爱你，维克托

有一次我在午饭前
One time I went into the studio
进了工作室 想着就工作20分钟
to work for twenty minutes before lunch,
等我回过神来 发现已经快天亮了
and next thing I know, the sun is coming up.
我也是这样的
I'm like that, too.
我进入忘我状态时 时间过得飞快
Like, when I'm in the zone, the hours just, like, fly by.
我最近开始画画
I started getting into painting recently.
这段时间喜欢画水彩
I'm currently in a water color phase.
很可爱
Cute.
我在拍摄一部新的摄影集
I'm working on this new photo series
就是拍我自己的手
where I'm taking pictures of my hand.
你今天早上说过了
Right, you mentioned that this morning.
照片会是我手部的特写
It's gonna be close ups of my hands,
拿着贯穿我人生的各种物品
holding all these different objects from throughout my life.
-比如拨浪鼓 瓶子 -你的车平时也这么响吗
- You know, rattles, bottles... - Is your car usually this loud?
不 但我不常开着它去自驾游
No. But I don't really take her on road trips much.
泰勒 我想你该停车
Tyler, I think you should stop.
好吧 我想是的
Okay, yeah, it's, um... yeah. Yeah.
没事的 我有备胎
It's okay. I have a spare.
太好了
Great.
我也不想问的 不过你能换胎吗
I hate to ask, but do you think you could change it?
我不想弄伤我的手
I just don't want to mess with my hands
毕竟正在拍摄影集
right in the middle of my photo series.
我会当你的换胎僚机 一步步指导你
I'll be your tire wingman every step of the way.
没问题
Uh, sure.
谢了
Thanks.
伊莎
Isa?
瞧这是谁啊 唱白脸的
Oh, look who it is! The good cop.
艾德里安忘记拿乌龟了
Adrian forgot his turtle.
-他真的很喜欢那小家伙 -是的
- He really loves that thing. - Yeah.
前几天我听见他对它说
I heard him talking to her the other day
他俩以后要结婚
about how they were gonna get married one day.
它不在缸里
She's not there.
什么
What?
我早上喂完它之后一定是忘记关上了
I must have forgotten to close it when I fed her this morning.
我竟然弄丢了他未来的新娘
I can't believe I lost his future bride!
我们最好别把这事说得好像很正常一样
I mean, I don't think we should normalize that.
它一定就在附近
Well, she's gotta be around.
它这种动物又不是以速度快著称的
Her species isn't known for speed, right?
出来呀 海瑟
Here, Heather!
维克托
Wow, Victor.
我向你保证
You know, I promise you,
今天的抖音视频不会跑 明天还能看见
today's TikToks will still be there tomorrow.
抱歉
Sorry.
大家好
Hello, hello.
好吗各位
Hey, what's up?
本吉 这地方帅炸了
Benji, this place is legit!
我们这周末一定要躺在熊皮地毯上做
We are definitely doing it on a bearskin rug this weekend.
天啊 好恶心 安德鲁
Oh, my God. Gross, Andrew.
卧室就在走廊尽头
Bedrooms are down the hall.
-谢谢 -好的
- Thank you. - Okay.
我们房♥间里也有一张性感地毯
You know, there's a sexy rug in our room, too.
但我们应该很少待在房♥间里吧
Yeah, but we'll barely even be in there, right?
整晚都会和大家一起玩
We'll just be hanging out with everyone else all night.
好吧
Okay.
我去梳洗一下
I'm gonna go freshen up.
你还好吧
Are you okay?
嗯 抱歉
Yeah. Yeah, sorry.
我就是跟爸妈说了 到达后会报平安
Uh, I just told my parents I'd let them know when we got here,
我不想让他们担心
and I don't want them to freak out on me.
杂货店有信♥号♥♥
Oh, well, the general store has service.
就在镇上 十分钟路程 我陪你走过去
It's ten minutes into town. I'll walk with you.
不不
Oh, no, no, no.
我跟他去吧 蕾可正好需要驱蚊液
I can go with. Uh, Lake actually needs some bug spray.
那些蚊子
You know those mosquitoes
无法拒绝她可口的血管
can't resist, uh, her delicate veins.
好的 我们很快回来
Uh, okay, yeah. Yeah. We'll be right back.
