老实说（2015）

Truth Be Told S01E05

Part 3 Sept. 8, 2020, 12:39 p.m.

- 天哪 - 我还没有那么坏
- Oh. - I'm not that bad!
你想什么呢
What is wrong with you?
你干过的最坏的事情是什么
What's the worst thing you've ever done?
现在正在干啊
We're doing it.
- 拉塞尔拉塞尔拉塞尔 - 啥
- Russell, Russell, Russell. - What?
同性恋计划
Couple things.
格伦给我们免费装了GPS
Glenn threw in GPS for free,
这就是同性恋折扣
because of the Gay Discount.
接下来我们要告诉他我们如何
Oh, next, I'm gonna tell him
在 "火人祭" 碰见的
how we met at Burning Man.
火人祭 : 美国劳工节前一个星期在沙漠举♥行♥的为期九天的狂欢
"火人祭"
Burning Man?
我看起来像这种人吗
Do I look like the kind of guy
跟六个半裸的嬉皮士乱搞染上性病
that would hop in an RV with six semi-naked hippies,
胡乱嗑药再用冰棒棍弄个自行车
pop a Molly, and then build a bicycle out of Popsicle sticks?
我们现在只能这么办了啊
There's only so much I can do with you here
而你还在柜子里不愿出柜
sulking in the closet.
听着如果你真的想要一个超赞的价格
Look, if you really want an amazing deal,
我需要你的配合
I'm gonna need your help.
- 想不想做家里的担当男 - 当然
- Wanna be man of the house? - Yeah.
那就跟我演一对为了你的老婆变成基佬
Then grow a pair and be gay for your wife.
嘿两位好消息
Hey, guys, great news...
我动用了一些关系
I pulled some strings
你们可以拿到冬日灰的那一款
and I can get the Winter Gray that you wanted.
那你们是租赁还是贷款
Now, will you be leasing or financing?
问我的基友吧他管钱
Ask my boo. He handles the money.
噢那人怎样
Ooh, what about her?
终于决定啦
Finally.
好我要上了
Okay, I'm doing it.
进展顺利的话
If this goes great,
今天下午我们都能抢银行了
this afternoon, we're robbing a bank.
他对他父母出柜的时候
We'd been living together for two years
我们已经同居两年了
when he finally came out to his parents.
这个故事很搞笑
Kind of a funny story.
告诉他
Tell him.
我不知道从哪说起
I would not know where to begin.
米奇尔说 "爸妈我是基佬"
Mitchell says, "Mom, Dad, I'm gay."
他们的反应更是搞笑
And their reaction was so priceless.
贝弗丽看着他说 "拉塞尔知道吗"
Beverly looks at him and goes, "Does Russell know?"
我知道
Uh, I knew!
真有爱
Adorable.
是吗
Isn't it?
这个运费怎么算
Anyway, what about this destination fee?
很抱歉这个本来就有
Oh, I'm sorry, that's built in.
我们没法给你们优♥惠♥
We're not allowed to waive it.
都不能给我们这对可爱的好基友优♥惠♥吗
Not even for me and my roommate?
我看看能否帮到忙
Let me see what I can do.
你的演技简直登峰造极
Oh! I love everything about what you're doing.
我在假戏真做
I'm making the choice to play it real.
别人对我没有成见
It's important to me
这对我极其重要
that I don't perpetuate a stereotype.
伙计你真是天资聪颖
You, my friend, have a gift.
我们要求试驾
Listen, we're taking a test drive.
当他跟我们说这车有多屌♥的时候
While he shows us how great the car is,
我们就让他知道我们有多屌♥
we show him how great we are,
接着我们就跟他砍价
and we chip away at the price.
为了让我做一笔好买♥♥卖♥♥你真是大费心机啊
Look how motivated you are to get me a great deal.
可不是吗
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
我这么拼都是为了能给你省钱
I'm all for saving you a bundle,
我最想来次背部按♥摩♥
but what I really need is my sex-free backrub.
别搞砸了
So don't F that up.
这是游戏日我知道怎么对付
It's game day, and I know how to bring it.
♪ 老麦克唐纳有个农场咿呀咿呀哟♪
♪ Old MacDonald had a farm ♪ ♪ E-I-E-I-O ♪
音响系统很高端吧
Great sound system, right?
超爱啊
Love it!
也就那样把
