年轻的教宗（2016）

皮特和我将十分荣幸
And for Peter and I would be an honor.
很高兴见到你小家伙 庇护十四世
Pleasure to make your acquaintance, Mr. Pius XIV.
我们不能记得自己还是婴儿时的味道
It's a pity we can't remember what we smelled like
实为遗憾
when we were babies.
但是我却记得我的父母的味道
I do remember what my parents smelled like.
他长得像你
He takes after you.
但是如果你仔细地看 他也有点像
But if you look closely, he also takes a little...
不 他是个很漂亮的婴儿
No. He's a very good-looking baby.
很像他妈妈
He resembles his mother.
教宗大人
Holy Father.
请原谅我 我真是太蠢了
Forgive me. I'm such a fool.
我的双手只知道如何祝福人们
My hands only know how to bless people.
-没事了 教宗大人 他没事-我真是个蠢货
- It's all right,(holy father) nothing happened. - I'm such an idiot.
我们都要慢慢去习惯新事物 教宗大人
We all have to get used to new things, Holy Father.
-没什么-是的你是对的 皮特
- Nothing happened. - Yes, yes you're right, Peter.
瓦伦特 你要告诉我什么
Valente, was there something you wanted to tell me?
教宗大人 意大利的总理
Holy Father, the Italian Prime Minister
正在梵蒂冈等候您
is waiting for you in the Vatican.
当然了 我差点忘了
Of course, it had slipped my mind.
埃丝特 我得走了
Esther, I must go.
我的头脑要去进行会面了
In my head, I'll be at this audience
但我的心不会离开这里
but in my heart I'll never have left this room.
真是令人惊讶
It's surprising to see how a young woman,
看到一位年轻女人刚刚生完孩子
just moments after having a child,
就这么变成了一位母亲
can be transformed into a mother.
总理先生 请允许我先提醒您关于这位教宗的
Mr. Prime Minister, please allow me to recommend extreme caution
一些事情
with the Pope.
据我了解
The information I've received
比起圣人 他更像是个恶魔
suggests that he's more diabolical than saintly.
很好 他算是棋逢对手了
Excellent! He's finally meeting his match.
主教大人
Eminence!
欢迎您 总理先生 教宗大人已恭候多时
Welcome, Mr. Prime Minister, the Holy Father is expecting you.
-多谢-这边请
- Thanks. - This way please.
-早上好-早上好
- Good morning. - Good morning.
早上好
Good morning.
早上好
Good morning.
-早上好-早上好
- Good morning. - Good morning.
-早上好-早上好
- Good morning. - Good morning.
我们会迟到的
We'll be late for the audience!
早上好
Good morning.
您睡着了吗 教宗大人
Are you asleep, Holy Father?
不 总理先生 我在为您祈祷
No, Mr. Prime Minister. I'm praying for you,
您真是体贴
That's very thoughtful of you.
非常感谢您相隔九个月
And thanks very much for giving me this audience,
就再次接见我
after just nine months.
我没想到您会治理这个国家这么久
I didn't think you'd be running the Country this long.
于是我对自己说 何苦呢
I said to myself: Why bother?
但我错了
But I was wrong.
那么 我们的意大利最近怎么样啊
Well, how is this Italy of ours doing?
好得多了 多亏了我
Much better, thanks to me.
-您这么认为的-是的
- You think so? - Yes.
我认为恰恰相反
I think just the opposite.
你想做到 好得多
You wanna to do "Much better",
或许你该牢记以下要求
perhaps you should keep firmly in mind this list of requests.
几分钟前我匆忙的记下了这些
I jotted it down in a hurry just a few minutes ago.
如有任何的遗漏
If there's anything I've left off,
我会再加上去
I can certainly add it to the list.
你很快就会收到的
I make sure you receive it promptly.
对天主教家庭加大扶持
Greater assistance to Catholic families,
禁止事实婚姻
no to common law marriages,
禁止同性婚姻
no to gay marriages,
对天主教学校增加拨款
more money to Catholic schools,
提高税收 增加教廷的银行利益
further tax and banking benefits to the Holy See,
严禁任何理由的堕胎
absolute prohibition of abortion in all cases,
严禁任何理由的离婚
absolute prohibition of divorce in all cases,
禁止任何接受安乐死的尝试
no to any temptation to accept euthanasia,
限制宗教信仰自♥由♥
restrictions on the religious freedom
尤其是穆♥斯♥林♥教和印度教
of Muslims and Hindus,
有关拉特兰条约的二次讨论
a reopening of discussions on the Lateran Pacts,
1929年由意大利王国与圣座订立
自此承认梵蒂冈城完整主♥权♥
重新审视梵蒂冈的领土边界
a full review of the territorial boundaries of the Vatican State.
