冒牌牧师（2015）

Previously on "impastor"...How come every time you
"冒牌牧师"前情提要... 为啥每次
save me from someone,they end up dead?
你把我从坏蛋手里救出来 他们就死了?
Would you rather have it the other way around?
那你是愿意反过来你挂掉么?
You ever seen this guy? No.
你见过这个人吗? 没有
I'm in love with you. Do you mean that?
我爱上你了 你是认真的?
And if i wasn't around,
但是如果我不在的话
－ You'd be dead. － How is that?
－ 你就死翘翘了 － 怎么可能?
Guy with a gun to your head?
有个家伙 拿枪指着你脑袋?
You shot him?
是你开的枪?
But how? What were you doing out there?
但是怎么回事? 你在那儿干啥呐?
I saw that guy hit you and throw you in the trunk,
我看到那个人袭击了你然后把你扔进后备箱
So I followed you.
所以我就跟着你们了
And then when he took you into the woods,
之后他带你进树林
I had to do something.
我总得做点什么
And you just happened to have a gun?
那你就碰巧有枪?
Ever since Kenny, I kept one in the trunk.
自从肯尼的事之后 我就在后备箱藏了一把
And you just happened to be a great shot?
然后你又刚好打得很准?
I grew up hunting with my dad.
我从小跟着我老爸一起打猎
Alexa, why didn't you
阿莉克莎 为啥之前你不
Tell me this before?
告诉我这些呢?
Can't you infer that part?
这个你自己琢磨不明白么?
Maybe I could if I knew what "infer" meant.
如果我明白”琢磨”是啥意思的话没准知道
I had just shot a man.
我刚枪杀了一个人
I didn't know who he was or why he wanted you dead.
我不知道他是谁也不知道他为啥要置你于死地
Buddy, this is insane.
巴迪 这太疯狂了
I still can't sleep thinking about it.
我现在想到这个事都睡不着觉
I have to know.Who was that guy i shot?
我必须得知道 我杀的人是谁?
All right.
好吧
He was some right-wing religious nut
他是个憎恶同性恋当牧师的
Who hated the idea of gays being pastors.
右翼宗教狂热分子
At least that's what he told me.
至少他是这么告诉我的
A religious nut? Yes.
一个宗教狂热分子? 是的
Then why didn't you go to the police?
那你为啥不报♥警♥?
Because I don't want the rest
因为我不想让他剩下的恐同追命
Of his hetero hit squad coming after me.
小队紧咬我不放
Buddy, do you really expect me to believe that?
巴迪 你真的觉得我会相信你说的吗?
I forgot my knitting.
我忘了我的毛线团
Everything okay?
你俩还好吧?
Yeah.
很好
Alexa just came by to borrow a--
阿莉克莎只是过来借个
An orange.Here you go.
橙子 给你
Oh, thanks. Sure.
喔 谢啦 不谢不谢
Well, have a good night.
好吧 祝你好梦
Well, that was weird.
有点奇怪诶
Really weird.
真的很奇怪
Who comes by to borrow an orange?
谁会专门过来借橙子?
I couldn't stop thinking about
我会忍♥不住不去想
What Alexa had told me
阿莉克莎刚刚跟我说的话
And how she wasn't buying what I had told her.
还有她说她不相信我跟她讲的
Hey, guys.
嘿 兄弟们
What are you doing?
你在干啥?
Just pounding a tasty corn dog.
只是在敲一个美味的玉米热狗
Buddy, how could you eat there?
巴迪 你怎么能那家买♥♥东西吃?
They're antigay.
他们家反同性恋诶
Well, I wasn't flaunting it.
我又没表现出来
These corn dog bigots are using
那些卖♥♥玉米热狗的总是用
so-called religious grounds to discriminate against us.
所谓的宗教理由歧视我们同性恋
We're boycotting them until they change their policy.
我们一直在抵♥制♥他们 要求他们改变政策
I told you all about this.
我之前已经跟你说过啦
Russell, sometimes when it looks like I’m listening to you,
拉塞尔 有时候我看着像在听你说话
I'm actually lost in prayer.
其实我已经沉浸在祷告里了
I won't apologize for that.
我不会为此道歉的
Well, now that you know,
好吧 现在你知道了
You are gonna get rid of that, right?
你不会再吃了 对吧?
Dora? Hi.
朵拉? 嗨
Yes, uh, as you know, the election
你懂滴 教会会长的选举
for church president is next week,
就在下周
And once again, I’m leading in the polls.
