嫁给我（2014）

Th-that's... that's cray.
真的是疯了吗 我是说
Is it cray, though? I mean,
从Cassie离开你以后
you haven't really been doing anything
你一直都没做什么正事 也许是因为
since Cassie left you, and maybe it's because
都是我在帮你做事情 知道吗
I've been doing it for you, you know?
我基本上是一个新Cassie
I'm basically the new Cassie
除了不能跟你上♥床♥以外
except I don't have sex with you.
所以你更像原来的那个Cassie
Which would make you exactly like the old Cassie.
说得好 但看看这个公♥寓♥吧
Nice. But look at this apartment, man.
真是乱作一团
I mean, it's a honking mess.
地板上都是衣服
You got clothes on the floor.
水槽里堆满了盘子
There's dishes in the sink.
你衣服里也是盘子
You got dishes in your clothes.
这都是怎么搞的
I mean, how did this even happen?
Cassie把家具都拿走了
Cassie kept all the furniture.
那就去买♥♥点儿新家具
So go out and get new furniture.
好吧 我们去买♥♥些家具 下次就去
Okay, yeah. Let's go buy some. Next time, start with that.
不不不 你得自己去
No, no, no. You need to do that for you.
你得开始自己照顾自己 像正常的成年人一样
You need to start taking care of yourself like a normal adult.
正常的成年人 - 是的
Normal adult? - Yes.
这就是你的最终答案了吗 Reg
Is that your final answer, Reg?
好吧 Reg不会说
Well, that... Reg wouldn't say,
"这就是你的最终答案了吗 Reg"
"Is that your final answer, Reg?"
他会说"这就是你的最终答案了吗"
He would say, "Is that your final answer?"
如果选手的名字也是Reg 他就会这么说的
He would say it if the contestant's name were also Reg.
是的 但那是特殊情况
Yes, but that's very specific.
什么时候才 怎么可能发生这种事
When would he... like, how often does that happen?
这不是你想说的
That's not what you meant.
我让你帮我
You know, I only let you help me
是因为你看起来需要这样
because it seems like you need it.
面对现实吧 Jake
Face it, Jake.
你痴迷于帮助我
You're obsessed with me.
什么
Wha...
我痴迷 你是说 - 是啊
I'm obsessed? Are you... - Yeah.
好吧 你知道吗 - 嗯哼
Okay, you know what? - Yeah.
我觉得我们应该各退一步
I just think we need to take a step back.
哦 你会吗 - 是的
Oh, you do? - Yes.
好吧 我觉得我们应该各退两步
Well, I think we need to take two steps back.
两百万步如何
How about 2 million?
因为我再也不想跟你说话了
'Cause I don't want to speak to you no more.
哇 你就是个奇葩
Wow, you're a real piece of work.
好吧 你就是一坨
Yeah, well, you're a real piece
我会从下♥体♥排出的东西
of what I work to push out of my bottom.
真聪明 真伤人
That was clever and hurtful.
嘿 宝贝
Oh, hey, babe.
嘿 蛇蝎 - 蛇蝎
Hey, snake. - Snake?
蛇蝎Jake - 好吧 我就是
Jake the snake. - Hey, I'll take that.
跟Gil谈的如何
How'd it go with Gil?
说实话 我觉得他不太能接受
Honestly, I don't think he took it too well.
我是说 我们之前好像从没吵过架
I mean, I don't think we've ever had a fight before.
我确信一切都会好的
I'm sure everything will be fine.
Gil老是这样
Gil always does this.
他特别生气 然后他就没事了
He gets really mad, and then he's over it.
记得美国家庭趣味录像集锦没有把他收录在
Remember how mad he got when America's funniest home videos
踢蛋蛋剪辑里的时候 他有多生气吗
didn't include him in their nut shot montage?
两天后 他又跑到后院去
Two days later, he was right back out in the yard...
开始狂踢自己的蛋蛋了
Kicking himself in the nuts again.
他怎么做得到 - 我觉得你们说得对
How does he even do it? - I think you guys were right.
这场争执是必须的
This definitely needed to happen.
当然
For sure.
实话实说 我觉得Gil生气的原因
And honestly, I think the reason Gil's so upset
是内心深处他知道自己需要更独♥立♥
is that deep down, he knows he needs to be more independent.
