老实说（2015）

- 嗨 - 嗨
- Hey. - Hey.
宝贝 拜托把那个王冠和那些塑胶鞋拿过来
Babe, grab that tiara and those plastic heels, please.
- 好的 - 就是这样
- All right. - Oh, that's right.
我听说我们正在找新保姆
I heard we're circling a new sitter.
她在电♥话♥里听起来很棒 我们看看再说
She seemed nice on the phone. We'll see.
听起来我们最爱的律师准备好去盘问证人了
Sounds like our favorite litigator is ready for cross-examination.
抗♥议♥ 现在我是以一个妈妈的身份
Objection. I am in mom mode right now.
是的 但是 崔丝 你要记住我们是怎么谈的
Yeah, but, Trace, remember how we talked
关于持开放态度
about keeping an open mind.
是的 持开放态度
Right. Open mind.
- 半杯水哲学 啊别忘了暗号♥ - 什么暗号♥
- Glass half full. Don't forget the code. - The code?
半杯水 : 半杯可是半满或剩半 看你是否乐观
如果崔丝不想雇用那个人
If Tracy feels there's no way we're hiring the person,
她会给我一个暗号♥
she gives me a code.
"你解冻了那只鸡吗"
"Did you defrost the chicken?"
这样我们就可以打断谈话了
So we can cut the interview short.
如果我们不想雇用她的话 为什么还要浪费我们的时间呢
Why waste our time if it's not gonna happen?
这就是我们所谓的开放态度
It's all part of our open mind.
嗨 兄弟们 你们给人的第一个印象
Hey, guys, is a half naked daughter
就是一个半裸的宝贝女吗
the first impression you're looking to make?
说得对 好的 我去开门
Good catch. Okay, I'll get the door.
你给她打扮一下 穿些有钮扣的 宝贝
You get her dressed. Buttons, babe.
如果是拉链的话 不如别穿了
If it has a zipper, it's as good as off.
爸爸 你有 "淫道" 吗
Daddy, do you have a "bagina"?
好了 还是我去开门吧
And I'm getting the door.
好
Yep.
- 好了吗 - 是的 好了
- All right? - Yeah. Okay.
好的 大家 我们需要这个
All right, everybody, we need this.
嗨 我是金芭莉
Hi. I'm Kimberly.
嗨 崔丝 别忘了去解冻那些鸡
Hey, Trace, don't forget to defrost the chicken!
是的 我是救生员时学过急救
Yeah. I learned CPR when I was a lifeguard.
实际上 我靠我的泳衣活着
I practically lived in my bathing suit.
真爱这些公仔那么柔软 对吗
Oh, don't you just love how soft these are?
我们没有游泳池
We don't have a pool.
所以什么救生员 没有什么重大关系
The whole lifeguard thing... It's just not relevant.
金芭莉 你看起来很棒
Well, Kimberly, you seem great.
可是我们见过很多
Yeah, but we've been meeting
有潜质的保姆
with a lot of potential babysitters.
那些保姆都有够吓人
Who have all been horrendous...
- 对 - 直至遇到你
- Yeah. - Till you.
等一下 搞什么鬼
Wait. What's happening?
我知道是很临时
I know that this is last-minute,
但你可以晚上回来当保姆吗
but can you come back and babysit tonight?
- 当然可以 - 太棒了
- Yeah. Totally. - Great!
- 赞 - 来吧
- Great! - Come on.
真好
Great.
米奇 你妻子同意要个性感的保姆
Mitch, your wife signed off on the hot babysitter.
到底有什么问题
What's the problem?
问题是她性感啊
She's hot!
真正的问题是你怎样说而已
The real problem is how you're saying it.
这样说 "这妞真性感"
Say it like this. "She is hot!"
拉塞尔 我是个白人
Russell, I'm a white guy...
然后呢
Yes.
我和一个种族不明的女人
Who's married to a woman
结了婚
who's ethnically ambiguous.
她是什么种族的来着
What is she?
如果我们雇了一个同样种族不明的人
If we hire a babysitter who's also ethnically ambiguous,
这样看起来就像我有种族情意结
it's gonna look like I have a thing.
难道你没有吗
But don't you have a thing?
呃 总之这就是我们不能雇佣她的原因
Okay, this is... this is exactly why we can't hire her.
因为你有情意结
Because you do have a thing.
不要管我有没有
Whether or not I have a thing.
