美式主妇

American Housewife S04E01

Part 3 Nov. 21, 2019, 12:39 p.m.

这是你的选择
That is your choice.
但如果这张清单
But if this list isn't done
没有在你毕业舞会那天晚上前完成
by the night of your senior prom,
那你就要陪我留在家里
then you're staying home with me
一起看《辣身舞》
and watching "Dirty Dancing."
我和你说过了我不要看那个
I told you before, I refuse to watch that.
我不喜欢19世纪80年代的电影
I don't like movies from the 1880s.
是20世纪80年代
1980s.
都一样
Same thing!
这太不公平了这个清单条目也太多了
This is so unfair! This list is huge!
我一年后都不可能完成
I'll never be able to get it done in a year!
真的太多了我完蛋了
It's too much! I'm totally screwed!
宝贝没事的
Oh, honey. It's okay.
是啊我们可以删掉一些东西
Yeah, we can... take some things off.
第12条 "如何通过哭泣来逃避做事"
Number 12 -- "How to cry to get out of stuff."
我不需要这清单老爹老妈我不需要
I don't need this list, dudes. I'm good.
那只是1/78 泰勒
That's 1 of 78, Taylor!
那在你的数学考试上或许没事
That may fly on your math test,
但在这个家不行
but not here!
泰勒和奥利弗现在变得不服管教
We're struggling a bit with Taylor and Oliver,
所以我一定要紧紧盯牢安娜凯特
so I am not going to take my eye off Anna-Kat.
安吉拉谢谢你给我那个手表
Angela, thank you for the watch.
乐意之至
My pleasure.
什么手表
What watch?
为什么这是我第一次听说手表的事
How come this is the first I'm hearing about a watch?
我们讨论这事的时候你也在场啊
You were there when we discussed it.
你当时还说这是个好主意
You said it was a great idea.
我不能再服用安♥眠♥药♥了
Oh, I have got to stop taking Ambien.
我失去我一半的生活了
I'm losing half of my life!
再说一次
Once again,
我借给凯蒂一块监控手表
I lent Katie a spy watch
可以监听你的一切活动
that listens in on you
那是我前任送我的
that an ex gave me.
你前任为什么要送你那个
Why would an ex give you that?
这个问题我们也谈过了
We went over that, too.
等等我想起来了
Oh, wait, I remember.
你跟那个窃取了你的身份的女人出轨了
You were cheating with that woman who stole your identity,
然后用信♥用♥卡♥买♥♥下了伯利兹的民宿
then bought that bed-and-breakfast in Belize with your credit card.
芭布
Barb.
我很高兴安娜凯特已经从埃莉医生那里翻篇了
I'm happy Anna-Kat moved on from Dr. Ellie's,
但如果我无法多出一双眼睛来盯着她
but if I can't have an extra pair of eyes on her,
至少我可以多出一双耳朵来监听她
at least I can have an extra pair of ears.
好了富兰克林
Okay, Franklin,
你是更愿意吃猴脑还是牛心呢
would you rather eat monkey brains or a cow's heart?
我宁愿吃虫子
I'd rather eat a worm.
但这不在选项中
That wasn't one of the choices.
我知道但我一直想找个合适的时机
I know, but I've been trying to find a good time
告诉你我有时候会吃虫子
to tell you that I sometimes eat worms.
好吧暂时还没有什么需要担心的
Okay. Nothing to worry about yet.
两晚前我在金神赌场酒店的扑克牌桌边醒来
Two nights ago, I woke up at a poker table at the Mohegan Sun,
但我不知道我是怎么会去那里的
and I have no idea how I got there.
我或许真的出大问题了
I might have a problem.
是啊
Yeah.
西港联合学校
话说你从哪儿弄到这手表的
Hey, where'd you get that watch?
我从埃莉医生的班上毕业时我妈送我的
My mom gave it to me when I graduated from Dr. Ellie's class.
这是监控手表她能听到我们说的任何话
It's a spy watch. She can hear everything we're saying.
你怎么知道
How do you know?
我妈去年在我身上装了一个因为她发现
My mom put one on me last year when she found out
我从邻居家的狗洞钻进去
I was crawling through our neighbor's doggie door
