老实说（2015）

Guys, what's going on?
你的女儿看到了他的老二
Your daughter saw his penis.
不可置信
Unbelievable.
所以 玛雅没有看到盖瑞 她看到拉塞尔
So Maya didn't see Gary, she saw Russell.
- 什么 - 但是从另一个方面
- What? - But on the plus side...
听我说
hear me out.
我不认为她看到了什么
I don't think she saw anything
因为在你的冰箱上的画
because that picture on your refrigerator
不是老二
is not a penis.
那是第三条腿 穿着鞋
It's a third leg. With a shoe.
那个弯曲的东西是鞋带
The curly thing's a shoelace.
所以你们认为那个在我冰箱上的画
So you're saying that this drawing on our fridge
不是你们的生殖器吗
is not of your genitals.
- 是的 - 恩 当然不是啦
- Bingo. - Yeah. Of course not.
你认为我们会把一幅
Do you think that we would hang a crayon drawing
男性生殖器
of man-parts
的蜡笔画挂在厨房♥中间吗
in the middle of our kitchen?
我的意思是 当你说你不吃猪肉的时候
I mean, when you tell me you don't eat pork,
我需要问你们
I have to question your
整个决定的过程
entire decision-making process.
并没有用
Not helping.
这不是那幅画 这才是
That is not the picture. This is.
说吧 你们想要我做什么 但是这个人
Say what you want about me, but this guy,
他唯一的过错就是作为世上最好的朋友
his only crime is being an incredible best friend.
我的意思 是有点那个
I mean, a little...
而且那个门应该被锁上了
And the door would have been locked.
- 米奇 - 先别说话
- Mitch... - Dropping it.
我们的最大准则是 对孩子友善
The headline here is "kid-friendly."
而且是好的那方面喔
But in a good way.
显然发生在这儿的事糟透了
Obviously what happened here is horrible,
但是玛雅是莎蒂最好的朋友
but Maya is Sadie's best friend,
如果玛雅不来莎蒂的生日派对
and Sadie would be devastated
莎蒂会崩溃的
if Maya wasn't at her birthday party,
所以拜托你们来吧
so please come.
你会发现我们都是穿裤子的正常人
You'll see that we're normal, pants-wearing people.
先让我们消化一下吧
Just give us a chance to process this.
- 当然 - 没问题
- Sure. - Of course.
谢谢
Thank you.
有个挺尴尬的问题 这玩意你现在还要留着吗
Awkward question. Is there a reason that you're keeping this?
这个派对一定会棒棒哒
This party is going to be fantastic.
琳达 太感谢你了
Linda, thank you so much.
我知道我最近都有点神经质
I know that I've been crazy the last couple days,
我只是 我来好了
I just... here.
你干嘛不去拿个冰沙吃吃呢
Why don't you go help yourself to a snow cone?
我以为我们不要冰沙了
I thought we said no to snow cones.
我们为毛线不要冰沙
Why would we say no to snow cones?
琳达 我要12个冰沙
Linda, I need 12 snow cones.
拜托 琳达 你做得到的
Come on, Linda. You better than that.
但事实却是 她做不到
But the thing is, she isn't.
我去 那个小破孩把食物给毁了
Oh, that kid just ruined some perfectly good Pirate Booty.
我又要洗多一次手
Going to wash my hands again.
嗨 你们终于来了
Hey. Oh, you made it.
哈罗
Oh, aloha.
看到了吧 他们来了 现在没事了
See? They showed up. Everything worked out.
什么 你都跟大伙说了吗
Whoa, whoa, you told everyone about that?
这是涉及到我闺女的私事
That was private information involving my daughter.
不是 我只是
No, no, I was...
跟你玩的呢 看看他
I'm just messing with you. Come on. Look at this guy.
肩膀都耸起来了 他好紧张
His shoulders got all hunched up he's nervous.
这是小孩的聚会 好吗
It's a kids' party, all right?
拿瓶果汁 好好享受吧
Just have a juice box, enjoy yourself.
开什么国际玩笑 盖瑞说他不来了
Oh, you've got to be kidding me. Gary said he's not coming.
啥 他为什么不来
What? Why's he not coming?
他貌似对事态如此发展感到很生气
Uh, he did seem pretty angry about the way things went down.
这回真不是开玩笑
Not kidding about that.
那 那就是说 在接下来的两个小时里
So, okay, okay, we have 12 five-year-olds
这12个五岁的小朋友就没东西玩了
for the next two hours with no entertainment.
