老实说（2015）

- Hello, Russell. - Avi.
嗨 爸爸 猜猜我第一次看到了什么
Hi, Daddy. Guess what I saw for the first time?
快 给我一条熏肉
Quick, give me a strip of bacon.
- 艾维 我能解释 - 有线卫星
- Avi, I can explain. - C-SPAN.
有线卫星? 真是内疚
C-SPAN? Guilty.
在这里事情发展的有点疯狂
Yeah, things got a little crazy over here.
可能有点小阻碍
There may have been a little filibustering.
等等 你让我女儿看电视了
Wait, wait, wait, you let my daughter watch television?
我很抱歉 只是
I'm sorry, man, it's just,
德沃拉很保护我们的小天使
Devorah is very protective of our little angel.
你们只是 得小心孩子们会接触到什么
You've just... you got to be careful what the kids are exposed to.
艾维 我得告诉你一点事情
Avi, I need to tell you something.
米奇认为你作为一个男人实在是太帅了
Mitch thinks you're really handsome for a man.
我确实嫉妒了一会儿
I got jealous for a while,
不过现在我明白了
but now I see it.
- 回家享有这一切吧 - 祝你平安
- Go home and process that. - Shalom.
有人告诉我这个词同时代表了你好和再见
I'm told "shalom" means both hello and goodbye.
相当于夏威夷语中的阿罗哈
It's their aloha.
所以我预定了广♥告♥
So I booked the commercial.
服饰确实很尴尬 不过 这是份工作
Costume's pretty embarrassing. But hey, it's a job.
这是统一的制♥服♥
That's the uniform.
你没听到饭堂的阿姨们
You don't hear lunch ladies
抱怨她们的发网
complaining about their hair nets.
另外 你可以做一个雪人 这很酷
Plus, you get to be a snowman, which is cool.
酷 好的 我了解你做了什么了
Cool. Nice. I see what you did there.
我不知道你是否理解 不过我理解了
I don't know if you see it, but I do.
不要试图给我女儿留下深刻印象
Stop trying to impress my daughter.
她不会在推特上关注你的
She's not going to follow you on Twitter.
莎蒂 你准备好
Sadie, you ready for
和玛雅还有盖瑞阿姨玩的日子了吗
your playdate with Maya and Gary Poppins?
他来了 嘿 泡泡男
There he is. Hey, bubble guy.
盖瑞
Gary!
作为一个以播撒快乐为生的人
For a guy who spreads joy for a living,
他看起来不太开心
he seems kind of pissed off.
艾维 你在这儿干嘛 盖瑞怎么了
Avi, what are you doing here? Where's Gary going?
我们炒了他
We fired him.
真的吗 但是孩子们喜欢他
Really? But the kids love him.
好吧 这个早晨 玛雅画了一幅画
Yeah, well, this morning, Maya drew a picture
一幅裸男的画 和他的 丁丁
of a naked man and his... schvantz.
- 这是犹太语中的 - 咳咳
- Is that Jewish for... - Uh-huh.
哦啊
Oy.
所以玛雅看到你洗澡
So, Maya sees you in the shower,
画了一个裸男 但是盖瑞被开除了
draws a picture of a naked guy, but Gary gets fired?
这看起来不太公平
Doesn't seem fair.
明显玛雅用的蜡笔是肉色的
Obviously the crayon that Maya used was flesh tone.
不是我的肤色
Not my flesh tone.
谢天谢地画这些的人是种族主义者
Thank God those crayon people are racist.
你们认为我们应该说点什么吗
Do you think we should have said something?
你是
Are you...
我确信一早就说了
I believe I was standing squarely in
我们应该要说点什么
the "we have to say something" camp.
好吧 如果这样让你能舒服点
Well, if it makes you feel any better,
你是对的
you were right.
会有点帮助
It helps a little.
你怎么能不锁门
How could you not lock the door?
我确实锁门了
I did lock the door.
我锁了我的前门
I locked my front door.
嘿 各位 感谢上帝今天周五 对吧
Hi, everybody. TGIF, am I right?
TGIF : Thank God It's Friday的简写
琳达 今天是周四
Linda, it's Thursday.
我知道 我只是太激动了
I know, I'm just so excited.
好吧 我们谈论一些事了 怎么了
Well, we're in the middle of something. What's up?
我刚刚弄了一些
Oh, right, I just picked up
给孩子们用来涂色的小吉他
the tiny guitars the kids are going to paint.
