冒牌牧师（2015）

Is this a test? No.
这是测试吗? 不
That's what you would say if this was a test.
这就是一个测试 所以你才这么说
I know you took something from Damien's grave,
我知道你从达米安的坟墓里拿走了东西
and I need it back.
我要把东西带回去
I didn't take anything from the grave.
我没有从达米安的坟墓里拿任何东西
Need I remind you I am an FBI agent
需要我提醒你我是FBI的特工
and that grave-robbery is a felony?
而且盗墓是重罪吗?
Okay, fine. Here, pull.
好吧 可以 这个 你拿走吧
No. Not those!
不 不是这个!
Jesus Christ, the watch, man.
我的天 是那块手表 拜托
That I don't have anymore.
手表不在我这了
I used it to pay for a hooker in Ladner.
我把手表付给拉德纳的一个妓♥女♥了
What? Yeah,
你说什么 对啊
this cute, little blonde chick
那个可爱的金发小妞
with a butterfly tattoo on her neck.
她脖子上有一个蝴蝶纹身
Are you sure you gave it to her?
你确定你把手表给她了?
I gave it to her all right.
我真的给她了
Hey, Kwon.
你好 权
Hello?
你好
Yo, you missing something?
哥们 是不是丢了什么?
Where is she?
她在哪?
Buddy, we're at a motel... Shut up!
巴迪 我们在一个汽车旅馆... 你闭嘴!
You know it looked like the two of you were running.
你知道你们俩的样子看起来是要逃跑吧
I didn't like that, Buddy.
我可不喜欢 巴迪
We weren't running. I was going to get your money.
我们没有逃跑 我是要去拿回你的钱
So you have it?
所以你拿到了吗?
Not yet.
还没有
You see, that is too bad, because now
那真是太糟糕了 因为现在
I'm gonna have to keep your girlfriend until you do.
我要把你女朋友留在我这 直到你把钱拿回来
Jeremy, hi.
杰里米 是你呀
Brought the wristbands. Oh.
给你送腕带来了哦 哇哦
Thank you, but couldn't you have given them to me
太感谢了 但是你可以明天煎饼盛宴
tomorrow at the Pancake Pig-out?
那时候给我哎
Yeah, but then I wouldn't have
是的 但那样的话我就
an excuse to come by and see you.
找不到借口来看你了
Oh, come in.
噢 快进来
The thing is,
我想坦白
I wasn't completely honest with you yesterday.
我昨天没有完全和你说实话
About what?
关于什么事情?
About Chelsea.
关于切尔西
She and I are... getting divorced.
她和我...我们要离婚了
Really?
真的么?!
Really. Yeah.
真遗憾 耶
It's my fault. It--
是我的错 这...
between running my businesses and my charity work,
因为我一直在事业和慈善工作间来回奔波
she felt neglected and met someone else.
她感觉被冷落了然后出轨了
Oh, I'm so sorry, I really am,
哦 我很抱歉 真的
but you know, even in high school,
但是 即便是在高中的时候
I never really felt like the two of you
我也从来没觉得你们两个
were right for one another.
有cp感
You know, I can't help wonder
其实 我无法克制自己去想
how things might be different
如果当初我邀请你去舞会
if I would have asked you to prom.
事情会变得多么不一样
Oh, my God, that's so fun--
哦我的天 这真有趣...
I never think about stuff like that.
我从来没往这方面想过
Ah, there's a lot of things
哎 我有好多想穿越回去
I wish I would've done differently back then.
换个做法的事情
Yeah? I was a real shallow jerk.
嗯哼? 我那时候是个肤浅的混♥蛋♥
Hey, don't be so hard on yourself.
别太苛求自己
You know, I think the important thing now
我觉得现在最重要的
is that you look forward, instead of backward.
是你要向前看 而不是向后看
Okay. Okay.
好的 好的
Oh, listen. Yeah?
哦 话说 怎么了?
I'm gonna be setting up my booth later.
我过会儿准备去布置我的摊子
If you have a chance, I could use a hand.
如果你肯赏光的话 能搭把手么
Well, it just so happens I have two of them.
哈哈 很凑巧我有两把手哦
What's the big emergency?
什么十万火急的事情啊?
Remember that cop you slept with?
还记得你睡过的那个条子么?
You'll need to be more specific.