我的直觉告诉我你有
And my gut tells me that you do.
婚姻的第一法则是
All right. The first rule of marriage is the best boobs
屋子里最棒的一对胸该属于
in the house should belong to...
崔丝 嗨 崔丝 崔丝在呢
Tracy. Hey, Tracy. Tracy's here.
- 嗨 - 嘿
- Hey. - Hey.
你们在说什么呢
What are you guys talking about?
婚姻 在说是多么的美好的事
Marriage and just how great it is.
抱睡简直是最棒的
Isn't spooning the best?
说谎 你们到底在说啥
Liar. What are you really talking about?
其实我们在谈论金芭莉的事
Actually, we were just talking about Kimberly.
她有点
You know, she's kind of...
秀色可餐吗
Delicious?
完全是 但我相信你
Totally. I trust you.
我也相信我自己
Oh, I trust me too.
我相信我不会让自己陷入这种困境
I trust me not to put myself in these situations.
你们是在想跟她睡吗
Were you planning on sleeping with her?
- 才不是 - 怎么会
- No! - Of course not.
所以你们是在担心
So what's happening here
一个压根不存在的问题
is you're making a problem where one doesn't exist.
是他的问题
Oh, that's his jam.
米奇 你想太多了
Mitch, you're being crazy.
他又干什么了
Oh, what'd he do...
对一个边开车边发短♥信♥的警♥察♥大吼大叫了吗
Yell at another cop for texting and driving?
比这个还糟
No, worse.
我们找到一个超赞的保姆
We found a great babysitter.
金芭莉简直出色极了
Kimberly is fantastic.
其实 我们还加了脸书好友
In fact, we're already Facebook friends,
她主动加的我 第一次有人加我呢
and she friended me, which never happens.
也不是第一次啦 比较我这么酷炫
I mean, not never. You know, I'm cool...
- 实际上吧 - 别跑题
- In fact... - Stay on topic.
好
Right.
但他却因为她太性感而不想雇她
But this one doesn't want us hiring her because she's hot.
别雇佣她啊
Don't hire that girl.
- 说得好 - 为什么
- Thank you! - What?
这就跟我住酒店的时候
It's the same reason I put my camera in the safe
把监控器锁在保险箱里一样
when I'm in a hotel.
我很相信那个服务员 但为何多此一举呢
I totally trust the maid, but why create a problem?
她说的 "监控器" 其实就是 "薯片"
And by "camera," she means "potato chips."
没错 小公举
That's right, Princess.
我相信米奇
I trust Mitch.
我是不相信那个金芭莉
I just don't trust this Kimberly girl.
门票有什么问题吗
Everything okay with the tickets?
没问题
Yeah.
他的短♥信♥和门票无关
He wasn't texting me about the tickets.
这个茶话会要假戏真做了
This pretend tea party is about to get real.
那他跟你说的什么
Well, then what was he texting you about?
没什么
Nothing.
Idris Elba : 演员兼制♥作♥人 曾出演雷神中的海姆达尔
伊德瑞斯 艾尔巴今晚要上吉米今夜秀
Idris Elba is gonna be on "Fallon" tonight,
他知道我很喜欢伊德瑞斯
and he knows I have a thing for him.
伊德瑞斯 艾尔巴
Idris Elba.
他是谁啊
I don't know who that is.
亲爱的 我要给你看些谷歌♥图片
Oh, sweetie, I'm gonna show you some Google images
这会改变你一生的
that are gonna change your life.
你没意见吧
That is if that's okay with you.
我对伊德瑞斯没意见
I'm cool with Idris.
她可没跟他去过圣巴特岛
She never went to St. Barts with him.
St. Barts : 加勒比海地区最美丽的小岛
- 你好 - 你好啊
- Hey. - Hi.
打扰到你们的下午茶 很抱歉
Sorry to interrupt high tea.
实际上这里头都没有茶
Oh, well, there's actually no tea in it at all.
只是弄着玩的
It's totally pretend.
她可没你那么傻
I think she figured it out.
等等 一切都还好吗
Wait. Is everything okay?
你今晚会过来带小孩吧
Tell me we're still on for tonight.
肯定的 我的书落这了
Absolutely. I just left my books here,
我得拿到图书馆还掉
and I need to return them to the library.
你瞧瞧
Did you hear that?
我都有逾期未还的书呢
Even I have overdue library books.
你看起来很眼熟 你上过 "笑工坊" 吗