嫁给我（2014）

我们要走了
Sorry guys, we got to go.
我们要和我唯一的
Jake and I are having dinner
也是最爱的表哥Scooby共进晚餐
With my favorite and only cousin, Scooby,
原名Barry Scooberstein
Legally changed from Barry Scooberstein
他在游轮上当主管 很少回岸上
He's a cruise director so he's rarely in port.
Scooby不能更酷了
Ah, Scooby is the coolest guy ever.
简直是表哥界的Ryan Gosling
He's like the Ryan Gosling of cousins.
Jake 我保证你会喜欢他
Jake, you are going to love him...
他就是派对之王
He's the life of the party.
他的名片上也确实是这么写的
Literally, that's what his business cards say.
我的名片上写着 女性身体调查员
My business card said FBI : Female Body Inspector
有意思 不过这话题更适合在走廊谈
Interesting, but I think that's more of a hallway conversation,
小屁♥股♥甩起来 朝门口挪挪
So let's move those cute little hineys out the door.
好 - 抱歉 我们快迟到了
Okay then. - Sorry, we're just really late.
本以为生活不能更悲惨的时候
Well, as if my life couldn't get any worse,
它又给了我惊喜
it did.
我们想支持你 可是
Oh, we'd love to be there for you, buddy, but...
好 大家都坐吧
Good. Hey, you guys can sit down,
不用太客气
No need for the formality.
好
'Kay.
我家在消毒 因为跳蚤肆虐
So...My place is getting fumigated
都怨我跟后巷的猫打了一架
'cause I have fleas from that alley cat I fought.
没什么大不了的
It was just a piece of chicken, man,
放宽心就好 - 没错
You should've let it go. - Yeah.
想到今晚能和你们呆在一起我就特开心
I'm so happy to be hanging with my crew tonight.
要不一口气看个几季<法律与秩序>
I'm thinking law and order marathon?
我不知道这里有没有
I don't know that there is one,
可是这片到处都在放
But that show is never not on.
听上去不错
Oh, that sounds like a blast, buddy,
但是Annie和我今晚要
But Annie and I have dinner plans
跟她表哥Barry吃饭
with her cousin, Barry.
是Scooby
Scooby.
他改名可是经过政♥府♥批准的
His name was changed by the American government.
好吧 Dennah Kay 你俩要加入吗
All right then, Dennah, Kay, who wants at me?
不行 我今晚有工作
Sorry, I have a work event.
其实在我看来就是
Or as I like to call it,
"花一个半小时和和人力资源部的Bob讨论
"1 1/2 hours of Bob in HR asking me
我是哪种同性恋"
What kind of gay I am."
你明显是偏男性 但是外表不男性化的那一型啊
Well, you're obviously a soft butch lipstick flannel queen, right?
真准 - 我今晚有约会
Word. - And I have a little date.
他只有一米六二
Literally, he's 5'4".
听起来就不帅
That's a small drink of water.
有好多帅哥身高还没到胸口呢
There's a lot of cute guys out there living below boob level.
真有意思 但是 伙计们
Loving all of this, but... oh, my god, you guys,
你们一定要看看电梯
You gotta see what they did to the elevator.
有人打扫了电梯
They vacuumed,
把14楼的那块鼻屎给抠了
and they got the booger off the 14.
来嘛 动起来 - 嘿
Come on, please leave. - Hey,
我懂了 我的朋友都忙
I get it. My crew's busy.
我喜欢你们忙起来 我也很忙
And I love a busy crew, I'm busy too.
这样<法律与秩序>才不会没观众
Law and order's not going to watch itself,
虽然没观众也不意外
Although, I wouldn't be surprised if it could,
因为它精彩到无人能欣赏
'cause it's that awesome.
Jake 你明天一定要跟我打篮球
But Jake, you and I are still on for b-ball tomorrow,
行吗 - 没问题
Right, buddy? - I'm in.
事实上 我不想去了
Or, actually, I'm not in
因为我突然间发现
because I'm realizing that
Scooby整个周末都呆这儿
Scooby is here all weekend,
我太开心了
which I am thrilled about.
如果我抽几个小时打篮球就更好了
Unless I can get away for a few hours to play some basketball.
不过我既不想也不能
Which I cannot, nor do I want to.
你怎么敢提起这些事
Why would you bring that up? How dare you?
我要生气了
I am livid with you.
你们都忙着当大人
You guys are all so busy with your grown-up stuff.
而我却单身又失业
Meanwhile, here I am, single, unemployed,
还不可思议地比去年矮了2英寸
Inexplicably 2 inches shorter than last year.
