冒牌牧师（2015）

in this community, and I am not about to lose it
保持一个良好形象 我可不想因为你在
because you filled Alden's head
奥尔登脑子里灌输了那些什么让心去飞
with some gibberish about following his heart.
的鬼想法就放弃这一切
Look, Hilva, it's not my fault.
听着 希尔瓦 这不是我的错
When I say stuff to Alden, the last thing I expect
当我对奥尔登说这些的时候 我万万没想到
is for him to listen. Well...
他能听进去 然而...
apparently you have his ear.
显而易见他听你的了
So you need to convince him not to throw away
所以你要说服他不能为了那个荡♥妇♥
40 years of marriage for some trollop!
而放弃自己四十年的夫妻生活
Trollop? Whore.
荡♥妇♥? 婊♥子♥
And for your own good, you will do it soon.
尽快解决吧 这也是为你好
Trust me, you don't know what it's like to be on my bad side.
相信我 你不能想象和我作对是什么下场
I bet it's a lot like this.
就跟现在差不多吧
Except you're living in your car.
只不过你只能住在自己的车里
Did you know I hold the deed on this house?
你知道这房♥子的房♥契在我手里吗?
You wouldn't kick me out, would you?
你不会把我赶出去吧?
Oh, really?
你觉得我不会?
Don't make me laugh.
别逗我笑了
Is that even possible?
你还会笑呢?
You're tough.
还真难取悦
I think there might be more going on with Buddy than he's letting on.
我觉得巴迪没有把实情全部告诉我们
I mean, he was acting weird at the service
他在教会活动之前就表现诡异
before he got that call.
在接到电♥话♥之前
No, no, no, don't worry.
不不不 别担心
If something were going on with Buddy, I would know about it.
如果巴迪发生了什么 我会知道的
Thanks. He can't hide anything from me.
谢谢 他什么事都瞒不住我
I...
我...
So how was your date last night with Dave the handyman?
你昨晚和那个杂务工戴夫约会咋样?
Does he know how to use his hammer?
他会灵活运用他的"大锤"了吗?
Sex pun. I love it.
性隐喻 我就爱这口
Did he... did he loosen your lug nuts with pliers?
他有没有... 用他的老虎钳搞松你的螺母
I don't know what that means.
我没明白你说的什么鬼
Me neither. I'm not good at this.
我也不明白 我可不擅长这个
What about you? What's up with you and that accountant?
你呢? 你和那个会计怎么样了?
Have you made your move yet?
你行动了吗?
No, I don't make moves, Russell.
没 我才不行动 拉塞尔
Look, I have always believed that if I am meant to be
听着 我一直坚信 如果我和一个人是
with someone, God will make it happen.
命中注定的 上帝会助我一臂之力的
God is not your pimp, Dora.
上帝可不是你的老鸨子 朵拉
You need to let a guy know you're interested.
你得让男人知道你的意向
Use some body language.
用点儿肢体语言
Yeah, like make eye contact,
是啊 比如做点眼神交流
lick your lips,
轻舔嘴唇
or maybe, like, gently touch his arm.
或者 轻抚他的手臂
When you walk away, always glance back.
当你走开时 别忘了回眸
Guys love that.
男人就吃这套
Okay, maybe I'll... try it.
好吧 也许... 我试试吧
I might snag myself a nice dentist who could floss my gums.
找个牙医好好清理清理我的"牙龈"
That's a sex pun.x7f
这是个性隐喻
Aah! God damn it!
啊! 我就操了!
God, sh...
天呐...
God!
天呐
Oh, looky here.
瞧瞧啊
Our guy's trying to take off his bracelet.
这孩子想卸了脚环呢
I knew his FBI story was bullshit.
我就知道他的FBI身份是鬼扯
Good afternoon. I'm Detective Hyde.
下午好 我是海德警探
This is Detective Lovello. Well, hello.
这是洛弗罗警探 你们好啊
I'm Dora. We're here to see the pastor.
我是朵拉 我们来见牧师
Oh, is this about the break-in?
哦 是因为非法闯入的事情吗?
'Cause if so, I'd be happy to answer any questions that...
如果是的话 我愿意来解答所有
you might have.
你的疑问
Uh, the pastor, please?
呃 我们要找牧师 好吗?
Sure. No. He's in his study.
没问题 好的 他在书房♥
Right down the hall. Here, um, follow me.
就在走廊尽头 跟我来吧
You know, the... Oh, yeah.
