老实说（2015）

你有 冰雪奇缘 的碟吗
Do you have a copy of "Frozen?"
你是在问一个成年男子
You're asking a grown man
他是否有 冰雪奇缘 的碟
if he has the movie "Frozen."
那个在冰天雪地的阿伦戴尔
The story of two sisters' love
两姐妹之间发生的情感故事吗
set in the snowy city of Arendelle?
- 所以你有这个碟咯 - 我没有
- So you do have it. - I do not.
我把它放在我圣诞节愿望清单上了
I put it on my Christmas list,
但安琪觉得我是在开玩笑
but Angie thought it was a joke.
但她给了我一台超棒了的卡拉OK机
But she did give me a kick-ass karaoke machine
里面有 冰雪奇缘 里的所有歌♥曲
with all the songs from "Frozen"
和两个酷毙了的无线话筒
and two dope wireless mics.
你是最棒的
You're the best.
你们听到他说的了吧 女孩们
You heard him, girls.
该去堆个雪人啦
Time to build a snowman.
冰雪奇缘里的名曲 : Do you want to build a snowmen
你好 高德曼家的女孩
Hello, Goldman girl.
我是拉塞尔
My name is Russell.
欢迎来到我家
Welcome to my home.
请注意我家的回收箱数量 : 一个
Please take note of the number of recycling cans: One.
我的
Mine.
- 拉塞尔 - 来了
- Russell? - Coming!
- 多少个 - 一个
- How many? - One.
进去吧
Go ahead.
测试! 测试! 测试!
Test! Test! Test!
麦克风部分看起来运行正常 小甜心
Yeah, the mic part seems to be working great, sweetie.
爸爸只需要搞清楚怎么让音乐放出来
Daddy just needs to figure out how to make music come out.
- 嗨 宝贝 - 嗨 宝贝
- Hey, babe. - Hey, babe.
我今天在看那份简报 然后我开始想
I was working on that brief today, and it got me thinking.
这次派对我们需要准备冰沙吗
Do we want to do snow cones for this party?
- 我爱死冰沙了 - 琳达表示赞成
- I love snow cones. - Linda votes yes.
- 特别是红色的 - 好的
- Especially the red ones. - Okay.
上面会有樱桃还是草莓 谁知道呢
Are they supposed to be cherry or strawberry... who knows?
琳达 你又在烦着我了
Linda, you're doing it again.
- 对不起 - 嗯哼
- Sorry. - Yeah.
这会是最棒的派对
This is going to be the best party.
我让琳达给这最牛逼的派对帮了个大忙
I had Linda get the most amazing party favors.
说到这个
Oh, about that.
我找不到发光溜溜球
I couldn't find light up yo-yos,
所以我用铅笔头上的擦子代替了
so instead I got pencil erasers.
琳达 我得为去年做补偿
Linda, I need to make up for last year,
但是这些铅笔头上的擦子甚至不是
and pencil erasers that aren't even in the shape
可爱的小动物的形状
of cute little animals...
他们有这款的
They had those!
你会想要那款的吗
Would you have wanted those?
亲爱的 你什么时候才能
Honey, when are you finally just going to
不对琳达抱有希望呢
give up on Linda?
我开着扬声器呢
On speaker.
嗨 琳达
Hi, Linda.
嗨 米奇
Hi, Mitch.
药药切克闹 是我
Yo yo yo, it's me, your fro yo bro,
你的好兄弟 雪人西摩
Seymour Snowman.
你好 隔壁家的女孩
Oh, hello neighbor girl.
搞定了 孩子们
Boom, got it. Girls?
莎蒂 玛雅在哪
Sadie, where's Maya?
米奇 请报告楼上的浴室
Mitch, please report to the upstairs bathroom.
拉塞尔怎么会有
How does Russell have the...
我之后再打给你
I gotta call you back.
好吧 所以隔壁的女孩看到你在洗澡
Okay, so neighbor girl sees me in the shower.
这没什么大不了 她之前又没有看过
Not such a big deal it's nothing she hasn't seen before.
她才五岁 她根本所有东西都没看过啊
She's five. It's everything she hasn't seen before.
这不好 不好
This is not good. Not good.
发生什么了
What is happening?
老兄 接下来要发生的是我要进监狱了
Dude, what is happening is I'm going to prison.
冷静下来
Calm down.
我们是两个成年男人 我们可以解决这事
We're two grown men we can figure this out.
- 我要打给崔丝 - 我要传呼安琪
- I'm calling Tracy. - I'm paging Ange.