你们的生活都在向前迈进
It's like your lives are chugging forward,
而我却不断地退步
And mine's just slipping backwards.
亲爱的
Oh, come on, buddy.
有时候退一步也不错 不是吗
Sometimes moving backwards can be cool, right?
比如月球漫步 - 啥
Case in point, the moonwalk. - What?
听起来欣慰多了
That shouldn't help, but it does.
我明天来跟你打篮球 小Gil
Hey, I'll play basketball with you tomorrow, gilly.
我也来 - 真的吗
Yeah, me too. - Really?
谢谢你们 - 好 就这么定了
Thanks, guys. - Okay, then it's settled,
现在咱们一块儿出门吧
We'll all walk out of here together right now.
你不用回家 但也不能呆在这
You don't have to go home, but you can't stay here.
话说回来 Gil 你现在身上没跳蚤吧
By the way, Gil, you don't currently have fleas, right?
没 不过没什么特别的原因
No. But...You know, apropos of nothing,
我还是把这个椅子拿走吧
Maybe I'll just take this chair with me.
好 走吧
Okay, scoot.
整个婚礼都被搞砸了
So the wedding was totally nosediving,
DJ没出现
the DJ doesn't show,
伴郎演讲烂到不行
The best man speech was way too Vietnam-heavy,
但这时Scooby来了
But then here comes cousin Scooby.
只带了iPod和啤酒
Armed only with an iPod and a Coors light.
他小小地活跃了一下气氛
He throws on a little "Whoomp! There it is"
大家就被调动得嗨起来
And whoomp! There everyone is,
纷纷跳入舞池
up on the dance floor.
所有人都在跳舞
Everyone was dancing,
就连足内翻的Karen阿姨也情不自禁
even aunt Karen with the clubfoot.
Scooby是婚宴小精灵
Scooby is the wedding whisperer.
等等 Karen阿姨足内翻 还有一只假眼
Wait, so aunt Karen has a clubfoot and a glass eye?
天呐 - 还有男人特有的秃顶
My god. - And male pattern baldness.
真可怜
That's a lot.
她才是真正的生命斗士 - 是
She's one of life's Real soldiers. - Yeah.
她还活着吗
Is she still alive?
生不如死 - 生不如死
Yes and no. - Yes and no.
说到最棒的婚礼
Speaking of the greatest weddings of all time,
你还记得凯特王妃婚礼时的捧花么
Annie, do you remember princess Kate's wedding bouquet?
不 我记不太清
Hmm, no, I can't say I recall
那些朴实而美丽的山谷百合
The understated yet meaningful blend of lily of the valley
还有英俊的威廉王子
And sweet William,
老爸 我当然记得
dad. Of course I remember.
我在这儿找到了一家花店
Because I found a florist here in town
能做出一模一样的捧花
That can recreate that very arrangement.
太棒了 爸爸
Dad, that is so sweet,
那是我梦想中的捧花
that is, like, my dream bouquet.
其 其实我是想给我自己婚礼用的
A-actually I was talking about for my wedding.
天呐 我太笨了
Oh, my god. How stupid of me.
我从来都没想过
I guess it didn't even occur to me
你也要手拿捧花
That you would be carrying a bouquet.
当然不会 太疯狂了
No, no, that would be crazy.
我说的不是捧花 - 那就好
It's not a bouquet. - Okay.
只是大号♥的胸花 下边还带个花把儿
It's an oversized boutonniere that has a handle
我就能像王妃一样出场了
So I can walk around like a princess.
是啊 带把儿的王妃
Yeah, my little princess with a penis.
有小鸡鸡的王妃
Your queenie with a weenie.
别开我老二的玩笑 - 没问题
Don't talk about my penis. - Fair enough.
真抱歉 - 亲爱的 我没想到
I'm sorry about that. - Honey, I didn't even realize
你也想用这种捧花
You'd want it for your wedding.
真对不起 - 不不
I'm so sorry. - No, no, I mean,
你当然不会想着计划我的婚礼
You know, why would you even be thinking about my wedding?
但我真的想过
No, I do think about your wedding.
没关系 不过我打算
It is so fine. Besides, I was planning on
用鸟笼作为核心装饰品
Using these live birdcage centerpieces,
所以捧花用热带主题的就好
So I'll just go with the tropical theme for my bouquet.
不妙 我也选了鸟笼
Ouch. I pinned those birdcages too.
我去 - 我去哇哇
Ouch. - Ouch-e-wa-wa.
太蠢了 这样吧
This is so silly. You know what?