宋飞正传（1990）

我说的是脑子里的那个小人 专门负责监控你说的每句话
You know that little guy in your head who watches everything you say?
那小子喝咖啡去了！ 他一跑，我的生活就毁了！
He went for a cup of coffee. And, in that second, ruined my life.
我那个小子两年前就跑了
My censor quit two years ago.
去诊所看了看 医生说是情绪不堪重负
Checked into a clinic, emotionally exhausted.
有什么办法可以解决伊莲的事吗？
So is there any way out of this Elaine thing?
难啊
Tough.
我们楼的水压很糟糕 而她又喜欢洗个好澡
Water pressure's terrible in my building. She loves a good shower.
没听过有人因为水压过低而拒绝一间公♥寓♥
Never heard of anyone turning down an apartment because of weak showers.
要是那种酷爱洗澡的人 也许就有可能了
If they were fanatic about showers, they might.
就这点租金 叫她在厕所水箱里洗澡她都乐意
For that rent, she'd take a bath in the toilet tank if she had to.
看那个喂孩子的女人
Look at this woman feeding her baby...
竟然拿咖啡店里油腻又恶心的 咸牛肉马铃薯泥喂宝宝
...greasy, disgusting,coffee-shop corned beef hash.
那算不算虐待童？
Isn't that child abuse?
我倒想要个孩子
I'd like to have a kid.
当然，得先有个约会才行
Of course, you have to have a date first.
记得我那个底特律的朋友亚当吗？
Remember my friend Adam from Detroit?
记得，那个脑袋平平的家伙 - 他脑袋明明是方的
Yeah, the guy with the flat head. - He's a cube.
总之，他六个月前结婚了
Anyway, he got married about six months ago.
他说自打他戴上结婚戒指以后
Ever since he's worn a wedding band...
到哪都特别有女人缘
...women have been coming on to him everywhere.
这说法我也听过 - 我怀疑是不是真的
I've heard that about wedding bands. - I wonder if that's really true.
我们做个有趣的社会学试验吧
That'd be an interesting sociological experiment.
克莱默爸爸的婚戒在他手上呢 他会借给你的
You know, Kramer has his father's band. He'd loan it to you.
多谢了，一周之内一定奉还
Hey, thanks a lot. I'll give it back in a week.
我搞不懂你干吗要带着个戒指到处游荡
I don't know why you're fooling around with this ring.
我说过多少次了 去找女人搞上几次
I've been telling you,get yourself some plugs or a piece...
或者去找个炮♥友♥ - 我才不要这样
...or a piece. - I'm not doing that.
哦，天哪，你真是疯了 你长这么帅
Oh, man. You know, you're crazy. You're a good-looking guy.
何必非要这样四处游荡？
What do you want to walk around like that for?
是啊，我应该像你那样往头上抹半瓶摩丝
No, I'll put a half a can of mousse in my head like you.
我说过了我要的不是这种海绵 这种太小了！
I told you I don't like these sponges. They're too small.
我要的是大个海绵！
I want a big sponge!
这么小有什么用？ 什么也吸收不了啊
You can't pick up anything. There's no absorption.
伙计们，伙计们
Boys, boys.
嗨，杰瑞
Hi, Jerry.
你好，杰瑞
Hello, Jerry.
好吧
Okay.
知道了
Okay.
你朋友不能租那间公♥寓♥了，杰瑞
Your friend can't have the apartment, Jerry.
什么？ - 因为有人提出付曼尼…
What? - Because somebody offered Manny...
5000美元租那间公♥寓♥
...$5000 for the apartment.
这怪不得我，是曼尼要这样
I don't want to do it. Manny wants to do it.
因为这是事实！ 我凭什么不能告诉他？
Because it's true. Why shouldn't I tell him?
好了，好了，我能理解 你们是生意人嘛
Hey, hey, I understand. You're businessmen.
好吧，好吧
Okay, okay.
现在他说，假如你的朋友也能付5000 我们就租给她
Now he says that if your friend has $5000, we'll give it to her.
这可不是个小数目…
That's a lot of money...
不过事已至此，也只能这样了
...but if that's the way it's gotta be, that's the way it's gotta be.
我过去认为宇宙…
You know, I used to think that the universe...
只是无聊事件的任意无序排列
...is a random, chaotic sequence of meaningless events.
但现在我认为一切都是冥冥之中注定的
But I see now that there is reason and purpose to all things.
你怎么回事？
What happened to you?
信仰，朋友，我找到信仰了
Religion, my friend. That's what happened to me.
我刚被告知伊莲得花…
Because I have just been informed that it's going to cost Elaine...
总共5000美元才能租到那间公♥寓♥
...the sum of $5000 to get the apartment upstairs.
5000美元？她哪有那么多钱
Five thousand dollars? She doesn't have $5000.
她当然没有 - 也就是说她不可能租到了
Of course she doesn't. - So she can't get the apartment.
租不到了 - 也就是说她不会搬进来了
Can't get it. - She doesn't move in.
搬不成了
No move.
明白了吧？冥冥之中都安排好了
So you see? It's all part of a divine plan.
那我这秃头咋没被安排好呢？
And how does the baldness fit into that plan?
伊莲吗？ - 是我
Elaine? - Yeah.
好了
All right.