我不敢相信 发生了什么
I can't believe this. What happened to "I got this"?
我本来会有美好的前程
I had such a bright future ahead of me.
儿科医师来发表评论 这有多糟糕
Pediatrician weigh-in. How bad is this?
好吧 一个关于人体器官的健康谈话
Well, a healthy conversation about body parts
对孩子来说是有好处的
is good for a child
因为它减少了羞愧感
because it minimizes shame.
所以我们帮助了她
Okay, so we helped her.
是啊 值得嘉奖
Yeah, you deserve a medal.
我不敢相信我们邻居的女儿
I can't believe our neighbor's daughter
看到了我最好朋友的
saw my best friend's...
- BBC - BBC
- BBC. - BBC?
大的 黑的
Big, black...
- 你怎么知道 - 你怎么会不知道
- How did you know that? - How did you not know that?
对我来说只是普通的鸡鸡啊
It's just C to me.
各位 我们怎么知道她到底看到了什么
Guys, how do we even know for sure what she saw?
我的看法是 我们有两个选择
The way I see it, we have two options.
一是我们像玛雅当时那样
One, we sit Maya down
坐着然后冷静的看看
and we calmly inquire
当时她能在楼上看到或看不到什么
what she may or may not have seen upstairs and...
不管另一个选择是什么
Whatever the other option is
都是我们接下来要做的
is what we're doing.
好极了 好极了
Excellent, excellent.
我爱死我现在没看到的东西了
I am loving what I am not seeing.
看不到毛巾后面的危险地带
Can't see past the towel to your danger zone.
我不是很确定毛巾那时候放哪了
I'm not exactly sure where the towel was.
有可能是再往右一点点
It could have been a little to the right.
好的
Okay.
事实上 这样更好了
Actually, that's even better.
那个女孩看到的是满眼的毛巾布
All that girl got was an eyeful of terrycloth.
但是 也有可能再往左一点点
But it... it could have been a little to the left.
好的
Okay.
那真是一眼就看到鸡鸡啊
Oh, that's a straight shot to ding dong town.
艾维随时都有可能来
Avi is going to be here any minute.
我们要怎么办
What are we going to do?
我告诉你吧 我们拿块熏肉
I'm telling you, we just put one piece of bacon
给那个犹太小女孩
in that little Jewish girl,
这就是她需要讲的话题
that's all she going to be talking about.
我认为这很明显 我们需要讲些什么
I think it's obvious. We say something.
或者我们什么都不讲
Or we say nothing.
- 或者我们讲些什么 - 或者
- Or we say something. - Or...
崔丝 我们有一小扇窗让我们全盘托出
Trace, we have a very small window in which to come clean.
一旦艾维带着他女儿离开
Once Avi leaves with his daughter,
这扇窗就关闭了
that window is closed.
- 我们现在就关上窗 - 砰的关上
- We're shutting that window now. - Slamming it shut.
为什么 为什么不和他来一场理性的对话
Why? Why not just have a rational conversation
解释一下他的女儿不小心的
with the man and explain that his daughter accidentally...
走进了隔壁的房♥子然后上楼
Walked into the house next door and upstairs
进浴室看到了她这辈子第一次见的BBC
and into the bathroom to see her very first BBC?
我学会了 这现在是我的本地话了
I get it now. It's part of my vernacular.
宝贝 无论如何我们试着去解释
Babe, any way that we try to explain this,
这比我们真的这么做了听起来更糟糕
it's going to sound so much worse than it actually is.
而且我们已经知道了艾维对你
And we already know how Avi responded
偷他回收箱的反应了
to you stealing his recycling can.
- 我没偷 - 你没偷
- I didn't steal it. - You didn't steal it.
米奇 三天后我就要为这附近
Mitch, in three days, I'm hosting a party
所有的小孩办个派对
for all the kids in the neighborhood.
如果这事传出去 我们会变成淫秽小屋
If this gets out, we're going to become the penis house.
一旦变成淫秽小屋
Once you become the penis house,
这个称号♥就永远不会消失
that doesn't go away.
这些事房♥地♥产♥经纪人一定会泄露给买♥♥主
It's something the realtor has to disclose to the buyer.
那扇窗怎么办
What about the window?
- 关上窗 米奇 - 拉上窗帘
- Shut that window, Mitch. - Pull the drapes.
因为我们不在家
'Cause we ain't home.
非常感谢你们照看了玛雅
Thank you so much for looking after Maya.
- 你好 拉塞尔 - 艾维