冒牌牧师（2015）

Impastor S02E02

Part 3 March 31, 2021, 3:03 p.m.

And 2 to 5 free vodka tonics.
和两到五杯免费的伏特加汤力酒
No.
才不是
At least look up his address on Zillow.
至少在房♥地♥产♥网站上查查他的地址啊
You don't want to end up raising your kids
你不会想最后在
in some place like East Ladner.
像东拉德纳那样的地方带大你的孩子
Hey, I live in East Ladner.
喂我就住在东拉德纳
And it's lovely. Look.
那地方不错听我说
I am interested in who he is as a person,
我是对他这个人感兴趣
not--not what he pays in property taxes.
不是不是他房♥产税交多少好吗
So no, I am not going to
所以我是不会去
Google him; I'm not going to Zillow him;
百度他的我也不会去房♥产网上搜他
and I am not wearing that shirt.
我也不会穿那件T恤的
It's an ice-breaker tee.
这可是一件破冰T啊
Yech, whatever.
好吧随便你
So what are you in the mood for today?
你今天想要什么样的?
Number three. With some pinky action.
第三种激烈一点的
All right,
好吧
but put the parking brake on this time.
但是这次要把手刹拉好了
Hey, before we nude up,
在我们脱♥光♥之前
I need to talk to you about Alden Schmidt.
我要和你聊一下奥尔登·施密特
You know Alden? Yeah.
你认识奥尔登? 对
And he's got some crazy idea
他像疯了一般
about you two having a future together.
觉得你们两个会有未来
Really?
真的吗?
I'm need you to shut that down, all right?
我要你彻底杜绝这种可能性懂吗?
'Cause that's nothing but trouble for all of us.
因为那只会为我们所有人惹来麻烦
Okay.
好
But it'll cost you 200.
不过你要给我200块
That includes the Pinky-Three, right?
包括动作三对吗
Nope.
没有
Listen, I'm sorry about before,
听我说我对之前的事感到很抱歉
but I've been on this raisin cleanse.
但我最近在尝试葡萄干净化法
What I had to do, I could not do in this house.
在这个房♥子里我十分想做又不能做的事
You're a very polite young man.
你真是一个非常有礼貌的年轻人
Here is your tea, missus.
你的茶太太
Oh, I see you signed my paycheck.
我看到你给我签好了工资支票
Can I get it now?
现在能给我了吗?
And have you slough off the rest of the week?
然后让你混过这剩下的半周吗?
You'll get it Friday after the inspection.
星期五检查之后你才能拿到
Do your homework.
做你的作业
Keep it quiet. I want to watch my stories.
安静的我要看我的书
Pastor?
牧师?
So--you, uh,
那你那个
you ready to donate?
打算要捐赠了吗?
Oh, slow down.
哎呀慢慢来
Enjoy your tea.
先好好喝茶
Before you get my money,
在你拿钱之前
there's something I want you to do.
我还想让你帮个忙
Make love to me.
和我做♥爱♥
You remind me so much of Walter.
你让我想起了沃特
I want to feel that
我还想再最后一次体会那种
closeness, that--
亲密无间
that exhilaration one last time.
那种愉悦的心情
I'm sorry, Mrs. Strumble.
不好意思斯特朗普夫人
I can't help you.
这事儿我不能帮你
Oh, but I think you can.
噢但是我觉得你可以呀
You see, I may be an old woman,
你看尽管我是个老妪
but I have two very good assets.
但是我有很棒的两个资产
Please don't show them to me.
求你别把它们亮出来
My eyesight
我的视力
and my memory.
和我的记忆
A few months back,
几个月之前
my oak tree fell on a car
我的橡树倒了砸在一辆车上
and killed two criminals inside.
还弄死了里面的两个罪犯
And who do you think I saw get out of the trunk?
你猜我看到谁从后备箱(也有”树干”之意)里爬出来?
Of the tree or the car?
从树里还是从车里?
My nurse leaves at 8:00.
我的护士在八点离开
You'll be here
你会来吧
or I will tell your entire church
不然我会告诉整个教会
and the police
还有警♥察♥
everything I saw.
我所见到的一切
Make me blind.
让我眼瞎吧
I knew the only way I could
我知道自己面对斯特朗普这个
face a tumble with Strumble
小插曲的唯一办法
was to be good and trashed.
就是喝的烂醉
Buddy?
巴迪?
You're by yourself?
你自己啊?
Mosey on over to our party wagon, partner.
快来加入我们的大趴体吧伙计
Oh, Buddy, glad you're here.
巴迪还好你在这儿
Now you won't be alone.
现在你就不是孤家寡人啦
Dave just texted. I got to go.
戴夫刚短♥信♥我了我得走了
What's the deal with this Dave guy anyway?
戴夫这家伙到底是个怎样的人?
Oh--he's a man who knows what he wants.
他是一个知道自己想要什么的人
And he wants it a lot.
而且他想要的太多了
Hey, Russell, you--
拉塞尔你--
you ever have been in a real
你有没有经历过十分
weird sexual situation?
奇怪的性处境?
Yes. No.
有啊没有
I mean, what-- what did you have in mind?
我是说你有啥想法?
Oh, crap, I gotta bolt.
我天我得闪了
Damn it, Russell.
又搞砸了拉塞尔
What's the point of rehearsing if you're just gonna blow it?
你上来就搞砸还事先练习个啥?
I went skiing once.
我之前滑过雪
Water or snow?
水还是雪?
Neither. I am lying.
都不是我撒谎了
What?
啥?
I'm sorry. I'm really nervous.
对不起哈我太紧张了
You're not the only one.
不止你一个哦
Come to bed.
到床上来
I don't have a condom.
我没带套啊
No, that ship has sailed.
这个已经不需要担心了
Put your arm around me.
抱着我
There.
就是这样
That's the way Walter used to do.
沃特以前就是这样对我的
We'd usually talk for a bit.
我们会先聊下天
You start.
你先说
I'm shit-faced.
我喝瘫了
Here is one of my bird Scrunchie
这是我鸟小发圈
at his third birthday party.
3岁生日时候的照片
That is adorable.
真可爱
How did you get that little hat on him?
你怎样给他把帽子戴上去的?
Uh, more like how did I get it off?
其实问我是怎样把它取下来的才更对
He loves hats.
他喜欢帽子
Oh, there's this other one I want to show you.
我还有点东西想给你看看
Was that my house? Nope.
那是我的房♥子吗? 不是滴
Dora.
朵拉
I'm sorry. I Googled you.
很抱歉我搜索了一下你
I know it's cheating, I just wanted
我知道这是欺骗行为但我只想
to know everything about you.
知道你的所有
Did you know I'm very attracted to you?
你知道我觉得你很吸引人吗?
Well, I think I'm
好吧我觉得
gonna need to do a little more research.
我还得在继续调查
And by our silver anniversary,
到我们的银婚纪念日的时候
Walter and I
我和沃特
had visited all the national parks.
已经游览了所有的国家公园
Ever go to any
有去过
American League parks?
美国棒球联盟公园吗?
He was always there for me.
他总是陪着我
Did you have anyone like that in your life?
在你生命中有这样的人吗?
They gone again?
他们又走了?