嫁给我（2014）

*在高山上 在高山上 在流水中*
*On the mountain, on the mountain. In the water.*
我们是犹太人
We're Jewish.
人们总是担心是女人的问题
Everyone's always worried about the woman's eggs,
但是大部分我见过的情况下
but most of the problems I've seen,
都是男人的问题
they've been on the guy's side.
要我说就怪男人老爱把手♥机♥揣兜里
I blame the whole cell phone in the pants thing.
哦 原来是这么回事
Oh, no. That's what happened.
某某人医生吓唬我家Jakey
What's-his-name scared my little jakey,
让他以为他不会有孩子了
and now he thinks he's not gonna be able to have kids.
小宝贝担心他的胶水黏不住
Aw, sweet baby's scared his glue don't stick.
他原来就在瞒我这个 我的天啊
And that's what he didn't want to tell me. Oh, my god.
你得跟你未来孩子他爸谈谈
You just need to talk to your maybe baby daddy.
确实啊
I do.
是只有我这么觉得
And is it just me
还是我俩还挺上镜
or do we look really good in this grainy footage?
哎呦真不错
Oh, my god, so good.
你们该录个性♥爱♥录像带
You should make a sex tape.
绝对的
Absolutely.
导演我来当 - 不要谢谢
I should direct it. - No, thank you.
喂 - Gil
Hello? - Oh, Gil?
Jake在哪
Where is Jake?
我不知道
I don't know.
Gil 我知道你知道
Gil, I know you know.
实际上 你不知道我知道
Actually, you don't know I know.
你不可能知道我到底知不知道
You can't possibly know what I know or don't know.
行了 求求你 我有很重要的事
Okay, please, look, it's really important.
Jake很不安 我终于知道为什么了
Jake's upset, and I finally figured out why.
好吧 但是不要告诉他是我说的
Fine, but you can never tell him I told you.
这段话从来没发生过
We did not have this conversation.
当然
Of course.
他就在这儿
He's right here.
嘿 快把那个杀精强从我女儿身边拿开
Hey, get that semen zapper away from my girls, man.
是Annie - 什么 Annie
It's Annie. - What, Annie?
她在电♥话♥里 - 我不想
She's on the phone. - I don't want...
接啊 这可是你未婚妻
Take the phone! It's your fiancee.
哦 啊
Ow! Ah, ah, ah.
你没事吧 - 滚开
You okay? - Get away from me!
嘿Annie
Hey, Annie.
抱歉亲爱的 我这边听不清
I'm sorry, babe, I can't hear you.
妈妈刚把车窗打开
Mom just rolled down a window.
亲爱的 回家来吧
Okay, honey, please come home.
啊 我也想回去
Ah, I wish I could,
但是我已经走一半了
but I'm halfway to Detroit.
你想让我带点什么回来吗
Do you want me to pick you up anything?
房♥产什么的
Property?
我看了婴儿房♥里摄像头的录像
Look, I saw the nanny cam footage,
我们不是一定要去看医生
and you do not have to go to that doctor's appointment.
求你回家来吧
Just please come home.
哇哦 这裤子裆真是大
Wow, that's a deep crotched pant.
我感觉自己跟个蹼掌似的
I feel like a webbed toe.
哦 亲爱的 过来
Oh, babe, come here.
亲爱的 我知道你在担心你的设备不好用
Babe, I know you're scared your junk might be junky,
我也很害怕啊
but I'm scared too.
万一我有什么问题呢
I mean, what if it's me that can't have kids?
万一我下面其实是杂草丛生怎么办
What if I find out it's just tumbleweeds down there?
听起来像是你自己不讲究的问题
It seems like more of a grooming issue, but...
这倒是 我下面确实需要修剪一下
Yeah, I mean, I could use just a general scale back down there.
最近事情太多了 但是我喜欢
There is a lot going on, but I like it.
再说 还是我有问题
Honestly, there's more a chance
的几率更大一些
that I'm the problem, anyways.
如果是这样的话那也是我的错
Well, that would be my fault too.
我是说 陷入这个假设性的问题的唯一原因
I mean, the only reason we're in this hypothetical mess
就是我犹豫了这么久才开始想 开始谈
is because I waited so long to start thinking about talking
开始准备什么时间打算订婚
about being prepared for a time when we may want to get engaged.
