老实说（2015）

Truth Be Told S01E01

Part 1 Sept. 8, 2020, 12:38 p.m.

稍等我去厨房♥ 取你的餐
One second. I go kitchen, get your order
太棒了谢谢
Perfect. Thanks
哼我告诉过你
Boom. What'd I tell ya
我不买♥♥这个口音的账
I'm not buying the accent
那你要买♥♥啥的账
What's to buy
拉塞尔
Russell
一般在中式餐厅工作的人都有口音
most people who work in a Chinese restaurant have an accent
但不是所有人都有然而他们所有人都有
But not all of them do, and yet all of them do
你的意思是说她在伪装口音咯
You think that she's faking the accent
这样他们的陈皮鸡会更好吃吗
so the orange chicken tastes better
我只是说亚洲人和假装有亚洲口音
I'm just saying being Asian and faking an Asian accent
她在给你好吃的心理暗示
She's "Uncle Tom yumming" it
我觉得我们不该讨论这种东西
I don't think we're allowed to talk about these things
我知道我不行
I know I'm not
但是我可以看着
But I can. Watch this
天哪别
Oh, God
您的餐祝您愉快
Here you go. Enjoy
谢谢
Syeh-syeh
看到没米奇
You see that, Mitch
我刚说了中文的 "谢谢"
I just said "thank you" in Chinese
然后她一脸茫然地看着我
and she looked at me blankly
是嘛我认为那个表情是
Yeah, I think the look was
"这个黑人老兄说中文♥做♥啥"
"Why is this black dude speaking Chinese?"
你是真的很不爽这种事
Are you really upset about this
还是这只是你单口相声的一部分
or is this a bit for your stand-up
你是在问我能不能把我的多愁善感都弃掉吗
Are you asking me if I can turn all of this off
办不到
I cannot
黑色保时捷谢谢伙计
It's the black Porsche. Thanks, bro
我收到条短♥信♥ 振得我有点痒
I'm getting a text. It tickles
酷
Dope
我的漂亮新娘刚弄到了四张Jay-Z的票
My beautiful bride just scored us four tickets to Jay Z
Jay Z : 是一个美国嘻哈音乐艺术家
- 哦太棒了 - 我和安琪你和崔丝
- Oh, sweet - Me, Angie, you, Tracy
- 崔丝一定会高兴死 - 老兄明晚
- Tracy's gonna love this - Dude, tomorrow night
什么糟透了
Oh, what? This sucks
你和崔丝还没找到新保姆吗
You and Tracy still don't have a new sitter
两个月了都
It's been two months
唯一能让崔丝认同的只有她母亲
The only person Tracy will sign off on is her mom
所以只能继续找
Ooh. And the search continues
你得说点什么
You got to say something
我才不浪费口水米奇
I'm not wasting my breath, Mitch
这里只是停车场不是塞尔玛
It's a valet stand, not Selma
塞尔玛 : 在1960年马丁·路德·金号♥召塞尔玛全市黑人游♥行♥ 让全国黑人拥有投票权
- 那我来说 - 不不别
- Then I'm saying something - No, no
我是你的伴郎
I'm your best man
并不会因为你的婚礼结束我就不是了
That did not end at your wedding
走到哪里我都是你的伴郎
I'm your best man everywhere we go
早知道我就叫我兄弟当伴郎就算了
I should've made my brother my best man
嘿教授
Hey. Hey, Professor
你不会在这里上你的伦理课吧
You're not teaching your ethics class right now
没错我就是要
Oh, yes, I am
不好意思
Excuse me
你好
Hi. Hello
这不是我的车
This is not my car
这是他的车
This is his car
然后呢
Okay
我的车是一台PT漫步者
My car is a PT Cruiser
一个敞篷PT漫步者
A convertible PT Cruiser
这就是为什么我们要坐我的车
Which is why we took my car
话伤人了
Hurtful
重点是这辆保时捷或者保施杰
The point is that this Porsche or "Porscha"
我不知道怎么发音
I don't even know how to pronounce it
- 保时捷 - 你看
- "Porscha." - See
车是他的
This car is his
而我猜你觉得它是我的
and I think that you assumed it was mine
是因为你不认为一个黑人
because you don't think a black man
可以买♥♥得起一辆昂贵的汽车
can afford a fancy automobile
事实上我觉得它是你的
Well, actually, I thought it was yours
是因为车上在播约翰·梅尔的专辑
because there's a John Mayer CD playing
噢是那是我的
Yeah, that's my CD
