美式主妇

American Housewife S04E08

Part 1 Feb. 26, 2020, 11:50 a.m.

谢谢你的订单
And thank you for your order.
猜猜谁刚刚又将奥图太太千层面卖♥♥出了一份
Guess who just made another sale from Mrs. O's Lasagna.
妈你太厉害了
Mom, you are a killer!
我很高兴我的身体里流淌着你的血
I'm so proud to have your blood in my veins.
你就不怎么样了
You, less so.
别啊因为我的基因你将会长得很高
Hey! Because of me, you're gonna be tall.
有件趣事是
And, fun fact,
你的头发会向上长像烟筒一样
your hair will grow upwards, like a stovepipe.
我女朋友的爸爸那个纸盒大王
So, my girlfriend's dad, the cardboard box king...
他的兄弟是「瓶罐沙皇」
his brother is the Jar Czar,
我跟他谈成了一个超棒的合作协议
and I negotiated an amazing deal.
我把我们的成本降低了一半
I just cut our overhead in half.
抱歉安娜凯特但现在我最爱的孩子是...
Sorry, Anna-Kat, but my new favorite kid is...
奥利弗
Oliver.
没事我作为你的最爱也挺久了
That's cool. I had a good run.
我很高兴看到你们母子感情因为生意更紧密了
Nice to see you guys bonding over the business,
实际上我还有点嫉妒呢
and, actually, I'm kind of jealous.
我跟任何一个孩子都没有类似的体验
I don't have a similar thing with any of the kids.
我们也有父女专属活动啊你曾给我捉虱子
We have a thing. You comb the lice out of my hair.
就一次还是你上二年级时
Once. In second grade.
嘿我努力了格雷格
Hey, I'm trying, Greg.
凯蒂牛奶哪儿去了
Katie, where's the milk?
调味品哪儿去了
Where's a condiment?
跟千层面无关的东西都哪儿去了
Where's anything that's not lasagna-related?
抱歉但是搞家庭作坊式创业
Sorry, but starting a home business
就跟养育新生儿一样
is a lot like having a new baby.
需要持续的关注
It requires constant attention.
但跟新生儿不同的是
But unlike a baby,
你无法将家庭作坊创业项目丢在学步车里
you can't leave your home business in an Exersaucer
自己坐在马桶上玩糖果消消乐
while you play "Candy Crush" on the toilet.
说你呢帮我洗锅去
Hey, you, help me wash the pans
好让我多做点千层面
so I can make some more lasagna.
我这可不是刷锅的手
These don't scrub.
显得有钱的秘诀
The secret to looking rich
就是穿昂贵的鞋拥有柔嫩的手
is expensive shoes and soft hands.
你摸摸看简直跟海豚的肚肚差不多柔嫩
Touch 'em. They're like a dolphin's belly.
再说了我也没有时间啊
And besides, I don't have time.
在他们允许我在青少年求助热♥线♥正式接电♥话♥前
Before they let me take calls at Teen Help Line,
我必须练习一下说话的语气
I have to work on my speaking voice.
显然我说话总是带着嘲弄的语气
Apparently, I have this mocking tone
那会显得我毫无同情心
where I come across as unsympathetic.
有些人长着一张欠揍的脸
Some people have a punchable face.
你却是有着欠揍的声音
You have a punchable voice.
不我没有
No, I don't!
是真的你就有亲爱的
Yes, you do, sweetie.
那跟你欠揍的举止和态度是一脉相承的
It goes along with your punchable demeanor.
大学申请弄得怎么样了
How's the college application going?
我还没开始
I haven't...started.
什么
What?
这些问答题都太难了
These essay questions are too hard!
"你曾如何积极地影响了他人"
"How have you positively influenced others?"
"你最重大的成就是什么"
"What is your most significant accomplishment?"
我才18岁啊大哥
I'm 18, bruh!
我最大的成就
My biggest accomplishment
就是我在艺术课上用混凝纸做的马
is a papier-mâché horse I made in art class.
它连腿都没有泰勒
It has no legs, Taylor.
它在睡觉呢
It's sleeping!
我不管到底有多难
I don't care how hard it is.
你不弄完这些问题就休想出家门
You're not leaving this house until you finish those questions.
真遗憾这些问题当中没有一个是
Too bad one of the questions isn't
"你的哪个家庭成员最像魔王撒旦"
"Which family member is most like Satan?"
你经常把我比作撒旦那已经无意义了
