美国恐怖故事集（2021）

American Horror Stories S01E04

Part 3 Aug. 7, 2021, 8:58 a.m.

真的不好
Hurtful.
可我觉得现在我们就该这么做
I don't know, I think this is the kind of thing we need.
我.. 我们以前从没这么做过
I... We've never tried it before.
我加入 -太好了就该这样
I'm in. - Nice. Yes, that's right.
我就知道 -为什么
There's a shock. - Why?
就因为我以前做男性美妆博主吗
'Cause I used to review male beauty products?
你自己说的 -所以呢
You said it. - So?
什么鬼
Oh, what the hell?
不会吧
No way.
喂喂
Hey! Hey!
你们在做什么 -喂
Excuse me! Uh, what are you doing? - Hey!
喂
Hey!
你们在做什么
Uh, wh-what are you doing?
我们来把东西带走 -带走什么东西
We're here to grab the stuff. - Grab what stuff?
公♥司♥说跟你们解约了
The company said they suspended your contract,
让我们来把宣传道具带回去
and they sent us to collect the promotional materials,
包括那辆兰博基尼
including this and the Lamborghini.
你刚说了"兰博基尼"对吧
Did you just say "the Lamborghini"?
我们要下海了
We're going gay.
哥们儿你的六块腹肌太棒了
Rocking that six-pack, dude.
非同
No homo.
性感的六块腹肌
Sexy six-pack, bro.
非同非同 -谢了哥们儿
No homo. No homo. - Thanks, bro.
说真的你的六块腹肌太性感了
Seriously, your six-pack is sexy, bro.
非同 -谢了兄弟九
No homo. - Thanks, bro. Nine.
你太性感了 -十
Seriously, you're shredded, man. - Ten.
我要不是异性恋的话
If I wasn't into chicks,
一定会把持不住
I'd have to hold myself back.
非同
No homo.
你太性感了
Seriously, you're shredded, dude.
我要不是异性恋的话
If I wasn't into chicks,
一定会把持不住
I'd have to hold myself back, man.
非同
No homo. No homo.
怀亚特我们都知道你是直的
Wyatt, we all know you're not gay. You don't need
不用每六秒就强调一次"非同"
to keep saying "no homo" every six seconds.
我只是想把这句话录进去
Yeah, I'm just getting it on the record, okay?
我爸也会看这视频的
My dad watches this shit, yo.
非同
No homo.
一
One.
二
Two.
三
Three.
棒极了
Oh, yeah.
力道够吗 -太棒了哥们儿
You got enough there? - That feels so good, dude.
再往下一点 -好嘞
Go a little lower. Ooh. - Got it.
老兄那我呢
Hey, guys, who's gonna do me?
兄弟你得排队
Hey, man. Get in line.
我超爱这个 -太棒了老兄
I love this. - So good, man.
好极了
So good.
糟糕我脏了
Whoa! I made a mess.
兄弟我们得帮你清理干净 -天啊
Dude, I guess we got to clean it up for you. - Oh, no.
得罪了 -这太…
Excuse me. - Oh. Oh, it's so...
给我留点
Hey, save some for me.
这太绝了 -我喜欢开心果味的
Mmm, that's awesome. - I love pistachio.
什么鬼
What?
"啥玩意儿" 小帐篷撑起来了
"What"? He has a full-on chubby.
不是我没有...
Oh, no, I don't. Um, I...
是我短裤上的褶皱
It-It's a fold in my shorts.
去你的短裤我一眼就看出这他妈是勃起
Fold my ass. I know a fucking boner when I see one.
非同非同
No homo. No homo.
你们谁想了解最近评论
Anyone want an update?
当然说吧
Sure, why not.
又掉了五万粉丝 -见鬼
Another 50,000 subs are gone. - Shit.
再掉数百粉我们就不能盈利了
100 more and our monetization drops another tier.
兄弟们我们可能会失去房♥子
We could lose the house, guys.
看来腐女们都挽救不了
So much for chicks liking homeysexuals.
♪ 铃儿响铃儿响铃儿响叮当… ♪
♪ Jingle bell, jingle bell, jingle bell rock... ♪
嘿小伙子们 -嘿
Hi, boys. - Hey.
嘿
Hey.
非同
No homo!
搞什么
What?
♪ 寒冷的空气中… ♪
♪ In the frosty air... ♪
我还不到三十岁但我的人生完了
I'm not even 30, and my life is over.
