嫁给我（2014）

对不起
I'm sorry!
我把你吓坏了吧 - 一点点啦
I'm freaking you out. - A little bit.
我真把你吓坏了 对不起
I'm freaking you out. I'm sorry.
Libby说我对待病人的态度
Libby says I've got
最差劲了 她真说对了
the worst bedside manner. She's right.
听着 最重要的是
Listen, the important thing is
不论检查结果如何
whatever happens with the results,
只要你们别互相指责就会没事的
you're gonna be fine as long as you don't blame each other.
不过看得出来你们俩沟通得非常好
But I mean, you guys communicate really well, I can tell.
好吧 咱们明天见
Listen, I will see you tomorrow.
同时 为了你自己好
In the meantime, do yourself a favor.
今天别动你的小♥弟♥弟♥
No yanky the tanky.
好的 谢啦
Okay, thanky.
你需要"精"力满满
You need a full load.
嘿 小亲亲 么么
Oh, hey, honey bun. Mwah.
你应该看看Dennah送我们的东西
You should see what Dennah got us.
是吗 - 是条浴巾
Oh, yeah? - It's a bath towel.
但是如果包得正确
However, when worn correctly,
会让我们的宝宝看起来像个猫头鹰
it gives the impression that our baby is an owl.
啊 他们下一个还会发明出什么
Ah! What will they think up next?
嘿 Berman医生
Hey, Dr. Berman.
别 那是我妈妈的名字
Please, that's my mom's name.
叫我Berman医生就好
Call me Dr. Berman.
问个医学小问题
Quickie doctor question for ya.
我脖子上长了个东西 而且
I got this skin thing on my neck, and...
先暂停一下
I'm gonna stop you right there.
我是个生育专家
I'm a reproductive specialist,
很少有生殖问题长在脖子上
and rarely are reproductive problems located on the neck.
更别说我现在已经喝了
Not to mention I'm about five bellinis deep
五杯香槟鸡尾酒了 我都
right now, so I'm...
好吧 我肯定估计也没啥事
Oh, well, I'm sure it's probably nothing anyway.
还是小心点好
I wouldn't be so sure.
说没事的通常都有点事
Some nothings are actually something.
要是我肯定会去做个检查的
I would definitely get it checked out.
嘿 香槟女士
Hey, bellini lady.
噢 我也来一杯
Oh, me too.
嘿
Hey.
刚才某某医生
Okay, doctor what's-his-name
从屋子那边指着我说
just pointed at me from across the room
"等不及看你的裙底风光喽"
and said, "I can't wait to get a look under your hood."
什么 - 知道我想说啥吗
What? - And I'm gonna say...
我要说出其他人的心声
I'm gonna say what everybody else is thinking.
那个宝宝就像块长了贼溜溜眼睛的湿抹布
That baby looks like a pile of wet wash cloths with beady eyes.
是啊是啊 就像"亲爱的 我把Don Rickles缩小啦"
Yeah, it's like, "Honey, I shrunk the Don Rickles."
绝对的
Totally.
让我们赶紧做完这个生殖能力检查
Let's just take this fertility test,
再也别和他们来往了
and never hang out with them again.
是啊 绝对的 当然
Yes, totally, absolutely.
星期二之后 就可以说
After Tuesday, it's like,
"拜拜了 怪胎们"
"See you later, weirdos."
是啊 你是说星期一吧
Yeah, you mean Monday.
明天 对啊
Tomorrow. Yeah.
等等 什么
Wait, what?
明天
Tomorrow?
不行 我明天都排满了
No, my tomorrow's packed.
我不行啊 明天我去不了
I can't do... I can't do it tomorrow.
我发誓你跟我说的是星期二
I'm... I swear you told me Tuesday.
不是啊 一直都是星期一
No, it's always been Monday.
太奇怪了
Huh, that's so weird.
真奇怪不是吗 看来我们得重新再约了
Isn't that weird? Well, we'll have to reschedule.
没关系的 可是等一下 马上就要到秋天了
That's fine. Oh, but wait, we're about to hit Autumn,
你也知道我秋天
and you know my autumns.
总是很忙 - 等等 Jake
They're packed. - Wait, Jake,
要预约到这个人相当难
it's so hard to get an appointment with this guy.
你明天什么事这么重要
What do you have tomorrow that's so important?
我 要去外地 明白吗
I'm... out of town, you know?
我 我得开我妈的车去
I-I need to take my mom's car...
底特律
To Detroit.
什么 等等 怎么回事啊
What? Wait, what is happening?
