老实说（2015）

你能让米奇知道这件事吗
Can you please let Mitch know about this?
- 女士们 - 等等
- Hey, ladies. - Hold up.
你不能就这样走进来
You can't just walk up in here
像是你没有带着一只狗一样
like you're not wearing a dog.
这一定是花生了
This must be Peanut.
你喜欢吗
You like this?
这是运用人体工程学的狗狗承载器
It's an ergonomic dog carrier.
史蒂夫推荐的 这对后背很好
The Steves recommended it. It's good for the back.
对你还是对狗狗
Yours or his?
对狗狗 我的背疼死了
His. My back is killing me.
我还给你的车加了油
I also gassed up your car,
顺便拿了需要干洗的衣服
grabbed our dry cleaning,
还给你带了咖啡
and got you a coffee.
别嫉妒
Don't be jealous.
我虽然还不习惯 但我会习惯的
I'm not used to this, but I could get used to this.
有人肚子咕咕叫了
Somebody is a little rumbly in the tumbly.
或许我们散散步 就不会再遇到意外了
We should go for a walk so we don't have another accident.
我是说 不会遇到意外了
I mean, a first accident.
我得说
I got to say,
当拉塞尔说他可以照看一条狗
when Russell said he could take care of a dog,
我很怀疑 但还是挺感人的
I had my doubts, but it's pretty impressive.
我得去隔壁
Oh, I got to run next door.
莎蒂的玩具小医生视频快录好了
Sadie's Doc McStuffins video is almost over.
别这样看着我
Don't look at me like that.
你马上也会做一样的事了
You'll be doing the same thing soon enough.
拉塞尔已经有条狗了
Russell's already got the dog.
等他有要孩子的想法 也只是时间问题了
It's only a matter of time before he wants the kid.
但是谢谢你们昨晚让科斯比那么安静
But thank you for keeping Cosby quiet last night,
这是为什么我特别选择了这个狗狗玩具
which is why I specifically chose this dog toy
是个橄榄枝
as an olive branch.
这是有象征性的 即使真正的橄榄枝不会
Symbolic, even though real olive branches don't...
所以不管你们做了什么让他昨晚这么安静
So whatever you did to keep him quiet last night,
请继续保持
keep it up.
好吧 你昨晚没有听到他的叫声的原因
Well, the reason that you didn't hear him last night
是因为他不在这
is because he wasn't here.
他在兽医那里 他生病了
He was at the vet's. He's sick.
我的天哪
Oh, my God.
所以你可以看到为什么
So you can see why
我们并不想继续保持下去
we don't want to keep it up.
不 当然 十分抱歉
No, obviously. I'm so sorry.
- 他还好吗 - 我们不确定
- Is he okay? - We're not sure.
虽然他是个战士
He's a fighter, though.
他比两个兽医还活得长
He's outlived two veterinarians.
所以回顾一下 超级聪明的橄榄枝
So to recap, super-clever olive branch,
希望科斯比振作起来 你们的科斯比
hope Cosby rebounds... Your Cosby...
还有同性婚姻 太了不起了
And gay marriage? Fantastic.
我们还没有结婚
Uh, we're not married.
这是个敏感话题
It's a sensitive subject.
崔丝 我做不到 我不想做
Trace, I can't do it. I don't want to do it.
我不想有小孩 这会毁掉我的生活
I'm not having kids. It would just ruin my life.
那么... 我要去拿个橘子汁
So I'm just gonna go grab a juice box.
那啥 至少我没爆粗口
Well, at least this time I didn't curse.
好吧 你怎么啦
Okay, what's happening with you?
还不是那条又蠢又萌的狗
It's this stupid, adorable dog.
这是个预兆
It's a gateway.
如果拉塞尔想养条狗 那他肯定也想要小孩
If Russell wants a dog, he's gonna want kids.
- 谁说的 - 你说的
- Who said that? - You said that.
我是这么说过 因为对某些人来说
I said that, 'cause it's true.
事实就是如此
For some people.
我跟拉塞尔结婚的时候
When Russell and I got married,
我们统一意见不要小孩
we both agreed we weren't having kids.
我是个儿科医生
I'm a pediatrician.
我每天都要照顾小孩 到了晚上
I take care of kids all day, and at night,
我回家还要照顾一个32岁的孩子
I come home to a 32-year-old kid.
我知道这不是随主流大众的行为
I know it's not a popular stance,
但我从来就没想过要小孩
but I've never wanted children.
你看
See?
我要是个母亲 我就得收拾这茬
If I was a mom, I'd have to clean that up.
真是尴尬啊 我一直在尝试
It's so embarrassing. I keep stepping in it.
