冒牌牧师（2015）

All right, let's settle up.
好了 我们来算下工钱吧
You're kidding, right?
你在搞笑吧?
I'm not gonna take money from you.
我不会拿你的钱的
Alden Schmidt does not have an 800 credit rating
如果欠债的话 奥尔登·施密特
from owing people.
怎么会有800的信用度
Okay, then how 'bout you take me to dinner?
好吧 要不你请我吃晚饭吧?
Tonight's karaoke night at the Junction.
今晚是交叉点的唱K之夜哦
Karaoke?
唱K?
You mean pathetic, out-of-tune idiots
你是说那群可悲又不着调的
Making fools of themselves?
出尽洋相的白♥痴♥们?
No thank you.
别 谢了您嘞
All right, then we can just go to dinner.
好吧 那我们就只吃个便饭吧
We ha talk about what's going on with you and Hilva,
我们可以聊聊你和希尔瓦之间的事啊
How you're coping...
你是怎样应对...
Moses on a moped!
别蹬鼻子上脸啊!
I let you build the media center like you wanted.
我让你照你喜欢的弄了个电视柜
Isn't that enough?
还不够吗?
You think I wanted to spend my entire afternoon doing this?
你觉得我愿意花整个下午来干这事儿?
Well, I didn't ask you to. And I was going to give you $5!
我也没有要求你一定要干 并且我准备给你5美元报酬的!
I was trying to be your friend but apparently,
我尝试做你的朋友 但是显而易见
Friendship isn't something you're capable of,
你交友无能
So forget it.
所以就当啥都没发生过吧
If you want to be alone, be alone...Forever.
如果你想独自待着 那就待着吧...注孤生
Alexa, hey, I got some good news.
阿莉克莎 嘿 我有好消息哦
I'm heading to your store to tell you in person.
去你店里了我俩再私下说哈
I always wanted to remember this moment.
我总是想记住这一刻
The day Buddy Dobbs came through.
巴迪·多布斯熬出头的一天
Surprise! I bought Chinese food.
惊喜! 我买♥♥了中国菜
Rudy, what are you doing here?
鲁迪 你怎么来了?
I texted you that I wanted to go out.
我给你短♥信♥说了我想出去的
Oh, I must've missed that.
噢 那我应该是没看到吧
Yeah, I got us a reservation at Macaroni Junction.
噢 我在通心粉交叉点那家店订了位子
And I had to pull a few strings, but I got us in the caboose.
我还不得不走了后门 不过我们可以坐在后面哟
That sounds great,
听起来很棒的样子
But wouldn't it be more intimate if we stayed in?
但是如果我们待在房♥间里不是更亲密嘛?
Why don't you get some plates and I'll go get cleaned up?
要不你赶紧去拿些盘子 然后我来收拾收拾?
Okay, sure, yeah.
好啊 行啊
Great.
真棒
Rudy? What are you doing in here?
鲁迪? 你在这干啥?
Uh...Nothing. I'm just...
呃...没啥 我只是...
Washing up.
想洗手
First of all, that's buddy's favorite lotion.
首先 那是巴迪最喜欢的乳液
He goes through, like, three bottles of that a month.
他差不多 一个月用3瓶的样子子
And second
第二
And more importantly,
更重要的是
I don't think we're gonna work out.
我觉得我们不合适
What? Why not?
啥? 为啥不行呢?
I just don't feel like you're here for me.
我觉得你来这不是因为我
Of course I am. You're great.
我当然是为你而来啦 你这么棒
I-I'm super into you.
我 我超喜欢你啊
Okay.
好吧
What's my bird's name?
我的小鸟叫啥名?
Scratchy.
小涂鸦
What kind of stupid name is Scratchy?
小涂鸦是哪门子蠢名字?
It's Scrunchie.
它叫小发圈
Okay, what color are my eyes?
我的眼睛是什么颜色?
Blue--blueish brown?
蓝 蓝棕?
They're hazel.
褐色
I mean, sometimes they're green when I wear a certain sweater.
有时候我戴美瞳的时候会变成绿色
But, you know what, doesn't matter.
但是 这不是重点
I think that you should go.
我觉得你盖该走了
Now.
就现在
I can't believe I wasted my caboose favor on you.
我不敢相信我还在你身上浪费了人情换得后面的座位
You bet all my money on a horse race?
你把我所有的钱拿去赌马了?
