嫁给我（2014）

Oh, boy. Now I've done it.
大伙 这姿势根本不符合
Guys, this goes against everything
我的瑜伽理念 但Jake好样的
I believe about yoga, but give it up for Jake.
我去找Gil 在百货店和你们碰头
I'll go get Gil, and I'll meet you guys at the grocery store.
谢谢
Thank you.
瑜伽太有意思啦
Hey, yoga is stupid fun!
哇 伙计们 谢谢你们
Wow, guys, thank you so much
让我加入瑜伽课
for letting me tag along to yoga.
太棒了 我也很喜欢
Yeah, awesome. Loved it.
谁想得到我居然这么天赋恩赐啊
Who knew I would be such a natural, you know?
我就像那部电影里的Robert Redford
I mean, I'm like Robert Redford in that movie.
<天赋恩赐>吗 - 没错
The natural? - Yeah.
当然是那部片子啦 还能是什么片子
Of course the natural. What other movie would it be?
我都说了"天赋恩赐"啦
I mean, I literally said the word "Natural."
多不寻常又奇怪的巧合啊 Gil
Whoa, what a strange and unusual coincidence, Gil.
我的妈 快看碰见谁啦
Oh, my go... look who it is.
Jake和小伙伴们呢
It's Jake and the gang.
你好哇 Gilbert 你换成偏分啦
Well, hello, Gilbert. That side part new?
是的 没错
Actually, yes, it is.
这是经典的可视化提示
It's a classic visual cue
让大家知道我现在过得挺好
to let people know that I'm now doing well,
就像Eric Stonestreet的这款限♥量♥版衬衫一样
much like this Eric Stonestreet limited edition button down.
说到可视化提示 看我的新瑜伽装备饱个眼福
Speaking of visual cues, feast your eyes on my new yoga gear.
我是说 还能有什么更能体现
I mean, could anything more clearly
我的精神状态变好了
indicate my new-found spiritual health?
唵
Om.
真纳闷最近我的生活发生了什么变化
I wonder what's changed in my life recently.
我们都很纳闷
Well, while we're all wondering...
怎么 - 我们为何不看一看
Yeah? - Why don't we all
我的购物车里
check out the array
都放了些什么健康食品呢
of healthy items that I have in my cart.
现在我也自己付账了 还总是很清楚
I also pay my bills now and have an active knowledge
我的干洗衣物在哪儿了
of where my dry cleaning is at all times.
哇 两位的谈话内容
Wow, really, really interesting stuff
相当有趣
from both parties.
你们不如去喝杯啤酒
Why don't you guys get a beer,
接着聊如何
and just continue the convo, you know?
谈一谈"我最近都忙这个"啊
"This is what I've been up to," And if it sort of
要是能发展到接吻的地步
inches towards a kiss, well, then,
这种事时有发生 不用让我知道
you know, it does, and I don't need to know.
我认为我们不会接吻的 真是谢谢你
No, I don't think we're gonna kiss, thank you.
没了彼此 我们都过得挺好的
We're both doing gangbusters without each other,
那我们可能就应该保持现状
so we should probably just leave it that way.
非常赞同
Agree to agree.
Annie 要是真的会亲
Annie, there might be one kiss
那只会是Jake亲我的褐色大屁♥股♥
when Jake kisses my big, brown butt.
祝你平安 - 也祝你平安
Peace be upon you. Oh, and also upon you.
祝你全家平安
All upon you.
好嘞 - 有礼了
Okay. - Namaste.
"游走"吧
Now, nama-go.
很好 - 谢谢
That's fine. - Thank you.
回头见 - 我看未必
I'll see you later. - I don't think we will.
呃 - 呃
Ugh! - Ehh!
Jake 等我 - 你知道吗
Jake, wait. - You know what?
我现在已经受不了这里的负能量了
I can't deal with all this bad energy right now.
我还没摆脱本季度最糟糕的瑜伽课的阴影
I am coming off my worst yoga class of the season,
我必须 我必须
and I got to just... I just got to...
我真的必须
I got to just...
69号♥
69.
啊
Ah.
69号♥
69?
你们就没有别的号♥码吗
Do y'all even have other numbers?
你去哪儿了 姐们
Hey, where you been, girl?
你们抛弃我 让我单独面对卖♥♥肉的Linda
Well, you left me alone with Linda the butcher,
所以我就带了4磅的高级牛里脊肉
so I went home with 4 pounds of top sirloin
和110磅的性冲动回家
and 110 pounds of sexual fury.
不是吧 - 没错
Oh, no. - Oh, yeah.
而且我们之间的感情是毒药
And our relationship is toxic.
