嫁给我（2014）

呕
Ahh.
冰箱装了这么多中餐
The refrigerator's packed with so much Chinese
都像置身中国了
it's like... China.
他们本来就人口巨多嘛
They are experiencing a real population boom,
我听说的
from what I've overheard.
嘿 这是上个星期的玉米汤
Hey, is this last week's corn chowder
还是七月圣诞派对的蛋奶酒啊
or eggnog from our Christmas in July party?
应该是十二月国♥庆♥派对的华夫饼面糊
It's actually the waffle batter from our Fourth of July in December party.
有几点我想说 一 恶心
OK, a few things, A, gross.
二 我们必须开始处理这些吃的了
B, we got to start throwing this food away.
三 咱们是不是太热衷开派对了
And three, are we getting too cute with our parties?
也许吧 但是我们必须得过"死人的土拨鼠节"
Maybe, but we have to do Groundhog Day of the Dead.
好
Yeah.
你干啥呢 以为你是百万富翁吗
Ooh, what are you doing, white Daddy Warbucks?
别扔啊 太浪费了
Don't throw that out. It's wasteful.
这不叫浪费 这很正常好吗
It's not wasteful. It's normal, okay?
冰箱可不是时间机器
A refrigerator isn't a time machine.
你把食物放进去时间又不会停止
Time doesn't stop when you put food in there.
冷冻柜才可以停止时间
That's what a freezer's for, stopping time.
告我啊 我节省食物
Sue me! I save food.
我小时候可经历过萧条时期
I'm a child of the depression...
<黄金女郎>停播了以后
that both my fathers went into
我两个爸爸都抑郁了
after The Golden Girls went off the air.
他俩都不做饭了
They stopped cooking.
我只能吃我平时藏在杂七杂八里的食物
I had to live off food I squirreled away in my caboodle.
嘿 "杂八"到底是啥意思
Hey, what is a caboodle, anyway?
它永远都要和"杂七"搭配使用吗
And is it always paired with a kit?
当然 - 固定搭配吗
Always. - Always?
必须搭配 - 杂七杂八
Never not. - Kit and caboodle.
Kay马上就来了
Hey, so Kay's on her way up.
你要不要把衣服穿上
Do you want to get dressed, or...
你说啥呢 我已经穿好了啊
What do you mean? I'm already dressed.
要不要把胳膊也遮住呢
Maybe you want to dress your arms?
宝贝 太阳光光 肌肉亮亮
Baby, sun's out, guns out.
今天没太阳
Well it's overcast.
好吧 那就 乌云片片 肌肉颤颤
Huh? Well, uh, gray skies, display bi's.
你就胡编吧
I don't think that's a thing.
嘿
Hey!
我女朋友真是个贱♥人♥
My girlfriend's such a bitch.
起码你们开心过
Oh, well. It was fun while it lasted.
不过你知道吗 Kay
But you know what, Kay?
你真不是那种适合恋爱的人
You're not really a relationship person anyway.
而且Haley真有那么好吗
And was Haley even that great?
我们没分手
We're still together.
当然好了 我自己来回答
Yes, is... to answer my own question.
绝对的 她是最适合你的人了
Absolutely. She's the best and the best for you.
她喜欢我吗
Does she like me?
Kay 发生啥事了 - 唉
Kay, what happened? - Ugh.
Haley准备在情人节给我个大大惊喜
Haley's planning some amazing Valentine's Day surprise for me.
切 那个 贱♥人♥
Psh, that... bitch?
她要怎样 算了我退出
What... uh, I'm tagging out.
我不能再给自己挖坑跳了
I'm tripping all over myself here.
那我也得想办法给她惊喜
It's just that now I have to surprise her
但是我啥也想不出来
with something amazing too, and I've got nothing.
以前情人节的时候我可没恋人
I'm not used to being in a relationship on Valentine's Day.
哇哦 你俩昨晚开派对了吗
Whoa. Did you guys have a party last night?
怎么这么多盒子
Why so many boxes?
只是些外卖♥♥
Oh, it's just some takeout.
湖南之星
Star of Hunan?
这地方一年前都关门了
This place closed down a year ago.
你得赶紧扔了
You got to throw this out.
食物放这么久太危险了
It's dangerous to keep food too long.
我邻居的叔叔的朋友吃了个过期的英国松饼
My neighbor's uncle's friend ate an expired English muffin.
结果里面的霉菌感染了他的脑袋
Turned out it was riddled with fungus that spread to his head,
结果他整个脸都被挖空了
and he had to have his entire face scooped out!
