美国恐怖故事集（2021）

我们只是想… -她叫你们离开
We're just trying to have... - She asked you guys to leave.
现在关手♥机♥ 离开这儿
Now turn your phones off and go.
请遵守规矩 -天啊
Just work the line, hon. - No fucking way.
等等 等等
Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
难道你们是一对的
Are you guys a thing?
要我叫保安吗
Do I need to call security?
怎么叫 小手♥机♥吗
Call security? With what, your smartphone?
你太搞笑了 -谢谢老兄
Hey, you're hilarious. - Thanks, man.
小家伙 -好了 拿上你的...
Hey, little buddy. - Yeah, get your...
你们很搞笑 -该死
You're all funny. - Oh, shit.
你们太搞笑了 简直了 -还给他
You're hilarious. Oh, so funny. - Give it back to him!
有意思 -你们该感到羞耻
Funny. - You should be ashamed of yourselves.
你们快离开这里
Why don't you just get out of here!
你们知道吗
All right, you know what?
孩子们 听好了 听好了
Hey, kids, listen up. Listen up,
因为我有很重要的事要告诉你们
because I got something really important to tell you.
事实上 这是个公益公告
Actually, this is a public service announcement.
完了
Oh, shit.
圣诞老人不是真的 而是你的父母
Santa isn't real. It's just your parents.
是他们给你送玩具
Yeah, they're the ones who bring you your toys.
是啊 -我知道这很扫兴
Yeah. - I know it's a bummer,
但我真希望在我像你们这么大时有人能告诉我真♥相♥
but I wish someone had told me the truth when I was your age.
这样你们就不用再失望了
It's gonna save you years of disappointment
也不用再接受心理治疗了 不客气
and years of therapy. You're welcome.
是啊 -对吧 圣诞老宝贝
Yeah. - Isn't that right, Santa, baby?
滚 蛋
Leave now.
该死 不 哥们 别这样
Shit. No, dude, come on.
你真淘气 -过来 过来
You're a naughty boy. - Come on, come on.
我为什么要滚 圣诞老人 -给他跳个大腿舞
Why would I leave, Santa? - Give him a lap dance!
是的 -该死 电臀舞
Yeah. - Shit. Twerk.
电臀舞 电臀舞 -给他跳个大腿舞
Twerk. Twerk. Twerk. Twerk. - Give him a lap dance!
跳起来 跳起来 -对 没错
Dance. Dance. Dance. Dance. - Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
扭起来
Twerk. Twerk. Yeah.
天呐
Jesus.
看来我们今年收不到礼物了 孩子们
Guess we're not getting presents this year, boys.
你会遭报应的
You'll get what you deserve.
伙计们
Oh, guys.
保安 保安 -该死
Security. Security! - Oh, shit.
该死
Shit.
走 快跑
Go, go, go, go, go, go.
我什么都没做 -抓住他们
I did nothing. - Get 'em. Get 'em!
我们回来了 兄弟们
We're back, boys!
我们到家了
We're back home, baby!
真不敢相信我们今天没被关起来
I can't believe we didn't get locked up today.
感谢商场保安
Well, thank God for mall cops.
你看到那个在阿普比餐厅外面
You see that one almost have a heart attack
差点心脏病发的人了吗 -看到了
outside Applebee's? - Yeah.
那个圣诞老人呢
Yo, what about that Santa?
他想让我们从地球上消失的表情
The look on his face like he wanted to erase us from the Earth?
看来我们搞砸了他的演出
Guess we messed up his gig.
无所谓了 兄弟屋回归了
Whatever, man. Bro House is back, baby!
太棒了 -准备好了
Yeah! - It's ready.
妈的 -我再说一遍
Oh, shit. - And I'm just gonna say it again,
五 四
Five. Four.
三 二 一
Three. Two. One.
新年快乐 -我只想问 圣诞老人是不是
Happy New Year! - Tell me, does Santa
优先挑选貌美如花的精灵 -发布了
get first pick on elf chicks? - It's up, it's up, it's up.
什么 -你...
What? - You know, like, uh,
你是不是他的小... 助手
are you his little... helper?
够了 你们立马离开这儿 -天呐
Okay, you guys need to leave now. - Jesus.
哥们 我们只是想...
Dude, we're just trying to have...
我都不记得做过这事
I don't even remember doing that.
怎么叫保安 用什么 -是啊
Call security? With what? - Yeah.
老兄 商场是你计划的
This mall thing was your idea, man.
