冒牌牧师（2015）

Previously on "Impastor"...
"冒牌牧师"前情提要...
I'm leaving you
我要离开你
Because I can't stand you.
因为我实在受不了你了
You don't have the balls, Sparky.
你没这个胆
Is that right?
是么?
Buddy, Ray says you have an hour to get him his money
巴迪 雷说你有一小时时间把钱给他
Or he's gonna kill me.
否则他就杀了我
Let's see what kind of hooligan
看看我们遇到了
We're dealing with here, huh?
啥流氓 哼?
I'm tell you, I was this close
告诉你们 在他咬我的时候
To crushin' his windpipe when he bit me!
我马上就要捏住他的气管了
I just hope i didn't get rabies from this cannibal.
我只希望不会被那个食人魔传染上狂犬病
Well, must be the same man neither of us can identify
嗯 肯定和之前我们确定不了的烧我车的人
Who burned my car.
是同一个人
Moving on.
下一话题
Uh, now that bishop perkins is retiring,
现在珀金斯主教要退休了
We need to make his final visit a memorable one.
我们需要让他这最后一次来访记忆深刻
In a good way, Dora. Ugh.
因为好的事情记忆深刻 多啦 呃
Please just let it go, Alden.
以前的事就别再提了 奥尔登
Let what go?
啥事别再提了?
The year was 2014.
还记得那是2014年的时候
Bishop perkins'annual visit.
珀金斯主教的年度视察
What went wrong?
出啥问题了?
Everything.
都是问题
Here we go, bishop. I made your favorite,
来了 主教 我做了你的最爱
Lemon echinacea tea.
柠檬紫锥菊茶
Oh, you shouldn't have gone to all that trouble.
喔 你不用这么麻烦的
Oh, no, no trouble at all.
喔 不 一点都不麻烦
And be sure to help yourself to one of my world famous
请随意哈 尽情享用我拿手的享誉世界的
"apple dora's."
“朵拉苹果点心”
No thanks,i never liked them.
不 谢了 我从一直就不喜欢
What?
啥?
That scalding hot water turned his sock
滚烫的热水把他的袜子
into a blast furnace.
变成了沸腾的炉子
When he took it off, the skin came with it.
当他脱袜子的时候 脚上的皮都粘在上面了
They say you could hear his screams
他们说一路远到潘维尔
All the way to Pineville.
都能听到他的尖叫声
It was an accident, okay?
那是个意外 好吗?
I just had a reaction to his utter lack of taste
我只是对他完全缺乏 对自♥制♥水果糕点正确判断
in homemade fruit pastries.
做出了点反应而已
The bishop's only been back once since then,
从那之后主教只来过一次
And Alden suggested--
而且奥尔登还建议
Ordered.That Dora keep her distance.
是命令 朵拉离他远点
But I have planned a musical tribute for the bishop
但是我已经计划为主教准备一个音乐致敬仪式了
That is sure to redeem me from this unfortunate
这肯定会把我从那次不幸 虽然有些过度渲染
if not overblown incident.
中拉出来
Jeez, I don't know how any song can make up for
神呐 我不知道多少歌♥才能弥补
torching his tootsies.
对他小脚的折磨
But maybe.
但是可能会吧
Pastor, we need to make the bishop's final weekend
牧师 我们需要让主教在拉德纳
in ladner flawless.
最后的这一周完美才行
I'm counting on you to be the perfect host.
我看好你会是一个完美的东道主哦
Me?Pass.
我? 算了吧
Buddy.
巴迪
The bishop always stays with the pastor when he's in town.
当主教在来的时候他总是和牧师住一起
A whole weekend?
整个周末?
There was no way he wouldn't find out i was a fraud.
他绝对不可能发现不了我是个冒牌货
You know, a distinguished guest like him shouldn't have to
一个像他这样尊贵的客人没必要
deal with a roomie.
和室友相处
I should clear out for a while.
我应该出去回避一下
Nonsense, no.
胡说 不用
The bishop said specifically, he needs to talk to you
主教特别说了 他需要跟你谈谈
About some of the unorthodox things you've been
你在这儿做的一些
Doing around here.
打破常规的事情
Well...
好吧...
I can't wait till he gets here.
