老实说（2015）

哇 瞧这袋子
Oh, look at that bag.
都成什么样了
It's a disaster.
看着跟它要临盆了似的
Looks like it's about to give birth.
那鸡肉串绝对是羊水都破了
Yeah, the chicken tikka is definitely crowning.
你有给那服务员小费 是吗
You tipped that guy, didn't you?
- 能不给吗 - 应该给吗
- Had to. - Had to?
什么叫能不给吗 这是外带啊
What do you mean you had to? This is take-out.
一个男人抱着袋子走了三英尺
A man moved a bag three feet,
还把袋子弄成这鬼样
and he managed to do that terribly.
东西都洒出来了
Stuff was falling out.
有一半的酱料都在我口袋里
Half our condiments are in my pocket.
米奇 如果你不给小费 是因为他们服务不周
Mitch, if you don't tip, it's 'cause you got bad service.
如果我不给小费 就会归咎于我是黑人
If I don't tip, it's because I'm black.
有黑人税的你不知道吗
There's a Black Tax.
- 黑人税吗 - 对 黑人税
- "Black Tax"? - Black Tax.
这是不是你自己编的又一个东西
Is this one of those things
好让我觉得自己蠢爆了
that you make up to make me feel stupid?
因为我查过了 布克·华盛顿
Because I checked, and Booker T. Washington
根本没发明过蛋黄酱
did not invent mayonnaise.
你跟多少人说过这事了
How many people you tell?
你怎么弄了那么久啊
Wow, what took you so long?
莎蒂和我有精致的睡前程序要走
Sadie and I have an elaborate bedtime routine.
我说 "爱你 爱你 没人能超过你"
I say love ya, no one above ya."
然后她就说 "想你 想你 我就想亲亲你"
Then she says, "Miss ya, miss ya, just wanna kiss ya.
我又说 "喜欢你 喜欢你
Then I say, "Adore you, adore you,
就想要和你在一起"
just want more of you."
老天啊 真希望我不是她的最爱
God, I wish I wasn't her favorite.
不用担心 她总有一天会讨厌你的
Don't worry. One day she'll hate you.
好啦 现在你该来帮我了
Now, you gotta help me
来帮我和拉塞尔挑辆新车
pickut a new car for me and Russell.
哇 哇 哇 你在干啥啊
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, what are you doing?
你可不能让米奇知道你想买♥♥车
Mitch can't know you're in the market for a new car,
他会想去商谈这笔交易的
'cause he's gonna want to negotiate the deal.
于是我不该让他去吗
And I don't want him to?
是我不想让他去
I don't want him to.
他总对这些事痴迷
He gets obsessed.
听着 只要他觉得
Look, any time he thinks
有人想要占你们的便宜
someone's out to take advantage of you...
他就一定会反击
He's determined to fight back.
没错 米奇还说过
Yes. According to Mitch,
汽车销♥售♥员是最会占人便宜的
the worst offenders of them all are car salesmen.
大事不妙啦 米奇知道蛋黄酱的事了
Bad news, Whitey found out about the mayonnaise.
- 噢 居然 - 以为我们瞒得很好呢
- Aww, man. - Aw, we had a good run.
东西都要凉了 我们要不要
Yeah, food's getting cold. Are we gonna...
咋了这是
What's going on here?
- 没什么呀 - 没事呀
- Nothing. - Nothing at all.
肯定不是在看黄♥片♥ 因为
It's not porn, 'cause the only time
两个女人一起看片这种事只会出现在片里
you see two women watch porn together is in porn.
不 就是在看片 有些变♥态♥情节
No, it is porn. Some sick stuff.
加大号♥的易拉罐
Big 'ol cans.
女人都不说 "易拉罐" 的呀
Girls don't say "cans."
到底是什么鬼
What's going on?
你让我们帮忙拿吃的因为你车坏了
You had us pick up the food because your car broke down.
你的车也用了十年了
It's ten years old.
你们在物色新车啊
You guys are in the market for a new car!
- 我去 - 哦 就这样
- Damn it. - Oh, yeah!
快让开
Scoot over.
我们要给朋友买♥♥车啦
We're building our friends a car.
男人在黄♥片♥里也不说 "快点" 的呀
Guys don't say "scoot."
电热椅椅 有
Heated seats, check.
高音质音响 有
Premium audio, check.
延长保修期
Extended warranty...
这些东西真麻烦呢
I'm offended by the question.
哇 他真的好喜欢搞这些
Wow, he is really into this.
对 米奇觉得汽车销♥售♥员
Yeah, Mitch thinks that car dealers...
他们都是猪头骗子
They're liars and d-bags.
看看他的眼睛 都闪烁着疯狂的光芒
Look at his eyes. They're crazy.
