老爸老妈的浪漫史（2005）
How I Met Your Mother S06E19
Part 2
Oct. 23, 2020, 9:47 a.m.
Long story short,
长话短说
I've been managing tours ever since,
从那时起 我就成了巡演经理
and that dude high-fives people with his face now.
而那家伙只能用脸跟大家击掌
You're funny.
你真风趣
My dad's funny.
我老爸好风趣
So, all these years, there's this one question
这么多年来 我一直有一个问题
I've been dying to ask him.
想要问他
Why did you abandon me?
你为什么抛弃我
Why'd you wait so long to contact me?
你为什么这么久才跟我联♥系♥
You've hurt me before, why should I trust you now?
你之前伤害了我 现在怎么让我相信你
Do you...
你
get laid a lot?
滥交吗
Big-time.
无人能及
Observe.
瞧好了
Oh, my God, that took you five seconds.
我的天 这花了五秒钟
Oh, was it that long?
有这么长吗
Life's too short for chatty chicks.
人生苦短 没空应付话痨妞
You're a master.
你是大♥师♥
You are legen-- wait for it--
你是传奇 等等
...daddy!
老爸
Legendaddy!
传奇老爸
The man is a god.
这人简直是神
And he's still out there, living the dream.
他仍旧过着理想中的生活
So I'm going to Sydney tomorrow with Bon Jovi.
我明天要跟邦乔维去悉尼
I'll be on the road the rest of the year.
今年我都将随队出行
Oh, that's cool.
太酷了
Say, you want to join me for the tour's Asian leg?
你想跟我一起参加亚洲巡演吗
This is going to be the second-most fun
跟我在亚洲美♥腿♥上享受到的乐趣相比
I've ever had on an Asian leg.
这次旅行排名第二
Barney, we-we know you're psyched,
巴尼 我们知道你很兴奋
but just... be careful.
但是 当心点
What do you mean?
你什么意思
Well, this guy has flaked out on your whole life.
这个家伙从来没参与过你的人生
It sounds like he just might be
听起来他似乎只挑
telling you what you want to hear.
你想听的话来说
Barney, we just don't want to see you get hurt.
巴尼 我们只是不想看你受伤
First of all, Robin, my dad could beat up your dad.
首先 罗宾 我爸可比你♥爸♥强多了
Second,
其次
you don't have to worry.
你们不必担心
He's cool. Now if you'll excuse me...
他很好 现在如果你们不介意
I have to go renew my passport,
我得去重申我的护照
and get a travel-sized rotating Vietnamese Shame Wheel.
还要去买♥♥个旅行版的越南转动羞耻轮
Don't ask; you're not ready.
别问 你们消受不起
I hope Barney's dad isn't just
我希望巴尼的爸爸
pretending to be something he's not, you know?
真像他说的那样
Yeah. That would make Jerry a real chamma-leeon.
是啊 不然他可就真成了变晒龙了
You have gaps, too, Lily.
你也有小白的时候 莉莉
You got nothing on me.
你可抓不到我的把柄
Hey, Lily, can you toss me a beer?
莉莉 扔瓶啤酒给我
Sure, honey.
当然 宝贝
You have terrible aim.
你瞄得一点也不准
That's not true.
这不是真的
Lily, at our apartment,
莉莉 在我们家
you're the one who pees on the floor.
不慎尿在地板上的人是你
Oh, my God. Barney's dad.
我的天 是巴尼的爸爸
Hey, uh, you're Barney's friends, right?
嗨 你们是巴尼的朋友对吧
Yeah, but... aren't you supposed to be off
是啊 您不是应该出发
managing some tour in Australia?
去澳洲巡演了吗
What?
什么
No, I-I'm a driving instructor up in White Plains.
不 我在白平原北部当驾驶教练
And I need your help-- Barney won't return my calls.
我需要你们的帮助 巴尼不回我电♥话♥
What do you mean, Barney won't return your calls?
你说巴尼不回你电♥话♥ 是什么意思
He said you two had an amazing night together.
他说你们爷俩昨晚过得很开心
That's not what happened.
不是这样的
I'm not sure how to start this.
