幻想快乐

Happy! S01E02

Part 1 June 30, 2020, 7:19 a.m.

幻想快乐第一季第二集
《幻想快乐》前情提要
Previously on "Happy!"
尼克·萨克斯
Nick Sax. u202d
真难相信我眼前的这个渣渣以前是整个警局
Hard to believe this piece of shit used to be the best detective
最棒的警探
in the whole department.
现在跟你通话的是受雇
Right now you're talking to the man who was hired
杀死斯卡拉穆奇兄弟的人
to kill the Scaramucci Brothers.
等等等等
Wait, wait, wait.
西西里的老唐
The Old Don in Sicily before he died,
他死之前给了我一串密♥码♥
he gave--he gave me a password.
是无价之宝
It's priceless.
尼克·萨克斯用他肥又脏的手指按了我的密♥码♥
Nick Sax has got his fat, grubby fingers on my password.
你是一个很棒的信息源
You're a great source of information.
我很清楚
Seems pretty clear that
知道这密♥码♥的人已经死路一条了要么更惨
whoever knows this password is as good as dead or worse.
小滑头
Smoothie?
我要拿你以儆效尤
I'm gonna set an example with you.
振作起来
Come on. Snap out of it.
我是乐乐
I'm...Happy!
♪快乐的小马马马♪
♪The happy horse, horse, horse♪
♪充满爱的小马没错没错♪
♪So full of love, of course, of course♪
你不是真的
You're not real.
当然不是我是海莉幻想中的朋友
Of course not. I'm Haley's imaginary friend.
全世界最可爱的小姑娘
The sweetest, most adorable little girl in the whole world.
但是她有大♥麻♥烦了
But she's in real bad trouble,
只有你能帮我救她
and you're the only one that can help me save her.
海莉
Haley!
你好玛丽能借一下你的车吗
Oh, hey, Merry. Can I borrow your car?
我本来不想告诉你的尼克
I didn't wanna tell you, Nick.
海莉是你的女儿
Haley is your daughter.
拜托这是个网络节目
Come on, now. This is a network show.
我和那个脑洞婊说过了好吗
I told that ratchet, all right?
我告诉你们这帮傻哔
And I'm telling y'all motherers.
我不是有小孩要照顾的爸爸
I ain't no mothering baby daddy!
杰瑞·施普林格主持这孩子不是我的
-滚蛋吧 -你
- Suck my dick! - You!
这小孩不是我的
It's not mine!
我做这个节目已经有27年了
You know, I've been doing this show 27 years.
我从来没听到过这样的事
I've never heard that before.
拜托杰瑞
Come on, Jerry!
杰瑞杰瑞看看她
Jerry, Jerry, Jerry! Man, look at that,
再看看我看看
and then look at this. Look at this!
我不可能会和她上♥床♥
I would never hit that , man!
-我不可能会和她上♥床♥ -我会
- I would never hit that! - I'll hit that!
那小孩现在是你的
That's your baby now.
这是你的孩子好好看看
This is your baby! Look at this!
-看看 -那不是我的孩子
- Look at this! - That's not my baby!
-看看这张照片 -从这里滚出去
- Yeah, look! Look at this! - Get out of here, man.
我们会弄清
Well, we're gonna find out
到底是谁上了谁但首先
who hit what and from what end, but first--
有请另一位不承认孩子是自己的人生赢家
Here's another winner at life who claims the kid ain't his.
掌声欢迎尼克·萨克斯
Give it up for Nick Sax.
我压根不知道我为什么会在这儿
I got no idea why I'm even here.
你并不是真的在这里
Well, you're not really here.
杰瑞·施普林格
这只是个比喻
This is a metaphor.
-你刚和死亡擦身而过 -是的
- You've experienced a near death bodily trauma. - Yeah.
濒死前得知了身为男人能听到的最好的消息
After hearing the best news any guy can ever hear.
让我们为这位新晋爸爸鼓掌
Let's give a nice hand to the new papa.
抱歉让你们失望了我谁的爸爸都不是
Sorry to disappoint. I ain't nobody's daddy.
你怎么能确定你下面射的是空炮吗
How can you be so sure? You shooting blanks?
想到你干的是那行你射不了还挺好笑的
Which is pretty funny, considering your line of work.
任何所谓的"勃起功能有障碍"的情况
Look, any alleged incidents of erectile dysfunction--
