冒牌牧师（2015）

Which whipped cream should we go with?
我们要用哪种奶油啊?
As a matter of fact, Handwalker here knew about it,
实际上 倒立小王子知道这件事
and he boxed me out.
然后还捷足先登了
Is that true?
真的吗?
Did you know that he was gonna ask me to prom?
你知道他要邀请我去舞会?
Oh, who can remember?
哎谁还记得呀?
Remember me? Pastor Barlow?
还记得我吗? 巴罗牧师?
I do.
当然记得
Look, I got an anonymous call from someone saying
听着 我接到一个匿名电♥话♥说他们今晚
they're going to burn down Ladner Trinity church tonight.
要烧平拉德纳三一教堂
I need you to stake it out and catch the guy.
我需要你们盯紧了 抓住这个家伙
So you want me to put a squad car out by the church all night,
所以你想让我置镇子一部分地区的安危于不顾
leaving a portion of the town unguarded?
却整晚集中人力开着警车守教堂?
No. No, no, I just want you to bust this creep
不 不 不 我只是想在他轰平上帝大人的房♥子之前
before he firebombs Our Lord's house.
把他扼杀在摇篮里
Why would someone tell you when and where
为啥他们会告诉你他们的
they're going to commit a crime?
作案时间和地点呢?
Well, you know better than me,
这你应该比我更清楚呀
there are a lot of crazies out there.
当下有很多疯狂份子
You know what's crazy?
你知道啥叫疯狂吗?
A pastor asking for a cell phone from an evidence drawer,
一个牧师要求拿回证物箱里的一个手♥机♥
then when I leave the station unguarded for a minute,
然后我就离开警局无人看管那么一分钟
the cell phone ends up missing.
手♥机♥就不见了
That is crazy.
那确实挺疯狂
So, why don't we discuss that
那么 为啥我们不来聊聊这个呢
for a while, your holiness.
神圣的主
I can see you're busy.
我能得出你很忙
This is a church matter,
这是教堂自己的问题
we'll handle it internally.
我们会内部自己消化的
Mm-hmm.
这还差不多
Her cell phone talk gave me an idea.
她所说的手♥机♥的事 让我灵光一闪
If I dug up Damien's phone,
如果我挖出达米安的手♥机♥
maybe it could help me find his killer.
或许就能帮助我找到凶手
But first, I had to prevent an arson.
但是首先 我得先阻止一场纵火案
Burn the church?
烧了教堂?
By God, it's another Lutheran hate crime.
额滴神 这是仇恨路德教的犯罪啊
When will this scourge end?
这场灾难什么时候才会结束?
This seems like something you were going to go
这种事听起来应该报告
to the police about.
给警♥察♥啊
I did go to the police.
我的确去了警局
Unfortunately, there's a manpower shortage,
不幸的是 他们人手不足
so we are going to have to keep
所以我们晚上不得不
an all-night vigil on the church.
在教堂守夜了
You mean a stakeout? Excellent idea.
你是说去盯梢? 好主意
Let's take shifts. We'll divide up into teams.
我们轮班吧 分成几个小队
I'll take anyone but Russell.
除了拉塞尔 我和谁一起都行
Okay. I'll take Buddy.
行 那和巴迪一组
I'll bring my night vision goggles.
我会带上我的夜视镜
We'll take the late shift. I will take the first shift.
我们守最晚那班 我守最早那班
I do have plans for the evening.
我晚上有别的计划
Please don't ask anything further.
你们别多问了
I guess we've got the middle shift.
那我们就守中间的班吧
All right, I have a date. Let it go already.
是啊 我有约会 你们别再纠结这事儿了
Alden, you can't take a shift by yourself.
奥尔登 你不能一个人守夜
Don't worry, I'll have my two partners with me.
别担心 我会带上我的两个搭档
Smith and Wesson.
史密斯和维森
Alden Schmidt, you stay away from that criminal.
奥尔登·施密特你给我离那个罪犯远一点
Just call 911.