And I won! 22,000 bucks.
而且我赢啦!2万2美元
What?
啥?
You have $22,000?
你赢了2万2美元?
Well, I did.
千真万确
As in, you don't anymore?
也就是说 下次你再也不赌了吧?
It wasn't my fault. I have proof! Look.
不是我的错呀 我有证据!看
I was robbed.
我被抢了
That blurry thing behind me is about to knock me out.
我脑后的那个模糊影子准备打晕我
How stupid can you be,
在赛马场的停车场晒现金
fanning out all that cash in a racetrack parking lot?
你还能更蠢点吗?
You say that with the benefit of hindsight.
你真是事后诸葛亮
At the time it seemed right. Look how happy I was.
当时那样做我并没有觉得不妥 看我多高兴啊
God damn it, buddy, what am I supposed to do now?
该死的 巴迪 我现在能怎么办?
This guy Ray is a psycho. Don't worry.
雷这家伙是个神经病啊 别担心
All right, I'll think of something.
好的 我会想出办法的
We're in this together. Not anymore.
我们是同一阵线的 再也不是了
I never should have trusted you.
我就不该相信你
I hated letting Alexa down.
我不想让阿莉克莎失望
I had to think of something.
我必须想个办法
Get up here! Don't leave me alone!
上来这里! 不要让我一个人唱!
The only words I want to hear out of your mouth
我想听到从你嘴里说出的话
is "Here's your money."
只有”钱给你"
I am working on it.
我正在想办法
You think you can send some preacher boy my way
你以为搞个牧师仔过来找我
And everything is gonna be fine?
然后就万事大吉了?
Do you know what I went to prison for?
你知道我怎么入狱的吗?
I like to burn things.
我喜欢放火烧东西
What are you gonna do, torch my store?
你想做什么 烧了我的店?
Oh, no.
噢 当然不是
I was thinking about your favorite pastor's church
我想的是你那个牧师小可爱的教堂
With all his sheep inside.
和里面他的那些羔羊
Okay, Ray, you do not need to hurt innocent people.
行 雷 你不需要去伤害无辜的人
I will get you your money.
你要的钱我会给你的
I'll throw any extra $2,000 on top.
最多我再多给你2000块
You got one day.
你只有一天的时间
Now, Russell, I want to apologize to you.
现在 拉塞尔 我要向你道歉
Oh, come on. You weren't that off key.
喔 别这样 你也没有太跑调
I was talking about the way I treated you before.
我说的是我以前对你的方式
Water under the bridge, but thank you.
已经过去啦 不过还是谢谢你
See, the thing--it just--
看 事情 就是
It's hard for me to talk about my feelings.
说到我的感情我总是很难开口
Especially as regards my wife.
特别是关于我妻子
But I'm sure you can't relate to this,
不过我肯定你不会理解我这种感觉
But I have never failed in anything before.
我以前从来没有在什么事上失败过
It's not a failure to end something
结束一件再也经营不下去的事
That isn't working more, Alden.
不算是失败 奥尔登
Should we have some dinner?
我们能点晚餐了吗?
What? Who eats after 7:00?
什么? 谁七点后还吃东西呀?
This isn't Barcelona!
这里又不是巴塞罗那!
Um, sorry, I had to close early tonight,
嗯 抱歉 我今晚得早点关门
But I will be open again as soon as I can.
不过我会尽快再次开门的
I was ready to give Jasmine a charity pitch
我准备好了一套令人无法拒绝的
She couldn't refuse.
慈善说辞去游说嘉斯敏
Northwest field office. State your code, agent.
西北分部 说出你的代码 探员
Agent? State your code.
探员? 说出你的代码
I knew Lovello would snoop around,
我就知道洛弗罗会到处打探
So I planted that number in the drawer.
所以我故意把号♥码放在那个抽屉里
Hopefully, that would be the end of him.
希望他到此为止就好了
Miss Evans, thank you so much for taking the time to meet me.
埃文斯小姐 非常感谢你愿意花时间见我
Ah, so formal.
这么正式干嘛
Why do I get the feeling you're about to hit me up
为什么我有种感觉你联♥系♥我
for some money?
就是为了钱?
Well, as a matter of fact,
哦 事实上
I do have a worthy cause.
我确实事出有因的
Business can wait.
正事可以等等
I took the liberty of ordering us some martinis.
我自作主张给我们俩叫了马提尼