嫁给我（2014）

超级兴奋 - 是啊
Really high. - Yeah.
哇哦 停车罚单
Whoa. Parking ticket?
我可不同意 只要你是我Thick的妞
I don't think so, not if you're thick's chick.
宝贝 只要咱俩保持裤腰之下的接触
Babe, so long as we're doing stuff below the belt,
你就可以凌驾于法律之上 - 棒极了
consider yourself above the law. - Awesome.
Gary 我们得赶紧去跳楼那儿了
Gary, we should really get to that jumper.
嘿 各位 这是我的搭档 Matata警探
Hey, everybody, this is my partner, detective Matata.
请叫我Laguna
Please, call me Laguna.
不好意思 你的名字是Laguna Matata
Sorry, your name's Laguna Matata?
这位市民 你是在取笑我的名字吗
You making fun of my name, civilian?
什么 不 不 不 不 - 嘿
What? No, no, no, no. - Hey...
别担心
no worries.
你很有趣
You're funny...
那种带枪有权的有趣
In a gun-wielding authority-figure kind of way.
那么 你就是可以用来当做
Well, you're funny in a expendable
人肉靶子的那种有趣
human-shield kind of way.
噢 马上回来
Ooh, be right back.
哟 她喜欢你 我的小傻子
Yo, she is into you, my nincompoop.
噢 她只是人很好
Oh, she's just being nice.
Gary 有个 - 好吧
Gary, there's a... - All right,
等我一下下
just give me a second.
好吧
All right.
咱们去救那个跳楼的吧
Let's go save that jumper.
他已经死了 - 那咱们去吃热狗吧
He's dead. - Let's go get a hot dog.
好消息是 咱们不再为
So, good news... we are no longer at war
谁先看了<摩尔人>而吵架了
over who watched the moors.
谢天谢地
Oh, thank god.
当我以为Jake看了剧
When I thought Jake watched it,
我简直在想"我到底了解这个男人不"
I was like, "Do I even know this man?"
我就在想"这就是我选择来
And I was like, "Is this the monster
孕育我孩子的怪兽吗"
that I've chosen to fill with babies?"
可不是
Yes!
但是现在我们知道了是你们其中一个
But now that we know it's one of you,
没啥大不了的 伙计们
you know, 'eryting is irie, man.
等等 我们其中一个 不是我
Wait, one of us? Wasn't me.
我跟其他所有人一样 在手♥机♥上看电视
I watch TV like everyone else in the world: On my phone,
坐车的时候看 首播一周后才看
in traffic, weeks after its original air date.
也绝对不是我
And it definitely wasn't me.
唯一比<摩尔人>更让我讨厌的
The only thing I hate more than the moors
就是更多的摩尔人 Jay Mohr主持的剧后脱口秀
is more moors, the post-moors talk show hosted by Jay Mohr.
听着 我是在你家做了不少事
Look, I use your place for plenty of things...
咱们就不明说了
Let's keep it vague.
中城撇大条 - 呕
Mid-city pooping... - Ugh.
但是看电视可不是其一
But watching TV is not one of them.
而且我们为啥要撒谎呢
And why would we lie about it?
但是如果你们没看
But if you guys didn't watch it...
我知道就是你
I knew it was you!
伙计们听着 Gary有个测谎仪
Guys, listen, Gary has a polygraph machine,
很有用 他曾经用来测试我
and it works. He used it on me
是不是真的喜欢他的John Krasinski纹身
to find out if I really loved his John Krasinski tattoo.
他有个Emily Blunt老公的纹身
He has a tattoo of Mr. Emily blunt?
骑着马的
On a horse.
好吧 但是说真的
Okay, but seriously,
你们真的要去测试对方说没说谎吗
are you guys really gonna go lie detector on each other?
我没啥要隐瞒的
I've got nothing to hide.
那我更没啥要隐瞒的
Well, I've got "Nothinger" To hide.
打电♥话♥给Gary 准备测试吧
Call Gary. Let's get it on.
好的 打给Gary
Yeah, give Gary a ring.
很好 - 给他打电♥话♥
Yeah. - Call him real nice.
Gil 我要被抓现行了
Gil... I'm super busted.
什么 - 我说我要被当场抓现行了
What? - I'm saying I'm super busted.
你先看了那个剧啊
You watched the show?
你撇下Annie看了<摩尔人>
You watched the moors without Annie?
这是个意外 当时我在运动用品商场
It was an accident! So I'm in sports authority,
你知道他们是怎么用<摩尔人>
and you know how they're doing their crossbow
进行关联促销的吗
cross promotion with the moors?
相当清楚 我正为此省钱呢
Well aware. I'm saving up.
