情牵你我她（2016）

You Me Her S02E01

Part 1 March 30, 2021, 11:42 a.m.

- 你多长久滚次床单? - 额你说什么?
- How often are you having sex? - Uh, excuse me?
我们最近已经减少了次数
We've been off our game a little bit lately.
一周0.5次
Um, 0.5 times a week.
上一季《三人行》...
Last season on "You Me Her"...
我们有恼人的特殊需求
We lied with disturbing specificity.
所以你要撒谎比如我会告诉
Well, you got to lie. Like, I'm gonna tell
所有邻居我们两个月内都没有过性生活?
the whole neighborhood we haven't had sex in two months?
你刚刚就说了
Well, you just did.
你需要上一个你不认识的人
You need to do it someone you don't know,
某个当你耍性感时不会笑你的人
someone who doesn't laugh when you get your sexy on.
我说的是一个小姐
I'm talking about an escort.
你逗我呢?
Are you fucking kidding me?
我承认我老实交代还不能加分么?
I came clean. Don't I get points for coming clean?
你要是说的是你吃掉了
You get points for admitting to scarfing down
我剩下的帕尼尼才能加分
the second half of my panini, not for
而不是承认和妓♥女♥在酒店房♥间里
confessing to spending happy hour
翻云覆雨爽几小时
in a hotel room with a hooker.
我今天遇到依奇了
I met Izzy today.
- 给你个惊喜 - 什么?
- Surprise. - What?
也许我早就应该告诉你了
And I probably should've told you this a long, long time ago.
依奇
Izzy.
她不是我上的第一个女孩
She wasn't my first girl.
你那愚蠢的智障计划还真起作用了
Your stupid moron plan actually worked.
艾玛和我疯狂的来了一发
Emma and I are having crazy sex.
要是都是依奇的套路呢?
What if it's all Izzy?
我们...我们同意这是一次商务安排对吧?
We... we agree that this is a business arrangement, right?
昨晚我和艾玛约会了
Well, you know, I had my date with Emma last night.
感觉好极了
It was pretty awesome.
就特么像一部拉拉浪漫爱情小说太棒了!
Like a fucking lesbian romance novel. Blegh!
无论如何马上停下来
Whatever the fuck that is, stop it immediately.
妈妈!
Mom!
你在干嘛?
What are you doing?
- 嗨 - 所以两晚前
- So, hi. - So who was that chick
在你家睡的小妞是谁?
who got dropped off at your house two nights ago?
我告诉她就说是我侄女
I told her she was, uh, my niece.
- 宝贝儿吸口气 - 我想继续下去
- Babe, just take a breath. - I need this.
我想当这儿的系主任
I want to be dean of this place.
洛莉特别生气
Lori's big on spite.
洛莉现在你懂的在校友董事会
Lori, who is now, you know, on the alumni board.
你知道她有男朋友吗?
Do you know that she has a boyfriend?
你在这干什么?
What are you doing here?
- 我在找一个女孩 - 我就知道
- I'm looking for a girl. - I knew it.
安迪你干嘛要跟我来这去我叔叔家?
Andy, why'd you follow me here, to my uncle's house?
你知道的我对此感觉特别强呃
You know, I'm getting the overwhelming sense that, uh,
杰克不是依奇真正的叔叔
Jack isn't really Izzy's uncle, you know.
什么?
What?
我睡了安迪
I fucked Andy.
最好给我个好借口
Give me one good reason
为什么我现在不能打你的小妹妹
why I shouldn't punch you in the vag right now.
你能问出杰奎琳伊莎贝尔的姓
You find Jacqueline Isabelle's last name
或者找到任何社交网络能够证明
and any social networking site that proves
她和杰克的姐姐能够在一群人里认出对方么
her and Jack's big sister could pick each other out of a line-up,
更不用说有血缘关系了
let alone share DNA.
我原以为这很容易
I thought this was supposed to be easy.
我并不是一个PS高手
I'm not exactly a Photoshop wizard.
是爱娃
It's Ava.
- 这可行诶 - 我爱我们仨
- It worked. - I love us.
也许这可行走没人走过的路
