情牵你我她（2016）

You Me Her S01E01

Part 1 Aug. 1, 2020, 4:58 p.m.

请让波特兰一直这么奇怪下去
波特兰
肥料
波特兰
可回收
昨晚上
Last night, I woke up
我又一次在半夜三点的时候惊醒了
with one of those 3:00 a.M. Panic attacks,
我突然间意识到我们“歇一年不生养”的计划
realized our "One Year Fertility Break"
已经变成了“歇三年”
had turned into three
比起三十岁那阵子我现在更接近四十岁了
and now I am way closer to 40 than 30.
是的
Yeah.
我们是丁克家庭
We're like "That Couple with No Kids"
然而整个社区的家庭里都有小孩
in a family neighborhood.
邻居们多多少少都觉得我们既可怜又奇怪
The neighbors kind of think we're pitiful and weird,
这简直荒谬
which is ridiculous,
因为从客观上来说我们的生活比他们好得太多了
because we're objectively so much better than them.
但我们已经准备好要再试一次
But we're ready to try again.
对的完全准备好了
Totally. Yeah.
我们想要这么做我们uf8f5我们准备好了
We wanna do this. We're... We're all in.
这次是玩真的
We are all in this time.
你们啪啪啪的频率怎样?
How often are you having sex?
你说啥?
Excuse me?
我们多久啪啪啪一次?
How often are we having sex?
呃...
Uh...
我说讲真uf8f5
I mean, to be honuf8f5
我们最近可能都有点不在状态
we've been off our game a little bit lately.
我光是上班就忙得要疯了
I've been working crazy hours on this huge pitch,
为的都是在汉密尔顿学校校内那间杰克工作的
for a fancy new theater at The Hamilton School,
不错的新剧院
where Jack works?
- 她上班... - 所以上个月uf8f5
- She works... - So the last month...
的数据不太能说明我们
isn't really an accurate representation
啪啪啪的...
of how often we... have...
正常频率
intercourse. Ahem.
对的还有就是
Right. And also,
我最近一直
I've been having this, like,
觉得胃里存留有很多酸性物质uf8f5
persistent kind of acidy thing in my stomach here...
这uf8f5也是个负担
That's... it's kind of a problem.
不过我猜我如此滔滔不绝地
Maybe the fact that I'm talking about it
谈论这件事
so incessantly
也是我们没有
is another factor
完全发挥潜力的原因之一吧
in why we're not reaching our potential, I guess.
我想我们大概...
I'd say we do it, uh...
一周做1.5次吧?
1.5 times a week?
我并不是想说我们啪的很少
I mean, not that we have fractional intercourse,
她的意思是...
She means...
我们大概呃一个月做六次吧
we have it, like, six times a month.
- 嗯 - 她uf8f5她记下来了
- Hmm. - Sheuf8f5she wrote it down.
- 是不是比别人多uf8f5 - 行了知道了
- Is that more than-- - Okay, got it.
这是在说我们做得不错吗?
That means we're doing well?
这挺好的对吧?
That's pretty good, right?
对啊我也觉得这挺好的是吧?
Yeah, that's pretty good I would say, right?
你这个...
I mean, what's youruf8f5
我们也达到了国民平均水平吧?
National average?
我们这样挺不错的对吧?
Yeah, we're doing good, right?
不好意思
Sorry.
塔卡斯基夫妇!
Trakarskys!
医生看得怎么样?
How'd it go?
医生问我们多久啪啪啪一次
The doctor asked us how often we had sex
我们说谎了
and we lied.
还说得很详细简直恼人
With disturbing specificity.
喔你必须说谎的呀
Oh, you gotta lie.
不然难道我会告诉整个社区
Like I'm gonna tell the whole neighborhood
我们两个月都没啪啪啪了?
we haven't had sex in two months?
喔那你刚刚已经说了
Well, you just did.
喔天哪大事不好
Oh, boy.
属于我们霍桑高地
Party time
真正主妇的趴体时间到了!