这最后一项真是颇有建设性 我必须承认
This last request really is remarkable, I have to admit.
我竟然不知道您有扩张的野心
I didn't know that you had expansionistic ambitions.
但是我早就听说
But I was told before
现在这位新教宗很有意思
coming that this new Pope is a very funny man.
但是他们忘了告诉你这个新任教宗
But did they forget to inform you that this new Pope
是一个远比你聪慧的人吗
is a man who's far more intelligent than you?
没有 因为不是这样
No. Because it isn't true.
您知道我和您
Do you know what the
之间的区别吗 教宗大人
difference is between me and you, Holy Father?
说说吧
Let's hear.
区别就是我以41%的选票获胜
The difference is that I was elected with 41% of the votes.
这41%是真实存在的
That 41% exists.
而您是被上帝选择的
You were elected by God.
上帝是否真实存在尚不确定
And it's not a sure thing that God exists.
好吧
Fine!
还有另外一个因素值得您注意
There's another element worthy of your consideration:
万一上帝突然出现
Just in case God does happen to exist,
您知道想要把那41%的选票抹除
do you know how long it would take Him to wipe
要花费多长时间吗
that 41% off the face of the earth?
并且上帝要怎么根除那41%
And where will God eradicate that 41%?
在下次选举投票的时候吗
At the polls in the next election?
还是他们在家里看电视的时候
Or in their homes while they're watching TV?
甚至是在他们的睡梦中吗
Or perhaps in their sleep!
在下次选举投票时
At the polls in the next election.
而且 我 作为一名天主教教宗
And what's more: I, as the vicar of Christ,
将乐于帮助上帝消除那41%
will be happy to help God eradicating that 41%.
而且你如果还要继续装傻
And if don't stop playing the idiot,
我就不得不向您证明上帝的真实存在了
I'm gonna be forced to prove to you that God does exists.
让我来向您解释清楚 教宗大人-请
Let me explain something to you, Holy Father. - Please.
您的要求在历史的某些时刻
Your demands might have some basis in fact
可能会有可考的基础
at any other point in history.
在历史上教堂曾一度
At a point in history when the Church was stronger
要比现在更为强大
than it is right now,
那时的意大利政♥治♥方程会很感激
the Italian political equation would have been obliged
并认真考虑您的请求的
to take your demands under serious consideration.
就像过去那样
The way it always has in the past.
但现在 我们来简析一下您的教宗生涯 圣父大人
But now let us briefly analyze your Papacy, Holy Father.
在过去的九个月里您一直
In the past nine months you have never shown yourself
都没在信徒面前露面
to the faithful,
您没有在圣彼得广场为进行哪怕一次祷告
you have not recited a single Angelus in St. Peter's Square,
您没有和任何人进行过交流
you have not communicated with anyone,
您只是龟缩在你那小山丘上的宫殿里
you have simply retreated into your palace on the hill
用简短的电报式的公告
and you have threatened and terrorized the faithful,
来威胁和恐吓你的教众
through your terse and telegraphic communiqués
梵蒂冈观察家报如此评价
in L'Osservatore Vaticano,
您根本就是离经叛道逆行倒施
with obscurantist and retrograde theses.
结果就是
The result has been that,
据大量备受重视的研究显示
according to a number of highly respected studies,
意大利的天主教♥徒♥已集体对教廷产生了摈弃之感
Italian Catholics have turned away from the Church en masse.
这些新的进展不仅使我可以断然无视你的要求
This new development not only allows me to ignore your requests,
甚至还提供了一个极佳的机会
but it gives me an even greater opportunity:
终于能使意大利更具现代化了
Finally to modernize Italy.
不必惧怕任何报复
Without fear of retaliation or the risk
或失去选票的风险 我也可以重审那千分之八的教会税
of losing support among voters, I can review the colossal fraud
这一极大的欺诈行为 最后对每个教区进行
of the eight per thousand Church tax, finally imposing
惩处性质的增税 并且 最重要的一点
punitive taxes on the dioceses, and, most important of all,
我总算可以把这个国家从政客对自己的选区进行拨款的索求
I can finally free the country from the pork barrels,
种种绊脚石 和罗马天主教会在
stumbling blocks, and vetoes of the Holy Roman Church
安乐死 事实婚姻 同性恋 堕胎 科研这些方面的否决权
in the areas of euthanasia, common law marriages,