这毒药让她把我一劫而空
Toxic to the tune of she robbed me.
又一次吗 - 对啊
Again? - Yes!
你为什么抛弃我 Dennah
Why'd you leave me, Dennah?
我必须重新找一个瑜伽班
I had to find another yoga class
Jake把之前那个毁掉了
since Jake ruined the first one.
再说了 姐们 你的意志力哪儿去了
And seriously, girl, where is your willpower?
你就是我的意志力啊 - 哇 各位
You are my willpower. - Whoa, guys.
各位 看看我们的样子 好么
Guys, look at us, okay?
我们不只毁了Jake和Gil的关系
We didn't just screw up Jake and Gil's friendship.
我们是毁了整个"Annie Jake Kay Dennah和Gil"的动力系统
We screwed up the entire "Annie, Jake, Kay, Dennah, Gil" Dynamic.
这就像蜜蜂一样
It's like the bees.
那是俚语吗 表示事情糟糕透顶了
Is that some sort of slang way of saying it's the worst?
不是 婊砸
No, bitch.
我有斯坦福大学
I have a degree in
环境科学专业的学位
environmental science from Stanford.
生态系统的一点微小变化
Make one small change in an ecosystem,
会导致一系列连锁效应 以至于改变一切
and it causes a ripple effect that changes everything.
我是在"马赫实时秀"里听到的
Oh, I learned about that on real time with Bill Maher.
Thomas Friedman认为确有其事
Thomas Friedman thinks it's happening,
但是Nicki Minaj并不同意
but Nicki Minaj disagrees.
我们就不该充当上帝的角色
We never should've played god.
我们现在该怎么办 - 我们只好
What are we supposed to do now? - The only thing we can do.
再充当一次上帝的角色 解铃还须系铃人
We play god again to undo our original god playing.
我们要让Gil重新感觉到需要Jake
We need Gil to need Jake again.
对 不过Gil需要什么帮助呢
Yeah, but what does Gil need help with?
显然最近什么都不需要 - 好吧
Apparently nothing these days. - Okay.
他现在超级迷恋组装东西
Well, he's super into building things right now.
如果我们给他找一些很难组装的东西
What if we found something really difficult
会怎么样呢
for him to build?
宜家家具 - 炸♥弹♥
Ikea. - A bomb.
我是说没错 宜家
I mean, yeah, Ikea.
他们有一个带有可调节铰链的奥达
Ooh, they have an odda with an adjustable gangjarn.
什么 - 一个大衣柜
What? - It's an armoire
带有可调节铰链
with adjustable gangjarn.
根据顾客的反馈
According to this customer review,
组装过程"有一股无名火"
the building process was "Needlessly infuriating."
好极了 就这样
Perfect. Okay.
那当Gil崩溃火大的时候
So when Gil crashes and burns,
他找不到别人帮忙 只有找Jake
he'll have no one to turn to but Jake.
各位 我很抱歉我刚刚说了炸♥弹♥
Guys, I want to apologize for the bomb thing.
我只是真的在思考有哪些
I was just trying to think of stuff
很难组建的东西 你们懂的
that's hard to build, you know?
我本来想说"一段良好的感情"
I should've said, "A healthy relationship"
或者"宜家" 结果这就是正确答案
or "Ikea," Which turned out to be the right answer.
谢谢你的道歉 因为那真的很奇怪
Thank you for apologizing, 'cause it was really weird.
"亲爱的Gil 我们都为你骄傲
"Dear Gil. We're so proud of you.
请好好享受这个大衣柜
"Please enjoy this armoire.
爱你的 Annie Dennah和Kay"
Love, Annie, Dennah, and Kay."
哇哦
Tch! Aw.
我还真需要一个大衣柜
I could really use an armoire,
我一直都想有一个可调节的铰链
and I've always wanted adjustable gangjarn.
分享给全世界吧
Now, to share you with the world.
不是吧
No!
不敢相信 - 怎么 怎么啦
I don't believe it. - Hmm? What? What?
对不起 是不是我又梦遗了
Oh, I'm sorry. Did I have another wet dream?
我们睡觉前真的不能再看<黄金女郎>了
I need to stop watching Golden Girls before we go to bed.
不是 是Gil 他组装了大衣柜
No. Gil. He built the armoire.
简直不敢相信 - 什么
I can't believe it. - What?
嘿 他还真的有两下子
Hey, he's actually doing stuff.
真为我们的小肥球感到骄傲
I'm so proud of our little meatball.
那你就打给他啊 - 算了
Then call him. - No.
如果这不能证明我拖累了他
I mean, if this isn't proof I was holding him back,
那我不知道什么才能证明了