情牵你我她（2016）

You Me Her S02E03

Part 2 March 30, 2021, 11:43 a.m.

- 两个月两个月内不给你买♥♥车 - 再加一个月吧
- Two months. No car for two months. - Make it three.
我喜欢这样的对话
I like these chats.
有意思
- Fun, right? -
我的老天爷
Oh, dear God.
这居然是我生的
I made that.
非常抱歉我刚发现我
I am so sorry. I just found out that I'm...
被人代替了这就有点尴尬了
I'm pinch-hitting. Oh, this just got weird.
鲁比
Ruby.
杰克
Jack.
你到这儿来干嘛
What are you doing here?
我… 我刚从一个门上写着 “西瓦尼教授”
Well, I, uh... I just walked out of an office that says
- 的办公室出来所以 - 你在这儿工作
- "Professor Shivani" On the door, so... - You work here.
是你面试我么
Are you interviewing me?
系主任请病假了
Head of the department called in sick,
或者没兴趣来或者两者都是
or disinterested, or both.
所以是的我面你
So, yep, I'm interviewing you.
鲁比·西瓦尼
Ruby Shivani.
杰克·塔卡斯基
Jack Trakarsky.
所以后来你和那个
So, what ever happened to the
瘦了吧唧的北欧长相妞怎么样了
skinny, Nordic-looking chick you start dating immediately...
- 之后马上就开始约会的那个 - 你甩了我之后?
- after... - After you dumped me?
对你还见过她么
Yeah. You ever see her?
会啊总能碰上
Occasionally. Here and there.
主要是因为我和她大概10年前就结婚了
Mainly 'cause I married her about a decade ago.
- 别扯淡了 - 真没扯淡
- No shit. - Not an ounce of shit.
有孩子么
Kids?
天不遂人愿一直怀不上
That's been a trickier road.
抱歉我不是故意的
Sorry. I didn't mean to...
你呢那个前男友怎么样了
What about you? What about that ex-boyfriend
那个你吃回头草了
that you got back together with and then told me about
之后短♥信♥通知我的
by text message?
那是我一直想要忘却的混♥蛋♥举动
That was such a dick move that I have tried so hard to forget.
我也和他结婚了
Um, I married mine, too.
我怎么嗅到了悲剧的味道
- I'm not sensing a happy ending. -
我想要孩子他还没准备好
I wanted kids. He wasn't ready.
结果现在和别人生了俩
Now he has two with someone else.
听着我不想找借口
Look, I'm not trying to make excuses,
但是我能看出来你父母不喜欢我
but I could tell that your parents didn't like me.
我总是在想那是种族问题么
I always wondered, was it an ethnic thing?
对啊因为你长得太第三世界国家了
Oh, yeah, 'cause you're so Third World,
而我因为出身猎狐（英国人）人家
and my dynastic fox-hunting family
是不会接受你有女佣之外身份的
would've never accepted you as anything but the maid?
你确实想办法找了一个更白的妞
You did manage to find a chick whiter than you.
那倒是
That's fair.
有时候我们的照片看着就像是褪色老照片一样
Sometimes our photos look like they came with the frames.
其实对你并没有什么种族偏见
It wasn't an "Ethic thing." It was a
用我妈的话来说就是不想介入我们感情
"Prissy-self-involved thing," To quote my mother.
是啊我担心的时候也会这样说
Yeah. I... I do that when I'm nervous.
听着
Look...
我很抱歉
I'm sorry.
抗氧化剂深海鱼油螺旋藻和碱性水混一起喝？
Antioxidants, Omega-3, Spirulina and alkaline, all in one bottle?
我不知道这些是什么鬼东西
I have no clue what any of those things are,
但确信没了它们我也能活
yet I'm convinced I can't live without them.
所以
So,
昨天晚上真如他们所说吗？
as they say, about last night?
快忘了吧也没那么糟糕
Get over it. It wasn't that bad.
真的很糟就和衣服沾了坨屎一样
It was that bad with a dollop of shit on top.
没法想象哪个更尴尬的
Not sure what was cringier, you and Izzy publicly vacuuming
是你和依奇当众激吻还是杰克傻看着你俩亲
each other's mouths or Jack awkwardly watching it.
他又不是没见过我们接吻
It's not like he's never seen us kiss before.
好吧没见识的人可能要把你们误认为
Well, the untrained eye might mistake you two for
纯种拉拉而不是双性恋了
a couple of full-blooded lesbians, not bisexuals.
我只是和一个女孩在一起谁分得清这两者的区别？
Well, when I'm with a girl, how can anyone make that distinction?
怎么地我还要穿个双性恋身份徽章？
