直言无讳（2015）

我当时在五金店买♥♥杀虫喷雾
I was at the hardware store getting ant spray,
努力回想马克·斯特兰德写的一首诗
tried to remember this poem by Mark Strand.
"我打开家庭相册 望着小男孩时的自己
"I open the family album and look at myself as a boy.
那有什么用"
What good does it do?"
你能记住诗 却把钥匙给丢了
You can remember poetry, but you lose your keys.
是啊 我出门到了停车场
I guess so. When I went out to the parking lot,
钥匙就不见了 所以我坐出租车来的
the keys were gone, so I took an Uber here.
真抱歉
I'm so sorry.
我们很久没在你办公室做♥爱♥了
You know, we haven't made love in your office in a long time.
"'伤痛带来的最大好处' 梅林回道
"'The best thing for being sad,' replied Merlin,
'是总能学到东西
'is to learn something.
这一点才是亘古不变的
That is the only thing that never fails.
或许你会错失唯一的爱人
You may miss your only love,
或许你会目睹周遭的世界
you may see the world about you
被恶魔毁于一旦
devastated by evil lunatics,
或者知晓你的荣耀在卑鄙小人的脑子里
or know your honor trampled in the sewers
被践踏得一文不值
of baser minds.
那么你唯一的对策
There is only one thing for it then,
就是从中学习'"
to learn.'"
谢谢 谢谢
Thank you. Thank you.
我不想听解释 斯通先生
I don't want a explanation, Mr. Stone.
你必须让我们进你的办公室
You have to let us in your office.
我已经给你发过邮件了
Now, I've been emailing you.
我是打算给你回信来着
And I meant to write you back.
清洁工说都已经七个月了
The cleaning staff says it's been seven months.
你自己给门上锁违反了消防规范条例
It's against fire code to put your own lock on the door.
我不喜欢陌生人来我办公室摸东摸西
I don't like strangers in my office touching things.
特别是在他们清洁过厕所之后
Especially after they've been cleaning the bathroom.
-斯通先生 -他们不洗手
- Mr. Stone-- - People don't wash their hands.
腹泻就是这么传染的
That's how diarrhea gets spread.
腹泻
Diarrhea?
就像如果我把手放到你的桌子上
Like if I put my hand on your desk
然后我又不假思索地
and then I put a finger in my mouth
将手指伸进嘴里 这种事常有发生
without thinking, which happens all the time--
你干什么呢 快停下
What are you doing? Stop that.
我只是想现场演示
I'm just trying to demonstrate
如果你桌子上有腹泻传染因子
that if there's diarrhea on your desk,
那我刚刚就把它给吃进去了
I just put it in my mouth.
我桌子上没有腹泻传染因子
There is no diarrhea on my desk.
在一个完美世界里
In a perfect world.
这事拖得够久了
This has gone on long enough.
我要直接找维修部的人把你的办公室撬开
I'll have maintenance let me in your office.
别 别这样
Hold it. Whoa, whoa, whoa.
等一下
Wait, um...
跟我说什么桌上的腹泻因子
Tell me about diarrhea on my desk.
你在这儿干什么
What are you doing here?
你怎么通过安检的
How did you get past security?
没看到我脸上的微笑吗
Have you seen my smile?
你不可以不打招呼就随便过来
Well, you shouldn't have come here without asking me first.
-那是跟踪狂的行为 -我怎么跟你打招呼
- That's stalking. - How am I supposed to ask you?
我给你发了好几十条短♥信♥
I've sent you dozens of texts.
你一条也不回我
You haven't responded to any of them.
因为你已经结婚了
Well, you're a married man.
结婚并不代表我没有感情了
Doesn't mean I don't have feelings.
听我说 跟你在一起的感觉非常好
Listen, it was very nice with you.
实际上 是极其美好
Wonderful, actually.
但这只是一♥夜♥情♥
But it was a one-time thing.
我不想伤害另一个女人
I don't want to hurt another woman.
不不不 我跟你说过我们分居了
No, no, no. I told you we're separated.
是 我们还住在同一栋房♥子里
Y-yeah, we still live in the same house,
但是在同一栋房♥子里也可以分居啊
but you can be together and be separated.
怎么分 变魔术吗
How would you do that, magic?
没错
Yes.
让我告诉你我喜欢你的地方
Let me tell you what I love about you.
我喜欢你说你喜欢吃美国巧克力
I love that you say that you like American chocolate.
尽管我们都知道英国巧克力更好
Although we both know it's not as good as the British chocolate.