使用他们家的蒸汽淋浴房♥
to use their steam shower.
虽然那只是个小设备
It's a small detail
但却极大地提升了房♥子的价值
that can really add value to a house.
我简直不敢相信
I can't believe it.
她竟然觉得我一个人不行
She doesn't think I'm okay on my own.
我要让她见识下
Well, I'll show her.
所以有什么想法
So, what are we thinking?
给她编个假身份骗她飞去印第安纳州
Catfish her, trick her to flying to Indiana?
不我要搅乱她的大脑
No. I'm just gonna mess with her head.
瞧瞧你行为这么"正常"
Look at you, being all normal.
他们将你从特殊教育撤出来是对的
They were right to spring you from Special Ed.
我为你骄傲小姑娘
I'm proud of you, kid.
早餐吃什么
What's for breakfast?
鸡蛋
Eggs.
棒我要吃炒蛋
Yum! I'll have scrambled.
看看你清单上的第20条
Look at number 20 on your list.
我把清单丢了
I lost the list.
你竟然复印了
You made copies?
双面的哦
Double-sided.
还压膜了哦
And laminated.
瞧我把它放进咖啡里蘸蘸也没事
Oh, look! I'm dipping it in my coffee.
是啊你这个压膜机买♥♥得可"真值"
Yes, you're really getting your money's worth out of your laminator.
如果我需要把它退回去
And if I ever need to return it...
我还留着收据呢
I have the receipt.
也压膜了哦
Laminated.
好吧
Okay.
第20条怎么做♥鸡♥蛋
Number 20 -- how to cook an egg.
简单
Easy.
这很正确
Oh, there you go.
-打住 -打住
- Stop! - Stop!
祝你们好胃口
Bon appetite.
这没法儿吃啊
These aren't edible.
这是鸡蛋已经熟了所以也算数
It's an egg, it's cooked. It counts.
把这条从清单上划掉
Mark it off the list.
她什么时候才能明白
When is she going to learn
她不能一辈子都这么废物
that she can't be a screw-up her whole life?
我要把清单修改一下
I'm going to edit the list.
我要改成"烹饪出能吃的鸡蛋"
I'm going to make it "Cook an edible egg."
这是奥利弗的电脑
This is Oliver's computer.
既然已经打开了不如看一圈吧
While I'm here, I might as well take a look around.
你怎么知道他的密♥码♥
How do you know his password?
得了吧
Stop it.
哈佛大学申请
不好
Oh, no.
-我的天呐 -好吧
- Oh, my God. ‭- Okay.
民间版泰德演讲
不是吧
Really?
就让奥利弗来创造
Leave it to Oliver to create
奥图家族的大学入学作弊丑闻吧
our very own Otto family college admissions scandal.
如果换个孩子来制♥造♥这个丑闻
I'd feel better about this new Otto era
那我的心里可能还会好受些
if we were going into it with different kids.
在找这个吗
Looking for this?
快给我
Hey, gimme that!
我们看到了你的"P图大计"
We saw your little Photoshop project.
奥利弗你不能靠作弊进哈佛
Oliver, you're not cheating your way into Harvard.
如果出现这种丑闻进监狱的会是父母
You know, it's the parents who end up going to jail in these scandals.
好吧妈你仔细想想
Yeah, but, Mom, think about it.
在监狱里没孩子烦你你会有专属水槽
In prison, no kids, you have your own sink,
衣服也有专门的人洗
they do laundry for you.
并且你风韵犹存
And you still look pretty good.
我相信你肯定能找到一个好的狱中娇妻
I bet you'd fetch quite the prison wife.
他倒是没说错
He's not wrong.
爹妈我高二了我没时间了
Guys, I'm a sophomore. I'm out of time.
我必须走捷径
I have to cut corners.
你之前说的那些话我们可是信你了
We really believed you when you said
你说你要振作起来
you were picking yourself up off the mat
重新找到一条人生道路
and finding another path.
我是那么想的但后来意识到
I was, but then I realized
现在要重新开始简直不可能
it's not possible to start over now.
你的成绩还是很好啊
You still have excellent grades.
这年头那已经不够了
That's not enough anymore.
天呐你们也太过时了