What, should I wear a bisexual I.D. Badge?
你在逗我吗？
Are you kidding me?
你在跟我开玩笑对吧？
You're kidding me, right?
我和我的一生挚爱长跑了几乎十年的婚姻
After almost a decade of marriage to the love of my life and...
你居然在质疑
- and you're wondering...
我在质疑是因为杰克在质疑
- I'm wondering because Jack's wondering.
我们彼此相爱我们三个
We're in love. All three of us.
你为什么不能就
- Why... why can't you just...
现在我们讨论的重点是你还是我？
- Who are you pitching this to, me or you?
你不会在准备怎么跟杰克说吧？
Or were you practicing for Jack?
你可真是个圣母婊
- Aren't you the sanctimonious...
等一下等一下撕的有点过了啊
- Whoa, whoa. That's an open wound.
我们现在就
Let's just...
讨论你这桩破事再来谈谈
stick to your mess for now and we'll circle back
如何解决我的潮人危机
to my Crisis of Cool.
他怎么说？
What'd he say?
他和戴夫在讨论
He and Dave were discussing how fast
你是如何秒想起怎么骑车的
you remembered how to ride that bike.
- 骑车的梗 - 别解释了我知道
- The bike being... - Yeah, no, I get it.
- 是阴♥道♥ 自行车就指阴♥道♥ - 卡门我明白你意思
- Vagina. The bike's a vagina. - Carm, I get it.
- 这是我的工作啊你知道的 - 好的你被炒了
- It's my job, Em. You know that. - Well, you're fired.
你说的可不算数
Doesn't work that way.
如果你不那么酷了说不定
As far as that uncool thing goes, you know, maybe...
或许你参加一个互助小组
maybe you should start a support group...
和洛莉一起
with Lori.
老娘数到十
I... I'm gonna count to 10,
然后就把这瓶黑乎乎的鸟屎浇你头上
and then I'm gonna throw this murky shit at your head.
如果我是你的话现在就跑的越远越好了
So, if I were you, I would try to achieve maximum distance.
- 你才不会真的浇呢 - 1
- Yeah. You wouldn't. - One,
2 3 4 5
two, three-four-five...
你要感到庆幸这杯菊花汁可是老贵了
You're just luck this grainy-ass piss is so expensive.
噢卧♥槽♥ 真♥他♥妈♥难喝
Oh, God. That's just fucking awful!
现在艾玛也想辞职了
Now, Emma wants to quit her job, too.
所以你们两个白人基本上就这么疯了
So, basically, you two are going white-people crazy
- 只是因为生不了孩子 - 这我可要反驳一下
- because you can't make babies. - I would love to deny that.
我可是专业的杰克
Well, I'm a professional, Jack,
我很了解你
which is how I know you
你是不会想做一个大学教授的
really don't want to be a college professor.
你有什么其他想法吗？
What do you want to do?
我只是希望能尽可能的帮助孩子们
I just want to help as many kids as possible get
身心健康的度过他们的18岁
safely and sanely to the other side of 18.
我开始想我辞掉的那份工作了
I'm starting to think I want the job I walked away from.
或者其他类似的
Or some version of that.
噢我日我有点事情
Oh, shit. I got a thing.
回头见？
Um, can I see you again?
就喝喝咖啡聊聊天那种？
Like, just for coffee or something?
顺便忏悔？
Confession?
没问题啊
Okay.
我也腹黑过如果我们再次相见
I had created this kind of dark fantasy in my mind about
你会过着怎样的一个悲剧生活
what it would be like if we ever saw each other again.
那现在感觉我够悲惨了吗？
How did it measure up?
我都离过婚了你满意了吧？
Is divorced enough for you?
噢我有提到我上了11家交♥友♥网♥站征婚了吗？
Oh, did I mention, I'm on, like, 11 dating sites?
你如果懂点礼貌的话就应该
Hmm. You could've had the common decency to at least
至少胖的像头猪或者皮肤松弛
be morbidly obese, or have terrible skin,
- 或者因为糖尿病而双腿肿的和猪一样 - 那对不起了
- or peg leg due to diabetes. - Sorry.
我很久以前就原谅你了
I forgave you a long time ago.
谢谢再见
Thanks. Bye.
- 是西瓦尼教授吗？ - 是的
- Professor Shivani? - Yeah.
她太辣了
She's hot.
没错
She is.
考虑一下让她和你们一起4p?
You thinking about bringing her in the mix, too?
安迪
Andy.
哎
Yep.
- 依奇的朋友 - 恩
- Who knows Izzy. - Yep.
想解释一下
Just to explain this,
我们只是大概一百万年前的好朋友
we were friends, like a million years ago.