冒牌牧师（2015）

I don't.
没有诶
Funny enough, I'm gonna get one this afternoon--
说来有趣 本来我今天下午会拿到一块表的
tonight at the latest, because I know
或者最晚今晚 因为我清楚的知道
exactly where to find the one I've been looking for.
去哪找我要找的那块表
You know where a good place to get a watch is?
你知道找手表应该去哪里吗?
Krinsky's. You wouldn't believe it,
柯林斯基的店 你绝对想不到
but they have and incredible selection.
但是他们真的有很多种样式
Oh, she is a smart one, Pastor.
这姑娘很聪明啊 牧师
You wouldn't want to lose her.
你不想失去她的吧
I don't...intend to.
我没有…这种打算
Well, it was nice meeting you both.
很高兴见到二位
Oh, I'd get moving on that watch.
换做我 表的事我可要赶紧去办了
Stores are about to close.
商店快关门了呢
I have a good feeling about her.
我觉得她不错呢
Come on, Ray, is this really necessary?
别这样啊 雷 真的有必要这样吗?
My wrists are killing me.
我手腕都要疼死了
So what's the deal with you and the preacher guy?
你跟那个牧师什么关系?
You banging him?
炮♥友♥?
No, he's gay.
不是 他是同性恋
You can't move your lips without lying, can you?
你一张嘴就得说谎 是不是?
Did he kill Kenny?
是他杀了肯尼吗?
What are you talking about? Kenny killed himself.
你在胡说什么啊 肯尼是自杀的
Bullshit!
鬼扯!
You do not do a 12-year stretch to get out and off yourself.
人不会在熬了12年放出来之后自杀的
You did it, didn't you?
是你杀的 对不对?
No, I have no idea Oh, shut up, bitch.
不是我 我真不知道 闭嘴吧 臭婆娘
You know, part of me hopes your pastor friend
其实呢 我还有那么一丢丢希望
doesn't show with the cash.
你那个牧师朋友没能带着钱来
Perfect.
完美
We're all set for tomorrow.
这样我们就万事具备 只等明天了
Yeah, there's actually been a little change of plans.
其实呢 计划有变
Russell-- oh, thank you.
拉塞尔 哦 谢谢
He dropped out, so it's just gonna be
他不来了 所以就只有
you and me.
我们两个了
Oh. Okay.
这样啊 行啊
I think we're a better team without him.
我觉得没有他我们更合拍
I just--I can't get over how beautiful you are now.
我 我忘不掉你现在这么漂亮的样子
Could you ever see you and me--
你有没有想过我们俩…
Yes.
有的
Oh, my God, you are such a good kisser.
我的天呐 你真是个行家
All those years of practicing on my pillow really paid off.
我那么多年和枕头练习不是白练的
Damn! Chelsea.
妈的 切尔西
Wha--you said you were getting a divorce.
啥 我记得你说要离婚的
Someday, if I keep this up.
未来某天 如果我一直这样的话
Ugh! You're disgusting!
恶心的渣男
I cannot wait to tell Chelsea what a sleaze you are.
真是等不及要告诉切尔西你是个什么样的人♥渣♥了
Go ahead, she knew you in high school.
你去啊 她高中的时候认识你
She'd never believe I would cheat on her
她不会相信我会劈腿
with a loser like you.
一个你这样的女屌♥丝
If I was such a loser,
既然我是个女屌♥丝
then why were you gonna ask me to prom?
那你当时又为什么要邀请我去毕业舞会?
Because I lost a bet. I had to ask
因为我打赌输了 我必须邀请
the nerdiest girl in school. That was you, Dorka.
学校里最书呆子的女生 那人就是你 呆子朵拉
Go, get out the back door!
快 从后门走!
No, you know what, I think I'm gonna stick around.
不 你知道吗 我想要多待一会
You know, catch up with Chelsea.
你懂的 和切尔西叙叙旧
No, please don't.
不 千万不要
If she--
要是她
If she finds you here, it could be the last straw.
她发现你在这里 那就完蛋了
Please?
求你?
Okay, fine. I'm gonna go.
