美式主妇

American Housewife S04E12

Part 1 Feb. 26, 2020, 11:50 a.m.

美式主妇
第四季第十二集
为人父母的第6593天
Day 6,593 of parenthood.
单数日你先选
Odd-numbered day. You get first pick.
我选安娜凯特
I'll take Anna-Kat.
好吧那我就选泰勒了
Okay, I'll check in on Taylor.
-你能顺带选走奥利弗吗 -你知道规矩的
- Can you take Oliver? - You know the rule --
第一个选的人必须顺带选走奥利弗
when you pick first, you also have to take Oliver.
说小孩子长得快的人都是白♥痴♥
Whoever said kids grow up fast is an idiot.
他们明明长得慢格雷格
They grow up slow, Greg.
超级慢
Real slow.
晚上好啊奥图太太
Oh, buenas noches, Mrs. Otto.
库珀你有十套房♥子
Cooper. You have 10 houses.
快滚出我的房♥子
Get out of mine.
我们在进行一场非常重要的谈话
We're actually having an important conversation.
这场对话是关于如何让我
Is this conversation trying to get me
给你买♥♥那条古驰皮带吗
to buy you that Gucci belt?
因为我已经找不到其他脏话放在"不"字前面了
Because I'm running out of curse words to put before "no."
不是实际上
No, actually,
我们在谈论那个遇到麻烦的小孩
we're talking about that troubled kid
就是之前打给青少年求助热♥线♥的那个
who called in to Teen Help Line.
我们已经猜到那人是谁了
We've got an idea who it is.
他说大家都觉得他是超人
He said everyone thinks he's Superman.
这个叫特雷弗的小孩总是穿超人T恤
Well, this kid Trevor's always wearing a Superman T-shirt.
真令人"震惊" 他没有一个朋友
Shocker -- he doesn't have any friends.
所以我们打算去跟他做朋友
So, we're going to befriend him.
我真的为你们感到骄傲
I'm actually proud of you.
我也为我们感到骄傲妈
I'm proud of us, too, Mom.
这意味着你会给我买♥♥那条皮带吗
Does that mean you'll buy me that belt?
去你奶奶个腿的你个智障白♥痴♥二百五
* you and the horse you rode in on, you *
不行
No!
她还是想出新的脏话了
She found a new one.
友情提醒你得完成这个生存技能清单啊
Friendly reminder to complete your life-skills list.
如果你完不成就不能去参加毕业舞会
If you don't finish it, you don't go to prom.
我把重要的都做了啊
I did the important ones.
我换了车子雨刷的油
I changed the windshield-wiper fluid,
我还在杂货店把水果标签调换了一下
and I switched around fruit stickers at the grocery store.
我用澳洲青苹果的价格买♥♥到了蜜脆苹果
I got a Honeycrisp for the price of a Granny Smith.
那显然是你妈列出的无♥耻♥做法
That one was clearly your mother's.
并且我还向卡内基梅隆大学递交了申请
Plus, I sent my application in to Carnegie Mellon,
我还拍完了试镜带
and I did my audition tape.
我甚至注意到我把"卡内基"拼错了
I even noticed I spelled "Carnegie" wrong,
然后我给修正了
and then I fixed it.
然后我又注意到我把"梅隆"也拼错了
Then I noticed I spelled "Mellon" wrong,
接着也修正了
and then I fixed that.
然后我又看到刚刚改过的"卡内基"还是拼错了
And then I saw I spelled "Carnegie" wrong in a different way,
于是我又修正了一次
and then I fixed that.
我的表现棒极了
I'm doing great.
你准备好做校友访谈了吗
Have you prepared for your alumni interview?
大哥那是一个月后的事呢
Dude, that's like a month away!
-是的我都准备好了 -你是说...
- And yes, I'm all ready for it. - You mean you --
是的不管你要说的是什么我都做了
Yes! Whatever you're about to say, I did it!
我什么都做好了
I did everything!
好了别再吼我了
Okay! Stop yelling at me!
别再逼我吼你了
Stop making me yell at you!
你那些朋友也都吼他们的父亲吗
Do all your friends yell at their fathers?
你这待遇都算轻的了
You're getting off easy.
奥利维亚·安德尔会在公共场合扇她爸
Olivia Andal slaps her dad in public.
该睡觉啦
Time to get to bed.
首先我需要你快速签个同意书
First, I need you to sign a permission slip really quick.
是干什么的
What's it for?
你拿给我的方式
And why are you showing it to me
怎么跟泰勒拿她的成绩单给我看时一样
like Taylor shows me her report card?
我的新朋友们邀请我加入她们的童子军