而我再一次在民♥意♥调查中遥遥领先
oh, alden.
喔 奥尔登
You make the same joke every year.
你每年都会开同样的玩笑
Nobody ever runs against you,so...Ah-ha-ha!
都没人和你竞争 所以...啊哈哈!
Oh!People have run against me
噢! 我以前有过对手哦
In the past, at their peril.
最后他们惨败
If you remember,my last opponent vanished.
不知道你还记不记得 我的最后一个对手消失了
Glenn moved to Boise to open a Krispy Kreme.
格伦搬到波尔西开了一家可丽饼店
Well, that's your version.
好吧 那只是你的说法
Anyway, i'll be giving my victory speech next sunday,
不管怎样 下周天我会举♥行♥胜选演讲
So i'll need you to draw up a list
所以我需要你把我去年的
Of all my accomplishments over the last year.
大事迹列个清单
Your accomplishments?
你的大事迹?
Like the rummage sale or the drive for the homeless
比如义卖♥♥ 或是让流浪汉搭顺风车
or maybe the inter-faith breakfast,
或者是信仰早餐
which were all my ideas?
都是我的想法诶?
Which I authorized.
但都是我授权的
Hey, Alexa. Sheriff graham, hi.
嘿 阿莉克莎 嗨 格拉姆警长
You know, I’m so glad I ran into you.
我很高兴能碰到你
I wanted to ask you about Ray Florez,
我想问你一下关于雷·弗洛莱兹的事
The now-deceased guy you said you hadn't seen but you had.
就是那个你说你没见过 但是你确实见过 然后刚挂掉不久的家伙
How is it someone you didn't know have your number
你不认识的人怎么会有你的号♥码
And texted you,"car's gone. You're next"?
而且还给你发短♥信♥ “车毁了 下一个就是你”?
I have no idea.
我不知道诶
I guess I was his next lutheran trinity target.
我猜我是他的下一个路德三一教会的目标吧
Ohh, okay.Oh, hey.
喔 好吧 噢 嘿
Can you pass me a couple sugars?
能麻烦你给我递包糖吗?
I've got a bit of a sweet tooth.
我有点喜欢吃甜食
Oh, my goodness.
喔 我滴神
Where did you get those bruises?
你这些淤青怎么弄的?
Oh, these?They're nothing.
喔 这些? 没事啦
Well...Uh...
好吧...呃...
Looks like you have a matching set.
而且还是两边对称的呢
Well, okay.
呃 好吧
Just between us,
我俩之间的小秘密哦
I have an adventurous side in the bedroom.
我在卧室喜欢玩点刺♥激♥的
Get it, girl.
懂你哟 妹子
Finally...
终于...
A place where no one will judge me.
一个无人会指责我的清静地方
Buddy?
巴迪?
Buddy?
巴迪?
What's up?
怎么啦?
we need to talk.
我们需要谈一谈
People are saying you don't care about gay rights,
人们都在说你不关心同性恋的权益
And it's getting very hard to defend you.
我现在越来越难护着你了
Defend me?
护着我?
I have been sheltering you like a lioness with her cub,
我一直以来像母狮子保护幼崽一样地护着你
But you haven't done one thing for the gay community
但是你来这儿之后
Since you got here.
没为同志团体作出丁点贡献
I hooked up with Steve the mailman.
我和那个邮递员史蒂夫搞过了啊
That was pretty gay.
那还不够同性恋么
No youth outreach program, no lgbt fund raiser,
没有参加过协青项目 没有为LGBT筹过款
No gay-straight alliance symposium, nothing.
没有参加过弯直联谊酒会 什么都没参与过
You haven't even come to one of our weekly coffee meet-ups.
你甚至都没有来过我们一礼拜一次的咖啡会面
There. That's the one!
对 就是这个!
I'll do the coffee thing!
我下次就去你们那个咖啡那个玩意儿
We're talking like an hour, right?
就是聊上一个小时 对吧?
Oh, dora, hi.Hi.
哦 朵拉 嗨 嗨
Can i ask you a favor? Shoot.
我能请你帮个忙么? 直说(射击)
Although I probably shouldn't be saying that
我好像不应该
to someone who's packing heat.
对一个配枪的人这么说
Um, you know,from what I hear,
额 是这样的 我听大家说
You're pretty tapped into things around this town.
说你是小镇上的消息通