如果我们中间任何一个人有生育问题
So if either of us can't have kids,
可能就是因为我
it's probably because of me.
说什么呢 Jake 我们现在都订婚了
What? Jake, no, we're engaged now.
如果有问题 那是我们俩的问题
If there's a problem, then it's our problem,
而我们会一起来解决 对吗
and we'll figure it out together, right?
对
Right.
真抱歉最近表现得这么奇葩
I'm sorry I've been acting so weird lately.
那我能怎么办
I mean, what can I say?
毕竟是我的蛋
It's my testicles.
真希望你能像我一样的看待他们
I wish you could see them the way I see them.
我也希望啊
I wish I could too.
所以你到底有多抱歉
So how sorry are you?
非常非常非常抱歉 - 非常抱歉
I'm very, very, very sorry. - Very sorry.
嗯 非常抱歉 - 真的 那你是不是应该
Yeah, really sorry. - Yeah? Then why don't you
拿出来秀一下好好补偿我一下
whip it out and make it up to me?
必须的
Done and done.
你好 - 嗨 先生
Hello. - Hi, sir.
我们来找Berman医生
We're here to see Dr. Berman.
B医生 - 哦 好的
Dr. B. - Well, great.
哪个Berman医生
Which Dr. Berman?
哪个 - 有很多
Which doc... - There's a few.
还能不能行了
Oh, come on!
哪一个
Which doctor...
好吧 指示牌 - 哇哦
Okay, directory. - Wow.
这么多Berman - 哇哦 哇哦 哇哦
Lots of bermans. - Wow, wow, wow.
Todd Berman 看脚的Berman医生 - 宝贝 肯定不是他
Todd Berman, Berman podiatry. - Babe, we know it's not that.
肯定不是 Sherry Berman
No, it can't be that. Sherry Berman.
Mike Berman -Mike Berman.
Mike Berman -Mike Berman.
肯定是Mike - 听起来特别对
It's totally Mike. - It sounds so right.
我发誓我曾经管他叫过Mike
I swear I said "Mike" At some point.
你叫过 - 我确实
You did. - I did.
你确实 - Micheal
You did. - Michael.
对 Michael Berman医生
Yeah, Dr. Michael Berman.
你好
Hello.
请稍等一下 - 好的
I'll be with you in a second. - Okay.
你们是来干什么的
What are you here for?
取样化验
Here to give a sample.
检查一下我的小子们
Got to get my boys checked out.
杯子在休息室
Well, cups are in the restroom.
弄好之后放在台子上
Leave it on the counter when you're done.
谢谢
Thank you.
祝我好运 - 好运
Well, wish me luck. - Good luck.
我需要点灵感
Yeah, I need a little inspiration.
离我远点伙计 全靠你自己了
Get out of here, buddy. You're on your own in there.
就一小下 - 不
Just one little shot. - No.
求你了 - 好吧
Please? - All right.
好了 走起 - 好吧
Yeah, okay. Let's go. - All right.
我会好好利用这个 - 很好
I'm gonna use that. - Okay.
快来孩子们
All right, kids let's go.
Tyler 坐好 该看医生了
All right, Tyler, get the seat. Time for the doctor, kids.
这里是儿科
This is a pediatrician's office.
Jake Jake
Jake? Jake.
Jake 快开门
Jake, please open the door.
作为一个钢琴老师这伙计真壮啊
Oh, the guy's got an amazing physique for a piano teacher.
Jake 快开门
Jake, please open the door.
发生了什么
What's going on.
Jake 快开门
Jake, please open the door.
快 - 女士
Please... - Ma'am!
别担心
Oh, don't worry.
小孩子总是把自己锁在里面
Kids lock themselves in there all the time.
不是 Jake 开门
No. Jake, open the door.
谢谢谢谢 不要
Thank you, thank you. No.
我们没事的 没事的
We're all set. We're all set.
呃 让开一下
Uh, pardon me.
哦 哈哈 - Jake
Oh... ha ha! - Jake!
求你听我说 - 嘿 小朋友
Please listen to me... - Hey, little buddy.