都是很最近才发生在我身上的
that I am in no way admitting to--
在这儿事之前我并不承认
would be a fairly recent development from me,
而且这事有什么屁关系
and totally beside the point.
我告诉你我不该在这个地方
I'm telling you I don't belong here.
我唯一的种
The only thing I am a father to
是我结肠里棒球那么大的一坨东西
is a baseball-size colonic impasse
每多说一句屁♥眼♥的大事就越来越不秒
that's getting worse every minute of this conversation.
杰瑞·施普林格
我们后台的绿房♥间里有一位可爱的女士
Well, there's a lovely lady backstage in our green room
她显然关于这件事有不同的版本
who frankly has a different version of events.
你甚至不忍♥心直视她是吗尼克
You can't even bear to look at her, can you, Nick?
-你在逃避什么 -说得对
- What are you running from? - Yeah!
别误会
So, don't take this the wrong way,
但你看起来需要点
but looks like someone needs a little--
行了我承认你是真的
All righty, now. I accept you.
你不是我的幻觉也不是我的潜意识
You're not a hallucination. You're not my subconscious
因为我曾经的罪过来强♥奸♥我的大脑
trying to dry rape me for all my past sins.
-你是真的 -幻想中的朋友
- You're real. - Imaginary friend.
听我说我以前看到有个人嗑天使粉嗑高了
Listen to me. I once saw a man high on PCP
他在时代广场正中♥央♥把自己的蛋蛋扯了下来
rip off his own testicles in the middle of Times Square.
你能懂我的意思吗
Do you know what I'm trying to say to you?
我想说我见过疯狂的事
I'm saying I've seen some crazy shit.
所以我接受你的存在
So I accept it. You exist.
你在这里
You're here.
或许有个小女孩在某个地方
There's probably a little girl somewhere out there
真的非常需要她爸爸
who needs her daddy real goddamned bad.
你应该去找他因为我不是他
And you should go find him. 'Cause I ain't him.
你就是他尼克她是你女儿
You are him, Nick. And she's yours.
我的天
My God.
这牙齿
Those teeth.
这喷张鼻孔和眼睛珠子
Those flared nostrils and beady eyes.
有点惹人喜爱又如此可怕
It's somehow endearing, and yet so, so horrible.
你怎么会...
How do you even--
算了
Nah, forget it.
寻找海莉·汉森
寻找海莉·汉森
寻人启事
健治·马丁斯
你看见我了吗
有人吗有人在吗
Hello? Anybody there?
我在
I'm here.
你好
Hi.
你知道我们在哪吗
Do you know where we are?
不知道
No.
-你是谁 -海莉·汉森
- Who are you? - Hailey Hansen.
你叫什么
What's your name?
你还在吗
Are you there?
-在 -他伤害你了吗
- Yeah. - Has he hurt you?
他不喜欢我们交谈
He doesn't like us talking.
他认为我们会做坏事
He thinks we're gonna do something bad.
比如试图逃跑
Like try to run away.
他不想让我们回到父母身边
He doesn't want us to go back to our parents.
他想要什么
What does he want?
他想让我们做小孩子
He wants us to stay little kids.
他想让我们永远都做小孩子
He wants us to stay little kids forever.
贾布朗斯基女士
Mrs. Jablonski.
是我萨克斯那是烹饪喷雾剂吗
It's me, Sax. Is that cooking spray?
萨克斯医生
Oh, Dr. Sax.
没戴戒指
Oh, and no ring.
我要把你介绍给我孙女儿
I'm gonna introduce you to my granddaughter.
高兴死了
Thrilled.
你越小心越好医生
You can't be too careful, Doctor.
这附近曾经十分安宁
This used to be a nice neighborhood,
-直到他们的到来 -那些坏人
- before all them, you know. - Bad hombres.
-潜伏在四周 -对
- Skulking around. - Yeah.
我之前听说他们会爬防火梯
I heard them climbing the fire escape earlier.
防火梯
Fire escape.
亲爱的我回来了
Honey, I'm home.
惊喜吗男孩们
Surprise! Hey, boys!
搞什么气球和妓♥女♥都没有吗
What the hell? No balloons, no hookers?
拜托这算哪门子的欢送会
Come on. What kind of going away party is this?
我想谢谢你们没有搞乱我的公♥寓♥