校园时代

Schooled S02E01

Part 3 Nov. 23, 2019, 9:36 p.m.

See? She gets it.
真不敢相信我被骗了
I can't believe I fell for it.
我拿着吉他傻站在那里
I'm standing there with my stupid guitar,
像个疯子跟踪狂
like a crazy stalker,
使劲拍打菲奥娜·艾波的巡演大巴
pounding on Fiona Apple's tour bus,
突然我就被她的安保队拖走了
when suddenly, I get dragged off by her security team.
如果他们不自称为"艾波军团"
If they don't call themselves the "Apple Corps,"
那肯定是因为打赌输了
they are missing a bet.
这个残酷又有创意的恶作剧
This cruel but ingenious prank
很明显是你班上一个混♥蛋♥学生做的
was obviously perpetrated by one of your jerk-dip students.
她到处给人说的电♥话♥
She's doling out her number
就像周末给房♥子上漆的老师一样
like a teacher who paints houses on the weekend.
我想起来了
Oh. That actually reminds me.
我就给了一个孩子电♥话♥号♥码
I gave my number to one kid.
指导房♥屋油漆工
现在这号♥码就像头虱一样传遍了全校
And by now, it's being spread all over the school like head lice.
你要搞清楚是谁干的
You need to figure out who did this
然后狠狠责罚他们一顿
and come down on them like a ton of bricks.
正相反我要狠狠地
If anything, I'm gonna come down on them
用理解和同情来感化他们
with a ton of understanding and compassion.
是你越界了
You crossed a boundary with these kids,
你失去了他们对你的尊重
and you lost their respect.
对这可不是闹着玩的
Yes, and loss of respect is no laughing matter.
除非你是天才罗德尼·丹泽菲尔德
Unless you're the brilliant Rodney Dangerfield.
就算这样我也能感觉到
But even then, I can sense
笑声背后的痛苦
a certain amount of pain behind the laughter.
这时候就该导师上场了
This is exactly when a mentor comes in handy.
等你想通了之后刘易斯
When you finally come to your senses, Lewis,
我很乐意听你哀求
I'm perfectly willing to be begged.
我认为莱妮想心态更开放
For the record, I think it's great that Lainey wants
更相信孩子们是件好事
to be more open and trusting with the kids.
我拒绝看待这个世界是黑暗的达尔文地狱
I refuse to see the world as some dark Darwinian hellscape
冰箱里装满了容易被误认为是虾米花的
where the freezers are packed full of dead baby mice
老鼠幼崽尸体
that are easily mistaken for popcorn shrimp.
CB不小心吃过一只虾死鼠
CB accidentally ate one shrimp-mouse,
突然之间他就恨上了威尔玛
and now, all of a sudden, he has a grudge against Wilma.
她对学生过于严苛了约翰
She's outrageously strict with her students, John.
她同时也是一位非常出色的教师 CB
She's also an outrageously great teacher, CB.
找到巡演大巴
Just go to her tour bus
说"我准备好和艾波合奏了[苹果酱]"
and say "I'm ready for my Apple jam."
等等这就那个广播里的人
Wait. That's the radio guy.
你也参与了吗库珀什么鬼
Were you in on it? Coop, what the hell?!
没有
No!
我只是在西语课上
All I did was confiscate this Talkboy thingie
从艾伦·鲁宾手上没收了这个播放器
from Aaron Rubin in my Spanish class
因为他一直用它播放"转笔刀"
'cause he kept making it say "Sacapuntas."
什么意思
What does that mean?
"卷笔刀"
"Pencil sharpener."
真是门美丽的语言
Ohh. Such a beautiful language.
是艾伦·鲁宾搞的鬼
It was Aaron Rubin?
你想让我叫他来办公室吗
Do you want me to call him into my office?
我一直在练习坚决不赞同的表情
I've been practicing my looks of stern disapproval.
你有在做吗
Are you doing it now?
看上去反而更友好了
'Cause it actually looks friendlier.
我被祖母温和良善的眼睛诅咒了
I am cursed with my grandmother's kind eyes.
我不想惩罚艾伦
I don't want to punish Aaron.
他很难交到高中朋友
He's having trouble making high-school friends.
所以他才捣乱的
That's why he acted out.
我要和他坐下来谈谈搞清楚
I'm gonna sit him down and figure out what's going on
他心里到底怎么想的
inside that dangerous mind of his.
他一直都是个古怪的孩子
He's always been an awkward kid.
对他身体像小孩
Yeah, he has the body of a child
但脑子像是卖♥♥保险的
and the head of someone trying to sell you insurance.
艾伦传开了
Aaron! Word's out!
刘易斯老师知道是你整她了
Ms. Lewis knows you pranked her!