我喜欢你本可以终止我们的约会
I love that you could have waved the flag on not dating me,
但却没有 你决定给彼此一次机会
but you didn't. You took a shot.
而且决定之前你还真的喝酒壮了胆
And that before the date you actually took a shot.
我喜欢你皱着鼻子的样子
I love that you get that little crinkle above your nose
因为我正用蹩脚的魔术表达感情
'cause I'm expressing myself through lame magic tricks.
我喜欢你是清晨第一个
I love that you're the first person
抽我卡牌的人
I want to pick a card in the morning
也是夜晚最后一个抽我卡牌的人
and the last person I want to pick a card at night.
你应该厌卷到提起卡牌就想吐了吧
And you're probably sick of all the card tricks.
我今天来找你是因为我意识到
I came here today because I realized
你和我 我们心灵相通[有根大♥麻♥烟]
that you and I, we have a joint connection.
当你手里有根大♥麻♥烟时
And when you have a joint connection,
你总会迫不及待地点燃享用它
you kind of want that joint to start as soon as possible.
-这是真的珍珠吗 -当然是真的
- Are those real? - Of course they are.
-是古董呢 -我跟你说过我喜欢珍珠
- They're vintage. - I told you I love pearls.
你花了多少钱啊
How much did those cost?
魔术师从不泄露自己的秘密
Oh, a magician never reveals his secrets.
不过我想让你惊喜一下 两千块呢
But I do want to impress you. $2,000.
你好
Hello.
你是我儿子的音乐老师吧
You're my son's music teacher.
我是沃尔特·布伦特
I'm Walter Blunt.
我刚洗完手 不能握手
I just washed my hands. I shouldn't shake.
我不介意握湿的手
I don't mind a wet hand.
说起来挺有意思的
You know, it's funny,
根据我的假释条件
given the terms of my parole,
我可能不应该用那个洗手间的
I probably shouldn't even be using that bathroom.
我很抱歉 这只是个玩笑
Oh, I'm sorry. That was a joke.
你的儿子非常聪明 沃尔特
Your son is very talented, Walter.
见到你很高兴
It's nice to meet you.
你好吗
Hi, how are ya?
还不错 回头见
All right, see you, okay.
很亲密啊
That was very intimate.
你在和莫比混♥蛋♥约会吗
Are you dating Moby-Dick?
他只是莫比 没有混♥蛋♥
It's just Moby. No Dick.
是的 我们在约会
And, yes, I am.
你们啥时候开始的
And when did this happen?
沃尔特 我们离婚了 这不关你的事
Walter, we're divorced. It's none of your business.
这是我的事 我不想让我的儿子
Yes, it is my business. I don't want my son exposed
暴露在一个吸毒堕落的摇滚歌♥手下
to a debauched rock star who's doing drugs.
他是素食主义者
He's a vegan
而且他很清醒 不像你
and he's sober. Unlike you.
伯蒂的家长吗 你们现在可以进来了
Bertie's parents? You can come in now.
我要给你看一些可能有问题的东西
I need to show you something that could be a problem.
《早安 乔》的报道跟我
Morning Joe did the exact same story
为今晚的卫生专题写的一模一样 你看
I produced for the health segment tonight. Read it.
-这很奇怪 -是啊
- That is odd. - Yeah.
微软全国广播公♥司♥用了你的粪便镶嵌报道
MSNBC did your fecal impaction story.
可能这只是时代潮流吧
Probably just zeitgeist.
我承认粪便镶嵌疗法是时代潮流
Fecal impaction therapy is very zeitgeist, I admit,
但是致死的现代食物和坏死的结肠之间的联♥系♥
but the way they linked dead modern foods and dead colons,
跟我的太像了 太奇怪了
it's too weird and similar.
肯定有人在我们昨晚离开后泄露了我的报道
Someone must have leaked my story after we left last night.
我要去告诉罗莎莉
I'm telling Rosalie.
这是时代潮流 你得了妄想症
It's zeitgeist. You're being paranoid.
现在不行 雪莉 我们很忙
Not now, Shelly. We're busy.
-但是《早安 乔》 -你可以等等
- But Morning Joe-- - It can wait.
你是马丁吗
Are you Martin?
我听过你的很多事情
Oh, I've heard a lot about you.
罗莎莉
Rosalie.
我无法信任你和他单独相处
I can't trust you to be alone with him.
你甚至不能照顾好你自己
You can't even take care of yourself.
-这不是事实 -这就是事实
- That's not true. - It is true.
我知道你的惯用手段 沃尔特
I know your pattern, Walter.
福兰克群岛的周年纪念日快到了
The anniversary of the Falklands is coming up.