美国恐怖故事集（2021）

♪ 来吧 真是个好天气 ♪
♪ Come on, it's lovely weather ♪
♪ 为了和你一起坐雪橇 ♪
♪ For a sleigh ride together with you ♪
♪ 铃叮咚 铃叮咚 ♪
♪ Ring-a-ling-a ding-dong-ding ♪
♪ 外面的雪正在飘落 ♪
♪ Outside, the snow is falling ♪
♪ 而朋友们都在叫 "哟嗬..." ♪
♪ And friends are calling "Yoo-hoo..." ♪
上传之前再三思
Think about it before you upload it.
兄弟 你少说点黛比·唐纳[形容扫兴的梗]的屁话
Man, you got to cut the Debbie Downer shit.
还叫警♥察♥ 你认真的吗
I mean, call the police? Are you serious?
对 一颗老鼠屎坏了一锅粥
Yeah, but all it takes is one bad post.
看看 罗根泡 霹雳火或是帕特·斯塔[均为美国恶臭网红]
Look at Logan Paul or PewDiePie or Patt Starr.
兄弟 那些人还在做视频割韭菜
Dude, all those people are still doing their shit,
而且他们还获得了更多粉丝
and they've got more subscribers than ever.
你还活在旧时代吧
You're living in ancient times.
我们已经过了"查理咬我的手指[早年家庭喜剧]"的阶段了 伙计
We're past "Charlie Bit My Finger," man.
人们想看他们从未体验过的东西
People want to see what they've never seen before.
尤其是我们快三十岁了 已经不再是小毛孩了
Especially because we're closer to 30 than we are 20.
你见过其他三十岁的人当网红吗
You see a lot of 30-year-olds doing this shit?
没有 -对吧
No. - No.
如果我们要博关注 那就需要提升内容
If we want the views, we got to up the content,
要么只能跟现在这一切说再见了
or we say bye-bye to all this.
兄弟屋需要你的支持
The Bro House needs your voice.
只要你愿意 那就会很搞笑
You're funny when you want to be.
答应我 你会再次散发魅力
Promise me you're gonna get your mojo back.
向我保证
Promise!
好吧 我试试
Okay. I'll work on it.
我爱你
I love you.
我不傻 我知道在干什么
I know what I'm doing. I'm not an idiot.
兄弟屋
Bro House!
好吧 我走另一个楼梯
Yeah, I'll take the other stairs.
为我们的主办人之一 津恩
Let's give it up for one of our hosts, Zinn
还有兄弟屋来点掌声吧
and the Bro House!
兄弟会 兄弟会 兄弟会
Bro House! Bro House! Bro House!
兄弟会 兄弟会
Bro House! Bro House!
兄弟会
Bro House!
兄弟会 兄弟会
Bro House! Bro House!
记住 如果想在假日充满能量
And remember, if you need to keep that holiday energy up,
那就释放克拉肯[挪威传说北海巨妖]
just release the Kraken!
兄弟屋的官方赞助商
Official sponsors of Bro House.
好了 再过十秒 兄弟屋就要发布新帖子了
Okay, in ten seconds, the next Bro House post goes up,
据说这是最疯狂的一次
and I'm told it's the craziest ever!
没错 -让我们一起倒数
That's right! - Let's do the count.
十
Ten.
九 八
Nine. Eight.
七 六 五
Seven. Six. Five.
四 三
Four. Three.
二 一
Two. One.
大家好 你们的朋友津恩
What's up, everybody? It's your boy Zinn.
我现在和怀亚特 詹姆斯和巴利在一起
I'm here with Wyatt, James and Barry.
你们绝不敢相信
You guys are not gonna believe this.
太疯狂了 -桥上那个人
This is crazy. - This dude
将要放长假了
is about to take a permanent vacation,
我们将要目睹这一切
and we are here to see it.
我们今晚会达到四百万 我有预感
Yo, we're gonna hit four mil tonight. I can feel it!
去他的四百万 起码五百万 -兄弟会
Fuck four mil. I say five mil. - Bro House!
五百万 -五百万
Five mil. - Five mil.
五百万
Five mil. Five mil.
五百万
Five mil! Five mil!
该死 -五百万
Oh, shit! - Five mil! Five mil!
五百万 -拍到了吗
Five mil! Five mil! - Did you get that?
五百万 -太疯狂了
Five mil! Five mil! - This is crazy!
刚跳下去那幕 -五百万
That just happened. - Five mil! Five mil!
五百万
Five mil!
我们必须为这个家伙鼓掌
I mean, we got to give it up for the guy.
