浪女大厨（2014）

Young & Hungry S05E01

Part 2 March 29, 2021, 11:29 a.m.

也算不上是男人
And barely a male.
好吧分你
Okay, you're in.
好棒
Yay!
我终于可以买♥♥我看上的日本马桶了
Now I can buy that Japanese toilet I've had my eye on.
听说有三种坐浴盆设置
I've heard it has three bidet settings.
轻柔强劲火岛
Gentle, strong, and fire island.
两位
Uh... Hey, guys?
你们也觉得痒痒吗
Anyone else feel a little itchy?
-没有 -没有
- Oh, no. - No.
我们为什么会痒我买♥♥的是最好的洗衣粉
Why would we feel itchy? I buy top-of-the-line detergent.
我要给我的特约医生打电♥话♥
I'm gonna go call my concierge doctor
问问他的想法
and see what he thinks it is.
好主意老板
Great idea, boss!
如果医生告诉他发痒是因为便宜洗衣粉呢
What if the doctor tells him his itch is from a cheap detergent?
该死如果我们要继续骗局
Crap! If we're gonna keep this scam going,
那我们就得重洗乔什的所有衣物
we've got to rewash all of Josh's things.
快点去楼上拿他的所有内♥裤♥
Quick! Go upstairs and get all of his underwear!
有史以来最棒的一天
Best day ever!
你是今天下午突然开始发痒的吗
Hm. And the itching just presented itself this afternoon?
是的
Yep.
十分瘙痒
A lot of it.
在...我老二上
On... my junk.
可能有很多原因
Well, it could be many things.
皮炎过敏
Dermatitis, an allergy.
你有新的性♥伴♥侣♥吗
Do you have any new sexual partners?
实际上医生
Actually, doc, um...
我跟我的... 等等
I have a little thing going on with-- wait.
为什么
Why?
我们先不要草率下结论
Before we jump to any conclusions,
不如你先发几张
why don't you take a few
感染区的照片发邮件给我
pictures of the affected area and email them to me.
希望不会发到垃圾[老二]箱里
Hopefully they won't end up in my junk box.
你记得你觉得我愚蠢的计划有多蠢吗
Hey, do you remember how stupid you thought my stupid plan was?
声音大点索菲亚手♥机♥在烤奶酪旁边
Talk louder, Sofia. You're over by the grilled cheese.
我的蠢计划成功了好吗
Well, my stupid plan worked. Okay?
因为肯德里克和他女友大吵一架
Because Kendrick got into a huge fight with his girlfriend,
所以我邀请他来吃晚餐让他在我肩上哭泣
so I invited him over for dinner to be his shoulder to cry on.
他答应了
And he said yes.
所以如果我走运的话
So, uh, if I'm lucky,
也许他也会在我身体的其他部位哭泣
maybe he'll cry on other parts of my body, too.
我厨艺的力量啊
Ha! The power of my cooking.
现在她成了剩菜
Now she's the leftovers.
我今晚要为你和你未来的男友
So, what famous specialty of yours am I making
做哪道你的拿手菜
for you and your maybe future boyfriend tonight?
他说他喜欢吃茄泥酱
Well, he says he likes a good baba ghanoush.
你能做茄泥酱吗
Can you make a baba ghanoush?
我能让一位先生做任何事
Oh, I can make a baba do anything.
去问乔什吧
Ask Josh.
我想你说"去问乔什吧"
I'm guessing you said, "Ask Josh"
是因为你想告诉我你们的性♥爱♥积分卡
because you want to tell me how great your
进行得有多顺利吧
sex punch card thing's going?
既然你问起非常顺利
Oh, well, since you asked, amazing.
你大错特错了一点也不奇怪
You were so wrong. It's not weird at all,
而且也不会奇怪的
and it's never gonna get weird.
好吧刚才变奇怪了
Okay, it just got weird.
他就...
So, he was just...
那样袒露着...这个吗
rocking out with his... out?
是啊
Yeah!
还从各个角度拍照片
I mean, he was taking pictures from every angle.
前面后面
I mean, from the front and then from the back.
从两腿之间
And then through the legs
从肩膀上面然后
And then over the shoulder. And then-- and then
他把那玩意儿放在桌上
he set it on his desk and
把它分开进行了全景展示
he separated things to show a panorama style.