我们最早是怎么开始的
When we first started doing this, what'd we do?
我们四处玩乐干了很多事
We went around having a good time, taking things over.
在社交舞会捣乱
Crashing that debutante ball
或者把塔娜·蒙若[诈骗网红]的家刷成粉色
or painting Tana Mongeau's house pink.
试着挑战穿内♥裤♥飞出洛杉矶国际机场
Or trying to fly out of LAX in our underwear.
黑历史啊 -确实很蠢
Don't remind me. - Yeah, it was dumb,
但大家喜欢那些视频他们喜欢我们
but people liked those videos. They liked us.
或许我们应该回到起点
Like, maybe we need to get back to our roots.
今天是圣诞节
It's Christmas.
大家都出门采购了我们也出去做回自己吧
People are out shopping. Let's go out and be ourselves.
而不是一群混账
Not assholes.
不刻薄不惹人厌
Not edgy. Not piss people off.
就像以前一样搞笑风
Let's just do what we used to do. Be funny.
也行
That's not bad.
我想这才是大家想看的
I think it's just what the channel needs.
见鬼今天是圣诞节
Shit. It's Christmas.
我们还有啥损失呢
What do we got to lose?
兄弟屋
Bro House!
看到了吗我说的就是这个
See? This is what I mean.
圣诞老人和圣诞节
Santa and Christmas.
这种充满快乐的气氛
It's a good vibe. Makes people smile.
好的我们就拍这个
Yeah, yeah, yeah. We got this. It's fine.
津恩记得我们来这儿的目的吧
Zinn, remember why we're here.
老兄相信我
Dude, trust me.
这回能保证我们都在镜头里吗
And can you keep us in frame this time?
谢了老奶奶
Thanks, Grandma.
我的老天
Oh, God.
♪ 叮咚响... ♪
♪ Ring-a-ling... ♪
告诉圣诞老人你乖不乖
Tell Santa, have you been naughty or nice?
我一直很乖...
I've been nice?
这是唯一的答案
That's the only answer.
朋友们你们好
Hey, yo, what's up, everybody?
是你们最爱的兄弟屋老朋友津恩
It's your favorite Bro House dude, Zinn.
我们来这儿圣诞采购
We are out here Christmas shopping
为兄弟屋搞起圣诞气氛
and, uh, getting in the Bro House Christmas spirit.
永远的兄弟屋 -混♥蛋♥们圣诞快乐
Bro House forever! - Merry Christmas, fuckers!
没错永远的兄弟屋
That's right, baby. Foreverz!
看看今年圣诞老人给我们带了什么 -嘿
We're gonna see what, uh, Santa's bringing us this year. - Hey.
好的那么… -嘿打扰一下
Okay, so... - Hey. Hi. Sorry.
你好吗 -我… 挺好的
Uh, how you doing? - Uh, I'm-I'm good.
是吗我们是兄弟屋
Yeah? So, we're the Bro House.
我们想知道当小精灵的感觉如何
We were wondering, what is it like being an elf?
挺有趣的
Uh, fun, I guess.
你是否只拿了一半薪水
Do you get, like, half pay
因为你小小一只
or something like that because you're half size?
不我拿全薪
No, I get full pay.
她可真富有 -瞧她拿全薪呢
Ah. She's rich. - Oh, she gets full pay.
等等你们是兄弟屋吗
Wait, did you say you're the Bro House?
是你们拍了那个自杀视频吗
Were you the guys who filmed that suicide?
不不不那是别人干的
Oh, no, no, no, that was someone else.
告诉我关于男精灵的事是真的吗
No. So, tell me, is it true what they say about male elves?
什么事 -他们屌♥是不是像驯鹿一样的大
What? - That they're hung like reindeer?
朋友们这儿有孩子呢 -我正在…
Guys, there are kids around. - Look, guys, I'm trying
工作所以… -好我只想问
to work here, so... - Okay, fine, fine, fine. Just tell me,
圣诞老人是不是优先挑选貌美如花的精灵 -什么
does Santa get first pick on elf chicks? - What?
你是不是他的小… 助手
You know, like, uh, are you his little... helper?
够了你们立马离开这儿
Okay, you guys need to leave now.
我们只是想享受圣诞气氛
Dude, we're just trying to have some Christmas fun.