打911就行了
On the other hand, if you feel threatened,
不过话说回来 如果你觉得有危险的话
you gotta do what you gotta do.
必要的时候该出手就出手
Yes, Alden. Remember, this is the Lord's house
是的奥尔登 记住 你守护的是
you're protecting, so shoot him...if you have to.
上帝的住所 必要的时候...击毙他
Yep.
好
Damn it!
见鬼!
You gotta be kidding me.
这一定是在逗我
Sweet kicks.
我的乖乖啊
Oh, there's only one shovel.
这里只有一把铲子
We'll take it from here.
我们从这儿接手吧
That cop, Hyde, must have taken the watch, too.
那个叫海德的条子当时肯定把表也拿走了
Can you think of one reason why somebody
你能想出任何一个原因
would want to burn down our church?
让人想要烧掉我们教堂的吗?
Well, according to Schmidt,
用施密特的话来说
Lutherans are the most persecuted religion on Earth.
路德教是地球上最容易被迫♥害♥的宗教
I'm sorry.
抱歉
It's just me reporting for my official shift change.
我是来正式报到换班的
Oh, I'm gonna have to report for an official pants change.
我马上要正式报告被你吓得尿裤子了
See you guys tomorrow. Bye.
明天见 拜拜
Hey, Russell, you knew how much I liked Jeremy,
拉塞尔你知道我那时候有多喜欢杰里米
and you also knew that he was going to ask me to the prom,
你也知道他想邀请我和他一起去舞会
and yet you still begged me to go with you.
然而你还是求我和你一起去
Why would you do that?
你为什么要那么做?
There's no way you're getting out of this.
这事儿你别想逃
Jeremy, you lost the bet. You have to ask Dora out.
杰里米 愿赌服输 你必须邀请朵拉参加舞会
Okay, okay. This blows.
好吧好吧 真是逊毙了
Hey, Luke Handwalker,
那个倒立小王子
go find your friend, Dora.
去找你的朋友朵拉
I want to ask her to the prom.
告诉她我想邀请她去舞会
Well, why?
到底为什么?
Because I didn't have a date
因为我找不到别人
and I didn't want to go by myself.
但是又不想一个人去
That's it?
就这样?
That could have been the most romantic night of my life.
那本该是我人生中最浪漫的夜晚
Hey, we had fun.
我俩也玩得挺开心的嘛
Until you sprained your ankle.
直到你扭到脚
Yeah. 'Cause you fell on me
因为在跳春巴旺巴愤青的抗♥议♥那首歌♥的时候
tubthumping to Chumbawamba.
你摔到了我身上
Oh, hey, look. Buddy's here.
看呐 巴迪来了
That dinner was so yummy.
晚餐很美味
I didn't know Cafe de Ladner delivered.
我不知道拉德纳咖啡厅还送外卖♥♥呢
They don't. The owner is a personal debtor of mine.
他们一般不送的 店长是我的债务人
Only the best for you.
最好的都给你
Aww. Careful, Alden, you'll spoil me.
奥尔登你小心点 你要宠坏我了
I would like nothing better.
那是最好不过的了
You're so sweet.
你太浪漫了
And you are so beautiful.
你太美了
I think you better go.
我觉得你该走了
This key to a stakeout is to stay alert at all times.
盯梢的关键是全程警惕
I learned that on that detective show
我看一个侦探节目这么说的
Shh! Did you hear that?
嘘! 你听到了吗?
No. I wasn't listening.
没有 我没在听
Somebody's out there. I'm gonna check it out.
有人在外面 我去看看
We're supposed to stay in the car and call 911.
我们应该待在车里打911的
I'm coming with you.
我来和你一起
All right.
好吧
He's here, I know it.
他就在这儿 我知道
I'll put on my night vision.
我戴上我的夜视镜看看
Wow, these things work great. It's like a light went on.
这玩意儿还真挺厉害的 就跟开了灯似的
Son of a bitch!
狗♥娘♥养♥的!