我不知道该怎么开口
Yeah.
是啊
I think I need a drink.
我想我得先喝一杯
Me, too.
我也是
Glen McKenna, neat.
格兰麦肯纳 不加冰
Milk, skim.
牛奶 脱脂的
Milk?
牛奶
Oh, you're taking it easy. Crazy night?
你一定是需要缓一缓 昨晚太疯狂了吧
I'll say.
当然
Between you and me,
就告诉你一个人
I had a lot of acid last night.
我昨晚吃了很多酸性物质[也指迷幻药]
I think it was the chili dog.
我觉得是因为吃了辣热狗
I had to take four Tums.
我不得不吃四片抗酸片
I was up till, like, 9:30.
直到9点半才睡着
When I was a kid, you used to be a roadie.
我还小的时候 你曾是乐队音响师
You still do that?
你现在还是吗
No. I switched lanes years ago.
不 我很多年前就换路线了
I should explain. I'm a driving instructor.
我该解释一下 我现在是个驾驶教练
Now you get it, right?
你现在明白了吗
Yeah, no, I get it.
对 我懂了
Um, but when I was a kid,
但我还小的时候
you... you were this total badass.
你就是一个十足的坏蛋
Oh, I know.
我知道
I was a real hard partier.
我是个派对狂人
Yeah, okay, now we're getting to the good stuff.
很好 现在我们终于有得聊了
The drugs, the alcohol, the women...
嗑药 酒精 女人
Yes, yes, yes.
没错 没错 没错
I was out of control.
我放纵到失控
Out of control.
彻底失控
So when your mom said I couldn't see you any more,
所以当你妈妈说 我不能再见你了
it was rock bottom for me.
我的生活跌入了谷底
I'm so sorry.
我非常抱歉
You ever bang Stevie Nicks?
你上过史蒂夫·妮可丝吗[西方摇滚乐坛一位响当当的人物]
Barney wasn't interested in my apology.
巴尼对我的道歉不感兴趣
He just wanted me to be cool.
他只想让我装酷
And I was so desperate to connect with him,
我急迫地想跟他父子相认
I did something I'm not proud of.
所以做了些令自己不耻的事
I started bragging.
我夸夸其谈了起来
I bet you didn't know this about me, Barney,
巴尼 我打赌你不知道这事
but I've published two nonfiction books about asparagus.
但我出版了两本关于芦笋的非小说类文学作品
And one fiction.
还有一本小说作品
I'm credited with inventing the word "furgling."
是我发明了"摸匙"这个词
It means fumbling for keys.
意思是到处找钥匙
So then all the county fair judges started chanting,
然后所有的县级法官们都欢呼了起来
"More quiche! More quiche!"
"再来点乳蛋饼 再来点乳蛋饼"
I guess you could call me the LeBron James of drapes.
你称我为皱纹版的勒布朗·詹姆斯[NBA队员]
I could tell he just wanted me to be this big ladies' man,
我知道他希望我是个少♥妇♥杀手
so...
所以
What a hottie, huh?
小妞真辣 是吧
I'm sure you're a real player.
我敢肯定你是个行家
Big-time.
无人能及
Observe.
瞧好了
Excuse me, that's my son over there.
打扰一下 坐在那边的是我儿子
I'm trying to reconnect with him after 30 years.
30年没见 我想和他联络一下感情
Would you just write down any seven numbers here,
你能不能随便写个7个数字给我
so that I can impress him?
这样他就能对我刮目相看了
Please, I'm desperate.
求你了 我快没辙了
Oh, my God, you're a natural.
天啊 你是个天生的行家
Think of the pickup plays we can run as a father-son duo.
考虑一下咱们父子档可以表演勾搭女人的戏码
There's the "Father Knows Breast,"
比如叫《老爸识胸器》
there's the "Bush Dynasty,"
或者《阴毛王朝》
the "Lick Father, Lick Son."
再或者《舔父亲子》
Oh, no, no.
不行 不行
I couldn't do that.
我做不来
Why?
为什么
I have a family now.
我现在是有家室的人
老爸老妈的浪漫史（2005）
How I Met Your Mother
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