我想只是想跟我们的邻居搞好关系而已
I just want to have a good relationship with our neighbors.
我不会放弃的
I'm not giving up on these guys.
- 因为他们是同性恋 - 并不是因为他们是同性恋
- Because they're gay? - And not because they're gay.
嘿 俩位
Hey, guys.
- 你们知道科斯比的事儿吗 - 那人咋啦
- Did you guys hear about Cosby? - What did that man do now?
挺好的吧 但不是你说的那个科斯比
Right? But wrong Cosby.
他说的是史蒂夫的狗
He's talking about the Steves' dog.
噢 天哪
Oh, my God.
难道我跟史蒂夫的事儿都传开了吗
Is word getting around of what happened with me and the Steves?
没有 但我还是知道了你给他送的那根响响棍
No, although I did hear about the squeaky stick you got him.
我还没见到花生收到它的那根
I noticed Peanut didn't get his yet.
说正事儿 科斯比的治疗费用需要2000美元
Anyway, the procedure Cosby needs is $2,000.
对于狗来说是笔天大的费用呢
That's like $100,000 in dog dollars.
他们发起了一场用于治疗的筹款
They're having a fundraiser to cover the expenses.
他们让我们帮忙发传♥单♥
They asked us to help pass out flyers.
什么 他们才刚刚搬进过来
What? They just moved in.
怎么能立马就让人捐钱给他们的狗治病
They can't ask people for money for their dog.
爱心是不能被标价的
You can't put a price tag on love.
然而他们标了 每人50美元
Well, they did. $50 a person.
简直了
Unbelievable.
既然你已经炸毛了
And since you're already pissed off,
我应该告诉你 他们把你的蛋糕转手又给我了
I should tell you that they regifted us your cake.
我可算收到我的蛋糕了
Finally got my cake.
太扯蛋了
It's ridiculous.
史蒂夫他们才搬来这个街区两天
The Steves have been on the block for two days,
然后他们立马就开始给那条老狗
and they're throwing a fundraiser
发起筹款了吗
for their geriatric dog?
这才是你 这才是你
There you are. There you are!
宝贝 欢迎你做回自己
Baby, welcome back.
不不不 他们不能这样
No, no, no, they can't do this.
你怎么能让你的家人去付别家的账单
You can't make your household bills someone else's problems.
我们的电费就已经够呛了
Our electric bill is pretty steep,
但你们可没看见我去找上边那户道格和戴安娜要钱吧
but you don't see me asking Doug and Diane up the street to chip in.
史蒂夫一家人很好的
The Steves are nice guys,
而且这个筹款是自愿的
and this fundraiser is voluntary.
是吗
Is it?
有人拿他们奄奄一息的狗来捆绑你们的歉疚心的时候
When someone guilt trips you with their dying dog,
你就必须要捐钱而来
you kind of have to do it.
你说那就是 崔丝带着莎蒂小可爱
Oh, you mean like the way Tracy guilts us
挨家挨户推销高价的包装纸
with Sadie's cute face, taking her door-to-door
这一样的歉疚心捆绑套路吗
peddling overpriced wrapping paper?
每家学校也不等你的钱用呢 崔丝
Every school doesn't need a band, Tracy.
你看 所有人都喜欢史蒂夫他们俩
Look, everyone loves the Steves.
谁会不喜欢他们呢
And who wouldn't?
他们给周边一片的每一户都送了礼物
Who moves into a neighborhood and gives everyone on the block a gift?
礼物?
A gift?
你说的是史蒂芬到处派放的护肤乳吗
You mean that lotion that Stephen's slinging?
那个超级香的护肤乳不是免费的
That incredibly fragrant lotion was not free.
他只是给我们一些试用装
He gave us all just a little taste,
因为他知道我们还会回头要更多
'cause he knows that we're gonna come back for more.
更多
And more.
接下来 你就会在大街上
Next thing you know, you're on the street
被他推销着另一支热门的夜魅茉莉花香护肤乳
selling that sweet ass of yours for another hit of Night-blooming Jasmine.
好吧 我们这个街区的人都打算去了
Well, the whole neighborhood is planning on going,
但如果你们不想去的话 不去就是了
but if you don't want to go, don't go.
- 噢 我们不会去的 - 噢 我们一定会去的
- Oh, we're not going. - Oh, we're absolutely going.
感觉我是个不合群的小萌新呢
It's like I'm new here.
我们不能成为这一片唯一一户不来的
We can't be the only ones on the block who don't go.
我们是这个社区的一部分
We're part of a community.
不不不 我们会去的
No, no, no, we're going.
对 我们会去给他们100块
Yeah, we're gonna give them 100 bucks