我得秀一下我的卓越演技了
This is gonna require some great acting now.
我得装出一副很失望的样子
I have to pretend I'm disappointed.
接下来我要开始装腔作势了 别看不下去
So you'll see me really being a phoney. I hope you can take this.
或者你还是别在这屋里呆着了
You should go in the other room.
有没有搞错！我每时每刻都在说谎
Are you kidding? I lie every second of the day.
我整个生活就是一个大骗局
My whole life is a sham.
你知道我爱伊莲！ - 当然
Because I love Elaine. - Of course you do.
但是，你知道，一起住就不行了
But, you know, not in the building.
真的，我感到很内疚 但我本意是好的
Really, I feel terrible about this. My intentions were good.
我又能怎样呢？你倒是说说看
What can I do? Tell me.
不用了，我会去看你的
No. I'll be seeing you.
你有没有试过某天早上一睁开眼 突然发现生活是如此的美好
Have you ever gotten up in the morning and felt that it's great to be alive?
每一次呼吸都是天赐之物
That every breath is a gift of sweet life from above.
在我忘记之前…
Before I forget...
我把支付第一个月，最后一个月 以及押金的支票都带来了
...I have the checks for the first month,last month,security deposit.
我账上只有75美元了
I have $7 5 left in my account.
呃，出了点小问题
Well, there's a little bit of a problem.
哦，我知道，淋浴喷头水压太小
Oh, I know. There's a weak shower spray.
我都想好了，我以后改泡澡了
I've already thought about it. I am switching to baths.
温斯顿·丘吉尔说过 “既然能坐何苦站着？”
Winston Churchill said, "Why stand when you can sit?"
兴许我该去买♥♥点橡皮鸭子
（橡皮鸭子，外国小孩泡澡时的玩具）
Maybe I'll get some rubber duckies.
不是，有人出5000块租那间公♥寓♥
No. Someone offered Harold and Manny 5000 for the apartment.
我想他们更愿意把公♥寓♥租给你
They'd just as soon give it to you...
前提是你得支付同样的价钱
...but you would have to come up with that money.
5000美元？
Five thousand dollars?
我没那么多钱 - 我知道
I don't have $5000. - I know.
我去哪弄那么多钱啊？
How am I gonna get $5000?
我也不知道
I have no idea.
嘿！新邻居
Hey! My new neighbour.
做不成邻居了
I'm not moving in.
什么？ - 他们现在要我付5000美元
What? - They want $5000 now.
好吧，这有什么问题？
So okay, what's the problem?
我没那么多钱
I don't have $5000.
振作点，你肯定能凑到5000美元
Oh, come on! You can come up with $5000.
杰瑞，你就不能借她5000美元吗？
Jerry, you don't have $5000 you can lend her?
拜托
Come on.
嗯，呃，我没有…我是说…
Yeah, well, I didn't... I mean...
你真想借这么多钱吗？
Is that something you want to borrow?
不，我不可能借这么多钱
No, that's too much money to borrow.
借给她吧，你又不是没有
Loan her the money. You can afford it.
问题是她不想借
She doesn't want to borrow the money.
得了吧，她会还你的 5000块钱对于朋友算什么啊
Oh, come on. She'll pay you back. What's 5 grand between friends?
我肯定会还的 - 就是
Of course I'd pay you back. - Yeah.
好了，还有什么问题？
So, what's the problem?
谁说有问题了？ - 看见没？
Who said there's a problem? - See?
他答应借钱给你了 - 听着，杰瑞…
He said he'd loan you the money. - Well, now, Jerry...
我还钱可能要花些日子
...it might take a while for me to pay you back.
也许得几年，你真的不介意？
Maybe a few years. How do you feel about that?
这有什么，他肯定不介意
It's okay. He doesn't care.
你知道，有时候亲兄弟都要明算账呢
You know, money can sometimes come between friends.
得了吧 - 让我先考虑一下
Get out of here. - Well, let me think about it.
还有什么好考虑的？ - 我怎么知道，5000美元不是小数目
What's there to think about? - I don't know. Five thousand?
让我再去看一眼那间公♥寓♥
Let me just take one more look at it.
本来都没事了
It was all over.
搞定，完事，结束了
Taken care of. Done. Finished.
5000美元，她去哪弄这么多钱？ 她没有这么多钱
Five thousand. Where was she gonna get 5000? She doesn't have 5000.
这不结了吗，拜拜，她不用搬进来了
Clean. Goodbye. She's gone.
然后你跑进来 “你借给她5000块不就得了？”
Then you come in. "Why don't you loan her 5000?
“你有什么好在乎的？ 你又不是没钱，借给她就是了！”
What do you care? You got 5000. Give her 5000!"
你不想她搬进来？ - 是，我不想
You didn't want her in the building? - No, I didn't.
那你借钱给她干什么？
Then what did you loan her the $5000 for?
呃，也许她不想借呢
Well, look, maybe she won't take it.
她说了要考虑一下的
She did say that she was gonna think about it.
人是不会拒绝钱的 这正是人和动物的区别所在
People don't turn down money. It's what separates us from the animals.
不过我还是不明白她搬进来有什么问题
Yeah, well, I don't understand what the problem is having her in the building.
我来解释给你听
Let me explain something to you.
你知道…