行 没问题 我走
At least one of us has grown up since high school.
高中到现在我们俩人中至少有一个人长大了
Hi, honey.
嗨 亲爱的
He's cheating on you.
他背着你出轨了
Guess I haven't grown up that much.
看来我也还没完全长大呢
Schmidt was an older dude,
施密特就是一老头
and I didn't want to hurt him, but I had to get that watch.
我不想伤害他 但我一定要拿到那块表
Put your hands up and no one gets hurt.
举起手来 我就不会伤害任何人
Oh. Oh, someone's getting hurt.
但是某人要受到伤害了
Hiyah!
我打！
Hiyah! Hiyah!
我打！我打！
Now, let's see what kind of hooligan
现在 来看看是哪个小流氓
we're dealing with here, huh?
敢来惹事 嗯？
Oh! Oh! My watch!
噢！噢！我的表!
Come back here, you Lutheran-hating scum!
给我回来 你个反路德教渣渣!
Yeah?
喂?
Buddy, Ray says you have an hour to get him his money
巴迪 雷说你有一个小时时间给他要的钱
or he's gonna kill me. Please hurry!
不然他就要杀掉我 快点!
This watch was worth 50 grand.
这个表值50000块
I could give it to Ray and save Alexa,
我可以把它给雷然后救下亚莉克莎
or I could give it to Jasmine and save Dora.
或者把它给贾思敏去救朵拉
I had one hour to decide.
我还有一个小时就要决定
And now, Pastor Barlow from Ladner Trinity
现在 兰德纳三一教堂的巴罗牧师
will do the traditional blessing of the livestock.
将进行传统的家畜赐福仪式
All they saw was a pastor holding a pig,
所有人看到的不过是一位牧师抱着一只猪
but I had to face them knowing
我面对着他们却知道
I just sent someone to their death.
我刚刚亲手送了一个人去天堂
Let us pray.
我们一起祈祷
Lord, make me an instrument of thy peace.
主 赐予我让人平静的能力吧
Where there is hatred, let me sow love.
在有仇恨的地方 种下爱
Where there is doubt, faith.
在有猜疑的地方 种下信任
Where there is darkness, light.
在黑暗的地方 种下光明
Where there is injury, pardon.
在有伤害的地方 种下原谅
Where there is despair, hope.
在绝望的地方 种下希望
For it is in the giving that we receive...
因为我们正是在给予中得到
And it is in the dying that we are born to eternal life.
也正是在死亡中我们才能得以永生
Amen.
阿门
Now let's go eat some pancakes and bacon.
现在大家可以去吃煎饼和熏肉了
Sorry, dude.
抱歉 哥们
Hey. So, I owe you an apology.
我欠你一个道歉
Listen, I know that you only asked me to prom
听我说 我知道你当时邀请我去毕业舞会只是为了
to protect my feelings.
保护我的感受
I don't know what you're talking about.
我不懂你在说什么
Sure you don't. But thank you.
你当然不懂 但是还是谢谢你
We're still a team, right?
我们还是搭档 对吧?
You bet we are.
我们当然是啦
We need a new handshake.
我们得定个新的握手仪式
Yeah, that one's real sad.
是啊 这个太悲催了
Yeah.
是说
If your friend hadn't come through with that money,
要是你朋友没有及时拿来那笔钱
I hate to think what would've happened.
我都不敢想会发生什么
Well, that's all behind us. Got nothing to worry about now.
好了 那都过去了 现在什么都不用担心了
You with the Bureau?
你是联邦调查局的吧?
I see why you made detective.
怪不得你当上了警探
I worked with one of your undercover boys
我和你们的一个卧底合作过
up there in Ladner. The "Pastor."
拉德纳的 那个牧师
What are you talking about?
你在说些什么?
Nothing. I said nothing.
没什么 我什么也没说
Just... tell him I said hi.
就 向他替我问声好
Hey, it's Landecker.
喂 我是兰德克尔
Yeah, are we running an undercover op in Ladner that I don't know about?
对 我们在拉德纳有我不知道的卧底行动吗?