Maybe this is doable, the road less traveled,
- 做多于二人的爱 - 噗哇
- The relationship more populated. - Pfff.
- 为什么一定要害怕? - 我倒是很困惑
- Why does it have to be scary? - I'm actually confused.
你说过这要持续下去的?
Did you say this was permanent?
我知道你们的感觉
I know that you guys feel this
- 和我的差不多 - 我们有工作
- just as much as I do. - We have careers.
- 我们还有该死的邻居 - 所以你害怕了?
- We have neighbors for God's sake. - So you're afraid?
当然我们怕死了
Of course we're fucking afraid.
你们不值得拥有我
You don't deserve me.
我拒绝升职了
I declined the position.
- 好 - 然后我辞职了
- Okay. - And then I resigned.
她离开是因为她爱上你了...你们两个
She's leaving because she fell in love with you... both of you.
去机场
Go to the airport.
嘿贱♥人♥们
Hey, assholes.
我们几乎都是冲到机场的就像
We literally raced to the airport, which is, like,
像... 浪漫喜剧里面的演的
the... the rom-comiest of all rom-com tropes.
- 并且... - 就为了到这里
- And... - Just to get here.
- 但之后干嘛? - 我们回家
- But then what? - We go home.
啥?
What?
呃我能不能来点咖啡喝喝
嘘
Shh.
我需要止痛药
Need painkillers.
真的
Truth.
- 你要去拿吗? - 天啊不去
- Are you gonna get them? - God, no.
噢
Ohh.
噢我♥操♥
Oh, fuck.
是广义的操还是...?
Just fuck in general, or... ?
我辞了职
I quit my job.
是啊你辞职了
Yeah. Yep.
记不得为什么要那么做了
Can't remember the actual reason. Something about
可能是关于我想做的事
doing what I want to do,
但我觉得那是我一直只想做的事
but I think that's all I ever wanted to do.
所以你要去另一所学校那里比起
So you do it at another school, one where they have
他们选择自己宝马的颜色
bigger problems than choosing the color
还有更严重的问题
for their sweet-16 Beemers.
- 好主意 - 今天就先这样吧
- Solid idea. - Let's call it a day.
从现在开始都是下坡路
Its all downhill from here.
依奇她发生什么事了
Izzy. What happened to Izzy?
- 噢天啊我们把她丢了? - 她现在可能在任何地方
- Oh, my God, we lost her? - She could be anywhere by now.
或那里
Or there.
她屁♥股♥上的东西是啥?
What's that on her ass?
"烦躁的"?
"Edgy"?
- 噢上帝 - 我也有一个?
- Oh, God. - I have one, too?
睡觉吧
Just go to sleep.
不要讲话了
Just stop talking.
不是"烦躁的"
It's not "Edgy."
是"E-J-I"
It's "E-J-I."
艾玛杰克依奇
Emma, Jack, Izzy.
怎么他妈会发生这事?
How the fuck did this happen?
噢该死
Oh, fuck.
两天前
冒险开始啦
The adventure begins.
开放性多角恋探险
Openly polyamorous adventure.
没错
Yep.
- 你还好吗? - 还好
- Are you okay? - Yeah.
- 等等你... - 呃不
- Oh, wait, did you... - Uh, no.
这发生的被称为"夫妻特权"
What's happening here, it's called "Couples privilege."
你们都觉得独角兽就该在后面跟着跑
You both assume the unicorn would ride in the back.
那就是我
That's me.
独角兽... 第三个
The unicorn... the third.
我们应该轮流吗?
So, should we rotate?
或是你想坐在哪?
Or where do you want to sit?
嗯方向盘后面
Mm, behind the wheel.
行
Cool.
- 你觉得可以吗教授? - 我想可以
- You okay with that, Doctor? - I guess so, yeah.
谢啦
Ah, thank you.
好了系上安全带白♥痴♥
All right, buckle up, dickhead.
- 听起来很对 - 宝贝儿那是什么?
- Oh, that sounds about right. - What's that, babe?
啥也不是走吧
Nothing. Yes, let's do this.
- 出发啦 - 这是辆大♥逼♥车
- Let's do this. - This is a big-ass car.
哟嚯!
Whee!
- 不给糖就捣乱! - 孩子注意安全
- Trick or treat! - Be safe kids.
你好旱鸭子
Aye, there, landlubber.
警长近来如何
How you doin', sheriff?