他们的每块屏幕都在播放<摩尔人> 老兄
So they're showing it on every screen, man.
我 无论我转向哪里 都是<摩尔人> 你明白吗
I... everywhere I'm turning, the moors, you know?
我只是个人 我就这么被吸引进去了
I'm only human, I got sucked in.
是<摩尔人>啊 伙计 我该怎么办
It's the moors, baby. What am I gonna do?
我是通过不了测谎仪的测试的
There's no way I'm gonna pass that lie detector test.
那你就说出真♥相♥ 这只是档电视节目
So tell the truth. It's just a TV show..
不 Gil 这事关信任
No, Gil, it's about trust.
我没有在我们的电视上看
I didn't watch it on our TV,
这就意味着是她看的 她在对我撒谎
which means she definitely did. She's lying to me.
但是你确实也在撒谎
But you are also technically lying.
是的 是的 我是在撒谎
Yes, yes, yes, of course I'm lying,
但是她不知道我在撒谎
but she doesn't know that I'm lying,
那会让她的谎言显得更糟
which makes her lie even worse.
好吧 如果你这么确定她在撒谎
Okay, so if you're so sure she's lying,
你只需要让她先做测谎仪测试
then all you got to do is make her take the lie detector first.
当然啦
Of course.
她失败了 游戏就结束了
She fails... game over.
等等 既然你已经看过了
Wait, now that I know you've seen it,
我们能花点时间讨论一下结局吗
can we take two seconds and download about the finale?
那匹马
I mean, that horse!
那匹马在想些什么呢
What was that horse thinking?
好了 谁准备好做测谎仪测试了
Okay, who's ready to get their polygraph on?
哦 你准备好了 好的 很好
Oh, you ready? Okay, great.
呃 骗子优先 哦 不好意思 是女士优先
Uh, liars first. Oh, I'm sorry, ladies first.
哦 天哪 亲爱的 你先吧 我们
Oh, my gosh, honey, after you. Let's...
不 我是个绅士 我可是个诚实的绅士
Well, no, I'm a gentleman. I'm an honest gentleman.
你们可以一起做测试
Oh, you can both go at the same time.
我们把Polly和Jonathan都带来了
We brought Polly and Jonathan.
Polly是我们的测谎仪
Polly is what we call our polygraph machine.
Jonathan是我们的第二测谎仪
Jonathan is what we call our second polygraph machine.
而Gary是我们的性♥爱♥机器
And Gary's what we call our sex machine.
哦 两台 好吧 很好
Oh, two, great, all right.
我们可以更快一探究竟 是吧
Well, we can get to the bottom of this quicker, right?
我想知道事情的真♥相♥
I want to know the truth.
你无法接受事实的真♥相♥ 而我可以
You can't handle the truth. Well, I can...
好了 我们走吧 混♥蛋♥
Okay, let's go, bitch boy.
好吧
Okay.
好了 你们玩得开心点 再见了 Gil
Okay, well, you guys have fun. Bye, Gil.
我要一个人去拿我的车
I'm just going to walk myself to my car alone.
好的 再见 你多保重
Okay, bye. Hey, take care.
路上小心点儿 你家那儿有很多疯子
Drive home safe. Lot of maniacs out there.
哟 那个辣妹女屌♥看上你了
Yo, that hot lady dick is way into you.
你好色情啊 - 哦 得了吧
That's very graphic. - Oh, come on.
在Cassie之后你还有跟别人约过会吗
Have you been on one date since Cassie?
快点 约她出去
Go, ask her out.
你能别再逼我了吗
Can you please stop pressuring me?
Gil 就是现在 相信我
Gil, it's time. Trust me,
只要你有种 婊♥子♥们就会跑到你身边
once you get some balls, the bitches will come running.
就像我祖母过去常说的那样
It's like my grandmother used to say,
"一旦你拿到球 母狗们就会跑到你身边"
"Once you get some balls, the bitches will come running."
她是个驯狗师
She was a dog trainer.
这太疯狂了
Still a crazy thing to say.
Laguna Laguna Matata
Laguna? Laguna Matata.
听着 我得问你点事儿
Look, I'm gonna ask you something,
你得说不
and you're gonna say no...
我愿意跟你约会
I'd love to go out with you.
我没往心里去 我懂的
None taken. I get it.
你像花朵一样美好 我跟个牧场一样
You smell like flowers, I smell like ranch.
不是很酷的那种牧场 是养马场
Not cool ranch, either, horse ranch.
Gil 我们约会吧
Gil, we're going out.
打我电♥话♥吧 我的号♥码是911
Call me. My number's 911.
我有点怕痒
I'm a little ticklish.
你确定你要做这个吗 Annie
All right, you sure you want to do this, Annie?