你就在这招待大家
Just stay here and host.
-走吧 -嗯
- Let's go. - Yeah.
我招了 我不需要驱蚊液 只是想谈谈
Confession: I don't need bug spray I just need to talk.
处♥男♥之间的对话
One virgin to another.
怎么了
Yeah, what's up?
这趟旅行本来是为了
This whole trip was supposed to be about
让我和蕾可有独处时间
me spending some alone time with Lake.
现在她却表现得很奇怪
Now she's acting all weird about it.
我能理解她想慢慢来
And I get wanting to take things slow,
但我开始怀疑 她是不是没那么喜欢我
but I'm starting to wonder if she's just not that into me.
对我的肉体没性趣
Like, physically.
菲利克斯 不是这样的
Felix, that's not true.
两个男的之间肯定就简单多了
Must be so much simpler with two guys.
别轻易下结论
Uh, don't be so sure.
要和本吉上♥床♥ 你很紧张吗
Are you stressed about having sex with Benji?
本吉有性经验
It's just‐Benji's had sex before.
我不知道自己在干什么
And I have no idea what I'm doing.
两个男的滚床单
Like, when it's two guys,
怎么知道谁该做什么
how do you know who's supposed to do what?
我说不清 就是
I don't know. It's just...
异性恋从小
Straight people grow up
在电影里看到其他异性恋上♥床♥
seeing other straight people have sex in movies.
我又没这种经历
I didn't have that.
除非把黄♥片♥也算进去
Unless you count porn,
那通常发生得很快
which is usually really fast,
机械无趣 而且主角总是叫凯德
and grunty, and they're always named Cade.
不不 我认识凯德
Oh, yeah, no, no, no. I know Cade.
他也拍异性恋黄♥片♥
Yeah, he does straight porn, too.
我就是...
I just...
很需要一个同性恋跟我详细说说
really needed a gay person to talk me through this.
我是西蒙 请留言
You've reached Simon. Leave a message.
西蒙
Hey, Simon.
抱歉 给你发了那么多短♥信♥
Sorry about all the texts.
和私信 还有这通语♥音♥留言
And the DMs, and now this voicemail.
但如果你能在十分钟内回我电♥话♥
But if you could give me a call back within the next ten minutes
把我需要知道的关于同性性♥交♥的事
and tell me everything I could possibly need to know
全告诉我 我会感激不尽
about gay sex, that would be great.
对了 我是维克托
Oh, this is Victor, by the way.
希望你一切都好
Hope you're well.
避孕套
怎么样啊 情圣
What up, lover boy?
一盒怎么够嘛
Dah, who am I kidding?
性健康
Ah, sexual health.
-非常重要 学校在这方面资金投入不足 -对
- So important. Underfunded in schools. - Yeah.
你和露西有着充足的性生活啊
So, you and Lucy have a very robust sex life.
-当然 -我和蕾可也是
- Sure. - Lake and I do, too.
其实 暂时还不是 不过
You know, s‐s‐not, well, you know, not yet, but we...
迟早会有的
We will one day.
-这么说你和蕾可还没... -那个
- So you and Lake haven't... - You know...
你估计不会理解 因为你是天菜
You probably won't understand 'cause you're gorgeous, but, uh,
但我开始怀疑蕾可...
I'm just, I'm starting to wonder if Lake is‐‐
哥们 你得放轻松
All right, man. You need to relax.
紧张和急切不能挑起对方的性趣
Stressed and desperate are not turn‐ons.
你必须...有自信
You have to be... confident.
紧张和急切就是我的静息状态
Well, stressed and desperate is my resting state.
听着 每个人都很害怕自己的第一次做♥爱♥
All right, look. Sex is scary for everyone the first time.
我想关键在于接受
I think the key is accepting
在过程中闹出的尴尬花絮
that some moments will forever live on
会永远保留在我们的人生记忆里
in the sexual blooper reel of our lives.
如果你和对的人在一起
If you're with the right person,
那就没关系
doesn't matter.
反正我那时是这样的
Well, that's how it was for me, anyway.
还有 修饰毛发不再只是女性的活儿了
Oh, and grooming is no longer just for the ladies,
如果小菲利克斯和大菲利克斯一样不修边幅...
so, if downtown Felix looks anything like uptown Felix...
剃毛刀