thank you. Fellow congregants,
谢谢 各位教众
I believe that it is time for a change.
教友们 我相信现在是时候该改变了
Why? What's wrong with our church?
为什么? 我们的教会有什么问题?
Nothing. I just think we could use some improvements
没什么问题 我只是觉得我们可以做出一些改善
Like a new projection screen
比如换个新的投影仪
So that we can bring the latest hymns.
这样我们就可以唱最新的赞歌♥
Wait, now, wait. Now, who's gonna pay for that?
等等 谁来付那个钱?
Banks don't take fairy dust, you know.
银行可不收仙尘的 你知道的
I actually thought we could increase revenue
我觉得我们可以通过出租教堂给别人办婚礼
by renting out our chapel for weddings.
来增加收入
Weddings...the only thing she's less qualified to talk about
比起当主席 婚礼是唯一一个
than being president.
她最没有资格谈论的东西
Look, I just want to make things better.
听着 我只是想让事情变得更好
For who? You?
为了谁? 为你自己?
We all know you don't have much going on in your life.
我们都知道你生活中没什么事可做
Isn't that the real reason you're running for president?
难道这不是你真正竞选主席的原因吗?
No, I am running because I love Trinity Lutheran!
不 我竞选是因为我爱三一路德
Friends, do we really want a leader
朋友吗 我们真的需要这样一个领导吗?
Whose closest companion is her bird?
她最亲密的伙伴是她的鸟
you leave Scrunchie out of this!
你别把小发圈扯进来
Can we trust her to focus on the needs of this church
当她是如此迫切的需要男人的时候
When she so desperately needs a man?
我们能相信她会专注于教堂的需求吗?
Yes, this church was built on family values.
是的 这个教堂是建立在家庭价值之上的
Can we elect someone
我们能选举一个
who probably will never even have one?
很可能永远没有家庭的人吗?
You take that back!
你把那句话收回去
Ow, hey! I--I said probably!
我 我说了是可能!
Buddy, do something!
巴迪 快做点什么
I am. I'm watching.
我在做呢 我在看着
Work his kidneys!
揍他的肾!
Work his kidneys!
揍他的肾!
Oh, all right.
噢 好吧
Thanks for coming over.
谢谢你过来
So, uh, crazy day, huh?
真是疯狂的一天
Yeah, sorry Dora lost the election.
是啊 抱歉朵拉输了这场选举
But at least she won WrestleMania.
至少她摔跤赢了
Sorry about Austin getting arrested.
奥斯丁被捕的事我很抱歉
I know you were trying to help him.
我知道你一直在试图帮他
I got a thing for kids like that.
我对那种孩子有特殊的感情
They have no parents, nobody to look after them.
他们没有父母 没人照顾他们
So they go through life alone, always in trouble,
所以他们孤独的活着 总是在惹麻烦
And never trusting anyone.
永远不信任任何人
Well, I'm glad that he has you.
我很高兴他有你在帮他
So what did you want to see me about?
所以你找我♥干♥嘛
Listen, I've had some time to think things through,
听着 我有些时间想通了一些事