You compare me to Satan so much, it means nothing.
不好
Oh, no.
妈
Mom!
我看到了
I see it!
扑克周赛组织者刚刚取消了千层面订单
The weekly poker tournament just canceled their lasagna order.
为什么我们的顾客都取消了
Why are all of our clients canceling?
因为这些东西
Because of these.
外卖♥♥网站上涌入了一堆对我们的差评
We're being flooded with bad Yelp reviews.
"我竟然在千层面中吃出一个指甲"
"I found a fingernail in my lasagna"?
"我儿子吃了凯蒂的千层面
"My son ate Katie's lasagna,
现在他进了收♥容♥所♥
and now he's been institutionalized.
二者间存在联♥系♥吗"
Is there a link?"
凯特琳·比安卡·麦迪森你在撒谎
Caitlin Bianca Madison, you're a damn liar!
凯西·布伦达·麦考米克也一样
So is Cathy Brenda McCormick.
等等
Wait.
这个人叫科莱蒂·布里克斯-马斯特斯
This one's by Collette Blix-Masters.
这些评论的发出者都是名字缩写为CBM的女人
All of these are posted by women with the initials CBM.
克洛伊·布朗·米勒
Chloe Brown Mueller.
接下来的评论者叫辛西娅·芭芭拉·门德斯丁
This next review will be from Cynthia Barbara Mendelstein.
我要给你造个犹太名
I'm making this one Jewish for you.
-但我不是... -不你就是
- But I'm not -- - u202dYes, you are.
好吧
Fine.
那犹太教的敬畏之日能给我放假吗
Can I have the high holidays off?
不能
No.
美式主妇
第四季第八集
西港联合学校
后备民兵之家
今年我们的午餐时间不一样真是太糟了
It sucks that we don't have the same lunch schedule this year.
是啊没人可以像你那样让我开怀大笑
Yeah. No one else knows how to make me laugh the way you do.
并且你很会开牛奶盒
Plus, you know how to open the milk carton
不会把能喝的那部分撕坏
without tearing the drinky part.
或许我们可以问问阿布林校长
Maybe we can ask Principal Ablin
能不能改下我们的时间安排让我们一起用餐
if he can change our schedules so we can eat together.
他不可能答应的
He'll never say yes.
自从我说他不可能是费纳宝
He's had it in for me ever since I said
费城人棒球队的吉祥物
他就对我怀恨在心跟我过不去
there was no way he was the Phillie Phanatic.
试试也无妨嘛
Well, never hurts to try.
你好阿布林校长我们能不能...
Hey, Principal Ablin, can we --
不行
No. u202d
我当年就是费纳宝
I was the Phillie Phanatic.
是啊真会扯
Yeah, yeah.
佩妮你忘记带午餐了
Penny. You forgot your lunch.
谢谢你玛丽亚
Thanks, Maria.
你知道你妈只希望你叫我
You know your mother only wants you to call me
「女仆」或「丧气脸」
"the help" or "sad face."
美艳不可方物
Bellissima.
-你好安娜凯特 -你好玛丽亚
- Hi, Anna-Kat. - u202dHi, Maria.
阿布林校长
Principal Ablin.
刚刚我表现如何我约她出去了吗
How did that go? Did I ask her out?
没有你就傻站在那里
No, you just stood there
像是急需药物治疗的痴呆一样
looking like someone who needed an EpiPen.
他真的很喜欢她
He really likes her.
或许我们可以利用这事捞点好处
Maybe we can use this to our advantage.
阿布林校长
Principal Ablin.
我们可以帮你成功追到玛丽亚
You know, we can help make Maria your girlfriend.
我才不需要你们的帮助
I don't need your help.
我追女人厉害着呢
I have mad game.
不过就当是说笑
But just for fun,
你何不告诉我你的建议是怎样的呢
why don't you tell me what your advice would be?
先别急
Not so fast.
想让我们帮忙
We're only helping
除非你给我和富兰克林安排一样的午餐时间
if you allow Franklin and I to have the same lunch period.
-成交 -好极了
- Deal. u202d- Great!
这位帅哥当初就是用滑稽的玩笑拿下我的
This hunk landed me with a little playful teasing.
那显示你很风趣幽默且跟对方相处自然舒适
It shows that you're funny and comfortable with the person.
很有道理啊
Oh, that makes sense.
这可比我妈给的爱情建议有用多了她只会说
This was more helpful than my mom's romantic advice --
"追女人不是吧你"
"A woman? Really?"
这些评论太恶毒了
These reviews are vicious.
这条说海豹突击队在本·拉♥登♥的