看看她们 她们在说我
Look at them. They're already talking about me.
她们没在讨论你
They're not talking about you.
有 我刚刚在偷听
No, I was just eavesdropping,
她们的的确确在讨论你
and they're definitely talking about you.
那些妈妈真说对了吗 这回我们没有泡泡吗
Is it true what the moms are saying? No bubbles?
妈呀 简直就是场灾难 看看她们
Oh, this is a disaster. Look at them.
每一个妈妈
Every single one of those moms
都用她们整过的鼻子来嗅我
is staring down her reconstructed nose at me.
你知道我为了这个派对花了多少心思吗
Do you know how much work I put into this party?
琳达 我给你跪了 求你快停下来
Linda, please, I'm begging you to stop.
我们给他们放部电影怎么样
Okay, how about we just put a movie on for the kids?
对 没错 给他们放部迪士尼脑残片
Yeah, yeah. Let's give 'em Disney crap.
我才不要成为那种
I'm not going to be the mother that
在小朋友生日上播电影的妈妈
plays a movie at a birthday party.
这样吧 大家 先给他们些点心
Yeah, great idea, guys, and for refreshments
给他们一些花生制品还有红酒
we'll just serve them peanut products and wine.
能不能想想办法
Can we just think of something
不然这些人会把房♥子拆了
before they burn this place down?
好吧 亲们 想一想
Yeah, guys, think, think, think.
小朋友友们最喜欢什么
What do kids love more than anything?
- 冰沙吗 - 琳达
- Snow cones? - Linda.
拜托喇
Please.
别介意我吃一个
Don't mind if I do.
我们就需要找些东西
Just need to find something.
雪锥 一场有趣的冰雪盛宴
Snow cones. A fun frozen treat.
哦 米奇 就这么决定了
Oh, Mitch. That's it.
去我家把那套卡拉OK的设备拿过来
Let's go to my house and get the karaoke machine.
你和我想的是一样的吗
Are you doing what I think you're doing?
对 一切都是为了崔丝
You know it. Anything for Tracy.
亲爱的 别黑着个脸了
Baby, get ready to turn that frown upside down,
因为这会是有史以来最棒的生日派对
because this is going to be the best birthday party ever.
其实这只是一个六岁小朋友的生日而已
Actually, it's just a six-year-old's birthday party,
但是一定会棒棒哒
but it's going to be great.
只能用屁♥股♥或膝盖 屁♥股♥或膝盖
Tushies or knees. Tushies or knees.
- 至少把鞋脱了呀 - 不要
- At least take off your shoes. - No.
喂 喂 一 二 喂
Check, check, one, two, check.
这里有没有人喜欢看 冰雪奇缘 呀
Excuse me. Does anyone here like "Frozen"?
啊 奏效了
Oh, my God, it's going to work.
莎蒂 莎蒂 过来这边
Sadie, Sadie, come on up.
从法律的角度出发 我得先给你们说清楚
Well, for legal reasons, I have to inform you
你们接下来要看到的东西
that what you are about to see
和这个人见人爱的故事没有一点关系
has nothing to do with that beloved tale.
亲爱的 他们都是小孩
Babe, they're children.
别什么法律不法律的
Just ease up on the legalese.
掌声欢迎从巴伦戴尔远道而来的
From the city of... Barendelle.
雪宝
Please welcome Bolaf.
我做的冰沙 所以这也算是我的构思
I made the snow cones, so in a way it's kind of my idea.
看看那些妈妈们 她们都喜欢你准备的
Look at those moms smiling at what you've done.
除了安娜贝拉的妈妈
Well, except for Annabelle's mom.
她脸部动了太多 已经没有表情了
She's had so much work, she can't move her face.
管她们呢
You know, it's not about them.
最重要的是莎蒂现在好兴奋
It's about that look right there in Sadie's eyes.
我来啦 小朋友们
Here I come, children.
聊聊我自己吧
A couple of things about me.
我喜欢夏天 你们都知道的
I love summer, that you know,
但是我对细菌一点也不疯狂
but I am not crazy about germs,
如果你们可以
so if y'all could, like...
可以啦 雪宝
Suck it up, Bolaf.
好吧 孩子们 尽情玩耍吧
Okay, kids, it's fun time.
耶
Yay!
我的巧克力雪人
My chocolate snowman.
- 米奇 你做到了 - 我们做到了
- Mitch, you did it. - We did it.
♪ 天气很热你汗流浃背的时候 ♪
♪ When it's hot and you're sweating ♪
♪ 我忘了一件事情 ♪