美式主妇

American Housewife S04E16

Part 2 May 28, 2020, 12:07 p.m.

我们比这房♥子还难看
We actually look worse than the house,
我以前还以为这是不可能的呢
which I didn't think was possible.
我们得找到那辆车
We need to find that car
确保那些照片永远不会被人看见
and make sure that photo never sees the light of day.
我们要怎么做追车吗
What are we gonna do? Run after it?
我还穿着熊猫拖鞋呢
In my panda slippers?
-想想办法啊 -你怎么不想
- Think of something! - You think of something!
对哦你没脑子那我来想吧
Oh, wait, I'll think of something.
能借用一下这些凳子吗
Okay if we borrow these chairs?
其实这里是有人坐的
Actually, they're taken.
我的朋友们只是来晚了
My friends are just running late.
她们随时会到
They should be here any minute.
我不是一个人
I'm not alone.
我只是在等朋友
I'm just waiting for my friends.
你的孩子们比你高吗
Are your kids taller than you?
我们之前没信♥号♥♥了无法通知你
我们来不了了还在爬山抱歉明天见
你好请问你是一个人吗
Hi. Are you here by yourself?
显然是啦
Apparently I am.
但如果你们想跟我一起坐...
But I guess if you would like to join...
高中时期的班宠如今竟然沦落到被人嫌
This is a downside to how popular I was in high school.
我对这种惨况完全没心理准备
I am completely unprepared for this situation.
我该掀桌发飙吗还是默默离开
Do I flip the table or just leave?
默默离开好了
Just leave.
完成了
And...done!
特伦布尔堡落成
Fort Trumbull is complete!
我们等胶水干透
Let's wait for the glue to dry,
我去把纸板涂成绿色看起来更像草坪
and I'll paint the cardboard to look more like a lawn.
或者我有个好提议
Or -- and here's a really great idea --
我们放假草进去使之看起来更真实
we put fake grass down to make it look more authentic.
我觉得涂色就行了
I think I just want to paint it.
我帮奥利弗做的手工就用过假草
I used fake grass on Oliver's project,
我们得到了额外加分
and we got extra credit.
他老师给的评价是"干得好"和"没必要"
His teacher said it was "Well done" And "Unnecessary."
涂色就行啦
Painting is fine.
用草皮会好看很多
It'll look way better with turf.
再说了这让我有理由去一趟「爱好小店」
Besides, it gives me a reason to go to the Hobby Shop.
我喜欢到微型区那边
I like to go to the miniature section
假装自己是巨人
and pretend I'm a giant.
那让整个店显得完全不是对手
It really brings the store down.
她们居然为了跟简和查理去爬山放我鸽子
They dumped me for a stupid hike with Jane and Charlie.
我有重要的事要跟她们说啊
I have things I have to talk to them about --
奥利弗长高了《单身汉》的内容
Oliver getting taller, "The Bachelor."
你可以跟我说啊
You can talk to me.
我才不要跟你聊《单身汉》
I can't talk to you about "The Bachelor."
你只会说"这些约会都是谁付账啊
You're all, "Who's paying for all these dates?
光是租直升机的费用就贵死了"之类的蠢话
The helicopter budget alone must be insane."
你把气氛都毁了格雷格
You ruin it, Greg.
我就是想说
I'm just saying,
将来在一起生活肯定没有直升机
one day the helicopters won't be there.
到时那对爱侣只剩下什么
And what is this couple left with?
艰难的现实婚姻
Hard marital work.
多瑞丝和安吉拉怎么能放我鸽子
How could Doris and Angela stand me up?
第二顿早餐可是很神圣的
Second Breakfast is sacred!
我知道你被放了鸽子很不爽
I know it sucks you got stood up,
但听起来你好像反应过度了
but it sounds like you might be overreacting.
要不是因为你
You know, if it weren't for you,
我也不会陷入这个惨况
I wouldn't be in this situation.
你指安吉拉和多瑞丝的事吗
With Angela and Doris?
不是是奥利弗
No, with Oliver.
你是高个儿现在他也拼命长高
You're tall, now he's getting tall.
早知道我就嫁给鲍比·哈德逊了
I should have married Bobby Hudson.
谁
Who?
我高中时的男朋友他只有1米67
My high-school boyfriend. He's 5'6".
嫁给他我肯定能生出霍比特小矮孩
He would have guaranteed me Hobbit children.
好了你与其拿我撒气
Okay, instead of taking your frustrations out on me,