你知道 那个... 噢 好吧
You got it. x7f
你找到了
Busted! And don't give us any excuses.
抓个现行! 别找借口了
You're trying to take that bracelet off.
你想把脚环卸下来
You're right.
你说对了
You got me. He said no excuses!
被你们逮到了 他说了 别找借口！
Look, I'm just trying to stay alive here.
听着 我只是想试着活下去
You saw that lunatic.
你们也看见那个疯子了
If Damien finds this thing on me, I'm a dead man.
如果达米安发现我是卧底 我就死翘翘了
All right?
讲讲道理行不行?
Now, how about it?
这个脚铐怎么办?
You're an undercover guy.
你既然是个卧底
Just keep it undercover.
就把这个底藏好
And don't wear shorts.
还有别穿短裤
Now I had no choice. I had to go after Damien.
现在我别无选择 我只能去追达米安
But I could only think of one way to reach him.
但我只能想出一种方法去逮他
Afternoon.
下午好
I'm Pastor Buddy Barlow,
我是牧师巴迪·巴罗
and, uh, I'd like to ask a favor.
额 是这样 我想要请你帮个忙
Clergy pay tickets like everyone else.
罚单面前 牧师无特权
Oh, it's not that, Officer.
哦 不是那种忙 警官
Sheriff. I'm sorry.
我是警长 我的错
Do you remember those two men who were killed
你还记得前阵子被树弄死的
by the tree a while ago?
那两个人么?
Well, I was asked
我是来替
by Jamaal King's poor, sick grandmother
贾马尔可怜羸弱的祖母
to retrieve her baby's belongings...
来取回她孙儿的遗物的...
you know, cell phone, et cetera.
你懂的 就是手♥机♥啊之类的东西
We only release personal items to family members.
我们只允许家属来领♥取♥私人物品
I understand that, but, uh...
我理解规定 但是呢...
I'm going to Portland, and...
我等会儿要去波特兰...
I would love to make an old homeless woman
我想让这个无家可归心脏又不好的老妇人
with a heart condition happy.
能够开心一下
Then buy her a bus ticket to come here and get them.
那你就买♥♥张车票把她接过来取东西
May God bless your soul.
愿上帝保佑你
All I needed was to get Sheriff Cranky Pants
为了计划成功 我只需要
out of there for a minute.
调离这个暴躁的警长一会儿
Raise your tail at me, bitch.
小婊♥子♥ 居然敢和我摇头摆尾
Ooh, jawbreaker.
哦 糖糖
Oh, Pastor.
哦 牧师
Oh, hey, there, Alden.
哦 嗨 奥尔登
I just noticed your Japanese car
我刚刚注意到你的日本车
parked near the police station.
停在了警局附近
Are you filing an assault complaint against me?
是不是因为我揍了你的事情?
I drive a Chevy. Perhaps.
我开的是雪弗兰 大差不差吧
The point is, I want to nip this in the bud
重点是 我想把我们俩的恩怨扼杀在摇篮里
and, well, apologize for striking you before.
我为之前打你道歉
Well, you do realize when you hit me,
你应该意识到你揍我的时候
it's like hitting the Lord himself.
其实就像揍上帝本人呀
There is no excuse.
我无言反驳
We Lutherans are trained to keep our emotions inside.
我们路德会的从小被教导要克制情感
I'm not an Episcopalian, for God sakes.
看在上帝份上 我可不是暴躁的圣公会教♥徒♥
Forget it, Alden. Okay.
翻篇儿吧 奥尔登 好的
But while I have you... Oh.
但是呢... 哦
As your pastor, I would advise you
作为你的牧师 我建议你
to think long and hard before throwing away
在为了第三者要放弃你40多年的婚姻这事上
40 years of marriage for another woman,
三思而后行
especially a hooker.
尤其这个第三者还是个妓♥女♥
Stop calling her that!
不许再这么称呼她!
Apology accepted!
道歉接受了!
Who's calling me from a dead man's phone?
是谁用死人的手♥机♥打给我?
Hey, it's me, Buddy. Well, that's fitting.
嗨 是我 巴迪 这倒讲得通了
Look, I want to make things right between us.
听着 我想要我们俩做个了结
I got your 32 grand. No, no, no.
我现在有欠你的3万2了 — 不不不
It's 40 grand now.
现在是4万了
Punk-ass-bitch tax.
加了混♥蛋♥税