情牵你我她（2016）
You Me Her
第二季
剧集 | 情牵你我她（2016） | 导航列表
情牵你我她（2016）
You Me Her S02E04
Part 3
March 30, 2021, 11:43 a.m.
- When you and Jack get pregnant... - If.
- 如果我们有小孩了 - 好吧 如果你们有孩子了
- lf we get pregnant. - Okay, if you get pregnant,
那我怎么办?
what does that make me?
那怎么就厌女症了?
How is that misogynistic?
那听起来像是恭维
I mean, it sounds like a compliment,
但跟直接说"女性怎样怎样"其实也差不多
but it's really just like saying "Fairer sex."
正是 这是一条呼之欲出的潜规则
Exactly, it's... it's like a thinly veiled prescription.
女的必需模样好看 为人端庄
You stay pretty and keep your shit together
然后男的就可以放任自流了
so I don't have to.
- 说到点上了 - 是吧?
- Yeah, exactly. - Right?
干那事儿疼吗?
Does it hurt?
- 别回话 别开口 别搭理他 - 干啥事儿疼吗?
- Don't answer. Don't say it. Don't answer. - Does what hurt?
你知道的 就是你俩
You know, you two getting
互相舔菊的时候
your heads so far up each other's asses.
- 我了个去 - 杰克
- Oh, come on. - Jack!
- 你瞎哔哔啥呢? - 不 我只是在说
- What are you even talking about? - No, I'm telling you.
- 嗨 - 嘿
- Hi. - Hey.
这位是 呃...
This is, um...
- 阿仕顿 - 阿仕顿
- Ashton. - Ashton.
- 你好吗? - 我从探探上约到的...
- What's up? - My date from Tinder...
上面说他跟我年龄相当
a land where he's still my age.
可能得更新下我的主页了
Probably should update.
不过这些年我也没咋变老
Haven't changed much, though.
- 真是块好表 哥们 - 谢了 两万美刀
- That's a nice piece, man. - Thanks. 20K.
- 不过这年头谁还在意价码? - 我跟你讲... 穷♥人♥就会
- But who checks price tags? - I'll tell you who... poor people.
得接着赶下一家了
Got to get the next one.
快点宝贝 五分钟前咱们预约的时间就到了
Got to pace it up, babe. Reservation's five minutes ago.
再会了兄弟们
Boys.
好吧
Okay.
你要是想心理辅♥导♥那事能成的话
You still want the wellness thing to happen,
最好在五分钟内打我电♥话♥ 把我弄出来
you will call me in five minutes and get me out.
阿仕顿 啧啧
Ashton. Hmm.
这都是什么表情? 别用这种眼神看我
What are these looks for? Don't give me that look.
她只是个老朋友
She's just an old friend.
噢 所以你是说她不是鲁比
Oh, so you're saying that wasn't Ruby,
那个你遇到艾玛前 就甩了你的妹子?
the chick who dumped you right before you met Emma?
我了个去 你跟那妹子也搞上了?
Holy shit. Are you bringing that one in, too?
应聘教授职位时她面试了我
She interviewed me for the professor position.
- 就这样而已 - 噢 是吗
- That's all. - Oh, no shit.
- 嗯 - 好吧
- Yeah. - Okay.
我们计划在格里芬合开一家康健中心
Now we're thinking about starting a wellness center at Griffin.
听起来真适合你 太特么娘炮了
That's perfect for you. It's super gay.
所以你现在的后宫们知道这事吗？
So does your current harem know about this?
- 还是你们只在地下偷偷搞? - 够了
- Or is it like a secret? - Okay, enough.
- 我就问问 - 你知道吗? 这真的是...
- I'm just asking. - You know what? This is...
这才一个小时
It's been one hour,
你们俩就已经惹毛我了
and you guys have already pissed me off, okay?
- 搞毛啊? - 恭喜你们创下了新纪录
- What? - New record.
- 这兄弟夜真成功啊! - 别我把跟他算到一块儿
- Good guys' night. - Don't lump me in with him.
别走嘛杰克宝贝!
Jacky!
猛地一下他就走了 跟个小婊砸一样
And that's how it works. Boom... he's gone like a little bitch.
您真是太机智了 您知道吗?
You're an incredibly wise man, you know that?
- 当然了 谢谢你 戴夫 - 我只是在讽刺您!
- I know. Thanks, Dave. - I was being sarcastic.
是啊 给我快滚! 别跑
Yeah, you better run. David!
我爱我爹
I love my Pops.
尽管我小时候没怎么见过他
I see more of him now than I did as a kid, though.
他总是在工作
He was always at work.
他是卖♥♥ 呃...
He sold, uh...
破烂的 不过 呃...
Shit. But, uh...
不管了... 反正他是卖♥♥东西的
Whatever... he sold something.
就说是卖♥♥保险的好了
We'll say insurance.
我想说的是
My point is, is that
我是在女人堆里被养大的
I was raised in a household of women...
我妈和我的两个大姐姐...
mom and two big sisters...