for the Real Housewives of Hawthorne Heights!
嘿...洛莉
Hey... Lori.
好了你们继续
Okay, carry on.
她为什么会去珍娜·威登的离婚聚会啊?
Why would she be coming to Jenna Weeden's divorce party?
她们过去好像曾经一起工作过还是什么的
They used to work together or something.
我们出门之前你会换身衣服的对吧?
You're gonna change before we go out, right?
四十岁以下的鲜肉们才不会被你这身辣鸡的商务休闲风迷倒
Nobody under 40's gonna hit on that biz-cas bullshit.
嘿那你打算干吗?
Hey what are you doing?
想过来喝点小酒看场球
Wanna crack a couple beers, watch a game,
或者吃点披萨吗?
maybe get some pizza?
呃...不用了我还有一些学生论文要看
Um... no, I gotta read over some college essays, so.
是因为他在哭吧?
Is it because he's crying?
我真的需要认真回答这个问题吗?
Do I actually have to answer that question?
这是出牙期懂吗?
It's called teething, okay?
小家伙要长牙了呢
He's trying to get teeth.
想想这令人激动的头一回啊
Imagine that for the first time.
长新牙
Making teeth.
这可是件大事
It's a big deal.
对啊宝贝儿谢谢
Yeah. Thank you, honey.
你搞什么鬼?
What the hell?
怎么啦?
What?
你这是在对着足球比赛撸吗?
Are you jacking off to football?
才不是!
No!
这他妈真是太不能接受了
That is so fucked up.
我只是uf8f5我只是在爱抚它
I was justuf8f5 I was just cradling it.
没事儿
It's okay,
因为我们...
because we...
就要来点儿亲密的接触了
are about to do some intercourse.
你准备好了吗?
You ready for this?
你知道为什么uf8f5
Do you know why...
珍娜离婚了吗?
Jenna got divorced?
你把珍娜扔人堆里我都认不出来
I couldn't pick Jenna out of a lineup,
所以我连你在跟我说谁我都不知道
so I have no idea who you're even talking about.
当那个离婚聚会不出所料地熄了灯的时候...
Well, when the divorce party went "Predictably darkuf8f5”
我的天啊
Oh, my God.
你得喝点儿水或者什么的
You have to have some water or something.
她说她们深深地掉进了
She said they fell deeply
“情欲与喜爱的陷阱”
"Out of lust and deeply into like."
你喝醉的时候总是喜欢比划引号♥
You air quote so much when you're drunk.
我这么一说你觉得耳熟吗?
Does that sound familiar to you?
嗯? 你喜欢这样吗?
Oh, yeah? You like that?
我不知道
I don't know.
挺好的
That's good,
因为从现在开始就要让你见识小淫♥娃♥了
'cause it is about to get real dirty up in here.
你到底知不知道你自己在说什么啊?
Can you even hear what you're saying?
那你能听见你自己内心的声音吗?
Can you even hear yourself?
你行吗?
Can you?
行啊
Yeah.
我能听见你的心
I can hear you.
这是什么意思?
What does that even meuf8f5?
我的天啊你是抽了一整包烟吗?
Oh, God. Did you smoke the entire pack of cigarettes?
你是吃了一整包洋葱圈吗?
Did you eat an entire bag of Funions?
当然没有
Of course not.
我还留了一点儿呢
There's till some left, I think.
很好...
Good...
因为一切都这么赤♥裸♥裸的
'cause this is raw.
这里有烟有洋葱圈什么都有
This is cigarettes and Funions and shit.
过来扇我
Come here. Come here. Slap me.
什么?
What?
- 扇我 - 扇你? 不不不
- Spank me. - Spank you? No.
拽我的头发扇我
Pull my hair and spank me.
你真的想要这么做吗?
This is seriously what you want?
扇我快点
Spank me. Come on.
你到底什么意思啊?
What are you talking about?
扇我扇我扇我扇我
Spank me. Spank me. Spank me. Spank me.
- 就像这样 - 我不会这么做的
- Like that. - I'm not doing it.
- 你试一下! - 宝宝是拒绝的