I mean, it's... it's all right.
一般般
It's all right.
来看看电动窗
Let's test the power windows.
这么平滑
Ooh, smooth.
欢迎来到威利汉堡王
Welcome to Burger Willie's.
有什么能为你效劳
What can I get for ya?
一人一份薯条配奶昔
Fries and shakes for everyone.
- 格伦你要吗 - 不好说
- You in, Glenn? - Yeah, I don't know.
我的经理不喜欢我们试驾的时候买♥♥吃的
My manager doesn't like us eating during a test drive.
格伦来嘛
Glenn...
管他呢随心所欲
What the heck? Let's be bad.
那杯奶昔刚给我们换来天窗的折扣呢
That shake just got us a free moonroof.
你太贴心了
Just so sweet.
瞧你这么有能耐
Look at you! Look at you.
玛吉·拉当娜·马利威勒小姐
Ms. Maggie LaDonna Merriweather.
我的小心脏都快蹦出来了
My heart is racing so fast.
我要把这当成一次运动
I'm gonna count this as a workout.
这只是个热身
Oh, no, this is just a warm-up
真正的锻炼还没开始呢
to the real workout.
咱们开始吧
Let's do this.
嗯嗯
Yeah, let's do this.
我做不到臣妾做不到
I can't do this. I can't do it.
安琪
Angie.
就算可以我只会一直抓住其他人
Even if I could I would just wind up confessing
听我讲话这就是我
to anyone who will listen. It's what I do.
我刚吃完三支能量棒
I just ate three PowerBars
而且我从没看过 "为奴十二年"
and I never watched "12 Years a Slave"!
看到了吧
See?
难以置信
Unbelievable.
我知道这就是上帝创造的我
I know, I can't help how the Sweet Lord made me.
谢谢你耶稣
Thank you, Jesus.
我说的不是这个那是米奇和拉塞尔吗
No, no, is that Mitch and Russell?
他们走出家门了就会这样吗
is this what they do when they're out of the house?
这说不通啊
But it doesn't make sense!
为啥老麦克唐纳的农场会有海豚
Why would there even be a dolphin on Old MacDonald's farm?
享受这个噪音就好格伦
Just enjoy the noise, Glenn.
不好
Uh-oh.
气球破了呢
Oh, look what happened!
格伦你能再给她一个气球吗
Oh, Glenn, can you get her another balloon?
当然来吧小美女
Of course I can. Come with me, little lady.
- 好的 - 没事
- Okay, all right. - Okay.
你们在这干嘛
What are you guys doing here?
我们看到你俩互喂薯条
Hey, we saw you feeding each other french fries.
出什么事了
What gives?
快速回答你们... 那个销♥售♥员
Okay, real quick... That salesman,
是个基佬有个领养的娃
who's gay with an adopted kid,
他以为我们也是有个领养的娃的基
thinks we're also gay with an adopted kid,
显然是基佬有折扣
and apparently, there's a Gay Discount.
我和我的好基友
My life partner and I are about
正在用超低价给你买♥♥个真皮座椅
to get you leather seats at cloth prices.
我百分百支持同性婚姻
Ooh, I totally support gay marriage.
其实我们一般只说是婚姻
Actually, we just call it marriage.
亲爱的如果你暴露了我们的身份我就赢了
Babe, if you blow our cover, I win the bet.
你没按照规则这不算
You are breaking the rules. This wasn't the bet.
你大吵大闹说要诚实守信
You made a big stink about being honest,
现在你却装成被边缘化的少数民族
and now you're pretending to be a marginalized minority.
你不也这么做吗
I'm just doing the same thing you are.
我只想得到差别对待以转变成有利形势
I'm using discrimination to my advantage.
你又不是同性恋
You're not gay.
- 但我是亚洲人 - 别说笑了
- I am Asian. - Pfft, barely.
- 并且我占了上风 - 谁说的
- And I'm kicking your butt. - Says who?
事实证明你现在没在健身房♥
Says the fact that you aren't in a gym right now.
猜猜谁给你买♥♥了辆冬日灰配有免费导航的车
Guess who got you the car in Winter Gray with free GPS?
当然是我男人啦
My man.
- 这里怎么回事 - 难以置信
- What's going on here? - I don't believe this.
我们做出的一切努力都泡汤了