但很奇怪
But it's weird.
她没让我请家长也没让我去校长办公室
She hasn't called my parents, no principal's office,
还有我今早遇见她的时候
and get this -- when I saw her this morning,
她说 "你好亚伦"
she said, "Hi, Aaron."
她只是在修理你之前逗逗你
She's just messing with you before she strikes.
就像豪威尔老师课上
Just like that snake in Ms. Howell's class
吃掉老鼠之前还要耍它一会儿的蛇
plays with the mouse before eating it.
你好亚伦能和你聊聊吗
Hi, Aaron. Can I see you for a minute?
鲍比和我有点事
Me and Bobby are actually in the middle of a --
稍后再聊兄弟
We'll finish that up later, buddy.
瑞克你找我
Hey, Rick? You wanted to see me?
没有库珀是你找我
No, Coop. You wanted to see me.
"库珀来找我梅勒"
"Coop, come see me. Mellor."
你会为自己决定来找我这事感到开心
And you are gonna be delighted that you decided to stop by.
再说一次不是我找你
Again, not my idea.
事情是我的门徒位置
You see, the thing is, I currently have an opening
最近有一个空缺
in my stable of mentees.
你的什么
Y-Your stable of what?
我愿意指导你恭喜
I'm mentoring you, man! Congratulations!
你看现在你当西语老师
See, currently, as a Spanish teacher,
只是不错而已
you are just bueno.
但我能帮助你
But I can help you up your game
达到教授那样的级别
until you are el professor excelente.
我懂了你想找个人填补空缺
Oh, I see. You're looking for a rebound mentee
因为莱妮·刘易斯甩了你
because Lainey Lewis dumped you.
我已经考量你许多年了
I've had my eye on you for years.
你有才华就是需要打磨
You got a lot of raw talent just waiting to be molded.
我们来看看你现在的课堂结构
For example, let's take a look at your current class formation.
现在有很多差生
Now, you got a lot of your weaker students
都坐在教室后方
riding the bench in the back.
我建议你把他们移到中♥央♥
I say you move them down to the middle,
再安排西语能力强的学生
and you flank them on both sides
从两侧夹击他们
with some of your varsity Spanish speakers.
比如来自"巴瑟罗那"的那个交换生
For example, like that exchange student from "Barthelona."
他太有天赋了
That kid is a friggin' natural.
你围绕他组织进攻
You build your offense around him,
然后对着这些二流球员不停说
and then you blitz these scrubs nonstop
"你好吗" "你叫什么名字"
with the "?Como estas?" And the "?Como te llamas?"
这样就能顺利进入季后赛
And you ride this kid all the way to the postseason.
那是暑期班吧
That'd be summer school.
我要和家人去坐游轮
I'm gonna be on a cruise with my family.
如果你不想要的话我也不能强求
Well, if you don't want it, I can't want it for you.
嗯我不想要
Yeah, I don't want it.
你会回来的
You'll be back!
听着
So, listen,
我们都知道菲奥娜·艾波恶作剧的内容
we both know what went down with the Fiona Apple prank.
我不想看到好孩子喜欢上恶作剧
I hate to see a good kid getting hooked on pranks.
你在流汗艾伦你想喝斯纳普吗
You're sweating, Aaron. You want a Snapple?
想喝才怪
Yeah, right!
我知道你想干什么
I see what you're trying to do.
里面装了辣椒酱或者尿
There's Tabasco sauce in there. Or wizz.
相信我我没打算恶搞你
Trust me -- I have no intention of pranking you.
这正是你打算恶搞我会说的话
That's exactly what you would say if you were going to prank me.
也是我不打算恶搞你会说的话
But it's also what I'd say if I wasn't.
我懂的你现在上高中了
I get it -- you're in high school now,
在社交上你感到迷茫
and you're feeling lost socially.
你知道我以前不合群的时候
You want to know what I turned to
是如何开导自己的吗
to find my way as an awkward teen?
拿上那把吉他我教你弹几个和♥弦♥
Grab that guitar. Let me show you a couple chords.
你做了什么你把琴弦换成了刺钢丝
What'd you do? You replace the strings with razor wire
好让我弹的时候把我指尖割掉吗
so when I strum it, I slice off my fingertips?
我要你切断的指尖干什么
What would I want with your severed fingertips?
你会戴上它们去犯罪
You'd wear them to commit crimes,
然后嫁祸给我
and then I'd get framed for it.
想得美
Well, nice try!
我走了
I'm outta here!