飞天大盗（2004）

Bloody tragic.
我是Mickey Stone
I'm Mickey Stone.
- 我们走吧 - 等下
- We're out of here. - Wait.
干什么?
What for?
如果我们再呆一会儿的话 他会开始唱"我是个小茶壶..."
If we stay any longer,he's gonna sing I'm a Little Teapot...
然后他会挥动他的手
and he's gonna poop in his hand.
Tip 表演结束了
The show is over,Tip.
我们要做笔大买♥♥卖♥♥
We're here on serious business.
如果你做得好的话 你会得到10万镑
If you do this job right,you're in for 100,000.
停止玩这恶心的游戏
So stop playing silly buggers.
15万,要不就走人
150,000.Take it or leave it.
这个是维纳斯的
...belonged to the Venus de Milo.
下周就去德州
Going out to Texas next week.
这个画廊的拥有者想让我 得到伪造的罪名
So this gallery owner's trying to get me on a forgery rap.
伪造罪?Moi?
Forgery?Moi?
我从不伪造 我克隆
I don't forge,I clone.
不管怎么样 如果我不能站起来的话 那就没有审讯了
Anyhow,the whole trial's redundant if I can't stand.
因此要表演一下
Hence the performance.
那你认为蒙德里安的故事怎么样?
So what do you think of this Mondrian scam?
Picasso之前 真是聪明
Pre-Picasso.Very cute.
自然 三个臭皮匠 你不可能愚弄Saatchi的宠物沙鼠
Total cobblers,of course.You wouldn't fool Saatchi's pet gerbil.
但是我认为你很厉害
But I thought you were good.
伪造品通常卖♥♥给那些富有的傻瓜
Forgeries are generally sold to wealthy idiots.
电影明星 日本渔民
Movie stars,Japanese fishing barons who never bother...
那些人从来不会为付账烦恼
to get them checked out.
但是你想用一个假冒的蒙德里安的作品去欺骗Meredith Gates
You want to flog a fake Mondrian to Meredith Gates...
一个蒙德里安作品主要的收集者
a leading Mondrian collector.
好的 你要什么?
Okay.What do you need?
一打意大利马毛刷子 大小是4-9号♥
A dozen Italian horsehair brushes,sizes 4 to 9.
有一定时间的再造帆布
Reconstituted canvas circa the period.
它能让我们在碳同位素测年法中达到 我们想要的时期
Not that that will get us around the carbon-dating.
是的 还要个原作
Yes,and an original.
得了吧 我们可以给你个出版物
Come on.We can get you a print.
我可以从书里面看到
I got pictures in books.
我需要去闻 去抚摸 去体验
I need to smell,caress,taste.
我需要一个真的蒙德里安在我身边
I need a real Mondrian sitting beside me.
毕竟 你们在说创造一副新画
After all,you're talking about originating a new piece.
这必须达到天衣无缝
This has to be perfect.
拿着它 冷静点
Hold on.Calm down.
麻烦一下 你能拿着它吧?
Can you hold on to that,please?
- 坐这儿 - 真是个混乱的地方
- Sit there. - That was a shambles.
把Gates小姐叫来 我要马上和她说话
Now get me Miss Gates.I need to speak with her at once.
什么?她在布里斯托尔
What?She's in Bristol.
那好,给她打电♥话♥
Well,get her on the phone.
一个人走进你的画廊然后从墙上拿起了你价值不菲的画
A man walks into your gallery and lifts a valuable painting off the wall.
为什么它没有被拴上?你们的激光保护呢?
Why wasn't it bolted down?Where's your laser protection?
据我所知花♥园♥都比你们的安全措施要好
I've seen garden centers with better security.
- 那儿有摄像机... - 如果停电怎么办?
- There's the cameras... - What's the downtime on the Mondrians?
这些画肯定是目标 怎么样 30秒钟?
Those paintings must be out of shot for,what,30 seconds?
只要20秒 它就不见了
Only 20,as it goes.
你是谁?
Who are you?
Debonair安全评估 就像你所意识到的
Debonair Security Assessments.As you may be aware...
最近有一些盗贼对于伦敦的画廊有所企图
there's been some recent theft attempts on London galleries.
艺术理事会要求我们检查你们有什么措施
The Arts Council asked us to check what measures you have in place...
为了保护这些艺术品
for insurance purposes.
我们有X光仪器 所有的画框都被做了记号♥
We have the X-ray machines,and all the frames are tagged.
你们不在帆布上做记号♥?
You don't tag the canvases?
不 Gates小姐的命令,没人可以去动油画
No.Miss Gates' instructions.No one tampers with the paintings.
听着 我想我最好和Gates小姐通下电♥话♥
Look,I think I'd better call Miss Gates.
好的 早点把她从布里斯托叫回来
Yeah,recall her from Bristol early.
她不会生气 是吗?
She won't be annoyed,will she?
只要告诉我一件事情
Just tell me one thing.
我们会做好的 不是吗?
We did all right,didn't we?
绅士们 我们Debonair的评估员对你们 的合作印象很深
Gents,it is not often that a Debonair assessor is impressed...