他以自己想要的方式
He went out like a boss!
像大老板那样死去 狂欢作乐 无拘无束
The way he wanted. No excuses. No limits.
真爷们
That's how you do it.
这简直是个噩梦
Yo, this is a nightmare.
怎么了
What?
数据显示我们又损失了五万关注
It says we're down another 50,000 followers.
也许是我们看错了
Maybe you're reading it wrong.
哥们儿 我可没看错
Dude, I'm not. I'm not reading it wrong.
我们在疯狂掉粉
We're cratering. Hard.
他们不爱看跳桥视频
They didn't like the jumper.
我不敢看评论... 他们说了什么
I'm too afraid to read it. I... Tell me, what'd they say?
别 还是别告诉我了
No, don't tell me.
算了 说吧
No, tell me.
"你们太疯狂了"
"You guys are sick."
没错 我就是这么说的 -不是
Yeah. That's what I'm talking about. - No.
怀亚特 是贬义的那种
Not good sick, Wyatt. Bad sick.
是那种我们得去心理治疗什么的
Like we need therapy or something.
这条评论说"你们以这个男的痛苦而获得赞
This one says, "You exploited this man's pain to get likes.
你们该被封♥杀♥"
You should be banned from the Internet."
"希望你去死吧"
"I hope you die." "Do the world a favor
"行行好 跟着这个人跳下桥吧"
and follow the guy off the bridge." I mean...
哥们儿 这是恶评
That's hostile, bro.
这已经算说得比较好听的了
Yeah, and this is the nice stuff.
我简直不敢相信 巴利说得对
Barry was right. I can't believe it.
明天 人们都不会记得这件事了
By tomorrow, people won't even remember it.
他们会记得的
Oh, they'll remember.
"兄弟屋玩过火"的话题已经上了推特热搜
The "Bro House is over party" hashtag is trending on Twitter,
也已经出现了
and there's a petition on Change.org
让我们关掉频道的请♥愿♥书
to have our channels shut down.
已经募集到了四十万的签名
It's already at 400,000 signatures.
见鬼
Fuck.
还有更糟的 死者的家属
It gets worse. The dead man's family
今天下午要开新闻发布会谴责我们
is holding a press conference this afternoon to denounce us.
我的天 谴责我们什么
Jesus Christ, what?
说我们为了博眼球毫无下限
Attention whores.
事情正在愈演愈烈 一切只会变得更糟糕
I mean, it's just gaining speed. It's only gonna get worse.
怎么才能让事态平息
How can we stop it?
也许我们可以录个道歉视频
Maybe we make an apology video.
不不不 这可不行
No. No. No. We're not doing that.
所有这么做的人都被骂死了
All the people who do that, they get ripped apart.
说他们装哭 假惺惺
They're accused of fake crying, and they don't mean it,
接着更多的人讨厌他们 我们不能变成这样
and then they get more hate. We're not doing that.
好吧 不过我们得做点什么
Okay, but we have to do something.
知道我是怎么想的吗
All right, you know what I think?
知道吗
You know what I think?
我们得变成基佬
We got to go gay.
什么 -不是真搞基
What? - Not full gay.
感觉就是 "同星"... "同性..."
Like, um, "homey" something. "Homo..."
同性恋 -同性... 没错
Homeysexual. - Homose... Yeah.
对 就是同性恋
Okay. Homeysexual. That's it.
没错 现在有这种运动
Yeah, it's, like, a movement or something
超越了异性恋的范畴
transcending heterosexual norms.
我听说过
Yeah, I heard about it.
婊♥子♥们会喜欢...
Chicks dig it when guys...
男人们之间的恋爱
are, like, affectionate and stuff.
谁他妈告诉你这种东西的
Who the fuck told you that?
我自己读到的
I read about it somewhere.
我们现在在说些啥
Wh-What are we talking about right now?
兄弟 直装弯 说些基佬的屁话
Dude, hetero guys acting gay, saying gay shit,
不过从始至终 都是直男
but all the time, they're not gay.
你要做的就是
All you got to do is say "no homo"
做完什么事之后加一句"我不是同性恋" 就完事了
after you do something, and then you're cool.
兄弟们 我不认可
Yeah, I don't know, guys.
听起来感觉又要出事
This just smells like another train wreck.
没错 这次我站巴利
Yeah. Uh, for once, I'm gonna agree with Barry on this one.
这么做也是在利用别人 还可能冒犯某些人
It's exploitative, and it's probably offensive.
会冒犯同性恋 性转群体 这不太好
Very offensive to gays, LBTRs. It's harmful.