高玩救未来

Future Man S01E01

Part 1 April 11, 2020, 11:01 a.m.

这边
Over here.
别管了别管了
Leave it. Hey, just leave it!
躲到垃圾箱后面去快
Behind the dumpster, quick!
蹲下
Get down, shh, shh.
请别伤害他们
Please, don't hurt them.
这才算是一击入洞
Now that's what I call a hole in one.
这是震慑
There's the shock.
和威吓
And awe.
小子这个好像是你的
Hey kid, I think you dropped this.
你们现在安全了
You're safe now.
不过剩下的人类或许就没这么幸运了
Can't say the same for the rest of humanity.
你是谁
Who are you?
-我是未来侠 -小乔
- I'm Future Man. - Joshy.
-不我是未来侠 -小乔
- No, I'm Future Man. - Joshy!
-未来侠 -小乔
- Future Man. - Joshy?
小乔
Joshy?
小乔
Joshy!
小乔
Joshy!
爸你不用叫醒我好吗我有闹钟
Dad, you don't have to wake me up, okay? I have an alarm clock.
可是不能给你做薄煎饼
Yeah, but not one that makes you pancakes.
快起来小子
Come on, you little buddy boo.
我是大人了你不需要给我做薄煎饼
I'm an adult, you don't have to make me pancakes!
我的手柄
My joystick!
高玩救未来
第一季第一集
2017年12月11日
洛杉矶
-好啊 -嘿福特曼
- Yo! - Hey, Futterman!
-你好吗 -挺好的
- How you doing? - I'm doing good,
只是又得买♥♥一个手柄
uh, except I need another joystick.
又一个怎么回事
Another one, what happened?
你玩"生化战争"玩疯了吗
You spazz out playing Biotic Wars?
又砸了你的手柄
Smash your joystick...again?
你怎么还在玩那弱智游戏
Why you still playing that stupid game?
我知道为什么
I know why.
因为他喜欢对着这位打飞机猎虎
Because he spanks it to this one- - Tiger!
才没有我不对猎虎打飞机
That is not true, I do not spank it to Tiger.
哥们你对着猎虎飞机打得太多
Dude, you spank it to Tiger so much,
你右手应该叫做西格弗里德
your right hand should be called Siegfried, man.
魔术组合白老虎兄弟Siegfried & Roy
喜欢吗我最近在练习我怼人的技巧
Bam, you like that? I've been working on my slams.
没什么的谁没对着游戏人物打过飞机呢
Look, don't worry about it. We all jerk it to video game people.
当然她不是我的菜我更喜欢吃豆人小姐
I mean, she's not my type. I prefer Ms. Pac-Man.
吃豆人小姐嫁给了吃豆人先生
Ms. Pac-Man is married to Mr. Pac-Man.
没有那样的话她就会叫做
No, because then she would be called
吃豆人夫人而不是吃豆人小姐
Mrs. Pac-Man, not Ms. Pac-Man.
这其实是吃豆人的女儿
This is essentially Pac-Man's daughter.
我在吃豆人屋檐下上吃豆人的女儿
I'm fucking Pac-Man's daughter under Pac-Man's roof
而她像这样吃着我的鸡♥巴♥
and she's gobbling my dick like homp, homp, homp.
个人而言我一直想上路易吉[超级马里奥兄弟]
Me personally, I've always wanted to fuck Luigi.
我喜欢意大利人的鸡♥巴♥
I love Italian dick.
路易吉的鸡♥巴♥ 整个鸡♥巴♥肯定很多毛
I bet Luigi's dick, the whole dick is hairy.
整个鸡♥巴♥
The whole dick.
他有一条下蛋如鸡的龙
He has a dragon that shits eggs like a chicken,
酷毙了
that's fucking dope.
路易吉在"生化战争"里一天都待不下去
Look, Luigi wouldn't last one day in the Biotic Wars.
还有把"超级马里奥兄弟"想成一个整体
And, by the way, think about Super Mario Bros. as a whole.
那游戏太可笑了毫无逻辑可言
It's a ridiculous game, it makes no sense at all.
你什么意思你什么意思
What do you mean, what do you mean?
还能是什么意思
What do you mean, "What do you mean"?
库巴修建城♥堡♥ 他明明知道
Bowser builds a castle, he knows there's little
有意大利水管工想要阻止他
Italian plumbers that are trying to stop him,
可他还是要修那些通向城♥堡♥内部的巨大绿色管道
but yet he makes these giant green pipes that lead right inside.
-根本讲不通 -不因为那是命运
- That makes no sense. - No, 'cause it's destiny.
命运
Destiny?!
所以你才知道那是命中注定他有大型管道
That's how you know it's meant to be, he had big pipes.
他唯一没有料到的是
And the one thing he didn't see coming
有两个意大利水管工刚好能进入那些管道