我们可以走了吗夏普顿牧师
We done here, Reverend Sharpton
夏普顿牧师 : 非裔美国人是民权运动的一大重要领袖之一
走吧
We are
你知道吗你真让人心累
You know, you're exhausting
- 确实 - 恩哼
- I really am - Mm-hmm
伙计们为什么我们不在你们家吃晚饭
Guys, why don't we just dinner at your place
我们只住在你们十米外而已
We live 30 feet away from you
因为我需要出去嗨一晚
Because I needed a night out
而十米刚好在莎蒂的旧婴儿监视器范围内
and 30 feet is within range of Sadie's old baby monitor
至少本应如此
Oh, at least it's supposed to be
给点力吧
Come on
你们仍未有幸获得一个
You haven't been blessed with
甜蜜的天使般的四岁小孩
a sweet angelic four-year-old
我们真想死
We want to die
明早记得提醒我去取一张结扎手术的估价单
Remind me in the morning to get an estimate on a vasectomy
然而我就是医生我现在就能免费帮你做
Well, I'm a doctor. I'll do it for free right now
崔丝已经45个晚上没有真正出过门了
Tracy hasn't had a real night out in 45 days
46天
难以置信
Unbelievable
我可以跟我菲律宾的外祖母视频通话
I can FaceTime my grandmother in the Philippines
却得不到一张隔壁屋的我女儿的清晰图像
I can't get a clear picture of my daughter right next door
这个愚蠢的喔我的小天使
This stupid piece of... Oh, my angel
啊宝贝儿
Oh, babe
好吧
Okay
感谢主赐给我们美好的食物和朋友
Thank you, Lord, for this food and our friends
- 阿门 - 阿门
- Amen - Amen
阿门
Amen
安吉我注意到你在盯着木须肉
Ange, I noticed you eyeing the Moo Shu
你想放下那杯绿绿的饮料然后尝点这个
You want to put down that cup of algae and maybe get in on this
我极度地想
I desperately do
但是我只剩36小时排毒
but I've only got 36 hours left of my cleanse
而姐明晚一定要美美地穿上她的裙子
and mama's got to look good in her dress tomorrow night
但哥就是喜欢那屁♥股♥
But Daddy likes that booty the way it is
我的老天
Oh, man
他们要做♥爱♥然后去看纸牌屋
They're gonna have sex and watch "House of Cards"
安吉你怎么弄到Jay-Z的票的
Ange, how'd you score Jay Z tickets anyway
我问了我公♥司♥的所有人没人能帮我忙
I asked everyone at my firm, and no one could hook me up
安吉找了儿科主管帮忙
Ange got the Head of Pediatrics to pull a favor
那些医生啊没了病人啥都不是
Those doctors are nothing without their residents
事实上
Oh, well, actually
凯斯曼医生也失败了所以我找了马科斯
Dr. Kessman couldn't come through, so I asked Marcus
什么
What
马科斯谁是马科斯
Marcus? Who's Marcus
我和马科斯约会过一段时间
Marcus and I kind of went out for a while
你们约了两年就在我们开始约会之前
You dated for two years right before we started dating
- 断断续续地 - 你们同居
- On and off - You lived together
我们没住在一起我有自己的公♥寓♥
We didn't live together. I had my own apartment
- 你在跟我说话不是你♥爸♥ - 是吗
- You're talking to me, not your dad - Am I
我只是没想到你们俩居然还有交流
I was just unaware that you two were still communicating
我是说你们还见面吗
I mean, have you seen him
不我们只是有时发短♥信♥
No. We just text sometimes
什么短♥信♥
What kind of texts
你懂的比如 "你可以帮我和我丈夫
You know, like, "Can you hook me and my husband
还有朋友弄到四张Jay-Z的票吗"
and our friends up with four tickets to Jay Z?
我光听到了 "交往"
All I heard was "hook up".
不管了给我递那些排骨肉
Screw it. Pass me them ribs
宝贝儿音乐会在明晚
Oh, babe, that concert's tomorrow night
我们要不就24小时内找到一个保姆
We have 24 hours to either find a sitter
要不就只能把莎蒂弄进场
or get Sadie way into Jay Z
- 我的老天 - 我的老天
- Oh, my God - Oh, my God
- 那是什么鬼 - 他们又有一个小孩儿
- Where is that stupid - They had another baby
他们要尝试生下去直到上出个男孩儿