不如告诉多瑞丝和安吉拉
why don't you tell Doris and Angela
你被她们放鸽子的感受
how you feel about them standing you up?
你说得对
You're right.
我要以其人之道还治其人之身
I am gonna give them a taste of their own medicine
让他们知道被取代的滋味
and teach them what it feels like to be replaced.
我说的可不是这意思
That's not what I said.
我知道
I realize that,
但我在脑海里给你增智了
but I smartened you up in my head.
不用谢
You're welcome.
这些是"街景图片"抓拍到的十大丢人画面
These are the top ten most humiliating images caught by Street Pics.
我们也可能上榜
This could be us.
什么样的怪咖才会在自家院子里
What kind of person keeps a Hello Kitty
放凯蒂猫版的耶稣诞生场景啊
Nativity scene in their front yard?
就是会穿印着"我放屁了那又怎样"T恤的那种人
The same kind of person who wears an "I farted. So what?" T-shirt.
你也有脸说
Like you should talk.
你当时看着就像嗑药过量的的巨怪娃娃
You looked like a Troll doll from the opioid crisis collection.
我们的照片可能会永远留在网上
That picture of us could be on the Internet forever.
如果库珀的的直升机找不到拍街景照的那个人
If Cooper's helicopter can't locate the Street Pics guy,
我们就得搬家消失
we'll have to move off the grid.
搬去一个我们得自己接雨水
Somewhere we catch our own rainwater
并且喝自己尿的地方
and drink our own urine.
既然有雨水我们为什么要喝自己的尿
Why would we have to drink our own urine if we have rainwater?
反正就是要喝别问了
We just do, okay?
你们知道谁会赢得
You know who would win the award for
"吃香蕉最大声"奖吗
loudest chewing of a banana?
格雷格
Greg.
我已经不买♥♥香蕉了
I stopped buying bananas,
但他现在居然把公♥司♥的香蕉偷回家
but he now steals them from work.
这是什么情况
What's happening?
你们知道格雷格每次坐进他的车
Did you know that Greg adjusts the mirrors
都要调整后视镜吗
every time he gets in his car?
他以为会有什么变化啊
What does he think changed?
你为什么叫爸爸"格雷格"
Why are you calling Dad "Greg"?
是因为多瑞丝和安吉拉放了你鸽子吗
Is this because Doris and Angela ditched you?
你是想把我们变成你的早餐八卦朋友吗
Are you trying to make us your breakfast friends?
不不不当然不是啦
No. No, no, no, no, no.
昨晚格雷格起床去尿了四次
Greg got up to pee four times last night,
本来那还好
and it wouldn't be that bad,
但他每次躺回床上
but every time he got back in the bed,
都像只河马一样重重地摔在我旁边
it was like a hippopotamus flopping down next to me.
别再说爸爸的坏话了
Stop badmouthing Dad!
他人很好他还教会了我骑自行车
He's nice, and he taught me how to ride a bike.
好吧那说别的
All right, let's move on.
我的孩子们他们最讨厌了
My kids, they're kind of the worst.
库珀的直升机找到拍街景图那人的车了
Cooper's helicopter located the Street Pics car.
就在费尔菲尔德县中心
It's in downtown Fairfield.
走吧我们一定要让他重拍一张
Let's go. We have to make him retake the photo.
祝你们今天愉快哦要做明智的选择
Have a great day! Make good choices!
别再长个儿了
Stop growing!
你就是"我放屁了那又怎样"小哥
You're the "I farted. So what?" Guy!
我们得跟你谈谈
We need to talk to you.
你就是耗子窝铲屎官
You're Rat's Nest Poop Shovel!
听着我们需要你回我们家那边
Listen, we need you to come back to our house
重新拍一张照片
and retake the photo.
我们不搞那一套
We don't do that.
但你必须重拍
But you have to.
我不想被别人记住那个糗样
That's not how I want to be remembered.
我希望别人记住的是我的伟大成就
I want to be remembered for doing something great,
比如治愈癌症或拿到《与星共舞》的冠军
like curing cancer or winning "Dancing With the Stars."
好吧我会兜回去重拍一张
Okay, I'll circle back and retake it.
太好了谢谢你
Yes! Thank you!
但我有一个条件
On one condition.
行吧我姐姐可以跟你约会一次
Fine, my sister will go on a date with you.
不我想要那条高档的西港皮带
No. I want that fancy Westport belt.
没门
No deal.