伙计 我没让你们
Dude, it wasn't my idea
性骚扰商场女员工
to sexually harass a female mall employee
羞辱小矮人
or humiliate a little person
或告诉一群孩子圣诞老人不是真的
or tell a bunch of kids that Santa Claus isn't real.
好吧 确实... 事情有点失控了
Okay, so... things got a little crazy.
我们本该弥补一下
Yeah, we were supposed to be making up
为一个摔死的人欢呼的事情的
for cheering for a guy falling to his death.
如果你不喜欢我们的风格
You know, if you don't like how we roll,
也许你不适合兄弟屋
maybe you're not Bro House material.
也许你该搬出去
Maybe you should just move out.
照这样下去 我们都得搬出去
Well, the way we're going, we're all gonna have to move out,
所以... -看到没
so... - See?
消极态度 你就做了这点儿
Negative shit. That's all you do.
就这点儿 -是啊
All I do? - Yeah.
你以为是谁在拍摄和上传这些垃圾
Who do you think records and uploads all this crap?
我九岁的瞎眼表妹都能做
My blind nine-year-old cousin can do that,
我们还不用给她四分之一的分成
and we wouldn't have to cut her in on one-fourth.
行 那就让你九岁的表妹来做
Okay. Then get your nine-year-old cousin to do this.
兄弟 冷静 冷静 拜托 巴利说得对
Bro, chill. Chill. Come on, Barry's right.
是他让这一切运转起来的
He's the one that keeps the whole thing running.
没人是为了看你而关注兄弟屋 哥们
Nobody clicks on Bro House to see you, dude.
他们是为了看我们 这是事实
They click to see us. That's a fact.
如果真有人看
Okay, well, maybe if people were clicking,
我们就不会像现在一团糟了
we wouldn't be in total shit.
如果不是因为你做的垃圾
Maybe if it wasn't for your shit,
我们也不会沦落至此 -伙计们 伙计们
we wouldn't be in this total shit. - Guys, guys, guys.
你在逗我吗 -行了 冷静点
Are you kidding me? - Come on. Come on! Chill out.
这是兄弟屋
This is the Bro House.
所谓的"兄弟"就是"兄弟"
"Bro" means "brother,"
这不是兄弟该做的
and this isn't what brothers do.
我们有所代表 我们代表好朋友
We stand for something. We stand for good friends
还有操蛋的美好时光
and good fucking times fucking shit up.
这个国家比以往任何时候都更需要这一点
And the country needs that more than ever right now.
这个国家需要垃圾吗
The country needs fucking shit up?
我们得团结一致
We have to stick together.
我们不能让任何事拆散我们
We can't let anything tear us apart.
无论发生什么
No matter what.
伙计们
Uh, hey, guys?
来看看这个
Come check this out.
好了 兄弟 没事的
Okay, bro, it's gonna be fine.
有一些评论 "正当我以为
There are comments. "Just when I thought
兄弟屋已经够差劲时 你们还能更下限"
the Bro House couldn't sink any lower, you go and do this."
随便吧 只是一条评论而已
Whatever, man. It's one comment.
不 还有呢
Nope. Here are some more.
"我不知道有没有圣诞老人
"I don't know about Santa Claus,
但你们这帮人就证明了
but you guys are proof
上帝根本不存在 滚蛋去死吧"
God doesn't exist. Fuck off and die."
都不用第二部分了
Didn't really need that second part, though.
我们在掉粉
Oh, and we're losing followers.
操
Fuck!
不公平 他们怎么能这样对我
This isn't fair! How can people be so mean?
没事 没事的 -不 我不能接受
It's fine. It's fine. - No, no, no, no, no, I can't do this.
我不要回去跟父母一起住
I can't go back to living with my parents.
我爸就是个混♥蛋♥ 我不回去
My dad's an asshole. I can't.
我看看
Let me see this shit.
没啤酒了吗
Are we out of beer?
车♥库♥里还有一箱 -操
There's another case in the garage. - Fuck.
我们已经掉这么多粉了吗
Dude, we've lost this many followers already?
我接受不了
I can't handle this.
怀亚特 -怀亚特
Wyatt. - Wyatt.
哥们儿
Dude.
操 完了 真的完了
Fuck, this is bad. This is bad.
阿普唑仑[镇静药]
Xanax.
什么 -我要吃阿普唑仑
What? - I'll OD on Xanax.
兄弟屋 兄弟屋 -是个不错的死法
Bro House. Bro House. - That's a good way to go.
兄弟屋
Bro House.