My new friends invited me to join their scout troop,
叫野花女孩
The Wildflower Girls.
那听上去棒极了
That sounds great.
等等你保证吗
Wait. Do you promise?
说出来说你保证
Say it. Say you promise.
好吧我保证
Fine. I promise.
野花女孩
安娜凯特
Anna-Kat!
塞吉南茜和泰拉·萨莫斯是童子军的领导者
Sage, Nancy, and Tara Summers are the troop leaders.
你知道我受不了她们
You know I can't stand them.
那又有什么区别
Well, what difference does it make?
参加童子军的又不是你是我
You're not in the troop. I am.
因为这些糟糕的妈妈和女儿
Because those terrible moms and their daughters
肯定会对你产生不良影响
are bound to be a bad influence on you.
再说她们肯定会给我发邮件叫我去当志愿者
Plus, they're going to e-mail me and want me to volunteer,
如果我被迫微笑太久就会出现偏头疼
and I get migraines if I have to fake smile too long.
还记得吗
Remember?
你保证过的
You promised.
一个母亲的保证毫无意义
A mother's promise means nothing.
晚安
Good night.
泰勒生我的气了
Taylor's upset with me.
安娜凯特在生我的气
Anna-Kat's upset with me.
-奥利弗怎么样 -一如既往得糟糕
- How's Oliver? - Regular terrible.
除了老师强迫要求她们
Other than the Mother's Day gifts
在母亲节制♥作♥的送我的礼物
they force them to make me at school,
我不太确定我从养育孩子当中获得了什么
I'm not sure what I'm getting out of all this.
不让安娜凯特参加野花女孩童子军
I'm feeling guilty about not letting Anna-Kat
让我觉得有点愧疚
sign up for Wildflower Girls.
到什么年纪可以不用把孩子放在第一位了
At what age can I stop putting my kids first?
从他们会说话起就可以了
Right when they can talk.
如果你都会说"牛奶"了你可以自己去弄啊
If you can say "milk," you can get it yourself.
我的孩子永远排在第一位
My kids always come first.
我想念住主卧的感觉吗当然
Do I miss having the master bedroom? Sure.
但他们想要一面攀爬墙
But they wanted a climbing wall.
我算哪颗葱怎么拒绝
Who am I to say no?
你是他们的亲妈啊
Uh, their mother.
你这样养会把孩子养得很软弱
You're making your kids soft.
他们在野外永远无法生存下去
They'd never survive in the wild.
我的孩子不会出现在野外的
My kids are not going to be in the wild.
那可不一定人最后总是会沦落野外的
You don't know that. People end up in the wild.
你们能闭嘴吗我在努力想解决办法呢
Can you guys shut up? I'm trying to work something out.
我觉得你应该让安娜凯特参加
I think you should let Anna-Kat join.
小孩子的童年是很短暂的再说人生艰难
Kids are only young for so long, and life is hard enough.
他们想要什么就给他们
Give them what they want.
比如电子产品啦游戏机啦糖果啦
Electronics, video games, candy.
都大把地撒给他们
Make it rain.
别听她的凯蒂你不能给孩子一切
Don't listen to her, Katie. You can't give kids everything.
因为在野外什么都没有
'Cause in the wild, there's nothing.
抱歉多瑞丝也许安吉拉说得对
Sorry, Doris, Angela might be right.
你是说你要听取我的意见
You mean you're actually gonna take my suggestion
而不是她的
over hers for once?
失陪一下
Excuse me.
我赢了我赢了
I win! I win!
你知道人生中会有一刻
You know that point in life
让你觉得你比朋友们更出色
where you think you've outgrown your friends?
现在就是了
This is it.
吃我一击
Take that.
看那个孩子
Look at that kid.
古驰皮带他的生活一定好极了
Gucci belt. His life must be great.
一条古驰皮带不会让你开心的
A Gucci belt doesn't make you happy.
布莱德利·库珀在奥斯卡系过的限♥量♥皮带才会
A limited-edition one worn by Bradley Cooper at the Oscars.
这就是幸福
Now, that's happiness.
我不敢相信我父母不肯给我买♥♥一条
I can't believe my parents won't buy me one.
他们说我身上不能穿戴超过500块的东西
They say I can't wear anything on my body over 500 bucks
牙套除外
unless it's braces.
那就是他
Oh, there he is.
别提青少年求助热♥线♥
Don't mention Teen Help Line.
也别提他想对他的人生说再见
Or that he wants to say adios to his vida.
嗨超人大都市有什么有毒气体