-他拍了丁丁全景照吗 -是啊
- He took a peni-rama? - Yeah!
他为什么要这样做
Why would he do that?
你觉得呢加比是为了发给你
Well, why do you think, Gabi? To text it to you.
乔什吗不会
Pfft, Josh? No!
真的你还指望什么送你花吗
Yes. What do you expect, flowers?
不我们没在约会
No, we're not dating.
没错所以你得到的不是牡丹而是遛鸟照
Exactly. So instead of getting peonies, you're getting peo-nis.
天啊
Oh, my god.
他发给我时我该做什么
What am I supposed to do when he sends them to me?
我该如何回复
I mean, how am I supposed to respond?
真怀念只有固话的时候
I miss landlines.
好吧
Okay.
肯德里克在路上了你边惊慌边切菜吗
Kendrick's on his way, so can you just chop while you freak out?
但我该作何感受是性趣盎然
Yeah, but how am I supposed to feel? I mean, am I turned on?
还是毫无性♥欲♥ 是恶心吗还是性感
Am I turned off? I mean, is it sick? Is it sexy?
加比如果你非要问这不适合你
Gabi, if you have to ask, it's not for you.
加比你以前喜欢他
Look, Gabi, you used to have feelings for him
所以你没法突然开始跟他做没有感情的爱
so you can't just suddenly start having sex with him and not have feelings.
也许乔什可以
I mean, maybe Josh can.
男人可以不带感情地做♥爱♥
Guys can have sex and be totally cool with it.
但你不行你没这天赋加比
But you can't! You don't have it in you, Gabi.
是吗
Oh, yeah?
我有这天赋
I do, I've got it in me!
我也可以跟他一样发私密照
I can send penis pictures as good as the next guy.
天啊加比你得停止... 好吧
Oh, my god, Gabi. You have to stop-- okay.
发给乔什
And send to Josh.
看多淡定
See? Totally cool with it.
你的胸罩怎么了
What happened to your bra?
丢在他家了
I left it at work.
我扔掉了"汏渍"
Well, I got rid of the Tude.
也该扔了
It's about time.
遇到便宜洗衣粉[洗衣贱婊]该怎么办
What did you do with the cheap detergent?
听着我在想
Okay, listen. I was thinking about it,
如果乔什再提到自己发痒
and if Josh mentions his itch again,
我们得保持冷静
the key is to stay cool.
没错否认到底
Right. Deny, deny, deny.
-我们来练习下 -好
- Let's practice. - Okay.
-你坐下我来演乔什 -好
- You sit down. I'll be Josh. - Okay.
你好尤兰达
Oh, hey, Yolanda.
我偷了你的钱
I stole your money!
这是什么鬼
What the hell was that?
说好的黑人不会招[老]呢
What happened to black don't crack?
我慌了
I panicked.
而且那句话也不是这意思吧
And I don't think it means that.
各位
Hey, guys.
我跟医生聊过了
I talked to my doctor.
要淡定尤兰达扯下这张丑脸
Be cool, Yolanda. Take off that butter face,
换上你的臭脸
put on your poker face.
他跟我说了发痒的可能原因
He told me what the itch could be from.
可能是过敏可能是皮炎
Could be an allergy, could be dermatitis,
还有很小的
And there is a slight possibility
但基本不可能的机会是性病
But practically impossible chance that it's an STD.
-我选性病 -没错就它了
- I pick STD. - Yep, that's the one.
但唯一跟我发♥生♥关♥系♥的人是加比
But the only person I'm having sex with is Gabi.
没错她是这房♥子里
Exactly. She's the only employee
唯一和你发痒有关联的员工
in this house involved in your itch.
等等艾略特
Hold up, wait a second, Elliot.
乔什加比没有传给你性病
Josh, Gabi didn't give you an STD.
她传了
Yes, she did.
不积分没得性病
No punch card, no STD.
积完分性病来了
Punch card, STD.
想想吧朋友
Do the math, man.
不会是加比她又没跟其他人睡过
It's not from Gabi, 'cause she's not sleeping with anybody else.
而且她也不是那种人她那么可爱无辜
And she's not like that. She's sweet and innocent.
又不是什么疯姑娘
She's not some girl gone wild.
天啊她就是疯姑娘
Oh, my god. She's a girl gone wild.