我需要帮助
I need help.
求求你 求求你
Please, please, please.
我自己做不了任何事情
I can't do anything for myself.
我的账单都过期了
My bills are all overdue.
我的干洗衣物 在某个地方
My dry cleaning is... somewhere.
我甚至都不能把Jake给我的果汁机装起来
I can't even put together the juicer Jake got me.
我的吃的都变质了
Now my produce has turned.
伙计 慢慢来
Dude, take it one step at a time.
从榨汁机开始
Start with the juicer.
它写了"安装简便"
It says "Minimal assembly required."
应该很容易装 - 是啊
It should be easy. - Yeah.
但我每次想组装点什么都装毁了
But I've screwed up everything I ever tried to build
比如这架子
Like that shelf,
或这美满婚姻
or a healthy marriage...
伙计 抱歉
I'm sorry, buddy,
但还是不能帮你
but the answer is no.
听我们的 这是为你好
Trust us. It's for your own good.
好吧 简直不能更糟了
Well, things can't get any worse than this.
这实际上还变好了点
Okay, that's actually a little better.
那椅子本来就不舒服
That chair was pretty uncomfortable.
我得想想没了Gil我是谁
So I got to figure out who I am without Gil.
是吧 我知道Jake和Gil是谁
I mean, I knew who Jake and Gil were,
也知道Gil和Jake是谁
and I knew who Gil and Jake were,
还知道Jake Gil和Mary是谁
and I knew who Jake, Gil, and Mary were...
我们的大学民谣三重唱
Our folk trio in college.
当时在那片还挺受欢迎
We had somewhat of a regional hit
我们穿着毛衣和灯芯绒裤子
with major sweater, minor corduroy.
Annie快回来了吗
So will Annie be back any time soon?
我就是顺便过来还这个大盆子
Because I really just stopped by to return her casserole dish.
谢天谢地 - 嘿 爸
Thank god. - Hey, dad.
哦 你把盆子带过来啦
Oh, you brought my dish back. Yeah.
意式千层面做怎么样 - 嗯 还挺好
How did the lasagna turn out? - Uh, pretty good.
我们在"同志先生千层面"得了第二名
We came in second place at the Mr. Gay lasagna.
哦 不是吧 Lorenzo又赢了
Oh, no. Did Lorenzo win again?
我们的更好吃 但他的更娘点
Ours was tastier, but his was much gayer.
总之 Jake和我一直在讨论他和Gil的问题
Anyways, Jake and I have just been discussing his problems
谈好久了
with Gil... at length.
如果你想加入 我很乐意退位
So if you're ready to jump in, I'd be happy to tag out.
爸
Dad.
好吧 宝贝儿
Okay, sweetie.
Jake 我认为跟Gil这事儿被你
Jake, I think you're taking this whole thing
搞得太复杂了
with Gil way too hard.
他肯定会缓过来的
You know, he'll come back around.
我看过他看你的样子
I've seen the way he looks at you.
估计我就是不知道自己一个人该干嘛
I guess I just don't know what to do with myself.
比如 通常今天Gil和我
Like, today, Gil and I would
会去暴♥力♥电影院
normally go to the violent movie theater
看一场限♥量♥的<女忍♥者4:那月那时>
and watch a rare print of lady ninjas 4:
来消磨时间
That time of the month to kill.
什么时候放映啊 我爸也想
Well, what time's it playing? My dad would love to go...
不 - 但去不了
No. - But can't.
哦 - 看
Oh. - Look.
这事挺好的 是吧
This is a good thing, okay?
你有更多的空闲时间 这多好
You'll have more free time. That's great.
有空闲时间挺好的
Having free time is the best.
这就是我为什么总提前两小时起床
I mean, that's why I wake up two hours early
坐在台阶上
every morning and sit on the stairs.
你就坐在台阶上吗
You just sit on the stairs, huh?
是啊 - 有很多事情
Yeah. - You know, there's a lot
我一直想做
of stuff that I've been meaning
但就是没时间
to do that I haven't had time for.
就是这精神
That's the spirit. I mean,
也许你和我爸可以 - 不行
maybe you and my dad could - No.
拜
Bye.
他 他太忙了
He's... he's so busy.
是吗
Is he?
好吧 管他的 来了
Okay, just jump off the cliff. Here we go.
好
Yes!
好