他睡一觉起来 脸就没了
He went to sleep, and when he woke up, no face.
就剩个大大的洞
Just a big, scoopy hole.
恶心 我的天哪
Ew. Oh, my God.
谢谢你 Kay
Thank you, Kay.
我们得赶紧扔了
We got to get rid of all of this!
不是吧 你不听未婚夫的话倒听Kay的话
Really? You listen to Kay but not your betroth-ed?
我可不想要个大洞啊 我喜欢我的脸
I don't want a scoopy hole! I like my face.
我知道有不完美的地方 那我也得留着
And, yeah, I've got notes, but it's a keeper.
总统日快乐
Happy President's Day!
总统日快乐
Happy President's Day!
你们太漂亮啦
You guys look fabulous.
谢谢
Thanks.
你们举办这个晚会实在太好了
It is so great that you do this.
你们为什么要办这个派对
Why do you do this?
这是八十七年前我还是单身时
Well, it's a tradition that I started four score and seven years ago
就开始的传统
when I was single.
真可爱
Cute.
其实是为了在情人节前后开个派对
It was a way to have a party around Valentine's Day
这样单身的人 或者会孤独终老的人
where nobody felt bad about being alone
不会感觉那么糟糕
or possibly dying alone.
Kevin和我就是在第一次派对上认识的
Kevin and I met at his very first party.
现在我每次看到大礼帽
I still get a little flutter in my heart
心还砰砰跳呢
every time I see a stovepipe hat.
也许我应该找心脏专家看看
Actually, I should probably have that looked at by a cardiologist.
Terry
Terry?
嘿 噢 - 嘿
Hey! Ooh. - Hey!
乔治华盛顿和 等等 Dennah 你扮的谁
George Washington and... wait, Dennah. Who are you?
哼 我是火♥辣♥版的罗斯福啊
Duh! I'm hot FDR.
我的短裙是个性感的毯子
My skirt's a sexy blanket,
我的溜冰鞋其实是性感的轮椅
and my roller skates are a sexy wheelchair.
Kay Haley呢
Kay, where's Haley?
你们不是如胶似漆吗
I thought you two were attached at the vag?
她可能在给我精心准备
She's probably off planning some amazing, spectacular
情人节的大惊喜
Valentine's Day surprise for me.
跟往常一样 我要嗨翻情人节
Well, as always, I'm going to crush Valentine's Day.
你在扮Jimmy Stewart吗 - 里根
Jimmy Stewart? - Ronald Reagan.
是里根
Yeah, Reagan.
我给这位"正直的亚伯"和我订了在
Anyway, I got reservations for Honest Abe and I at...
等一下
wait for it...
哪儿
Where?
等一下
Wait for it...
我们等的够久了
We've waited long enough.
不是 那饭店的名字就叫"等一下"
No, the name of the restaurant is Wait For It.
等等 我听过这地方
Oh, no, wait. I've heard of this place.
它就叫"等一下"
It's called Wait For It.
为了符合主题
It's like a 25-course,
几乎有25道菜 进餐时间4个小时
4-hour dining experience, hence the name.
是那个分子美食饭店吧
That's that molecular gastronomy place.
刺山柑蒸汽 奶油芝士泡沫 厚底披萨脆响
Caper vapor, cream cheese foams, deep dish pizza noise.
那地方很难预约的
That place is impossible to get into it.
你怎么订到情人节预约的
How'd you get a rezzie on Valentine's Day?
是这样 我一年前就订了
Oh, yeah. I called a year ago
还交了一笔高得离谱的订金
and I put down a crazy expensive non-refundable deposit,
不过一切都是值得的 为了我漂亮的
but, you know, it's all worth it for my beautiful little...
小青蛙
frog.
宝贝 你别这样用舌头吃爆米花好不好
Uh, hey, babe, maybe you want to stop tonguing the popcorn?
老天赐给我这么灵敏的舌头
Why would I get oil on my fingers
我为啥还要弄脏我的手
when God gave me this corn grabber?
那地方听起来真不错 Jake
That place sounds pretty cool, Jake.
我一直想吃怪异的科技食物
I've always wanted to eat weird science food.
在正经饭店里 而不是在已婚数学老师的车里
At a restaurant, not in a car of a married math teacher.
姑娘 你真不能这样吃了
Girl, you have got to stop doing that.
什么
What?
吃东西像个卡♥通♥蜥蜴似的
Eating like a cartoon lizard.
Jake是对的 实在难看死了
Jake's right. It's not a good look.