你得描述得再具体点
You know, the--
你懂 这样...
the squirrel-faced guy who gave you the watch.
给你金表的长得跟松鼠似的那个
Ugh! He was weird.
啊哈! 他可怪了
He didn't even want sex, he just wanted to take me
他都不想来一发 他只想带我
to some creepy family dinner.
去一个诡异的家庭晚餐
Did you know there are fondues and fon--don'ts?
你造么居然有干酪还有额...湿酪?
I need you to give me that watch.
我需要你把那块表给我
Can't. Some pastor told Alden
不行哦 因为某个牧师告诉奥尔登
things were moving too fast between us,
我们俩之间进展太快了
so I gave it to Alden as a symbol
所以为了让奥尔登好好花时间想一想
to take all the time he needed.
我把表送给他了
You gave it to Schmidt?
你把表给了施密特?
I thought you were gonna shut that down.
我以为你要跟他断了呢
I like him. He treats me like a lady.
我喜欢他 他把我当淑女看待
I treat you like a lady.
我也把你当淑女看啊
You bent me over and banged me against a tree.
你把我腰放倒然后抵在树上上我
Yeah, that was hot.
哦耶 那次真带劲
Look, you gotta ask Schmidt for that watch back.
听着 你得跟施密特把表要回来
Not a chance.
想都别想
If you want it so bad, you get it from him.
如果你那么想要 就自己从他那里拿呗
Is it a watch or a work of art?
这是块表还是件工艺品啊?
I'll let you decide.
你瞅瞅
Yes, it is very nice. Yeah.
是的 非常精致 是呗
Anyway, I was wondering
话说回来 我在想
if I could get your advice about some--
你是否能给我一点建议 是关于...
Yeah, yeah, fine, fine, sure, yes.
耶 耶 好的 好的 当然可以 嗯
You have precisely 15 Swiss-measured seconds.
准确来说你有瑞士精测过的15秒
Okay, what would you do if your friend was mad at you
好的吧 你觉得如果你的朋友因为你做过的
for something you did, but they don't know
某件事生气 但是他们不知道
that you did that thing to protect them,
你那样做是为了保护他们
and you can't say that because Wuh, Madam, no,
但你又不能说出来因为... 我...额...女士...嗯哼
I noticed you admiring my watch.
我注意到你对我表艳羡的眼神
This is a gift from a woman much younger than you.
这是一份来自比你年轻得多的女士的礼物
Use your head, Ray.
动动脑子 雷
I can't get you your money if I'm tied up.
如果我被绑住了根本就没办法给你钱啊
Don't you try to play me like you played Kenny.
不要以为你可以像玩弄肯尼那样耍我
What are you talking about? Kenny took advantage of me.
你在说什么鬼? 肯尼利用了我
I was just an innocent bystander.
我只是个无辜的旁观者
Ah, yeah, I guess if you tell that story enough times,
呵呵 我猜你这套说辞用了很多遍了吧
you start to believe it. I know what you did to him.
你自己都要相信了 我知道你对他做了些什么
What I did to him?
我?对他?
That's right.
对
You talked him into doing the robbery,
你说服他去劫那一票
then made sure that if things went south,
然后确保如果出了意外
he'd take the hit and you'd keep the money.
他去受死 而你能拿到钱
That what he told you?
他是这么告诉你的?
Did it ever occur to you he was the one telling a story?
你有没有想过是他在撒谎?
Eight years I shared a cell with that cat.
我和他蹲一个牢房♥ 待了八年呢
He was no liar.
他绝对不是骗子
Ray was a psycho, and I knew I had to get him
雷是个疯子 我知道必须得赶紧
his money soon.
把钱给他
How? I had no idea.
但是怎么办呢?我完全不知道
Oh, there you are. I'm glad you're home,
你在这呢 太好了你回来了
there's somebody here I want you to meet.
有个人我想让你见见
Hello, Pastor.
你好呀 牧师
Pastor Buddy Barlow, meet Jasmine Evans.
巴迪·巴罗牧师 这位是嘉斯敏·埃文斯
She is interested in joining our congregation.
她有兴趣加入我们的教会
Is that right? Yes.
是嘛 是的
I've been waiting to meet you.
我一直在等着见你
I'm not sure how long though, since I lost my watch.
不过我也不知道等了多久 因为我表丢了
Do you have one?
你有手表吗?