宋飞正传（1990）

Yeah. l told him all the time.
你不会相信他的浴盆有多脏
You would not have believed his tub.
细菌都在那建城安家了
Germs were building a town in there.
它们甚至在那建了办公室
They were constructing offices.
靠近排水沟的房♥子只要15万美元
Houses near the drain were going for $1 50,000.
嗨
Hi.
你还在想那件事？
You're still thinking about this?
她在午夜12点约我上去喝咖啡
She invites me up at 1 2:00 at night for coffee.
而我竟然没上去
And l don't go up.
“不了 谢谢”
'' No, thank you.
“我晚上不喝咖啡”
l don't want coffee.
“会睡不着的”
lt keeps me up.
“太晚了 我不喝咖啡”
Too late for me to drink coffee.''
我是这么跟她说的
l said this to her.
像我这么蠢的人根本没资格活在这世上
People this stupid shouldn't be allowed to live.
我都不敢想她会怎么看我
l can't imagine what she must think of me.
她只会觉得你是个不喜欢喝咖啡的男人
She thinks you're a guy that doesn't like coffee.
喝咖啡不是重点！重点是她请我上去！
She invited me up! Coffee's not coffee.
咖啡代表的是滚床单 - 可能她只是想叫你喝咖啡呢
Coffee is sex. -Maybe coffee was coffee.
早晨的咖啡代表真的想喝咖啡 午夜的咖啡就不是了
Coffee's coffee in the morning, not at 1 2:00 at night.
有人就喜欢晚上喝咖啡啊
Some people drink coffee that late.
你说的是在北美防空联合司令部 24小时监控导弹的人吧
Yeah, people who work at NORAD who are on 24-hour missile watch.
原本一切都进行得很顺利 她也笑得很开心
Everything was going along so great. She was laughing.
我很幽默
l was funny.
我一直跟自己说 “保持住 别搞砸了 你做得很好”
l kept saying to myself, '' Keep it up, don't blow it. You're doing great.''
这全是你的片面想法 她只会觉得玩得很开心
lt's all in your head. All she knows is she had a good time.
我觉得你应该给她打电♥话♥ - 我不能现在打给她 太快了
l think you should call her. -l can't call her now. lt's too soon.
我打算周三打给她
l'm planning a Wednesday call.
为什么？收到第二天对方的电♥话♥最开心了
Why? l love it when guys call me the next day.
你当然会 但你想像的是一个你喜欢的家伙
Of course you do, but you're imagining a guy you like.
而不是一个会说 “不 我晚上不喝咖啡”的男人
Not a guy who goes, '' No. l don't drink coffee late at night.''
如果我现在打给她 她会觉得我是很粘人
lf l call her now, she's gonna think l'm needy.
女人不喜欢男人粘人
Women don't want to see need.
女人想要的是有主见的男人 比如上校 、皇帝 、沙皇
They want a take-charge guy, a colonel, a Kaiser, a czar.
她只会觉得你喜欢她
All she'll think is that you like her.
这正是我想极力避免的
That's exactly what l'm trying to avoid.
她想要你喜欢她
She wants you to like her.
是 前提是她喜欢我 但她并不喜欢我
Yes, she wants me to like her, if she likes me, but she doesn't like me.
真不知道你父母对你做了什么
l don't know what your parents did to you.
嗨
Hey.
我刚为你的表演想出了个好主意
Hey. l just thought of a really funny thing for your act.
听我说 你在那 在台上说
All right. You're up there. You're on stage, and you go:
“你们可曾留意过纽约的汽车…”
''You ever notice how cars here in New York...
“从来不为救护车开路？”
...never get out of the way of ambulances?
别人的生命危在旦夕 而我们想的却是
Someone's in a life-and-death situation, and we're thinking:
“抱歉了 老兄”
'Sorry, buddy.
“你早该料到有这个下场”
Should've thought of that when you were eating cheese omelets...
“谁让你过去30年来 每天早餐都吃起司煎蛋卷”
...for breakfast every morning for the last 30 years.'''
你会用我的创意吗？
So you gonna use it?
我看还是算了吧
l don't think so.
这很好笑啊 - 是挺好笑的
Well, it's funny. -lt's funny.
我还是自己想笑料吧
l like to do my own material.
这和你平时说的一样好笑的
That's as good as anything you do.
好了 我要打电♥话♥了 大家都出去 清场了
All right, l gotta make a call. Everybody out. Come on.
为什么要我们走？ - 因为我没办法…
Why do we have to leave? -l can't call a woman...
当着你们的面给女人打电♥话♥ - 哦 看到没？
...with other people in the room. -Oh, see?
这就是症结所在
This is the problem.
你把我赶出自己的家门？
You're kicking me out of my house?
是的 - 别忘了
Yes. -Don't forget.
对了 杰瑞 你有苹果吗？
Right. Jerry, do you have any apples?
别使苹果那招了
Don't do the apples.