但是 从你们那里我们 知道了 谦卑 的真正含义
but this one just learnt the meaning of the word "humility."
这个就是你要的那个时期的画布
Here's the period canvas you asked for.
这个给你
This is for you.
它不能被仔细地去审查 但是他起码暂时可以去替换一下
It won't pass close scrutiny but it should do the job for the swap.
好的 我会把原画带回来的
Good.I'll be back with the original.
我要一张票
One,please.
之后将会有个小派对
Rest of my party are on the coach.
- 派对? - 蒙德里安的欣赏团体
- Party? - Mondrian Appreciation Society.
好的
All right.
我不知道是否简洁的构成 抑或是他的非对称性高雅...
I don't know if it's the economy of form or the elegance of his asymmetry...
他让我十分动心 是不是有点疯狂?
but he sets me alight.Is that crazy?
这是什么?
What's this?
这个是来访的纪录 如果你喜欢的话 可以签上名字
That is the visitors' record.Sign it,if you like.
那我马上我签了它
I'll sign it.I'll sign right now.
这个给你 免费的
To you,free.
谢谢 你人真不错
Thank you.That is so kind of you.
我们一直看护这些蒙德里安
We handle these Mondrians all the time.
这个是办公室的又一天 真的
It's another day at the office,really.
别说了
Stop it.
我喜欢那个疯狂的荷兰新塑料家
I like that crazy Dutch Neo-Plasticist.
你说的对
You're right.
他们有点晚了 你认为呢?
They're kind of late,don't you think?
- 厕所在哪里?我想小个便 - 这边请
- Where are the loos?I'm peeing my pants. - Right this way.
- 在你后面 一直走 - 谢谢你
- Behind you.Straight through. - Thanks.
再见
See you.
等下 你要去哪儿?
Wait.Where are you off to?
什么意思?
What do you mean?
你的小派对怎么样了?
What about your coach party?
将不一样了
Wouldn't be the same.
我更喜欢一对一
I like things a little more one-to-one.
知道我的意思了吗?再见
Know what I mean?Bye.
为了以后考虑 像这样运输 是个不错的点子
For future reference,it's a good idea when transporting a painting like this...
用个棉布包 没有研磨的
to use a muslin bag.Non-abrasive.
你要帮我重新布置这个地方 桌子在那儿 椅子排成一行
You gotta help me rearrange this place.Tables there.Chairs in a row.
蒙德里安喜欢秩序感 我也必须这样
Mondrian believed in order.So must I.
真的要这么做吗?艺术
It really does it for you,doesn't it?Art.
不是为你做吗?
Doesn't it for you?
听着 伙伴 我母亲有一幅画
Listen,mate.My mum had a painting.
叫 星期天的邮件
Got it out of The Mail on Sunday. Massive.
- 一群狗在玩斯♥诺♥克 - 刷子呢?
- A lot of dogs playing snooker. - Brushes?
- 这些应该浸泡在过醋 - 已经泡过了
- These need to be distressed in vinegar. - Already done.
这就是你要的颜料 高铅含量的
And here are the oils you asked for.High lead content as requested.
去掉净重 每管的厂家都不同
Got them off the Net.Different suppliers for each tube.
你要五罐沙丁鱼 为什么?
You asked for five tins of pilchards.Why?
这是沙滩的场景 所以我去了回布赖顿
It's a beach scene,so I took a trip to Brighton.
这是你要的海水
Here's your pot of seawater.
还有这个 我想他会在沙滩上绘画
And here,I thought if he was painting on a beach...
在画布上面应该会有沙砾进去
the sand would have gotten caught on the sticky canvas.
11天完成
In 11 days...
你们将拥有一副 蒙德里安的1902年的原画
an original Mondrian from 1902 will be in your possession.
它会 在短期之内 愚弄世界上最好的专家
It will,for a brief time,fool the greatest art experts in the world...
它同时也会废除毕加索 现代艺术之父的美称
and it will dethrone Picasso as the father of modern art.
或者它应该现在就停止 否则我们会去监狱呆上几年
Or it will be spotted immediately and we'll all go to prison for several years.
- 我可以拿走这包火柴吗? - 当然可以
- May I take these matches? - Yeah,sure.
嗨 对不起
Hi.Sorry.
我很高兴你打电♥话♥给我
I'm so glad you called.
对于那天的事情我深感抱歉 我有点草率
I'm sorry about the other day.I was a bit hasty.
你不要太介意
You can't be too careful.
告诉我 这幅画在Amersfoort找到的吗?
Tell me,was this piece uncovered in Amersfoort?
让我们先喝点东西吧
Let's get some drinks.
不是吧 Amersfoort
Come on.Amersfoort.
劳驾 我能来电酸果蔓汁吗?一杯Sea Breeze给这位女士
Excuse me.Could I have a cranberry juice and a Sea Breeze for the lady?
一个荷兰的中部城市 蒙德里安的出生地
A town in central Holland,Mondrian's birthplace.
对 如果还没公开的话就太好了
Yes,it would have been nice if it had been uncovered...
在蒙德里安的家乡 但是呢 并没有
in Mondrian's hometown.But alas,not.
你有照片吗?
Do you have a photo?
我身上什么都不带