美式主妇

American Housewife S04E04

Part 3 Nov. 21, 2019, 12:39 p.m.

这词不在可选的下拉菜单里
That word's not in the drop-down menu,
我们就选"创作理念不同"
so we'll just click "Creative differences."
等等如果疼怎么办
Wait. What if it hurts?
如果他们不小心给我戴了耳扩怎么办
What if they accidentally give me those ear disks,
就像超♥市♥里的那个人
like the guy at the supermarket?
有时候他忘记戴耳扩
Some days, he forgets to put them in,
就只剩下硕大耷拉的洞
and they're just big, floppy holes.
如果你很害怕你不用打
If you're really scared, you don't have to do it.
但我新班级里的其他女孩
But all the other girls in my new class
都打了耳洞
have their ears pierced.
不如我先来你就知道没什么可怕的了
Well, what if I go first and show you it's not a big deal?
你会为我这么做吗
You'd do that for me?
当然我欠你的
Of course. I owe you.
你阻止了我抚摸那只愤怒的狗
You stopped me from trying to pet that angry dog.
那是郊狼
Coyote.
不管它叫什么都很不友好
Whatever his name was, he was mean.
结果出来了
Well, the results are in.
从职业的角度看
So, as far as a career goes,
你能成为一名出色的长途货运汽车司机
you would make an excellent long-haul truck driver!
恭喜你
Aah! Congratulations!
货车司机
Truck driver?
算法认为
Well, the algorithm determined
你不该管理人
that you shouldn't manage people...
或被人管理
or be managed by people...
或与公众有任何互动
or interact with the public in any way.
那现在要怎么办
So, what do we do now?
这上面说我应该报♥警♥
Um, it says here I'm supposed to call the police.
好消息
Good news.
我找到明天面试脱颖而出的办法了
I figured out what can set me apart for the interview tomorrow.
真高兴有人找到了人生方向
I'm glad someone has their life figured out,
因为我现在空前迷茫
because I have never felt more lost.
我刚咨♥询♥完职业顾问
I just came from a career counselor --
别说了
Let me just head this off.
父母遇到问题不会找孩子诉苦
Parents don't come to their kids with problems.
在我们眼中你们不是正常人
We don't see you as real people.
当妈这么好我还找什么工作呢
Who needs a job when being a mother is so rewarding?
继续说我的事
Back to me.
出自困难家庭对我的面试大有帮助
It would help with my interview if I came from a troubled home.
你介意为我当三天精神病母亲吗
Do you mind if I put you under a 72-hour psychiatric hold?
是的我介意
Yes, I mind!
奥利弗你不需要投机取巧
Oliver, you don't need all these tricks.
你聪明又上进
You are a smart, driven kid,
我相信
and I have no doubt
以你的能力一定能通过面试
that you're going to get in on your own merits.
行吧格雷格
Okay, Greg.
泰勒我想说你是我的英雄
Taylor, I just want to say, you're my hero.
谢谢
Thank you!
等妈妈知道
I mean, when Mom sees
你背着她带我去打了耳洞
that you let me get my ears pierced against her wishes,
她会发飙的
she's gonna go crazy
然后会给你那清单再加个500条事项
and add another 500 things to that list of yours.
你这么觉得吗
You think?
肯定的
Definitely.
可你又不在乎
But you don't care.
-我不在乎吗 -是啊
- I don't? - ‭No.
你会永远被她禁足
And she's gonna ground you forever.
可我周六还要跟特里普去一个派对
But I have that party I'm going to with Trip on Saturday.
没得去了
Not anymore.
好吧新计划得把你的耳朵遮起来
Okay, new plan -- we're going to hide your ears.
遮多久
For how long?
遮到我去上大学为止
Until I go to college.
那很可能要遮一辈子
That could easily be never!
给你
Here you go.
太感谢你了
Thank you so much.
再强调一次这事请不要告诉克洛伊
And again, please don't tell Chloe about this.
还有你能让格雷格给我一杯干净的尿液吗
Also, could you ask Greg to get me a clean cup of urine?
她会测我的尿糖
She tests my sugar levels.
-没问题 -谢了
- Sure. - ‭Thanks.
一般人会觉得烦
Most people would be annoyed,
可投喂斯坦让我的人生有了意义
but feeding Stan is actually giving my life a purpose
因为这结合了我最爱的两件事
because it combines two of my favorite things --
烹饪
cooking...
谁最好你最好
Who's the best? You are!
还有背着克洛伊给她添堵
...and messing with Chloe behind her back.
霸气范儿走起
Oh, I feel a swagger walk coming on.
我还以为你会改头换面成酷小孩呢
I thought you were supposed to get a cool-kid makeover.
这丑帽子是怎么回事
What's with the dumb hat?
买♥♥香蕉裙的那位女士
The lady who bought the banana skirt
没有发言权
should really stay out of these conversations.
你好啊
Hey, you.
给你
Here you go.
谢谢
Thank you.
希望有朝一日我不用再
Hopefully one day, I'll be able to eat this
躲到热水器旁的车♥库♥里吃这个
when I'm not cowering in the garage next to the water heater.
斯坦你为什么不接电♥话♥
Stan! Why aren't you picking up?!
斯坦
伍迪街
玛丽亚
Maria!
他又去凯蒂家了
He's going over to Katie's again.
一次不忠百次不容
Once a cheater, always a cheater.
也许斯坦只是在和格雷格玩呢
Maybe Stan is just hanging out with Greg.
格雷格要忙工作玛丽亚不像你
Greg works, Maria. Unlike you.
可我也在忙工作啊
But I am working.
忙着惹我生气
Working to make me angry!
还不走
Now move!
看看你饼干啃得跟只小老鼠似的
Look at you, nibbling on those crackers like a little rat.
没想到你这车还保养得挺干净
I'm surprised at how clean you keep this car.
谢谢
Thank you.
还挺自豪呢
It's like you have pride in it or something.
一天两次玛丽亚
Twice in a day, Maria?
自从孩子在他生日那天出生后
I haven't done it twice in a day with him
我们就再也没有一天做过两次了
since Fathers' Day fell on his birthday.
老天
Oh, God.
我不能受这种侮辱
I will not be disrespected like this.
一个巴掌拍不响
Two can play at this game.
我要让他们俩都后悔
They're both gonna be sorry!
老天看看你玛丽亚像什么样子
God, look at you. Maria, you're a mess!
拜托
Come on, now.
还有你需要个支撑力好点的文胸
Also, you need a bra with more support.
我们需要设个人事部
I think we need an HR department.
你需要去隆个胸
I think you need a boob job.
营业中
由克洛伊·布朗·米勒缔造
你好格雷格
Hello, Greg.
我一收到你的信息就赶过来了斯坦在哪
I came as soon as I got your message. Where's Stan?
斯坦怎么了
What about Stan?
你说他摔倒撞到了头
Well, you said he tripped and hit his head.
我骗你的
I made that up.
我不在乎斯坦
I don't care about Stan.
我在乎你
I care about you.
店关门了
The store is closed...
休息中
不过我向你开放
but I'm wide open.
克洛伊你要干什么
Chloe, what are y-you doing?
别说话宝贝别反抗
Hush, child. Don't fight it.
-反抗什么 -没事的
- Fight what? ‭- Oh, it's okay.
我看到你看我的眼神了
I see the way you look at me.
那可能是因为我左眼特别圆
It's probably because my left eye is extra round,
所以深度知觉有点问题
so I have some problems with depth perception.
多跟我说说你的生理缺陷
Tell me more about your physical defects.
克洛伊别这样
Chloe, stop.
别录了玛丽亚
Turn the camera off, Maria!
收工