都已经没有灵魂在里头了
There's no soul in there.
米奇 你觉得你能给我们弄到那款冬日灰吗
Mitch, you think you can get us our Winter Gray?
安琪
Angie!
抱歉 崔丝 你都和他结婚了
Sorry, Trace, you married him.
我们就想充分利用一下他
We just want to exploit him.
等等啊 这是我俩结婚后第一次买♥♥大件物品
Hold on, hold on, this is our first big purchase as a married couple.
和卖♥♥方协商的最佳人选就是这屋子的主人
The best person to negotiate this deal is the man of the house.
我们可以用比市价低很多的价格买♥♥到车子
I can get us plenty off the sticker price.
首先
First of all,
我们不看门市价
you don't negotiate down from the sticker.
我们看的应该是发货价
You negotiate up from the invoice.
对于一个认为布克·华盛顿
Pretty condescending
发明了蛋黄酱的人来说
from a guy who thought
这可真是降贵纡尊了
Booker T. Washington invented mayonnaise.
就照我说做 至少能省2600刀
Do as I say, and I will save you at least $2,600.
男主人已经做好决定啦
The man of the house has made his decision!
- 你帮我们去买♥♥车吧 - 当然
- You are helping us buy that car. - Yes!
先声明一下 我觉得有必要告诉你
And for that service, I feel obliged to tell you
弗里普．威尔逊不是第一个黑人国会议员
that Flip Wilson was not the first black congressman.
我去
No!
如果米奇能在这事上帮我们省钱 我或许
If Mitch can work his magic with our car deal, maybe I can join
就能加入你们经常说的那家天价健身房♥
that expensive gym you're always raving about.
如果你想要在健身房♥方面省钱
If you want to save money on a gym,
我倒有好方法介绍
I got this pretty sweet thing I do there.
你所谓的方法名叫 "偷"
It's called stealing.
方法是你得漂亮 而且像个混血
Oh, just look pretty and build your hybrid.
知道为什么白人会觉得非白色人种都长一样吗
You know how white people think all non-white people look alike?
上星期 有人跟我要约翰·传奇的签名喔
Last week I got asked for John Legend's autograph.
约翰·传奇 : 着名黑人歌♥手 代表作有All of me
您接着说吧
Continue.
我本来要花很多钱才能进那家健身房♥的
All right, I could've spent a ton of money to join that gym,
但是 我认识了一个不知道是哪里人的女人
but instead, I found another ethnically ambiguous woman
她已经是会员了
who's already a member.
所以我就和方南希夫人共享了会员卡
So now I share a membership with Ms. Nancy Phuong.
那你们两个用同一张照片吗
So you both use the same photo ID?
她有你这么漂亮吗
She's as hot as you?
额 谁知道呢
Oh, who's to say?
虽然我们看起来一点都不像 但是没人拦我们
But no one ever stops us even though we look nothing alike.
事实上 我们两个唯一的相似之处就在于
In fact, the only thing that we have in common
我们都用种族主义来给自己捞好处
is that we're both making racism work for us.
她也不是菲律宾人
She's not even Filipina.
我第一次见你的时候 以为你是拉丁裔的
When I first met you, I thought you were Latina.
很多人觉得她只是晒黑了
A lot of people think she's just tan.
反正我觉得石头哪里来的 你就从哪里来
Well, I thought you were wherever The Rock is from.
亲爱的们 帮我看看 我的健身房♥诈骗计划怎样
Guys, back me up. How brilliant is my gym scam?
老婆 你刚刚管它叫做 "诈骗"
Sweetie, you just called it a scam.
这女人长得跟你一点也不像呀
This woman looks nothing like you.
就算方南希犯罪了
If Nancy Phuong committed a crime,
警♥察♥也不会找你问话呀
you wouldn't even be stopped for questioning.
但是他们会找我 臭警♥察♥
They'd stop me, though. Cops.
臣妾做不到呀
I can't do this.
呃 因为上帝之类的原因吗
Ugh, is this a God thing?
是的 老婆
Uh, yeah, sweetie.
不像这里的某些人 安琪有她自己的道德准则
Unlike some people in this conversation, Angie has an operational moral compass
"偷" 这个词会让她不舒服的
and is uncomfortable with the notion of stealing.
哦 我其实没关系
Oh, I'm down with stealing.
我也是 我曾经白蹭了
Me too, I haven't paid
七年的葡萄酒呢
for a grape in seven years.
只不过 不管什么时候只要我想作弊之类
It's just, whenever I try to cheat the system,
我也会被抓到了
I get caught.
我会汗流浃背 开始不停的说话
I sweat. I start talking too much.
她还会莫名其妙的鼓掌
She starts clapping her hands for no reason.
哦 还记不记得那一次
Oh, remember that time