was two Italian plumbers that fit exactly in those pipes.
那游戏逊毙了好不好
Those games suck, come on!
你的游戏才逊
Your games suck.
是啊你的游戏根本不可战胜
Yeah, your game is literally unbeatable.
所以我才玩啊因为不可战胜
That is why I play it, because it's unbeatable.
想想吧
Think about it.
有多少人通关过"光晕"
How many people have beaten Halo?
有多少人通关过"使命召唤" 或者"生化奇兵"
How many people have beaten Call of Duty or BioShock?
我玩这游戏是因为没人通关过
I play this game because no one has beaten it.
我为什么要去玩一个人人都能通关的游戏
Why would I want to beat a game that everyone can beat?
没一点个性
There's nothing special about that.
这倒也是
That's a true truth.
我没时间跟你们争我得去实验室了
Okay, I don't have time for this, I have to get to the lab.
尽情拯救你的世界吧
Yeah, have fun saving the world.
地球 2162年
Earth 2162.
人类处于灭绝边缘
The human race is on the brink of extinction.
生化人一个免疫一切疾病的超级种族
The Biotics, a super race immune to disease,
释放了一种致命病毒几乎杀光了地球
have released a deadly virus killing nearly all of Earth's
全部400亿居民
40 billion inhabitants.
卡尔
Hey Carl.
乔西你好吗
Hey, Josh, how are you?
干着梦想工作呢
Living the dream.
人类命运岌岌可危
What's left of humanity hangs on by a thread,
只有一支名为抵御者的小军队在做抵抗
defended by a small army known as the Resistance.
我是猎虎他是暴狼
I'm Tiger, this is Wolf.
你是我们最新的成员
You're our newest recruit.
来战斗吧
Come fight.
欢迎加入抵御者
Welcome to the Resistance.
你想载入之前的游戏进度吗未来侠
Would you like to load previous game, Future Man?
是的
Yes, I would.
把这里灭了
Let's fuck this place up.
轰掉他的鸡♥巴♥
Rip his fucking dick off!
武器升级 X28变♥态♥爆破枪
Weapon upgrade, X28 Psychoblaster.
棒 X28变♥态♥爆破枪
Nice, X28 Psychoblaster.
敌军车辆靠近
Enemy vehicle approaching.
-用你的亚原子感应雷 -谢了暴狼
- Use your subatomic sensor mine. - Thank you for that, Wolf.
-炸死他们 -好样的
- Blow 'em back to hell. - Yeah, hoo!
给力点棒极了
Come on, come on, come on, yes!
-我为血而生 -乔西
- I live for blood! - Hey, Josh.
你在这里面待了多久了好臭
Hoo, how long have you been in here, buddy? It smells bad.
你知道你周围都是清洁用品吧
You know you're surrounded by cleaning supplies, right?
嗯我知道我只是
Yeah, yeah, no, I know, I just- -
现在有点忙
I'm in the middle of something right now, man.
我不想说出来的
Look, buddy, I hate to tell you this,
但你玩这游戏有点走火入魔了
but you might have an unhealthy obsession with this video game.
没有走火入魔
It's not unhealthy.
所以那瓶子里
So that's not a water bottle
装的不是你因为不想停下来而撒的尿吗
filled with your piss so you don't have to stop playing?
不是的是苹果汁
No. No, it's- - it's- - It's apple juice.
-那你怎么不喝一口 -因为我不渴
- Why don't you take a sip? - 'Cause I'm not thirsty.
你现在饥渴死了
You're so thirsty right now,
-而且你超喜欢苹果汁的 -一般般而已
- And you love apple juice. - Not that much.
这是你第三喜欢的果汁
It's your third favorite juice.
我不渴哥们
Not thirsty, dude.
那你怎么在出汗
Then why you sweating right now?
你渴了你要喝吗
You parched, you want a sip?
不
Nope.
因为是尿
'Cause it's piss.
话说回来你打到多少关了
Anyway, what level are you on?
-83 -83
- Hoo, 83. - 83?
-是的 -你总是死在这关对吗
- Yep, yep. - That's the one you always die on, right?
是的每次我武器比之前
It is, and every time I come back with more
都更多可是
and more weapons, however...
我从没带着如此多的武器打到这里
I have never made it this far with this many weapons in my arsenal.
准备见证历史吧
Get ready to witness history.
-杀光他们 -左转左转