你也嚼了不少苹果了
lt's enough already with the apples.
你好 我是卡罗尔 我会给你回电♥话♥的
Hi, it's Carol. I'll get back to you.
你好！我是乔治
Hi! lt's George.
乔治·克斯坦萨 还记得我吗？
George Costanza. Remember me?
那个没上去喝咖啡的家伙
The guy who didn't come up for coffee.
你知道 我当时没有意识到 喝咖啡是不是代表着…
You see, l didn't realize that coffee didn't really mean....
算了 随便吧
Well, whatever.
总之
Anyway.
那晚我很开心
lt was fun.
很…
lt was....
很开心 所以…
lt was fun, so....
哦 老天 那么…
Oh, boy. So....
记得给我回电♥话♥
You call me back.
如果你愿意的话
lf you want.
决定权在你 你知道的
That's up to you, you know.
你想怎么做就怎么做
Whatever you want to do.
怎样都行
Either way.
决定权还是在你的
The ball's in your court.
那么…
So....
轻松点
Take it easy.
我只是来拿夹克 我在下面等你
l'm just getting my jacket. l'll meet you downstairs.
怎么了？你打了没？
What's the matter? Did you call?
是电♥话♥答录机
Got her machine.
我完了 死定了 到此结束 这下彻底完了 玩完了
l'm dead. l'm a dead man. That's it, l'm dead. l'm a dead man.
死定了
Dead man.
你怎么说的？ - 我都不知道自己说了什么
What'd you say? -l don't know what the hell l said.
我给了她最后通牒 现在什么也挽回不了 那头是电♥话♥答录机！
l gave her an ultimatum, and there's nothing l can do. lt's a machine.
那小指示灯现在就开始闪了 “快来听这个笨蛋的留言”
The little light's blinking right now. '' Come and listen to the idiot.
“嗨 各位 笨蛋登场了！”
Hey, everybody, the idiot's on!''
一次约会后你就遇上了电♥话♥答录机？
After one date you try and improvise on a machine?
现在我是白费心机了
Now l'm in the worst position of all.
我姐夫有次在一个人的电♥话♥答录机上留言时
My brother-in-law once left a message on this guy's machine.
不小心说出了不该说的商业信息
And he blurted out business information he wasn't supposed to.
这原本会造成他15000美元的损失…
lt would have cost him $1 5,000...
但他跑到那个人房♥子外面
...so he waited outside the guy's house.
等那家伙回到家 他跟着他进屋把录音带换了
When the guy came home, he went with him and switched the tape.
他真的这么做了？ - 是
He did that? -Yeah.
有人会这么做？
Somebody did that?
她会给你回电♥话♥的 你反应过度了
She'll call you back. You're overreacting.
一次都没有 - 从没？
Not once. -Never?
我这辈子从没看过一集“我爱露西”
（“我爱露西”--美国50年代 以女性主张为题材的热播剧）
l have never seen one episode of I Love Lucy in my life ever.
真是了不起 - 谢谢
That's amazing. -Thank you.
你还有什么是我不知道的？
Anything else l should know?
有 我受不了乳糖
Yes. l'm lactose intolerant.
真的？ - 我一丁点都不能忍♥受…
Really? -l have no patience for lactose...
我绝不会吃乳糖的
...and l won't stand for it.
我失陪一下
l'll be right back.
快来听这个
Wait till you hear this.
抱歉 我不知道…
l'm sorry. l had no idea--
等一下 他在洗手间
Wait. Wait. He's in the bathroom.
我只需要占用他一点时间 我等下再来好了
l wanted to talk to him for a minute, but l'll come back.
你不用离开
You don't have to leave.
真的？ - 嗯
You sure? -Yes.
好吧
Okay.
我叫唐娜 - 唐娜
l'm Donna. -Donna.
你就是喜欢那条广♥告♥的人！
You're the one that likes that commercial!
他跟你说了？
He told you that?
不是 准确地说 不是他“告诉”我的
No. He didn't actually tell me that.
我们当时在讨论那则广♥告♥ 实际上…
We were talking about that commercial. ln fact...
我想应该是我提起来的 因为我喜欢那则广♥告♥
...l think l brought it up because l like that commercial. No.
他绝不会跟我说那种事的
He would never actually tell me anything like that.
他不喜欢嚼舌头 他--
He never discusses anything. He's--
他就像蛤蚌 嘴很紧的 你一定别在他面前说起这事
He's like a clam. You're not gonna mention this to him--?
你到处跟你的朋友说我不够酷 就因为我喜欢那则广♥告♥？
So you tell your friends l'm not hip because l like that commercial.
什么？
What?
你跟她说什么了？ - 什么说什么？没说什么啊
What did you say? -Say? What? Nothing.
你跟他说我喜欢那则广♥告♥
You told him how l like the commercial.
就算我说了又怎样？
So what if l said that?
你不用跟你朋友说吧
You didn't have to tell your friends.