所以来参加这种纯妹子聚会 我一点儿都不紧脏
so I'm very comfortable on this side of the fence.
- 还是有点怪怪的 是吧? - 嗯
- It's still weird, right? - Mm-hmm.
别担心了... 他的小鸡鸡是不会把
Don't worry... his penis isn't gonna puncture
- 你神圣的姊妹夜给捅个窟窿的 - 说了这么多
- you're hallowed chick night. - All that said,
总之我是不会喝什么霞多丽的
I will not be drinking Chardo-fuckin'-nay
一口不沾
Won't do it.
男的喝了要长咪♥咪♥的
Gives a man breasts.
我一点都不喜欢霞多丽
I don't even like Chardonnay.
不过每当我和三两个姐妹在一起
And yet when I gather with two or more women,
总是条件反射就想到喝它
I reflexively drink it.
一定是媒体宣传给我们洗♥脑♥的锅
I'm starting to think we've been mass media brain-fucked.
嘿
Hey.
你在调什么呢?
What are you making?
“经典威士忌”...
Old fashioned...
一款经典鸡尾酒
classic cocktail.
给我也来一杯?
Mind making another?
荣幸之至
I would... I would be honored.
你知道吗? 那就调两杯吧
You know what? Make that two.
革命没有电视转播 现在就得行动起来
The revolution will not be televised.
拒绝霞多丽! 跟我一起喊啊 小伙伴们
No more Chardonnay... say it with me, people.
我拒绝
That's not gonna happen.
喝着像跑了汽的苏打水 怪就怪在我还不讨厌它
Tastes like flat Fresca, but I strangely don't hate it.
我把莫莉（摇♥头♥丸♥）留在车里了
I have Molly in the car.
你的狗在车里?
Your dog's in the car?
- 茉莉是谁? - 把它带进来啊 我们可喜欢狗了
- Who's Molly? - Bring her in. We love dogs.
- 不 嗯嗯...
- No. Mnh-mnh.
- 原来是嗨药啊 - 是嗨药
- Drugs. - Drugs.
我们知道很多狗
We know lots of dogs
都叫茉莉 所以
are called Molly, so...
你们懂的 我想我还是
You know, I... I think I'm gonna probably
珍爱生命远离嗑药好了
stay on this side of my line, but yeah.
我得回家照顾两个小孩
And I'll be going home to two small children
和一个八成已经醉成狗的老公 所以...
and one presumably wasted husband, so...
不过 在座的都是成年人
But, uh, we're all adults here,
所以 管它了
so, yeah, by, uh...
及时行乐才是正经
by all means indulge.
- 算我一个 - 躁起来
- I'm in. - Let's roll.
这杯淡啤酒是你的 我猜
And the light beer is you, I assume.
是他的
Here he is.
嘿 我上次的帐还记着吗?
Hey, uh, is my tab still open from last time?
- 是的 - 好的
- Yeah. - Yeah.
你想我把这些也记到帐上吗?
Do you want me to just put these on that?
- 都加到一起吧 - 干杯
- Might as well. - Cheers.
听着 趁你还在这儿 我想问
Listen, uh, while I have you here,
前几天我用了你即兴讲的那个段子... 你跟那个哥们
I used your riff the other day... the one you said to
讲的关于另一个姐们的段子
what's-his-pickle about what's-her-nuts.
它听上去似乎
And it kind of came across
对自闭症群体来说 有点难以理解
as a little insensitive to the autism community.
是的 那不是针对他们的段子
Yeah, that's not meant for them.
不 我... 我没把它用在自闭症人士身上
No, I... I didn't use it on an autistic person.
我只是想 你能不能教教我 到底该怎么用它
But I was wondering if you could kind of clarify how I use it.
不行 不好意思
Actually, no, I'm sorry.
- 就这么粗暴拒绝了 哈? - 嘿 你能不能
- Just a flat no, huh? - Yeah, if you could just maybe
- 把这记我账上 那样最好了 - 当然行了
- leave my tab open again, that'd be great. - Sure.
- 请享用您的淡啤酒 - 多谢
- Enjoy your flat beer. - Yeah. Thanks.
有趣
Interesting.
那他妈的又是什么?
What the hell was that about?
- 嘿 塔卡斯基教授 - 嘿
- You, Dr. Trakarsky. - Hey, you.
我的小天使 你真是个天才
My liberator, you are a fucking genius.
你有没有告诉他实际上你是一名
Did you actually tell him that you're a surgeon
专门诊治肛♥门♥收缩的外科医生? 因为
that specializes in anal retractions? Because
确切地说那是我的主意
that was technically my idea.
我告诉了他 他又告诉了你
I gave him that to give to you.
所以我... 我才是天才 说说而已
So I'm... I'm the genius. I'm just saying.
那也是我的主意
It was my idea, as well.
我们说话的时候别打岔
Dislodging a TV remote as we speak.
这是我们的内部争执 所以...
情牵你我她（2016）
You Me Her
剧集 | 情牵你我她（2016） | 导航列表