两分钟前 我把你留在这儿
Like, two minutes ago, I left you here.
你对这个测试还很兴奋
You were really excited about taking the test,
现在你却 - 没有啊 我超级兴奋啊
and now, you're... - No, I'm super excited.
我只是明天去不了
I just can't do it tomorrow,
结果也一定不错
and I'm gonna own that, you know?
说实话 我兴奋得胃都黏在一起了
And honestly, I'm sick to my stomach about it.
我胃里实在太恶心了
I am sick to my stomach.
我都快要吐在这个婴儿床里了
I could just vomit into this crib,
现在你可能都不必对我感到生气
and there's a version here where you don't even have to
因为我现在都很气我自己
be angry at me because I am so angry at myself right now.
我就想啊 "Jake 你为什么要当个讨厌鬼
I'm like, "Ah, Jake, why you gotta be such a so-and-so
又这样 又那样的" 明白吗
and this and that," You know?
我清楚明了地听见了你的心声
And I hear you loud and clear,
也完全明白 我又想了"不乖哦 Jake
and message received, and, like, "Bad, Jake.
怎么就 好记性不如烂笔头"
What's the... how... just start writing things down."
这就是问题所在 你明白吗
That's the thing, I think, you know?
以后就 把事情记在谷歌♥文件里
Just get a... put things in a Google doc.
说什么呢
What?
今晚 11点 世界上最致命的狙击手
Tonight, at 11:00, the world's deadliest sniper
将首次打破沉默
finally breaks his silencer.
天哪
Oh, my god.
最近的新闻都很劲爆嘛
The news has been so good lately.
没错
Yeah.
Annie 你怎么了
Annie, what's wrong?
Jake最近很奇怪 还不是他平时那种
Jake's acting weird, and not his usual
因为半夜吃了瘦身特餐感到丢脸
shame eat a lean cuisine in the middle of the night
然后把塑料托盘藏在浴室垃圾桶里的奇怪
then hide the plastic tray in the bathroom garbage weird.
而是不寻常的那种奇怪 - 是吗 因为你刚才说的
Like, weird, weird. - Yeah, 'cause that first one
属于寻常的奇怪
was totally normal weird.
我们当时在婴儿房♥里
Well, we were in the nursery,
他看起来对生育这事还很兴奋
and he seemed excited about this fertility stuff,
就像迈出人生的下一步
like, taking the next step.
可是接下来我离开了两分钟
But then I leave for two minutes,
回来以后
and when I came back,
他却说预约的那天他有别的事了
he said he's busy the day of the appointment.
可能是那个婴儿洗礼让他想到了孩子
Well, maybe the baby shower made him think about kids,
然后就把他吓坏了
and that freaked him out.
我觉得那个某某医生对他说了什么
I think doctor what's-his-name said something to him,
我希望弄清楚到底是说了什么话
and I wish I could figure out what it was because then
那样就能帮我家那口子了
I could fix my guy.
亲爱的 你为什么不去看看那时候的录像
Well, baby girl, why don't you just look at the footage?
你什么意思 什么录像
What do you mean? What footage?
如果他当时在婴儿房♥里
If he was in the nursery,
我上上次婴儿洗礼送他的变♥态♥保姆摄像头也在里面
then so is the creepy nanny cam I gave him two showers ago.
对 天哪 对啊
Yes. Oh, my god, yes.
像体育节目的即时回放一样
Instant replay like on sports.
给 打给Libby
Here, call Libby.
喂 - Libby 小Libby 美Libby
Hello? - Libby, libbster, liberace.
嘿 姐们 是我 Annie啊
Hey, girl, it's Annie.
我打来是想告诉你今天玩得很尽兴
I just wanted to say we had the best time today.
真是高兴得呼噜叫
It was a real hoot,
没错 我故意用的双关
and, yeah, pun intended.
Annie 你用猫头鹰的双关对我而言意义非凡呢
Annie, you using that owl pun means the world to me.
总吱 说真的 来个人让我闭嘴吧
Aww, any whoooo, seriously, somebody stop me.
闭嘴 - 好吧
Stop. - All right.
闺蜜谈话时间 你有没有过那种感觉
Well, sister to sister, do you ever feel like emotionally
另一半在情感上对你守口如瓶 你也不知道原因
your man is clamming up, and you don't know why?
哦 我也有过这种感觉啊
Oh, been there city.
就是我的每日生活写照
Population: Me every day.
你知道吗 有一次 - 没错 就是啊
You know, one time... - Yeah, totally.
问题是我觉得你保姆摄像头
The thing is I think the answer