我真是等不及他的到来了
cause if I do, it's game over.
因为我要是真等到 那就完蛋了
How could I possibly last a weekend with the bishop?
我怎么可能和主教一起熬过整周末?
Was it too late to pretend i didn't speak english?
我现在装不会说英语 会不会太晚了?
Buenos dias. Morning, pastor.
早上好呀 早 牧师
I was just in the neighborhood and thought i'd stop by.
我碰巧在附近 然后我想顺便来你这看看
Well, my door is always open.
嗯 我的大门总是敞开的
Evidently.
显而易见
I was hoping you could help me with something.
我希望你能帮我个忙
Do you know this man?
你认识这个人吗?
No, no i've never seen him before.
不认识 我之前从未见过他
Who is he? His name's ray florez.
他是? 他叫雷 弗洛雷斯
Spent eight years in prison for arson.
因纵火在监狱蹲了八年
We think he's the guy who torched your car.
我们认为他就是烧你车的人
Great.Did you arrest him?
真棒 你们已经逮捕他了?
I didn't think it was necessary since he's dead.
既然他已经死了 也不需要我们逮捕了
Dead?How?
死了? 怎么死的?
Cause of death hasn't been officially determined.
死亡原因还没有正式确定
But the bullet in his chest probably had something
但他胸膛里的子弹应该
to do with it.
和死因有关
Poor soul.
可怜人
Would you pray with me?
我一起祈祷?
Amen.
阿门
Pastor, why do you think a man who just got out of prison
牧师 你觉得为啥一个刚出狱的人
Would drive across country to threaten a church in ladner?
会穿越城市来恐吓拉德纳的一个教堂?
I have no idea.
我也不知道呀
Well, if you think of anything, give me a call.
好吧 如果你想到啥 请给我打电♥话♥
Will do.
好的
Thanks, sheriff.
谢啦 警长
You know my daddy was a preacher.
你知道么 其实我老爸也是个牧师
I spent a lot of time in pastors' studies.
我在牧师的书房♥待过不少时间
And this is the first one I've ever been in
这是我第一次看到
That didn't have a bible on the desk.
书桌上没有圣经的牧师
Got it memorized.
记在脑子里了
Oh, right.
好吧
Once upon a time.
从前
Okay, you guys,I cannot stress enough
伙计们 我不得不强调
how important it is that we send bishop Perkins off
我们要用一级棒的表演
with an amazing performance.
把珀金斯主教送走是多么重要
Yeah, or Dora could end up in some real "hot water."
对的 不然朵拉就永远深陷”热水"的传奇了
Yes, Larry, we all know you're the
好了 拉里
funniest crossing guard in Ladner.
我们都知道你是拉德纳最搞笑的路口保安
Okay, okay, I’ll stop "tea-zing" her.
好的好的 我不拿茶水攻击她了
But not as bad as the bishop's foot.
但是说起用茶水攻击 确实惨不过主教的脚
Larry, I will end you.
拉里 你死定了
Okay? I mean it.
听到了吗? 我是认真的
I will take you and I will put you at the end of this row
我我会把你安排在最后一盘
And you will no longer be center choir.
你将再也不会是中心合唱班
Dora, I will handle this.
朵拉 我来处理
All right, we all know this is dora's last chance
好了 我们都知道这是朵拉最后一次
to make up for her humiliating assault of the bishop.
去弥补她丢脸伤到主教的机会
So focus up!
所以集中注意力!
Thank you, Russell.
谢谢你 拉塞尔
Ray's dead?
雷已经死了吗?
Buddy, did you...
巴迪 难道你...
No!
没有!
Why would you even think that?
你怎么可以这样想?
Oh, because the Kenny thing.
噢 因为肯尼的事情
Yes, because of the Kenny thing!
是的 就是因为肯尼的事情!
How come every time you save me from someone,
为什么你每次从别人那里救出我
They end up dead?
他们最后都死了?
Would you rather have it the other way around?
那你愿意反过来 他们不死你死?
If you didn't kill Ray, who did?
如果你没有杀雷 那是谁?
I have no idea This isn't good.
我不知道 这不是件好事
If the Sheriff figures out that Ray is connected to Kenny,
如果警长知道了雷和肯尼有关系