Your father says he has
你♥爸♥说他像在前排
front-row seats to the Minnesota Twins.
看明尼苏达双子队的表演呢
By the way, Marshall,
顺便问一句 马修
we do need to know if you're coming to Florida this summer.
我们得知道你夏天会来弗罗里达吗
Are you coming?
你会来吗[双关语:你高♥潮♥了吗]
Marshall?
马修
Marshall, are you coming?
马修 你到底来不来呀
This isn't working.
一点用都没有
Where you going, son?
去哪儿 儿子
I'm...I'm going to...
我 我准备去
I'm...I'm going to...
我 我要去
Kids, to this day, your uncle Marshall is thankful
孩子们 时至今日 你们的马修叔叔依旧
for what Lily said next.
对莉莉当时的接话 心存感激
He's going to masturbate.
他要去打飞机
Lily!
莉莉
Marshall, just tell them what's going on.
马修 你就对他们实话实说吧
And so Marshall told his parents everything.
于是马修对他的爸妈一五一十地坦白
And so, now, I'm just scared
现在 我很担心
that we won't be able to give you a grandchild.
生怕你们会抱不上孙子
Aw, Marshall.
马修
Hey, we don't care about that one bit.
我们一点儿都不介意
And if you guys want kids,
而且如果你们俩想要孩子
there are other ways.
法子多着呢
Adoption.
领养
Maybe you have a good friend who could loan you some sperm?
又或是哪个好朋友能借点精♥子♥给你们
Maybe adoption.
还是领养吧
What I'm saying is,
我的重点是
we love you no matter what.
无论发生什么 我们都爱你
Now, why don't you pretend you're in high school,
好了 何不就假装你还是高中生
get back in that bathroom,
重新上阵 回浴室去
and "Blow dry your hair."
上演"把头发吹干"的把戏呢
Wait, you knew?
慢着 你们都知道
We didn't have a hair dryer, dear.
因为咱们家压根就没电吹风 宝贝儿
So?
进展如何
Possibly last day of work?
会是上班的最后一天吗
Actually, it was a good day.
实际上 今天过得不错
And I need more numbers
另外我需要更多
on how the holiday season impacted the economy.
有关节假日对经济的影响的数据
Sparkles, got anything on malls?
亮晶晶 商场那块的数据有吗
Actually, Sandy,
其实吧 桑迪
I have something I think you're all gonna want to see.
我有样你们都想一睹为快的好东西
Yes! Put him in a body bag!
这就对了 置之死地永不翻身
Okay, I didn't do it. What?
行了 我没这么干 什么
I didn't want to just viciously attack someone
我才不想恶毒地攻击别人
out of the blue like some kind of...
这样突如其来 像那种...
Owl? Exactly.
猫头鹰吗 正是
So, instead of taking your advice,
所以 恕不采纳您的建议
I took your advice.
我听从了你的忠告
That day, Robin decided to steer into the skid.
那天 罗宾决定顺势以博众人一笑
And though she never quite shook the nickname,
虽然她的绰号♥就此确立 且岿然不动
Sparkles went on to do very well at World Wide News.
但亮晶晶在《环球新闻》的工作却非常顺利
Especially after this happened.
尤其是在这一事件发生后
After his parents had gone back to Minnesota,
马修的父母回明尼苏达后
Marshall got the results of his test.
他的检查结果出来了
I'm afraid I have some very bad news, Marshall.
我恐怕有些坏消息 马修
Judging from the results of your test, it is...
从检查结果来看
It is very unlikely that you'll be able to father a child.
你很可能无法为人父了
Oh, God.
上帝啊
I know, I know.
我懂 我懂
It's just...
只是...
Now
现在
In some rare cases, a regimen change
极少例子证明 改变养生锻炼
can fix the problem,
颇能见效
So I'm recommending a spirited cardio routine.
所以个人推荐一份英勇无畏的有氧体锻表
Preferably with a partner.
有伴甚佳
Involving any light-based firearm activity
包括在三镇地区里
in the Tri-State area.
各种激光射击活动
Poughkeepsie, for example.
举个例子 比如波基普西地区
Have you heard of the gentlemen's sport
你有没有听说过一项绅士运动
known as laser tag?
被称之为真人CS呢
Surprise!
惊喜喔
Damn it, Barney!
该死 巴尼
What are you doing in here?
你在这里干什么
Think about it, Marshall.
考虑一下吧 马修
All entrants get 20% off at the snack bar!
所有参赛者在快餐部可享受八折优♥惠♥哦
Oh, BTW,
顺便问一声
the receptionist. What's her situation?
那个接待小姐 她能生育不
Go!
走开
Well, Marshall.
那么 马修
I've got your results.
结果出来了
And?
然后呢
Your sperm is fine.
你的精♥子♥没问题
My sperm is fine!
哥的精♥子♥没问题
Count, motility...
数量 游动性
everything's off the charts.
所有都好的不得了
You, sir, have got some strong swimmers.
阁下"精"力旺盛着呢
Bro, that is awesome.
兄弟 这可是大好事儿
Motility five!
游动击掌
Hey, can I borrow your phone?
手♥机♥借我一下 行不
I want to call my dad. Yeah, go ahead.
我想给我爸打个电♥话♥ 当然 去吧
Man, this is great.
天 这太棒了
I was expecting bad news.
我还以为会是个坏消息
I really was.
我真的曾这么以为
You're here! Oh, my God!
你来了 天啊
I love you so much! Can you believe it?
我爱死你了 我简直不敢相信
Marshall
马修
Something's happened.
家里出了点事儿
Your father
你♥爸♥爸
He had a heart attack.
他心脏病突发
He... He didn't make it.
他 他没能挺过去
My dad's dead?
我爸死了
I'm not ready for this.
我没想到 最终的坏消息会是这样
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