- 好的 谢谢 - 应该的
- Great. Thanks. - My pleasure.
事实上 他们是乌克丽丽
Actually, they're ukuleles,
ukuleles : 是一种夏威夷的拨弦乐器
我认为应该读成奥卡雷雷
which I guess is pronounced ooh-koo-lay-lay.
琳达 你又在烦了
Linda, you're doing it again.
好吧 对不起对不起
Oh, right. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry.
怪人琳达
Freakin' Linda.
我们要和高德曼家谈一谈了
We have to say something to the Goldmans.
不不 那扇窗户关上了 女士
Oh, no, no, no, no, no. That window is closed, lady.
你摔门的时候砸到了我的小胖手指
You slammed it shut on my fat little fingers.
- 但是 米奇 - 是的 崔丝 我们同意
- But, Mitch... - Yeah, Trace, we agreed,
- 这扇窗户关上了 - 关上了
- that window's closed. - Closed.
如果我们什么都不说
If we don't say anything...
好吧 好吧 等等
Okay, okay, hold on.
每个人都停一下
Everyone just hold on.
我们什么都不说
We say nothing.
但是盖瑞被炒了
But Gary got fired.
是的 因为一些他并没有做的事
Yes, for something he didn't do.
看吧 你说的最后一句
See, that last thing you said kind of supports
是在支持"说些什么"方法
the "say something" argument.
你去雇用他
You hire him.
盖瑞会对你信任他很感激
Gary will be so appreciative that you believe him
他会一辈子忠诚于你
that he'll be loyal to you for life.
另外 谁会要挖走一个变♥态♥保姆呢
Plus, who's going to steal away a pervy babysitter?
妈蛋 我现在有点怕你了
Damn, I'm a little afraid of you right now.
我有点性兴奋了
But I'm kind of turned on.
不过主要是害怕
But mostly afraid.
妈蛋 我真的性兴奋了
Damn, I'm turned on.
我们要还盖瑞一个清白
We have to clear Gary's name.
他这周六要在莎蒂的晚会上表演
He's performing at Sadie's party this Saturday.
并且我不能弄一个恋童癖生日晚会
And I can't have a pedophile birthday party.
这个主题好烂
That's a terrible theme.
虽然这可能会洗白
Although it would take the stink off
去年的脱衣舞门
last year's Strippergate.
宝贝 一直在告诉你了
Babe, I keep telling you,
在词后面加个 门 并不会
you can't just add "gate" to something
把它变成一件大事
to make it a thing.
我们不能
People, we can't frame
对一个人做有罪推定
a guy for a crime he didn't commit.
是的 我们可以
Yes, we can.
哦 你的意思是我们不应该
Oh, you mean we shouldn't.
黛博拉 这个布丁让人魂不守舍
Devorah, girl, this kugel is to die for.
你们俩在这干嘛
Why are you guys here?
艾维 听着 我有一些重要的事要告诉你
Avi, listen, I have something important to tell you.
昨天 当我照看玛雅的时候
Yesterday, when I was babysitting Maya...
米奇 我们能私下谈一谈吗
Mitch, can I talk to you privately for two seconds?
你懂得 你们两个人中的某一个人的家里
You know, a good place
是适合做这件事的地方
to do that would be in one of your homes.
就两秒 这会让你给
Two seconds. This'll give you
我装更多补丁的
time to plate me more kugel.
好的
Hooray.
拉塞尔 我在和他说
Russell, I'm telling them.
米奇 你知道有时你在做一些事情的时候
Mitch, you know how sometimes you're doing something,
我并没有真的在意
I'm not really paying attention,
我只是在观察房♥间和陈设
I'm just looking around the room and stuff?
- 是的 - 这得到了回报
- Yeah. - Well, it just paid off.
玛雅画的画在冰箱上
That picture Maya drew is on the fridge.
这不是老二
It's not a penis.
这是第三条腿
It's a third leg.
来吧 没时间吹牛了
Come on. This is no time to brag.
不不 真正的第三条腿
No, no. A real third leg.
那东西穿了鞋 你看看 去吧
That thing's wearing a shoe. Check it out. Go. Go.
啊
Ugh.
- 确实是腿和鞋 - 对吧
- Clearly a leg and a shoe. - Right?
好吧 我们只要指出这不是老二
Okay, so we just point out it's not a penis.
- 盖瑞会重得他的工作 - 问题解决了
- Gary gets his job. - Problem solved.
没人需要知道
No one needs to know.
怎么了